Black Dog 16

Hi all, just caught up.
Wyllow sorry you’ve had a rough time over the past few days but I hope your restful day yesterday has done you good. The thoughts of what you went through with ex is bound to resurface from time to time especially when you’ve other things going on and you do have a lot. A carefully timed conversation with your family sounds like a good idea as it’s obviously a big decision. I wonder will the healthcare be better for you if you decide to move? That could possibly be an important factor in the decision making process. The main reason we moved to our present home was so that our son could get better healthcare and it was the right decision to make for us. I hope things become clearer for you. Glad you had a good Quakers meeting too.
Sweetpeasue sorry you’ve been in such a lot of pain. I think it drags you down more when you’ve had a period of being well. It sounds like you need further advice before making any big decision about the procedure. I’m sure they will understand that and if you decide to defer it, then at least you’re “in the system” and hopefully not have to wait for a new referral. I’m sorry about your aunt. I hope she feels better soon.
HVDY I hope your son feels brighter soon. It’s so hard to see our children suffer but at least he gets support from his lovely parents. Nice you’re doing a lot to help your other son too. What a lot is shirts 😂. Because my son lives away, when he came home for Easter, he decided to buy some clothes for a “second wardrobe” here to save him having to cart stuff backwards and forwards on the train. That’s great but then of course he leaves it all for me to launder! I’m ok with the washing not so much so with the ironing 🤣. Well done on your weight loss, you must be thrilled. Hope you enjoyed your sort out day. I need to do one of those. Wishing you a restful night.
Nadaterturbe I’m sorry you’ve been struggling lately. I hope the amitriptylene helps you and you manage some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day 🤞. Take care of yourself.
Doodle I’m glad your DH’s. colonoscopy went well. Hopefully his upcoming tests will help get some answers and some lasting relief for him and you both. What a scare you had though and it must have been so stressful for you. It sounds like it might have been the new meds and I hope things are better for him tonight and you both manage some proper rest. Thanks for the hug and your llama sounds lovely. I love llamas (and alpacas). I’d love to keep some, along with a few other animals, but no space I’m afraid.
Sallyyyy I was on lofepramine and now on Sertraline. I was scared of trying an SSRI because of a bad reaction I had many years ago on Prozac. I’m glad I gave it a try and I started off very slowly at first. I have a review this coming week. You will find something that’s helps you I’m sure but unfortunately, these meds do take a while to kick in and it’s a matter of finding coping mechanisms while we’re waiting. Good luck and hang on in there, you’ll get there.
Svaredycat of course you’re bound to feel overwhelmed with having a long term condition but it sounds that you’re trying to look at it positively by taking one day at a time. That’s a good philosophy to have. Hope your sister is getting better and that you’re not suffering any side effects from your covid jab.
Ellie-Anne I hope your bad back is easing. My DH struggles from time to time with his back as it “just goes”. His job doesn’t help. I hope you are finding some relief. Hope you have a nice sleep tonight.
Not done much today except watch DGS play football, went to see MiL (not a good day for her sadly) then slept for 2 hours this afternoon when I should really have been ironing. I need to get my act together. Work tomorrow, hope all have a restful night and special ❤️ To all those not personally mentioned xx

Candy, its sounds like sleep much more important ironing your body told you ...you are a busy soul and today sounds like good "downtime". going to be touch with MiL for some time.

Yes, healthcare in city aiming for as good as it can be, one of the reasons have aimed for a particular place. A University Hospital, good GP 5 mins away, and a reasonable Older Adults M Health service just up the road too. (tho no guarantees there re transfer but, likely) you are so right about how important these things are. Romantic ideas about living in lovely but remote places - not for me.

Sorry Candy tough not touch above.

Thanks HVDY. Hope you got lots cleared. You never stop! No wonder you are losing weight. I wonder how well your son slept on his expensive pillow.🙂
Sweetpeasue I googled IC and it seems such a painful long term condition and they aren't even sure what causes it. I can understand your anxiety about the treatment given your past experience. Perhaps as Doodle suggests, try for a telephone consultation.
It seems recommended dosage of amitriptyline varies a lot. I can only speak for myself. I like to take as low a dose as possible but my pain is mild compared to yours and Wyllow3's. If I had severe pain I would take whatever I needed.
Doodle I'm so sorry you and your poor husband had such an awful night. That was very frightening. You are being sorely tried. And so disappointing about the new meds. Probably a good idea to have a break for a couple of nights. I hope you have a better night tonight.
EllieAnne sorry you're feeling so low. I hope the peaceful few hours alone helps tomorrow and it doesn't sound ridiculous at all.
Wyllow3 I wonder could you get some helpful information from this society. meassociation.org.uk/
There's also an M.E. Association FB page.
You have quite a lot to deal with at the minute, which doesn't help. I didn't realise you have to have a bowel op.
Scaredycat Hope vaccine side effects wear off soon. I am not brave at all. I am very lucky compared to everyone here.
I think you all cope wonderfully well. I'm not sure I would have half the courage you all display.
Hoping and praying for a peaceful night for you all and Sally, Whiff, Candy and anyone I have missed.xx

No, the operation is removal of the lump - tho it sits on the "surface" it has blood supply so blood vessels to be. tied off and hopefully skin pulled back over cosmetic wise. Bowel stuff depends on results of Barium meal.

SweetPeaSue Hope you haven't got any pain today. Only you can decide whether or not to have the op. It may help, but it may make things worse. It's quite a decision to make.
Doodle What a fright. It sounds as though the new tablets had caused that reaction. You did well to get your husband back to bed ok. Our GD gets on fantastically well with her dad (son1), but the mum is very highly-strung, says the most awful things to the children (terrible swearing and name-calling), so that can't help.
EllieAnne I hope your back is better. Enjoy your bit of time alone at home today.
Wyllow Moving house is a huge step. No need to rush it. I hope you're feeling better today.
* Nadaturbe*, Candy, ScaredyCat and other BDers - hope you're all ok.

My plans yesterday went awry. I had one of my less-able days (I get them since the stroke, where my legs feel v. wobbly and weak, I don't walk well, I drop things, and nothing seems to be coordinated). I didn't even have a shower and get dressed until teatime! We sat about and watched a dvd, read magazines, etc. Lazy.

Wyllow Hope the barium meal goes ok and isn't TOO unpleasant and Doodle, same for your husband

It's one of those days - I had a council tax bill, with the reduction (due to low income at the moment), but they calculated it incorrectly, missed out this month's, which made all the other months MORE than before. Rang them, sorted it (eventually), set up a new DD with my bank. Just had a letter, showing their calculations - they've said I get ESA (it stopped 6 months ago), so reckon we get £77 a week more than we do. Rang again, the man is out, will ring me back. It took me 2 hours to apply, uploaded all the MANY documents they wanted. Clowns.

Hi all.

EllieAnne- what a good little boy your DGS was - you must have been wondering how on earth you were going to manage. Hope your back is more comfortable today so that you can enjoy your peaceful hours at home.
Doodle- 4 weeks is a long time to wait. I hope in that time you have some days when you relax and enjoy the better weather. I,m glad your DH seems recovered .from his mishap - hope you have too!!
Wyllow- when the time feels right for you it would be good to have a chat with your family about your proposed move.
It sounds to me that they think it’s a good idea and I don’t think
Your son would have gone to look at the place and give it a good report if he wasn’t keen.
From what you say about the new city it does seem to have many plusses for you. There is a time when remote ,beautiful places appeal but the attractions of a vibrant city and all it has to offer is just the job. I know you will make the right choice - but at your own pace.
Oh I had the extra booster because my age qualified me for it.
Candy- a more relaxing day was just what you needed- ironing can wait. Sometimes a good fold is all some things need😀
Ah your poor MiL she must be stressed and tired and fearful for the future. She must be so glad to see you when you go.
HVDY - I hope those wobbly days don’t happen too often - your day sounded lovely and chilled.
What a frustrating day for you today. Nobody seems to do anything properly any more. Hope the day got better.
SweetPeaSue- glad you felt a bit better yesterday. Your poor mind is working overtime at the moment- maybe a pros and cons list might help you make a decision. It is so hard to know what is the best thing to do.
Hope your Aunt is having a better day today.
Take care allx

I understand now Wyllow3. I hope you get seen to quickly and your barium test isn't too unpleasant. So much to deal with. As someone else said, no hurry for moving, take your time. I think the same as Scaredycat about your son being in favour of you moving.
HVDY I think a good lazy day was long overdue! What a hassle with the tax bill. Things are so complicated now.
I actually slept well last night, no pills 🙄.
Doodle I wonder what kind of night you had.

Out this morning looking for a birthday present for OH. Thought I might buy some jeans. Tried on 2 pairs and thought I really can't be bothered. Such a hassle, isnt it, trousers and shoes off, trying new jeans on, dressing again, replacing them on hangers. Maybe another day 😄

And yes, 4 weeks is a long time for results Doodle.
I hope you've no more side effects Scaredycat?

Back is still very sore and I didn’t get much time to myself. The gas man he had to wait for came promptly and finished quickly so he came back. As soon as he texted to say he was on his way I went out. Will be out tonight at bible study but am not feeling well at all.
I have to say that dgs behaves much better when mum and dad are out!!!

Oh for goodness sake! Disappointing EllieAnne. You were so looking forward to it.
I don't know the background but that's an awful way to live. I hope the bible study class helps.
Interesting about your gs.🙂

ScaredyCat The wobbly days do happen quite a bit (every other day perhaps) but I'm used to it and don't do much n those days. It's frustrating and it reminds me that I'm actually disabled, something I've found very hard to accept. Not to worry. I hope you're feeling ok today.

nadateturbe I've never tried on clothes in a shop . I buy things online, see if it fits when I get them, then either keep them or send them back. Did you get anything for your OT? Glad you slept better. I thought it was quite cold last night and wore fluffy bedsocks. I always seem to sleep better when my feet are warm.

EllieAnne What a shame your day didn't go to plan. Hope you soon feel better.

SweetpeaSue, Doodle, Wyllow, Whiff and others - hope you're all ok today.

The council tax person rang me earlier. It seems he'd made more than one error in his calculations - he thought DH was on SS pay as well as a wage! Clown. If we were getting his wage, we wouldn't need help. He now says we don't need to pay anything at all until/if DH goes back to work! I've asked for that in writing. Incompetent or what! DH had a call from the hospital, to go for a bubble ECG this Sunday, so perhaps he'll get a diagnosis and treatment soon.

You must have needed that more quiet day yesterday HVDY …..I’m sorry you had that nightmare of sorting out today.

I hope today has been a reasonable one, Scaredycat

I hope you found a pressie, nadateturbe. sympathies with the trying on…the fit of different jeans is so complex….probably the reason I buy the same trousers again and again online. I’m fortunate in that a retail park with an M n S outlet is nearby - I sometimes order 2/3 things, try them on in the store next door toilets, and keep the item which fits or I want, no trudging round shops.

its a real credit to you Ellie Anne that DGS behaves better with you, hats of to you. Hope the back eases soon as your walks are you big outlet.

Not a good day here - tho I went to the gym, things feel very meaningless and I’m finding it hard to connect with people (except Quakers). Depression hanging over like exhausting cloud, but I have counselling tomorrow. Music has helped a bit. I replay the song I once posted here for Sweetpeasue this is the start bit (Sara Bareilles)

“When holding your breath is safer than breathing
When letting go is braver than keeping
When innocent words turn to lies
And you can't hide by closing your eyes
When the pain is all that they offer
Like the kiss from the lips of a monster
You know the famine so well, but never met the feast
When home is the belly of a beast

The ocean is wild and over your head
And the boat beneath you is sinking

Don't need room for your bags, hope is all that you have
So say the Lord's Prayer twice, hold your babies tight
Surely someone will reach out a hand
And show you a safe place to land”

Hello all. Just popping in quickly to let you know that my DH died on Easter Sunday. I am desperately sad. I also looked through the last few posts and I havent noticed Annie's name is she ok?? Xx

HVDY I'm so sorry you weren't at all right yesterday. I hope you dont have too many days like that but you did well to rest-certainly NOT lazy at all. Thank goodness you got the council tax sorted. What a carry on it is when we need to phone about things these days. So glad its worked ojt you wont pay any while DH is not working. Really pleased your DHs appt for his ECG has come at last.
EllieAnne Oh thats such a shame that you didnt get more time to yourself. It must be awful go have to go out so much-the atmosphere must be v bad. I'm sorfy you're not feeling too good. I hope the bible class readings give you a lift or at least some sustenance.
Scaredycat I think you are very brave to come through such a lot in your life and I your posts are always kind to others and often raise a smile. Hope you are coping with your AF and the anxiety. I'm sure your walks must help. Seen any bluebells yet? Its probs too flippin cold. Phoned aunt today and she seems so much brighter. She won't eat hardly anything says no appetite and has just gone under 6st. Has a good daughter that sees her regularly and looks after her though.
Doodle Hope you got on ok at hospital today and last night was not too bad.
Nadateturbe I hate trying clothes on in shops. You must have been all hot and bothered getting in n out of those jeans. I tend to get the same ones right up until they decide not to stock them or change the style. 'looking for birthday pressie for OH' I find that so hard.
Wyllow The words to that song has just made me cry--but I needed to so much. Has relieved some tension. Some of those lines so appropriate to me. A beautiful song. Music speaks to us though sometimes it hurts to listen. Im glad you are seeing your counsellor tomorrow as you need to get a lot of what you're feeling out, though I'm sure it could be tiring. Thankyou Wyllow.
Candy Hope your working day hasnt been too bad. I'm sure you really needed that sleep yesterday, youve been so busy. It's hard to see a relative grieving and in pain and it must be difficult to see MIL and know what to say, especially when you're trying to keep yourself right.

Thankyou everyone for your input about this coming op - there has been such good advice and suggestions. My preassessment is Wednesday and will ring hospital tomorrow to ask if can have a word with him as I know hes there Wednesday.(its small private hospital used by NHS a lot)
Bladder pain bad this morning and bowels, not wanting to be left out, thought theyd join. 7 times to loo! Had to haul poor DH out of bath! Rang and rang Pain Management dept. No one would pick up. Even calling appts.
Been reading various medical research about the Hydrodistention and I just dont think I can cope with the bad pain after the procedure on top of everything else.
Sorry if left anyone out. Take care of yourselves.

Oh Nanny I’m so, so sorry. What a dreadfully sad time for you. I know that you were aware he was so seriously ill but nevertheless it’s a big shock. Have you got family around you and people to help.
I’m afraid Annie doesn’t post here anymore but is still around on GN.
Sending you much love and sincere condolences for your loss. Please stay in touch and tell us how you are. 💕

Hi doodle thankyou for your words. Why doesn't Annie post on here anymore? Xx

Nanny2507 Sorry about your husband. Had he been ill? Annie doesn't post on here, hasn't done for quite some time - no idea who/what upset her.

Wyllow What lovely words to that song. I hope you'll feel happier tomorrow, especially after your counselling session. Those horrible low moods aren't nice, and sometimes the best thing to do is have the distraction of music, a book, film or 'phone call to someone. Take care.

SweetpeaSue I'm often like it, it's just how things are - when my brother suggests me working in a cafe at Morrison's, he's got no idea . My "walk" is a bit like a newborn foal at times, or Worzel Gummidge. Bloody hell . I think you're wise not to undergo any more operations, but if you could speak to one of the medical team, you might find out more. I hope your bowels soon settle down, that sounds awful for you. Is your aunt on Fortisip drinks? They're available on prescription and have all the nutrients needed.

I hope everyone else is ok. Son2 came round, collected all his clean washing, also about 5 more coats, some plants and a coffee table he had delivered here. Good to know he's settled in his place.

Nanny I'm so sorry to hear that. You told us how seriously ill your husband was and I wondered about this and how you were coping. Sending you love and so sorry.

Nanny2507 sorry about your husband . You have a hard road to travel alone. As far as I can remember Annie decided to leave Black Dog because she thought it was getting to chatty and someone else who left said it had lost its way.

But people come here like I did to talk what's going on their lives and I am glad I did as all here have helped me . I ramble on but that's me. I write as I talk so if that's chatty then I am guilty. But it's the only way I can say what I need to .

Just popped on to answer Nanny2507. Like lot of others at the moment in a lot of pain . In a pain flare but it will settle down in a few days.

Be back in a few days. Hugs to all. 🤗💐

Scaredycat* DH doesn’t feel his heart racing or beating fast, I’m sorry you are so aware of it. Must be distressing.
I didn’t realise it was your 6th jab. DH is having his 5th next week. Hope the side effects wear off soon. Doubt if you’ve been for a walk if you’ve not been feeling great.
Wyllow funny enough we didn’t have to wait 4 weeks as the results came through this afternoon. All ok and no follow up needed, which was great news. Tomorrow is barium swallow and heart scan so we’re getting through them.
You are right about needing good healthcare close at hand. We are lucky with a good GP and good local hospital. What is the set up near where you want to move to?
So sorry you are feeling down. Despite the good news about DHs results I’m feeling low tonight. DH has so many things causing him pain and discomfort we dont seem to have any time enjoy anything. He’s already I bed because his legs hurt,
I do feel for you. Things will get better I know they will. We just all need to hang on and hope.
Candy does your DGS enjoy football? How old is he?
I’m a bit like you in not having the energy for things at the moment. Ironing and housework pile up. Where is the energy I used to have.
How was work today, is it busy?
Sweetpeasue what a time you’ve had today. All those trips to the loo isn’t right. Do you think any of it is anxiety re the upcoming procedure. Good idea to try and get a word with the consultant. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a ‘one stop shop’ arrangement where we could go to someone and lay out all our troubles and they could work through them without having to keep trying various different places. Wishing you a good night, I will post picture of llama soon but didn’t feel it appropriate tonight after Nanny’s sad news.
HVDY I’m so glad your DGD has a good relationship with her dad (and you I’m sure). Must be so difficult for her with her mum being so volatile but at least she has your son to turn to which a lot of kids don’t. He seems quite hands on too which is good.
Oh how I dread dealing with “officialdom”. Well done you for getting it all sorted out though. Makes you wonder if it’s right if they keep making mistakes. Good idea to get it in writing.
Hope your DHs ECG goes well. Not heard of a bubble one I wonder what that does.
nadateturbe glad you had a good night. We all need one (or more) to recharge the batteries. I thought for a minute you were trying on jeans to give your DH for his present but then I read your post again! Is it his birthday soon?
I agree I have to be in the mood for clothes shopping.
Ellie Anne what a shame you didn’t have more time to yourself particularly as your back is bad. You could have done without going out. Hope you enjoy bible study and your back improves soon. So many in this thread in both mental and physical distress. Which I had that magic wand.

Whiff Oh Whiff. Take care and hope your pain meds are helping. Hope you can sleep too.💐

Whiff nice of you to pop in with a kind word for Nanny .
Sorry about the pain flare up. Hope it eases soon.