Black Dog 16

Tote jade sentence changed after I pressed send, should have read, The answer is to help others.

I can see why you feel trapped, its a sad long story starting with DH dying then the active time with the grandchildren, how could have you known estrangement would be part of the equation, then getting older and health problems isolate and one ends up feeling very alone indeed. If you don't have the energy or ommmpf to join in groups and so on.

I can't quite understand why your GP won't give you anti-d's, because they can lift you to the level where you can make decisions about where to move or whether to move and feel positive about joining groups.

I am doubtful like you about leaving what you have behind - friends - to go somewhere where your only connection is your son. Very hard decision. I have recently decided probably not, even tho I would be going to a place suitable for making new connections for myself:

do you want to carry on looking after a house? Retirement flats are an option because they are not "sheltered accommodation" as in full caring and so on, but over 60's places often with a common room and not completely alone.
Doodle has a lovely flat but I dont think its a retirement block.

Quakers was lovely, but I hated not going to the gym afterwards as I had....but its a lovely sunny day to look out on.
Downsizing "what I can do" is not fun.

Allsorts You've had a lot to deal with - bereavement, estrangement, no longer looking after grandchildren, etc. It's no wonder you feel as you do. Do you still see your friends? It wouldn't do you good to move away from them. How about a flat? Smaller to manage, easier to keep clean, etc. Moving home is a big step, and not something to go into without weighing up all the pros and cons. Keep posting on here, we all try to help each other.

Wyllow How are your eyes today?

My ankles/legs were lovely and slim this morning, but the swelling and heaviness started within an hour. I put some compression socks on, then DH and I went to Son2's house, tidied up all the mess from him having a new central heating system put in (he's away at his GF's until Tues). Vacuumed every room and stair (split-level house) and mopped all 6 rooms. A job well done. I've treated myself to a Bailey's . Hope all BDers are ok x

It's not fun Wyllow3 but you will get used to a bit less, and you will soon work out a pattern that suits you, includes the activities you enjoy but isn't overdoing it. And when you feel able you can start increasing what you do, although it will always be a bit unpredictable.
I hope that makes sense. I'm a bit tired atm from writing a long overdue letter.

Allsorts sorry you're feeling like that. I'm a bit tired to comment atm but didn't want to ignore you. Back later.

HVDY you never cease to amaze me! I think a bottle of Baileys is deserved - with your feet up!

nadateturbe . I like to feel useful. Son2's Asthma has been bad, because of all the dust and mess (he has an allergy to dustmites too, so his Eczema is terrible). It'll be nice for him to go back to a clean house. Sat and watched something on Netflix, so going to see what I can have for dinner now.

You've done well there HVDY

Its not going to come easy nadateturbe was terribly down about feeling poorly and no interest or energy this afternoon, extra meds before things got too much. I imposes great loneliness as there Are things I can do like gym and other stuff had I the energy -its not lack of opportunity. I'm lucky enough to have snagged a telephone call with psychologist on Wednesday as I want to ask about wisedom moving, as being in this house has so many negative memories versus stress of moving at this time.

Wyllow- I,hope your eyes are more comfortable today - it makes you feel tired when they hurt doesn’t it.
That was a result re the planning permission - no wonder the agents eyes lit up! It will certainly be a good selling point if or when you decide to move. It will be interesting to hear what the psychologist says about moving- good idea to voice some of your fears and worries . The old memories versus making new ones both of which carry their own stresses.
Ah it’s hard not being able to do the things you enjoy - I,m glad you had a good Quakers meeting- would it be possible to just go to Gym for a coffee and chat with your friends? Talking about pacing ourselves I overdid it this morning and feel sooo tired - that,ll teach me.
SweetPeaSue- I,m glad the telephone call went well. There was a lot to digest but encouraging to have a more experienced person to see. You could always see if you can see him privately if the appointment is a long wait.
Doodle- hope your tummy feels better today. Stress can really upset our digestive systems and you have had more than enough to deal with lately.
Yes weren’t the horses lovely yesterday . My DD and I love horses and watched one in particular who obviously didn’t like his decorations and spent all day trying to shake it off!!
Allsorts- oh you have had such a lot to contend with . Estrangement from your daughter must hurt so much. I,m sorry you lost your husband so early and then suffering I’ll health- too much for one person.I feel,that your GP could be a bit more sympathetic and a course of antidepressants might be just what you need. Your problems are certainly not insignificant.
HVDY- you certainly earned your Baileys.
How did your legs feel while working at your sons- did the Doctor say you needed to rest a bit more?
You are such a good Mum - you must worry about your son’s Asthma so I expect you felt better knowing the house was so clean.
EllieAnne- hope you had fun with your GS yesterday- how old is he? Did you enjoy watching the coronation later ? Hope you manage to do something for yourself tomorrow.
Nadateturbe- yes I do miss my Class but still see my Art friends for coffee etc.
I wish I liked Salmon but I really don’t - it’s so good for you.
Hope you soon feel rested again- does talking on the phone for a long time wear you out as well ?
Candy,Whiff,Sallyyy,and all BD wishing you a peaceful night

Ellie Anne do you have fun with your DGS. I always loved being with my DGC. We used to make things or play Lego and cars. Nice he has you to be with if his dads working.
Did you enjoy the coronation? I liked all the bands and the marching.
HVDY DH and I don’t eat fish at all. Shame really as I know it’s good for you but DH can’t stand the smell. We occasionally have cold smoked salmon. It’s good you can keep your feet up, DH complains his feel heavy too.
No doubt your son will be really pleased to come back to such a clean house. You are good to him. Lucky son.
Sweetpeasue thanks for your thoughts, I am feeling better today but I think you’re right about just having so much on recently.
I Hope you get seen by the Urologist soon. The pain and discomfort must be so debilitating. Never knowing when it’s safe to go out or not. Hope you manage a peaceful weekend.
Wyllow I’m sure you’re right about the Samaritans. They have helped so many over the years. Annie used to be on the Samaritans helpline and I’m sure she would always have listened. Yes I think my upset tum was due a bit to wind down after the hassle of the last few weeks.
Glad you got in well at Quakers. Always uplifting for you.
Good idea to chat with the psychologist about the move. So many potential pluses and minuses. Hard to know sometimes if you are doing things for the right reason.
No ours isn’t a retirement flat although we did look at a really nice one before we moved here but decided we weren’t quite old enough at the time.
Allsorts we have no scale of problems in this thread. Everyone’s troubles are treated the same. Whatever causes you anxiety, worry or upset is always something you can share here. You have been through a very sad time losing your husband and having a difficult relationship with your children. Why should anyone think it’s your fault, all people are different we can’t always get on with each other and sometimes life changes people and how they respond.
I can understand your reluctance to move away from what you know and the friendships you have. Do you know why your son wants you to move closer to him? Is it because he has to travel a long way to visit you?
All your health problems and 3 bouts of Covid haven’t helped. It’s hard being ill when you don’t have anyone at home to help or care for you. You say you couldn’t face sheltered living. Have you looked at many places near you. There are lots of options. What about retirement living where perhaps there is a communal lounge but each person has their own apartment.
Not surprised you’re low. I am puzzled why your GP won’t prescribe AD. Do you have contact with the MHT, could you talk to them about how you feel? Hope things look up for you soon.
nadateturbe do you feel better after writing your letter? It’s a job I always find difficult. Do you plan a small number of tasks each day or do you just wait to see how you feel each morning? It’s hard when you feel tired to have the enthusiasm for anything.
Scaredycat yes the horses were good. I got a bit worried about the two big shire horses (if that’s what they were) who had the big drums on them. One of them kept going sideways but his rider managed to bring him back on track.
We went for a little walk this afternoon as the sun came out. Very slow walking now and we don’t cover a fraction of the distance we used to but still nice to be outside.
Have you been out at all?

I have read all your posts and know what problems you all face and that it’s an on going struggle for all of us, Some times I feel on top of things then I overthink everything and question myself and spiral downwards. . We all cope in your own way and it’s good everyone can talk here without judgement, just encouragement, Thank you. I do feel that when you experience such lows plus health issues it makes you more emphatic to others. We can believe we have life sorted then something turn life in its head.

Hello all. I spent this weekend with my beautiful GDs and my DD. This was my first visit since my DH died. It was so hard. I couldn't stop staring at the younger one thinking wow how much he loved you but will never know you. My heart was breaking 💔 I would normally take photos and then send them to him. Then I went shopping and as I walked past his favourite cake I just couldn't hold back my tears. Life is so unbearable right now.

Nanny

catch up tomorrow

Wyllow I think talking with the Psychologist on Wednesday is a good idea. She will give you some sound advice. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

ScaredyCat No, the doctor hasn't said to rest, but I do when I feel the need. I had vodka and tonic instead of Bailey's . I hope you've had a good day.

Allsorts I wonder why your GP won't prescribe ADs? They certainly help many people (I've been on them for many years, wouldn't ever want to feel as I did without them).

Doodle It's been gorgeous weather here too. Glad you and your DH got outside for a while, even if walking is slow.

nanny2507 . It's early days yet. It must be hard, though.

EllieAnne, SweetpeaSue, Whiff, all BDers - hope you all have a restful night x

Nanny I can’t imagine how difficult things are for you at the moment. I’m glad you have your DD and DGDS. I’m sure they will give you comfort and support in the days to come.
It’s such a painful time for you and so many things will trigger floods of tears. I don’t know how you will get through this but I’m sure there will be some on GN who can help. Sending a gentle hug.
Allsorts over thinking things is a trait that many of us have . Ruminating on things and worrying about them. You’re not alone there.

My little gs is nearly three. He’s lovely but quite demanding. I’ve got a week to myself this week but don’t want to say any more when so many are sad. Was hoping to get some painting done in living room but don’t feel motivated. Need a new carpet but no point until the painting done. After yesterdays sun today it is pouring ☔️☔️☔️

EllieAnne Are you going to be doing the painting? What colour? I hope you manage to get it done. Enjoy your week.

Sorry. I haven't really finished but can't manage any more atm.

HVDY I understand. I didn't know about your sons asthma and eczema. You would want to spare him from exacerbating anything.
Wyllow3 I know a bit how you feel about not being active. I used to go to the gym, cycle, jog, hillwalk, theatre, orchestra and socialise much more. I have a bicycle here and in the caravan, one used only once. And it is a lonely life. But I have learned (mostly-not always successfully) not to dwell on it. Meditation has helped.
I, and others can give our advice or thoughts. But in the end you must decide for yourself which approach to pacing suits you. And what payback time you can cope with.
I hope the counselling session is helpful about the possible move. It's such a difficult decision. I do feel for you.
Scaredycat it's good you still meet up with art friends. Shame you don't like salmon, it's a superfood, but other fish like mackerel and tuna are good.
Talking on the phone is extremely tiring. And videocalls even more so. Which is annoying as two of my children live in England.
Screens and texting difficult. Writing this post has to be done on a document whilst referring back to BD, with lots of breaks. Then copied on to GN. Probably sounds simple, but a big task to me.

Doodle I'm sure all you have been coping with has caused your stomach problems, so much stress.
I'm glad you got out for a walk even if it was slower, still nice out in the sunshine and fresh air.
I feel sorry for the horse you were watching. He didn't sound very happy.

Hope you all had a good night. How are you Sweetpeasue?
Back in a while..

Enjoy your week Ellie Anne whatever it brings. Hopefully some GS time.

Another glad you got out Doodle it was lovely yesterday.

Scaredycat don't over do the walk today! Not that the weather is so enticing, as it isn't.

Allsorts you say "Some times I feel on top of things then I overthink everything and question myself and spiral downwards." Yup. I think just about everyone in here does that. and the blessing is that we repeat ourselves because of this...and its OK in here!
Re the GP - are you takin g other meds that preclude anti-d's? Again, its a bit of a mystery to me why you weren't given them.

My eyes are better thanks to the drops but all yesterday was in CFS pain, today a bit better so will do as advised by sensible people here and just for a light gym.

This week is rather overloaded with 2 hospital appointments Wednesday and Friday and have decided to get a taxi to them. One is in a strange part of town for me and the other I think I'll need the easy way home after procedure.

Have best days all. x

Have given up on the idea of painting. Feeling very tired and no motivation.

Ellie Anne 3 is still quite young and probably quite a handful.
I had a great relationship with mine (and still do) when a bit older we used to play lots of games together.
I Hope you have a good week on your own. Try and do something you enjoy and relax a bit.
Painting is quite tiring and something you need the energy for. Also it makes quite a mess. Would your husband do it with you later on?
nadateturbe yes I have done what you said about reading a bit then writing some text and it isn’t easy. Good of you to try but don’t wear yourself out.
You find meditation helps. I don’t seem to be able to cut off enough to meditate I always find my mind goes on to other things though I did find the Calm app a bit helpful.
Wyllow glad your eyes are better. Sorry the CFS is causing you pain. What do you take for it? Is it tramadol? Don’t think Dh copes too well with tramadol seems to make him cough so he is sticking to cocodamol at the moment.
Good idea to take taxi to hospital appointments. Parking is always an issue and if you are having a procedure is safer to let someone else do the driving. Hope all goes well for you.

No doodle we don’t do anything together and he s never done any decorating.

Nanny I'm just so sorry about the loss of your DH. Words seem trite and I'm not sure of what to say. I just hope you and your DD can find a way of comforting each other and sharing the heartache as well as the good memories you both share. 💐
Allsorts Can only imagine what it must be like to be estranged by one of your own. It must be so hard. I'm another who cant understand why your Dr doesnt want to prescribe ADs if you really want to try them. You sound very depressed and lonely. I dont have any answers but sometimes the best we can do is offer a kind word. I hope your day has been a little brighter today. Its very human to feel someone cares. Everyone of us needs that and we try to help each other here. 💐

Doodle It's kind of reassuring to know you do that too.
i think you make amuch better job of it.
And yes I felt better after writing the letter. it was long overdue to a dear friend.
Do I plan my day? Generally no, I wake and take it hour by hour.
If I have an appointment or class I do as little as possible the day before, two days before if possible. to be honest I'm a bit fed up at the minute. feeling a bit like Wyllow3 but it will pass.. Searching for some jigsaws online, going to look at the free online OU courses, my brain is bored.