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Husband has terrible insomnia

(78 Posts)
Philippa60 Thu 27-Jul-23 10:16:33

Hi wise Gransnet friends
I wonder if anyone has advice for me?
My DH (aged 71) suffers from really bad insomnia.
He also has (late-diagnosed) ADHD, and suffers from depression and anxiety.
He is on medication only for the depression and I think that medication might be part of the problem, but coming off it is not recommended as he then slips back into bad depression.
Right now he is really troubled by not sleeping (especially as I sleep really well and it must be very frustrating for him).
Our GP gave him a short course of sleeping pills which do help, but without them he simply doesn't sleep.
I have recommended all the usual things to him (he mostly follows my advice but not always!) for example: reduce caffeine, especially in the afternoon/evening, exercise more, less screen time....
Not sure what else to suggest and would love to hear from anyone on here who has any ideas.
TIA

Louella12 Thu 27-Jul-23 21:58:52

I suffered for years. It's dreadful, it really is.

I tried all the usual suggestions but in the end my GP prescribed me sleeping pills which I've been on ever since.

I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions but I do hope your husband manages to get some help

Debbi58 Thu 27-Jul-23 22:44:47

Has he tried amitriptyline, it was originally used to treat depression. But more commonly used to help with sleep problems. Works well for me , I also take magnesium vitamins, they help with sleep also

Coolgran65 Thu 27-Jul-23 23:42:10

Carenza123 regarding your husband's restless legs syndrome the symptoms are often caused, or aggravated by an antidepressant. I've suffered from rls for 40+ years. Cocodamol helps a lot.

My awful sleep was helped greatly when a sleep test showed sleep apnea and I now use a c pap machine which has been a life saver.

Pearlsaminger Sat 29-Jul-23 11:19:48

I take anti depressants, and found that if I take them at night I don’t get to sleep. It might be worth taking a look at the time your husband takes his pill.

I’m a 38 years insomniac too, and the only thing that helps me is Sleep Aid tablets from Asda. I take half a tablet, or a full tablet depending on how I feel and how much pain I’m in from chronic illness.

I had Melotonin from the sleep clinic, was told to take them at 5pm, as they’d take a few hours to work.

By 6pm I was asleep and snoring on the sofa (not good as we had guests!) and was ‘put to bed’ by my daughter hmm I did sleep but woke up the next morning feeling ‘foggy,’ which I didn’t like.

I listen to Harry Potter stories read by Stephen Fry who has a very soothing voice, and I can often be asleep literally minutes into the chapter. Other times I can listen to 4/5 chapters before I doze off.

I hope you find something to help your husband soon smile🤞🏼

sandye Sat 29-Jul-23 11:30:59

I switched to decaff everything years ago after the same thing, took about 3 weeks to work out of my system. Didn't look back, but I do read in bed and that helps.

Marg75 Sat 29-Jul-23 11:40:03

I go to bed early, mainly because I would rather read in bed than on the sofa! I'm bored with the television these days. But I read myself to sleep after an hour or so. If I don't I find a paracetamol calms me and helps to stop me worrying about not being able to sleep!

Granmarderby10 Sat 29-Jul-23 11:50:08

Marg75

I go to bed early, mainly because I would rather read in bed than on the sofa! I'm bored with the television these days. But I read myself to sleep after an hour or so. If I don't I find a paracetamol calms me and helps to stop me worrying about not being able to sleep!

What is calming about a paracetamol Marg75 ?

Mollie3 Sat 29-Jul-23 11:50:21

Magnesium - apparently no human on the planet has enough magnesium in their diet. 365mg a day for females, probably a bit more for males. Taking magnesium every day cured my life long migraines.
Also, Ashwagandha (Indian ginseng) is wonderful for anxiety and sleep. I used it instead of diazepam when I was having chemo. Buy organic highest quality Ashwagandha to ensure tge best results.

Nandalot Sat 29-Jul-23 11:50:23

My DH had an acute episode of insomnia 54 years ago which led him to having hallucinations and wandering the streets in that state. He was prescribed sleeping tablets and has been on them ever since. I cannot believe that the medical profession has allowed this to continue for so long. We have belonged to three other GP surgeries since that first one, the last one for over thirty years. This is the first time I have spoken to anyone about this except my DD. He is a lovely, gentle man but I do think it may have contributed to some of his health problems.
Sorry, I know it is not really relevant to OP’s problem.

Lesley60 Sat 29-Jul-23 12:02:43

Just wondering what time of day your husband takes his medication as it can often help to change this

SpringsEternal Sat 29-Jul-23 12:02:58

Reiki usually works....

Bluedaisy Sat 29-Jul-23 12:17:01

Maybe ask your GP if it would be possible to try Melatonin for a while and see how he gets on. My husband is on it and sleeps like a baby, it has made all the difference to his sleep. Magnesium is also supposed to be very good for helping with sleep.

Gransthebest Sat 29-Jul-23 12:18:52

I am a diagnosed insomniac and been through sleep clinics which didn't help me at all(not saying it wouldn't help another). I started to listen to stories on YouTube on my phone while in bed and that helped.I now also use alexa to play(depending on how I feel) brown noise,ocean sounds,distant thunderstorm and just relax myself into the noise.This has helped me go from 1-2hrs to 4-5/6hrs.It didn't happen straight away but it worked nearly every night after a week or two.
Now I instinctively know which sound to use each night and I always get at least 4/5hrs.
I understand exactly how your husband feels. 😕

DeeJaysMum Sat 29-Jul-23 12:20:48

I'm bookmarking, as I've suffered with insomnia for over 30yrs and could do with some new suggestions.
I don't have caffeine, have tried sleeping pills, sleep training, magnesium, apps, etc, you name it, but I can't sleep at night at all, if I'm lucky, I'll get 45-75mins sometime between 9am and midday, but even that is only 3 or 4 times a week.
I mention it to my GP on a regular basis but he just says that I manage to live my life on the amount of sleep I do get, so I shouldn't worry about it.

Gandalf Sat 29-Jul-23 12:25:12

I’ve just been through this with my DH. A series of life changes and minor health niggles spiralled into severe insomnia. This then led to depression and physical symptoms due to anxiety about not sleeping. He was hardly able to function and had very high blood pressure.

He tried all the usual things. Short term sleeping pills got him through the worst of the crisis, but his gp was very clear they were short term only and he wouldn’t be prescribing them long term. Hypnosis, counselling and acupuncture didn’t help.

What’s really helped was finding an HCPC registered clinical psychologist who specialises in CBT for insomnia. Sessions are on line via video link. Expensive but worth it to have my husband back again. It feels like we lost 2 months of our lives due to his insomnia and the effect on every aspect of his life.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 29-Jul-23 12:38:52

Unfortunately, insomnia is often caused by worrying, so as your husband is suffering from depression and anxiety and being treated for it, it is no help knowing that dealing with the worries or anxieties might help.

I know this scenario very well, as my husband only sleeps five hours or so out of every 24.

I suggest you think about when in the course of the day you eat your meals, and how often your husband eats and what he eats.

Sometimes it is easier to fall asleep if a main meal is not eaten late in the evening, or even in the evening at all. Some find that coffee or tea drunk in the evening makes insomnia worse, and that a hot milky drink helps sleep.

However, if your husband is anything like mine, he will neither give up drinking coffee all round the clock or swallow anything hot and milky!

What does your husband do all day`? Mine tends to sit on the sofa feeling sorry for himself, and watching TV series that certainly don't stimulate his brain!

On the days when I can get him to take a bike ride, do something or other in his workshop and preferably finish the task as well, he does sleep better.

Likewise, only watching the News during the day, as opposed to just before bedtime helps too.

Summerfly Sat 29-Jul-23 13:13:28

Silverlining48. Re the phenergan. If you do research on it, there’s a chance it can raise the chances of dementia!

silverlining48 Sat 29-Jul-23 13:25:16

Thanks Summerfly.

Cressy Sat 29-Jul-23 13:41:15

I usually sleep very well but occasionally seem to fight going to sleep. Someone recommended Get Sleepy on YouTube. A series of short stories on different themes which include a little bit of meditation techniques but not so much that I over focus on them. I started to listen to one called Finding Peace in the Welsh Countryside and have never yet managed to listen to more than about five minutes before falling asleep. The presenter called Thomas has a very soothing voice. He says that listening to the stories provides restful companionship and I find that very comforting. One of these days I’ll hear the end and then can listen to another one!😴😴😴

Buttonjugs Sat 29-Jul-23 14:57:06

Some of these suggestions are clearly from people who have never suffered genuine insomnia. I would ask the gp to prescribe Quetiapine. My son takes it, so does my hairdresser. It’s an antipsychotic often prescribed for people with neurodivergence and it really helps with sleep and calms the mind. It’s worth asking.

Buttonjugs Sat 29-Jul-23 15:02:44

Paracetamol does not calm the mind or induce sleep! It’s the placebo effect I’m afraid. My mum used to give me it when I said I couldn’t sleep as a child, and it seemed to work but only because I believed it would!

magwis Sat 29-Jul-23 15:09:04

I listen to Bedtime Stories for Grown ups where Nothing Much Happens - transformed my sleeping. Google or YouTube.

cc Sat 29-Jul-23 15:39:25

crazyH

MIY
So sorry about the loss of your daughter flowers.
I tend to go to bed late (after midnight), take my sleeping tablet , which takes about an hour to work. And strangely, having the TV on, works for me. I watch real-life situations and then go to sleep trying to work out the solutions, if you know what I mean. Very often the TV is on when I wake up to go to the loo.

I can understand you finding the TV on works for you, though the light would bother me. I have the radio on low every night, starting on the sleep button for 90 minutes by which time I've normally nodded off. If I wake again in the night I put it on again.

I've had patches of insomnia in my life, mainly due to ridiculous 3a.m. anxiety about things which wouldn't bother me during the day.

I find that if I don't have the radio on I start to think too much and worry about rubbish. I started listening when my husband was in hospital and I was having all the "what if?" worries.

Gwenisgreat Sat 29-Jul-23 15:40:16

I have given up on most prescribed medication, the sleeping tablets =, I'm only prescribed 10 or 12, then no sleep until I am allowed more? I have just been prescribed Melatonin. I did tell the doc I have tried them but they didn't work - 'Oh', she said, 'They are probably not as strong as I will prescribe'! Not as strong, turned out they are half the strength of. what I could buy!! I have solved the sleep problem for the time being. I buy Boots own Allergy relief tablets. They are soporific. You are are meant to day 4 per day, but I don't want to be dozy through the day (dozy enough). I take one around 6pm/6.30pm and next one after 10.30pm. It seems to work!! I believe I, too, have ADHD but doc wants to treat me with talk therapy!

Cambia Sat 29-Jul-23 16:31:58

I sleep well mostly but if I wake, I listen to audio books with headphones and find these send me back off to sleep. Very comforting, like being a child again listening to a bedtime story!