Black Dog 16

No idea what furrin means. And the Black country is in the West Midlands. Well originally it was Worcestershire until they changed the boundaries decades ago and it became the West Midlands.But I live in the north west now. I moved here in 2019.

If you called a Cockney a Londoner they would hate it as they class themselves as Cockney . Londoners can be anyone but to be a Cockney you need to be born in a certain area.

Same thing happens all round the country . People hate it if you class them as something they are not.

It's so difficult to make the right decision about moving, isnt it Wyllow3?
The extension is to save me having to go up and down stairs using up valuable energy and to provide room for my art. At the minute I have a small table in my bedroom, but it's also my laptop/desk space. And I have to keep putting art stuff back in a cupboard.
Hope you're OK Sweetpeasue.

Sorry about the Black country Birmingham thing. But people's identity comes from where they were they where brought up.I was lucky to having loving parents and loving extended family. To Black country people family is very important very rarely do children move far from where there parents live as that sense of family is very strong. Even where people worked wasn't far from there homes. My parents both worked in a factory 20 mins from home funny enough the factory used to be not far from the Black country living museum. And my father in law was the manager of one in the same road. My late husband lived 4 roads away from me. Infant and junior school was just a short walk from my home and the secondary school 20 mins across some fields. Even though it covered a lot of towns the same sense was there.

Like everywhere else places changed and over the decades more went to uni instead for going into work straight from school at 16. But even though some moved away their roots where still strong.

Some here must have the same sense for where they came from and how it gave them values to live by. Those same values are here where I live now there is that same sense of family.

Unfortunately my son has lost his as far as me and the rest of our side side of the family . And he decided to he didn't want me or the rest of us in his or families life. And I will never know why. It's been 3 years since I saw or spoke to him . He wasn't brought up to be cruel and cowardly but has shown himself to be both. I still love him very much but the son and man I knew for nearly 33 years not who he is now. And the love for my grandson's will not change . They are the ones missing out on love and knowing where they can from.

Sorry if it came across as aggressive but my roots are what made me who I am and the set of values I live by.

Whiff I didn't call anyone from Black Country a Brummie, I simply said it was in Birmingham - I was wrong. No need to feel offended, no harm meant.

SweetpeaSue I hope your pain is less today, and that the Tramadol will help. You need help, and things have been going on for far too long. I think we all, on here, hope things soon improve for you.

nadateturbe I hope you're well today.
Wyllow It sounds as though you've been giving everything a lot of thought. Very wise to weigh up all the pros and cons before making such a big decision. It's good that you get on well with your 1st ex.

Doodle I'm glad things with you and your DH seem to be a bit more normal at the moment. Just being able to have "ordinary" little pleasures in life is so important.
ScaredyCat Nice for you to see your DD and grandchild. I love seeing mine, too.

Well, the skittles on Thursday was good fun - our team won (11 in each team), and the afternoon tea was good. Yesterday's outing was interesting, although we didn't feel there was enough to warrant 5 hours there. We had a long day, did a lot of walking (kept sitting down for cake/fish & chips/coffee), got home at 6, Son2 got us all an Indian takeaway as he'd worked from our house yesterday. Back on the diet today!

Hope all BDes have a decent day, sorry to anyone I've missed x

HVDY I wasn't offended just didn't want you to be insulted if you had called someone a Brummie who was from the Black country. As BC folk are quick to defend their roots. Anyway I hope you had a nice day at the museum.

Not a place for veggies or vegans as fish and chips cooked in beef dripping.

Whiff We spoke to the various people working at the museum, of course, but other than that, we kept to ourselves. It was a decent day out, though.

Hi all, not managed to get on for a few days. I’m either busy or tired, or both! All my own doing. We’ve come to our caravan again which is nice. Said to DH yesterday, it’s good at the end of the week when all my responsibilities are over. Work 2 days, childcare for 2 days and in between when he’s at school, supporting others. I don’t mind all that though, I like being with them, just makes me busier. Had a full day on Wednesday with my menopause appointment- long journey there and back. Doc suggested I try and increase my hrt dose again and also increase the meds that help stop the bleeding so it’s just a matter of waiting and see what happens. She was glad I’d had the scan a few weeks ago to rule anything else out so she can now make suggestions as to how to move forward.
Scaredycat I’m glad your DGGS is off his feed. It’s a difficult regime to follow when they’re so young. I hope he stays in remission now. You asked if I am learning to swim or do lengths? I’m learning. It’s taking a while and I find the coordination difficult, but it takes practice. Sometimes I can’t quite believe how much energy it takes. I’ve always kept myself pretty fit but I find swimming takes so much from me. Different exercise regime I suppose. Wow! 4 GGC’s! How lovely. It must be nice to have them all at such varying ages and watching them all grow and develop. I only have one DGS. Would love more but I’m grateful for him at least.
Wyllow I’m glad your lump isn’t anything sinister and fully understand why you’re looking into having it removed privately. It seems to be the way you need to go these days sadly. I’m sorry you had a bad time with your depression too. You seem to have a good resilience in that you were able to get on with your day whilst waiting for help. I’m glad you have that team to turn to. I’m not able to cry much either. I get emotional, start to cry but then it stops. It’s a good release of emotions though I think. It seems the chat you had with your first ex has helped you make your decision about moving. I hope you feel more at ease about it now. I hope your flu symptoms have subsided too.
Sweeetpeasue I am so, so sorry you are having all this pain. I hope the chat with the urologist is helpful to you and he or she has some ideas to help you move forward. I would definitely explore the option of private treatment if that’s available to you. Thinking about you and sincerely hoping for a positive outcome.
HVDY I hope you enjoyed your trip to the Black Country Museum. I went there some years ago and found it interesting. Hope tummy symptoms have settled too. Wow, what a big baby your son was! Has that stayed with him? Chances are, his baby will be big too! Mine were tiddlers compared to that. Hope your day is going ok.
Nadaterturbe you sound like you have a good balance of things where you live and getting an extension might be a good option for you, cheaper too! Your art classes sound amazing. Doesn’t matter whether you are good or bad, you enjoy it that’s the main thing. Sounds a lovely, relaxing thing to do. I hope you’ve managed to get up and about today and are not stuck in bed.
Doodle I understand what you mean about choosing family over moving. I’m the same. It’s important to be happy with our surroundings and those we choose to surround ourselves with. I hope you manage some walks this weekend. Start small and build up and you’ll hopefully get there. Hope you’re happy with your hair do, I really need mine done.
Whiff I totally understand your explanation between the Black Country/Birmingham. SiL is married to someone from the Black Country and I’ve had the explanation many times! I recognise all those areas you mentioned and have visited a lot of them many times.
Just watching the Coronation. Lots of pomp and ceremony but quite majestic. As someone who used to work helping organise official events, I can only imagine the stresses of putting this one together! Hope everyone has a good day and special ❤️ To all those not personally mentioned xx

Hi Candy what a long post! It's lovely having regular time with your grandson, GC give you such joy. And you probably appreciate the caravan more as its a relaxing change after a busy week. I hope the increased meds help. Good for you learning to swim. It'll be worth it.
Yes, I'm up today thanks. Each day is a surprise! Another vote for extension 🙂

Re the Black Country thing. My DiL is from Lancashire. Lancashire and Yorkshire folk get upset if you get it wrong.

Candy Glad you're enjoying a caravan break. You deserve it after your busy week. Hope the bleeding settles down. Son2 was 10lbs 13, and 23 inches long. He's now 39, 5ft 10 and medium build. His baby is apparently average (32 weeks pregnant) Son2, on the other hand, was a month early, weighed 6lbs 14, was 18ins long. He's now 41, 6ft 2 and broad!

I've been having a lazy day - DH at Son2's all day, doing jobs. All I've done is change beds, done the washing. My legs are puffy and aching, so I've been sitting watching Netflix. Hope all BDers are having not-too-bad a day x

SweetPeaSue- I hope the Urologist gave you plenty of time to talk and that you got some answers. You cannot live in such a state of fear pain and uncertainty. I,m sure your reg GP would refer you privately if that is your wish . Sometimes you can just ring up a consultant and book without a referral - it depends on how they work I think.
Wyllow- yes you need to look after your physical health and dont push yourself too much. It is so hard to pace yourself when you have been used to doing more exercise but ultimately if you don’t you could end up doing even less.
Furrin means foreign eh!!!
I,m glad you are able to chat easily with your first ex - he is obviously someone whose opinion you value and trust and he knows your family well too.
When your GC become teenagers they will love having an interested and interesting Gran like you- they will be able to visit you on their own too- something to look forward to.
Nadaturbe- good thinking with your classes - art is so good for absorbing you totally isn’t it. It would be great if you could have a little studio as part of your extension. I have done Life drawing for several years but have not gone back after Covid. Some of us did it over Whts App from photos - it was fun.
Glad you are up and about today.
Doodle- hope your tummy is feeling better today and that DH Hospital visit was uneventful. Hope you are pleased with your hair- always makes you feel lighter doesn’t it.
Did you watch the Coronation - it was so beautiful and very moving. Felt so proud of it all.
Whiff it is such a sad situation with your son - not seeing your GC too is heartbreaking. When they get older they will be able to make up their own minds.
HVDY- Glad you were able to have your 2 days out . I expect your legs are a bit tired after being inactiv3 for a few days.
Candy-/hope the revised meds regime helps you and that you are enjoying your break. Oh lovely sea again.
I do admire you learning to swim - you will be able to enjoy it with your GS in the Summer.

Done a bit too much, fluey but not limbs aching.

I had a hairdresser appointment 10.30 and we had a great chat, she has known me and I her for 11 years. Discussed where I move to and she was very for staying, and up for discussing DiL.

I went onto gym and only did 35 mins, but had to go to chemist on way back as my eyes are gunged up and infected and weeping. Gasp £15 for anti biotic s, the chemist said costs have gone up so much and meds shortages - he was sweet he hated charging me, but of course I couldn't wait for GP appointment in 3 days.

On he lookout for a good film, not a lot in freezer I think its salmon again. My tum has been better since I started very restricted diet, I miss salads and uncanned/unstewed fruit most of all. Still, plenty left to choose.

This bit was meant to go first, so much for writing it all out to avoid errors...

Whiff “furrin’ “ simply is a light-hearted (Yorkshire?”) term for “foreign” meaning “strange place or person or food to me” ie not from here. As in unknown. Where i live there is a strong sense of “local” and extended families often don’t move away. I’m not part of this of course having only lived here since 2001 but I am a Yorkshire lass so coming to S Yorks was a coming home.

I think you are expressing great hurt and that’s understandable but I saw no harm intended. Differences in places to be celebrated and fascinating.

nadateturbe that extension plan sounds just perfect. funnily enough, it was what was planned here to give crafts space when we were still together, and a sort of future proofing too. Even got as far as getting planing permission.

I’m saying this because I did not have to pay the planning fee with the council as I was classed as special needs in terms of difficulties at the time and your CFS is likely to count if you can get a letter.

HVDY that was a long day there - certainly lots of exercise, I’m not surprised that you are taking it easy today. (nor the puffy legs after all the walking, feet up now!)

Candy delighted you are at your happy caravan space, and I’m hoping the increase will do the job (or ease it, as these things are rarely simple.

Hoping there was something good came out of this morning Sweetpeasue tho I know its likely to be complex, and thinking of *Ellie Anne on another long weekend. Love to other BD's writing and just reading.

Thanks for the advice re planning permission Wyllow3. I'm sorry to bring back memories.
I eat lots of salmon and fresh green veg. As little processed food as possible. Your eyes sound painful, I wonder what causes that.
Scaredycat a lot of people gave up doing things because of covid. Do you not miss your class?

Oh, its just an infection - just one of those things. No problem with memories on that one - I understand what was going on - it was a need for space from each other in a way - I was trying to find Ex space to have a hobby to get him off my back maybe in some confused way (model rail) ...but in fact has had unexpected bonus - when the Estate Agent Valuer came round, I just remembered late on I had planning permission for extension and full detailed proper plans and her eyes lit up - its a selling point!

Whiff I can only imagine how hard it is to estranged by your son. It's even worse not knowing why as you must often wonder what he thinks you did wrong. Very cruel. As others have said, youDGC can make up their own minds as they get older.
HVDY The skittles sounded fun. Well done to be the winning team. You needed a 'lazy' day after all that walking. We once went to Beamish and quite a lot of walking involved as very spread out but it was interesting seeing everything.Hope the film is a good one and you can get legs elevated. Hopethey aren't painful.
Candy It must be lovely to be able to go through to caravan and get away from things. We all need a change from everyday routine. I hope your bleeding doesn't start up as you increase the HRT. It feels a bit nerve racking to do that. I know I' ll be quite anxious about that when I go back on mine. What a lot we women have to put up with! Thankyou for your kind words. My phone appt wasnt very long but am happy with the outcome. Will go into that later.Enjoy your break-weather good today.
Scaredycat Thankyou for caring too. We made the mistake once of not being referred by GP to Gastroenterologist - he was not happy about it yet Id previously had a private consultation with Gynaecologist without GP referral with no problem so hadnt realised it was needed with *some consultants.
We watched some of the coronation too. Sooo many people. I'd love to see some of your art. Don't suppose any chance of posting one of your favourite pieces?
Nadateturbe I wish I could draw or paint. It must have been very disappointing when your class closed during lockdown. ( love to see your work too, but no pressure) Hope youve managed a good day today after your rest. You are kind to care, thankyou so much.

Will come back. Afraid to lose my post.

Sorry everyone. I'm getting all muddled.
Wyllow Must be good to have a hairdresser that you feel in safe hands with. She will know exactly how you like it. Oh another selling point for your house re planning permission should you decide to sell, a plus point. I hope your night wasn't too bad.

Was feeling very upset about my pain getting worse so ended up calling samaritans at 1 in morning. Felt guilty today about that as I know they are busy and have worse than me wanting them.
Thought my appt at 11 would be wasted as pain was extreme this morning. Oramorph and 2 Tram together wasnt controlling it through the surges but made my decision easier. Told how bad pain has got since last saw him and couldnt have spoken at all without med. Said Id thought of having part op without full distention but even then in state I'm in would be diff to tolerate. He said he didn't think hed find anything as vast maj of patient's bladders dont have Hunners ulcers(trademark of IC). Told him of my suspicions of being nerve related on top of IC. He agreed, no cure and feels I might get help from another urologist and said he could refer me. (since googled him and his profile is v good - deals with neurolgical bladder diseases and Bladder pain syndrome/IC). I asked him about Elmiron, a drug that could help bladder lining to repair(key word, could) I know side affects are common especially hair loss but Id rather lose my hair than have this pain. Hes writing to GP to recommend this but felt very doubtful it would be offered by surgery as it's extremely expensive, which I hadn't realised but been on nice guidlines and it's up to surgery I think. So glad will be seeing someone else and discharged from him. He mentioned removing bladder is last stage, which shocked me as thats only extreme cases and doesnt happen much. Dont think he needed to say that.
I think there's a strong element of this pain being nerve related, but I worry that aspect of it will be held back from me in case it points a finger at the cause.
Honestly I'm so scared of the pain now and hope my meds are enough.
Pain subsided but soon threatens.
Sorry for the long winded post.

Hope you're ok EllieAnne. This weekend will be hard for you I know.
Doodle Hope you're ok too. Weather been much milder so you might have been able to get a gentle walk in.
Wishing everyone a peaceful night and to all Ive not mentioned.

Not done much today. Dodgy tum so spent morning watching the coronation and the afternoon tidying up lots of paperwork.
DH and I both had a really good sleep last night but are still exhausted today, I wonder if we’re just winding down.
Whiff to true. I think you have to be born within the sound of Bow Bells to be a cockney. I love the idea of family all living close together. I had two aunts and uncles living in the next street along from where I lived for many years,
I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to be separated from your son and grandchildren. Grandparents can play such a part in a youngsters life.
nadateturbe the extension sounds a good idea. I’d love a craft room. Be nice not to have to tidy up all the time.
HVDY sounds like you had a good time but a bit too long there. There is only so much standing and walking I can do.
Well you’ve done more than me today. Do you keep your feet up when they are swollen? DH tries to but finds it hard to sit like that,
Candy must be nice to be able to pop to your caravan at the weekends for a break. Is there a swimming pool on site?
Yes the coronation certainly took some planning though it all seemed to go well. I thought Penny Mordant was amazing holding that sword for such a long time and I thought Princess Charlotte looked really lovely.
No walk for us today, to much rain and we’re too tired. Maybe tomorrow.
Haircut is ok. Bit too short but it will grow……in time for the next cut. 🤣
Sweetpeasue I’ve had more stomach and bowel pain today which made me think of you again. I can see why it causes you so much trouble although I’m my case I know it won’t last long.
I know it’s due to me eating too much salt and not drinking enough water. Kept coming back during the day but seems to be ok now. Must be so distressing for you with ongoing symptoms.
I enjoyed the coronation loved looking at all the guests coming in. I wonder how they all manage not to go to the loo 🤔
Glad you felt your telephone appointment went well. That’s a plus. Hope you have a better night tonight.
Scaredycat not feeling great today so just sat and watched the ceremony. I love all the bands and horses. Shame about the rain. Quiet weekend for us I think. Both really tired.
Have you any plans for the weekend?
Wyllow good thing you remembered the planning permission. That is a bonus if you have that.
Sorry you too aren’t feeling so great, I hope your eyes aren’t painful. I’ve been with my hairdresser for a long time too but we don’t have girly chats as he’s a 6’ 3” rugby player 🤣
Hope you feel better soon,

Sweetpeasue just seen your second post. Quite a lot to take in with that conversation,
Glad you are being referred to someone who might be able to help. Is it someone you could see privately to hurry things along? This new consultant sounds like he might specialise in your problems which is good, hope the GP will prescribe the drug for you and hope it will help. Hope the pain isn’t bad tonight.
Ellie Anne thinking of you too. Another long weekend. Take care

Thank you. It’s been a long day today and am wishing it was bedtime. Went to son 2 this morning to watch gs while he got on with some work. Recorded coronation and watched it this afternoon.
Sorry for all the pain you are all suffering physical and emotional.

Wyllow I hope your eyes feel better after a few doses of the antibiotics. Salmon is my favourite fish. Good news re the planning permission for n extension, should you decide to sell.

SweetpeaSue Sorry about you having all the pain again. I hope you get the referral for the new doctor soon, and that he will prescribe that drug. As you say, the side effects would be worth it to get some relief.

Doodle I sit with my feet on the settee, so not raised but not dangling down. They're aching and heavy today. I hope you and your DH manage to do something nice tomorrow.

Hope all BDers have a restful night x

Doodle I'm so sorry about your upset tummy. I know you thought it was something you'd eaten but I wonder if all the worry and upset over the weeks spent in hospital with tests, scans, waiting for results and the nights of constant worry and watching DH going through pain and agitation. It will have taken it's toll I'm sure. Your body and MH has been tested to the limit. You have trying to find out what all the medical conditions, med terms and new drugs mean. I know that can be all consuming.
Hope the weather is better for you where you are tomorrow and you feel less tired.
Yes I may have to go private, initially, for Urologist as my quality of life lately has taken a huge drop downwards. Once referred I will be able to ask his secretary how long my wait is expected to be. Its so awful how many are waiting in dire circumstances. Take care of yourself Doodle.
Wyllow It must be miserable have eyes so irritable, it affects everything you do. Enjoy your music at least.

Sweetpeasue I understand that guilt afterwards taking time up someone else might need "more" - and I often say it to a worker. They say no you must call. And its so for you.

You are not a frequent caller, you called Sams at the time of greatest need.

They have chosen this work because it is rewarding for them and I have come to realise, a privilege, to be trusted with someone's inner soul feelings.
Because they understand that talking to another human being in privacy is the best thing one can do for another.

Time.

So never fear calling again.

There does seem to be some reason for hope in the new referral, ie the doc you spoke to recognised the need for you to speak to a real specialist they had in mind.

Doodle its ironical but very understandable after a time of great tension, appointment after appointment, little sleep, when you do get a decent night not only do you wake up washed out but as your body relaxes various bits start complaining loudly like tums and bowels. Everything has been on "holding in tight carry on mode". Hope you have another decent night.

Hi Ellie Anne they has been a glut of bank holidays which just make for longer difficult weekends. Hope church is OK tomorrow.

..and HVDY your legs let up tomorrow.

Thanks Wyllow It means so much that I have friends on here. Hope your night is not too bad.

Sweetpeasue Sams will not think like that. Never worry about calling. I hope you get some pain free sleep.
Goodnight all xx

Feeling very low. I try really hard to be positive since my daughter estranged me, she had her reasons and after fighting against it for so long had to realise a few years ago she doesn't want me in her life. I used to be close to my son and his family, but he wants me to leave an area where I grew up to be by him with no shops etc. I'm lonely now and couldn't manage without my friends. I feel everyone must be judging me and thinking it's all my fault, it could well be.. My GP will not give me anti depressants he puts everything down to my health problens the last few years.
When you've always been busy, with family around you it's hard to end up alone, I never thought it could happen to me, losing my husband at 60 was like losing half of me. I was still looking after grandchildren, had them weekends etc, I went on holidays either on my own or with friends, a couple have since died, children grown and flown, I had so many health problems all at once and I struggled to get shopping and keep up with the house, much too big for me, got Covid three times and was really bad but I'm almost as good as I will ever be, but it's left me feeling scared of the future. I can't manage here, couldn't face sheltered living etc. a bungalow too expensive in my area so I dofeel trapped.
Sorry for all the negativity, I just needed to get it down.
Reading what a lot of you go through my problems must seem insignificant. I was so busy looking after everybody when it stopped there was no one for me.
The answer us to vey secular to others I know and once I feel up to it I will.
Thank you for listening.