Black Dog 19

Doodle Sorry crossed posts again. I see you've answered some of my questions about what you have been advised. Mainly everything you shouldn't do. Oh Doodle I'm sorry you've both not had your sons around. You've both had to go through a lot. I hope you're both ok. Sending you a large hug (you can share it with your DH if you like) ☺️

Sweetpeasue hello, that was a lovely thoughtful post to everyone. And I've just noticed your last post which I haven't read yet!
I'm glad yesterday was a better day for you with no pain. How was today? It would be really great if you could have two good days in a row. Are the ADs helping you?
Did your husband ring the doctor about the steroids?
The rain is relentless. We'll need an ark soon!
My son was knocked down and in a coma, many years ago, but he's alive thankfully and doing well considering.
I don't recall asking you if you isolate. I remember saying I feel very isolated because of this stupid M.E. and now feeling I have to push myself. And yes, sometimes we do have to make a huge effort to mix with others. It takes courage. "Feel the fear and do it anyway".- I remember reading the book. It's either that or sink into depressed isolation. Just my thoughts.
I get what you're saying about the house. I sometimes I think I would like more modern stuff but we are very lazy. It took us 3 years to change the dining table and chairs.
Must read your update now!🙂

Scaredycat I'm glad the ADs are helping. They seem to be a very effective medication judging by those on BD.
I too love the Christmas candles. They cheer up the dark pre Christmas days.
I'm sure your pansies add some lovely colour too.
Thanks for your kind thoughts, Perhaps you're right about my son, didn't think of that - mental rest after work.
I think art exhibitions help you to think more creatively and be less critical of your own work. And also very enjoyable, one of my favourite pastimes. Painting helps you appreciate nature too.

Doodle what bad luck that your sons were both away on holiday. I'm sure they were annoyed too. But you got through it. You'll be afraid to move, judging by that list of don't do's. I hope you can manage OK. Will your husband cope with housework etc?
What a year its been for you both.xx
Look after yourself and hopefully the weeks will pass quickly and you will be able to do more and go for some nice walks.

Sweetpeasue will talk tomorrow. Typing arm and eyes exhausted. Just to say some deep calming breathing is needed I think.
Anne701951 hello, sorry you're feeling so low.
Is it because of the dark winter days?
Do you have friends?

Hello to everyone else not mentioned. I hope you are all OK and have a peaceful night. xx

I'm learning more about people here as time goes on and lots of courage.
I'm in a fairly permanent crisis state so just don't feel I can talk on specifics but thank you for questions but I'll just carry on with my xxxxx at night for all.

Because everyone here is kind to eachother and it feelings like talking to cherished friends that's why we feel we can talk more about our lives and things that have happened to us in the past and present.

Annie you will get the help here you need and it took a lot of courage for you to post. That's the hardest step reaching out to people . But that's why this thread has been going for so long no nasty posters like on some threads . And why it's so important it keeps going.

Wyllow glad you keep in touch everyday just to let everyone know you are still here. Otherwise we would worry sick something had happened to you.

Hopefully Fishwife will post again and my long posts haven't put her off.
But I am who I am and will not change. I write as I speak but no one needs to read what I write.

So many of you have your own health to worry about but also your loved ones. It has a knock on effect on your own health. I didn't realise just how much my health suffered looking after everyone else. Took having jaundice and finding out I should have died for me to decide what I wanted out of life and to live that life to the full.

Watched the Rhod Gilbert documentary last night but couldn't watch the last 15 mins. Brough it all back about my husband's cancer. He had a mask made like Rhod's but the day he should have started radiotherapy was the day he died. The hospital rang to ask why he missed he's appointment sorry to say I shouted at the woman his to busy dieing . I did phone back weeks later to apologise as I don't talk to people like that. But they where very kind and sorry he had died. I know I shouldn't watch things about cancer as after nearly 20 years it still upsets me.

He died on the Friday and it seemed every advert on the TV was a cancer one with the little girl walking round the circle. It was like it was mocking me. But it's how I felt.

Hopefully you all feel a bit better today . But the darker nights don't help especially those who have SAD. Hopefully you have a light to help.

Take care all . 💐

Doodle That's quite a list of things you mustn't do. Not standing close to an induction hob - is that a permanent thing? I wonder how people would manage if that's the type of hob they've got? (like mine). I expect your sons will be visiting as soon as they can. Your husband must be glad to have you home.

SweetpeaSue How frustrating and annoying that the GP hasn't sorted out the dosage of your husband's steroids. Why is everything to do with doctors so difficult these days? It's not right that they don't listen. I hope you get your own problem with the new AD sorted out soon.

Wyllow3 I hope you're getting some support.

Whiff I meant to watch the Rhod Gilbert programme. I like him as a comedian, and he's certainly been through a lot with the cancer. How awful that your husband died on the day he should have had the treatment. It's natural that you still find all the talk about cancer upsetting. You and your husband supported each other all those years, and you obviously miss him.

Going to visit my SIL later, in the new care home. I've got some old photos to show her. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Nadateturbe I understand, dont worry. You are so thoughtful with your posts. Sorry I got confused with using the isolation word. I looked back at posts and it was to do with my being v shy as a child and I think youd replied to me not being able to socialise much. Hope you're ok today. How awful that your son was in an accident and was in a coma. That must have been a terrible time. You must have been so relieved he came through that. I think any sort of crisis in life changes us in many ways. Can make us realise how vulnerable and helpless we are to life events beyond us, though also can nurture a compassion for others too. We just need our children to be happy and well so much.
HVDY Do hope your SIL is settling in to the new care home. What a good idea to take old photos. Hope she has a good response and it helps her to remember some nice past times. In process of sorting out new ADs(psychiatrist ringing back). Everything seems to be getting on top of me and feeling overwhelmed.
I think you have been so strong to come through such a terrible time with your covid,coma and stroke and the mistakes hospital made. It must help that you have such an active role in your close family and your caring ways.
Whiff The support Ive had on this thread has been so valuable. It really helps if you have a sense that someone else cares. You can identify with others and know you're not alone with weaknesses. You have come through so much yourself though I understand that you will never get over the loss of your DH. It must be with you every day to some extent. I know with my mum who died with Pancreatic Cancer, the way she passed will be ever with me. Its good to see your posts and I hope you're ok today too.

Doodle Hope you're coping with the pacemaker. You've had such a lot on your plates, it must have come as quite a shock. Thinking of you.

How's everyone's day going? SweetpeaSue Did the Psychiatrist ring back?

I visited SIL, took her some grapes, biscuits and a carton of fruit juice. She seemed ok in herself, but has lost such a lot of weight. The place was SO hot. Lots of carers around, which was good. It was very noisy in the lounge, with 3 people shouting and being extremely agitated. I sat watching, and felt so sad when I thought those people are probably Mums, Dads, Grans and Grandads, yet are nothing like the people they once were. I stayed a couple of hours, and one carer did a quiz for those few who were still able to participate. SIL and I enjoyed that. It's starting to get dark early now . Hope everyone is ok x

HVDY Pleased your SIL seemed ok in the new home and she was able to join in the quiz with you. Good there seemed enough carers around, though seeing those that are distressed and shouting is so sad as you say. It must be quite frightening to some. My FIL had Dementia but never got as far as a nursing home as a bad spell in hospital was his undoing and he deteriorated v quickly. Psychiatrist didnt get back though I expect she will tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue I did care work for 20-odd years (in a couple of homes, briefly) and most of my "patients" had Dementia of some kind (mostly Alzheimer's), some of them very aggressive and even violent, but I couldn't work 12-hour shifts as they do in those homes. I hope the Psychiatrist rings you tomorrow. Are you still feeling odd? Surgery rang me, said I've got to do a urine sample for the Neurologist. 'll do that in the morning. Having blood tests for the same Consultant tomorrow. DH's GP is going to ring him this Thursday, apparently, to ask how he's been with the inhaler (it's had no effect at all).

No trick or treaters around here (yet). Fireworks going off in the distance, though. Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing evening x

HVDY- what a truly awful time you had and it’s wonderful how you have overcome such an experience. You are an example to us all that we can overcome more than we think.
What a good little baby she is- it does little ones good to spend time with those that love them. She will grow up feeling very loved.
Yes losing Mum was terrible - my Sister and I felt like we were in a nightmare. There was counselling but neither of us had any.
You are so kind to your SiL too. She must have been happy to see you- glad there are plenty of carers for her and all the other poor souls. As you say so sad to think of the people they used to be.
Doodle- oh what a shame your sons were away- they must have been so worried about you. There are lots of things for you to be aware of - I would have thought there would have been a booklet of info for you.
I like the pansy umbrellas idea- a sweet picture in my mind.
I hope your shoulder is more comfortable today.
SweetPeaSue- how much more frustration are you going to experience with your surgery!!
Your DH really needs a F2F appointment so he can explain himself easier. So difficult for you both.
Hope the different ADs will be more suitable for you and the Psychiatrist gets back to you tomorrow.
Whiff- unfortunately there will always be reminders of our sad times - but the constant reminders of cancer must be very hard for you. After my son was killed I had a hospital appt come for him and I had to phone them to say he had died. I wanted to scream at them!!
Wyllow- so good to hear from you- I always feel happy when I see your posts. We want you to be safe x
Love to all- EllieAnne, Allsorts,Candy, Anne,Fishwife, Nanny and any I have forgotten x

HVDY Thank goodness your DH will get to speak to GP this week. He can't go on like that. Will you be able to speak too or will it be a case of writing words on a held up paper? Hope your own tests will help the neurologist decide what to do for you.
Should have said the psychiatrist I see now is a trainee one. She valled me later today and was bery nice but needs to consult with the senior qualified one then she'll get back to me, hopefully tomorrow. At present not taking any so not feeling the extreme agitation had yesterday.
Scaredycat You have had some extremely heartbreaking things to try and come to terms with in your life. You certainly dont deserve your username. I see how losing your dear mum would bring your sister and yourself so much closer. I'm so very sorry. You have such a cheery nature if your posts are anything to go by.
Thankyou, Ive been unlucky with my intro to ADs but it shows how we are all different doesnt it? First ones were great apart from a personal issue that I cant go into but was told would not get better. There are others on the table so all not lost. Hope you've been alright today.

Night night dear BD's.

ScaredyCat You have had a lot of heartache, with losing your mum and son. You have overcome so much, in a different way to me. I can't imagine losing a child at any age. My friend's daughter died at 26, only 2 weeks after having her 1st baby. (16 years ago now). It was classed as Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Her birthday was the same day as my Son1's, and I never mention any happy family times we have with our family, as I know my friend has missed all that.

SweetpeaSue I'll be at the day centre when the GP rings my husband, but I'll "advise" him on what to say . I hope you get sorted out with soem suitable ADs soon.

I've been up since 5.30 - went to bed too early at 10pm last night. I'm going to sort through a lot of stuff in cupboards this afternoon - old LPs, books, "stuff" we never look at. DH never wants to get rid of anything though. Hope ALL BDers have a pleasant day x

Just popping in to say hello. Have been staying at son 1 the last two days with oldest gd. She’s coming up 13 with dyed hair and clunky jewellery but on the whole is quite good. But there was a lot of night drive involved and I’m tired today.
Hvdy the baby is lovely,
It’s very wet here but I need to go for a walk even just a short one.
Thinking of you Wyllow. I hope you are getting the help you need.

Can hardly keep my eyes open. So sorry. Been in hospital for 24 hours with DH after he had a bad accident. We are both ok. Thank God. Hope you are all ok. Be back tomorrow.

Thinking of you all xx

Doodle, so sorry. You are both having such an awful time. Sending big hugs to both of you.

Doodle Oh no, I hope he's ok. You have both had a horrible year so far. Take care.

EllieAnne Nice of you to help out at your son's. Is your GD off school just for this week? My 2 GDs have been off for a fortnight. Our eldest went through a stage of having her hair blue/purple, but just the stuff that washes out. She's 12, and now wears a lot of baggy sweatshirts and jogging trousers.

Goodmorning everyone.
This was mostly written2 days ago. But haven't managed to post.
Sweetpeasue I hope you're feeling less agitated today. I'm sure the issue with your husbands meds isn't helping, but I do remember getting ADs many years ago and they made me so agitated and jittery that I couldn't speak to people. I was changed yo prozac which were better. I hope they manage to sort it out for you. As someone said, why is it all so difficult now?
HVDY good that the GP is going to speak to your husband on Thursday, and you're having some tests done, but really we shouldn't have to be so grateful for what should be normal service.
It was lovely of you to spend time with your SiL. She sounds like she enjoyed it. And showing old photos is a good idea. But it's very sad seeing people with dementia and what it's done to them. My husband has been asked to play and sing music for an Altzheimers group that meets near us. He's looking forward to it.
Whiff so sorry to hear your husband died just as he was due to start treatment. What a terrible time for you.
It would never leave you, but it's good you've made a life for yourself.
Scaredycat I didn't know about your son. So heartbreaking for you. I almost lost one, and I can't imagine how I would have felt if... You have come through so much.

As Whiff says everyone here is so strong and kind.
I will probably not post today. M.E. is bad.
Hope today is OK for everyone. xx

Nice to hear from you EllieAnne. Hope you managed a walk yesterday and aren't too tired.

Doodle I hope you managed to get some sleep last night so you are well enough for whatever you need to do today. I'm so sorry about your DH and do hope it's not too serious. Sending you love x

Just lost my posts so can't address personally but hope you all have a decent day. HVDY hope the medical appts go well and Nadateturbe, have a restful day - so sorry your ME is bad.

Afraid pain is getting me down but good news is son1, DIL and GD coming this weekend. Theyll be stopping at son2. DH no better. Just hope we can manage their visit and enjoy seeing them. Love to all.