Black Dog 19

Night night dear BD's.

Hello everyone. My brain is starting to clear thankfully.
Your posts have kept me company tonight.
Doodle I can't believe you apologised for your "short" post. Glad you're coping OK in the house.
HVDY hope your antibiotics are starting to work.
Whiff you are so courageous and positive. Will try to take on board your views on normal.
Scaredycat sorry about your little GS, he's so brave, and the older one. I do hope the asthma clears in time. Covid is still causing problems, everyone seems to think its a minor illness now.
Sweetpeasue I never got back to you about not socialising, hopefully talk more tomorrow. Sounds like your aunt is perhaps developing dementia, all those phone calls. Its nice that you look after her..
I'm glad your pain level is lower atm.
EllieAnne hope your weekend is OK. I wish your husband would talk to you.
Wyllow3 thinking of you.x.
And apologies for my very short post. I don't want to risk doing any more.
Hello to everyoneelse on BD..
Hoping your night is peaceful. xx

Evening all, just a short visit this evening, so tired.
HVDY I’m glad your UTI is clearing. Hopefully once you’ve completed the course, it will have all cleared. I used to get them years ago, ironically they cleared since I had had my first pregnancy. Not sure what’s that’s all about. I’ve only had one since, and yes they are very painful. I’m sorry for your worries with your GD. Your son sounds like she’s doing all he can, and that’s all he can do. I hope he’s successful in his efforts. Your info about lactose is useful as I’ve thought it maybe an ingredient used in food so I’ll look into that. Thank you for the info.
Sweetpeasue thank you for your understanding about my bowel problem and Sertraline and yes, I will cope with it too as it helps. It’s good to know it’s not only me but I’m sorry you suffer too.
Scaredycat I’m sorry about your GGS. It’s not a nice disease, especially in someone so young. I would say though that these biological treatments are very good and I think it’s good that he’s getting them administered early to prevent any long term damage to the bowel. They will help him feel better too so try not to worry too much.
Doodle I’m so pleased your DH is one the mend - upwards and onwards. I hope you get your problem with the pacemaker sorted.
Ellie-Anne like others, I’m sorry for your home situation. I know of someone who did manage to get out of an unhappy situation for her. I’m not sure how exactly she did it, but she went to a refuge. I was very surprised at the time because I thought those places were for those who suffered physical abuse and feared for their lives. This wasn’t the case In her situation though so im not sure if she “played the system” to get what she wanted. I think she felt more mentally vulnerable so maybe these services are available for those who feel the same? I really don’t know but she is sorted now in a flat of her own. I think it takes a lot to do though and is a big decision and not for everyone. She has left her family too and had to move away from her family. I really don’t think it’s something I would be strong enough to do so it’s not for everyone.
Nadaterturbe hope you are having a nice restful time.
Love to Whiff WyllowNanny and others too.
Had a nice but busy day. Went to watch GS play football then this evening went to a small Christmas market close by. Nice evening with a few drinks (which probably adds to my tiredness 😂). Night all ❤️ Xx

nadateturbe Hope you had a good rest last night. I expect you know how to pace yourself. The antibiotics are working now, thank you.

Candy6 I've only had UTIs since I've been older (probably the past 15 years since I was about 50). Cutting out Lactose might be a start. Hope you find something that helps. It sounds as though you had a nice day.

I went to sleep at about 11, didn't wake until 6.30! Had a wee and went back to sleep for another hour. Asked brother last night if he'd like to meet for lunch today (I doubt he will, but he hasn't let me know yet). Other than that, not much else happening. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

EllieAnne THIS is in "relationships" on Gransnet -

Jenho Sat 18-Nov-23 13:56:28
I am in the process of trying to leave a marriage of 50 years and it is truly terrifying. I have no assets, we have rented for the last few years and our finances are such that I only have the state pension to rely on. I am the victim of coercive control and am in touch with women’s aid in order to go into a refuge as I see this as my only option as I don’t have funds to do anything else. I do not have any family or friends to help. How sad is that?

That’s very sad hvdy. People say why don’t you just leave but it’s not so easy. I also only have state pension. We do own the house.
If he was cruel in any way I would have to go but he isn’t it’s just emptiness.
It’s been a horrible day.
Youngish neighbour who we’ve always got on with came round complaining about slippy moss on our path. I didn’t hear the conversation dh answered door so I don’t know if she was annoyed or what.
I get that she stands on our path to put the baby in her car but it’s our path.
So we are outside in pouring rain. He’s scrubbing it with soapy water and I’m scraping it with a trowel.
We take their bin in every week, take parcels in and when the children weren’t born I gave them a hand made card and a present.
Little upsets like this prey on my mind and upset me.
Even writing this I Can feel my heart going.
When you are not strong mentally it doesn’t take much to upset you.
Hope you are all having a better day.

EllieAnne That woman is a cheeky cow. Why can't she stand on her own path? I certainly wouldn't have been out in the rain clearing it. I think the indifference you endure from your husband is awful. Does he realise how unhappy you are? My husband would stay in al day, every day, if I didn't make arrangements for us to go out somewhere. He does talk, if I ask him about things.

My brother didn't let me know about meeting today, so by 10am, I asked him what was happening. He said "See you later". No time, place, so I suggested a pub I know he likes, about a mile from him (not near me), at 1pm. He said he didn't want to go out. He's texted me this afternoon, asked if I'll go to his house (8 miles from me) tomorrow, pick him up, take him to visit his wife (another 5 miles), and hang about for 2 hours (nowhere to park so I'd need to keep driving around)then take him home! He doesn't want to spend £26 on taxi there and back. He's got thousands in the bank (so has she) . I said NO

HVDY you said no. Rightly so!

In bed, don't feel well. Just out of sorts.
EllieAnne emptiness is no life.
Hope everyone is OK.

EllieAnne I think I get why you feel you'd rather stay in your home with your husband and think it might be better than a big upheaval. I think the 'just emptiness' must feel so huge and is making you feel so very sad and anxious while you're in the same house together. Only you can decide if it's all too much .I feel so sad on your behalf , I really do.
You must be stronger than you think to cope with such a terrible situation.
HVDY You are trying so hard to get on with your brother and it must be so frustrating and hurtful. So glad the antibiotics are working and you've had a decent night's sleep. You haven't been well yourself so it's a shame your brother can't acknowledge what you do for him and your SIL. You have such a loving family and it's a shame your brother is losing out -you've gone over and beyond to try and understand him.
Nadateturbe Sorry you're still not feeling well. Its miserable for you to have days go by when you are not well. I hope you'll feel better soon.
Candy Glad you enjoyed the Christmas Market. I've done no Christmas shopping at all yet. Though the GC are at an age when they don't seen interested so much in toys and GS appears to be more interested in computer games. Hope your bowel hasn't been causing any more problems and is settling.

DoodleHoping your DH is improving and you aren't tiring yourself out.
ScaredycatWhiff**Nanny anyone not mentioned. I hope your weekend has been OK. x

Sweetpeasue thanks, must admit I'm more than a bit fedup. How are you today?

Nadateturbe I'm sure you have a right to be more than fed up. It must be so difficult , when you feel better again, to resist things you want to do, places you want to go,people you want to to meet and weigh up how much you can do. I realise ,when I see posts here, that there are others with such difficulties in their lives , and it makes me realise I'm not alone and that I should focus on the good things and not on the bad. Easier said than done when you're feeling at your worst isn't it?
I've had a decent day today.After usual early pain we drove out to coffee shop and it helps to see the open fields and hills in Autumn colour.Even small things I try to hold on to. Back home did some baking as DH insisted on trying to get Christmas stuff from loft. I made a sweet mince tart so for once I tried to get into Christmas spirit. I'd have had a glass of Port if we'd had some but I hold off getting a bottle from M&S until last thing .🍷 I want to lose some weight but struggling (not trying nearly hard enough). Hope you sleep well tonight and feel better tomorrow.x

Good evening all. I'm at struggling with people who are inviting me to Christmas Dinner. They just will not take no for an answer I'm happy to go and watch my DGDs to open gifts but that's it. I DO NOT WANT TO JOIN ANYONE FOR DINNER I have told them until I am blue in the face but they won't let it go

So sorry all. I typed a long post to you all earlier on and now I’ve come back to see it’s not here. I’m sure I did preview I must have forgotten to press post. Sorry I don’t have the energy to type it all again., sleep tight and ill be back tomorrow
nanny if it’s family you’re talking about then they are worried about you being on your own. I don’t know what the answer is but people often make mistakes with those recently believed. There is no right or wrong way and no guide book.
I can understand your frustration but if you are able to explain a little to them why you want to be alone they might understand. Take care x

Nanny I think Doodle is right -your family mean well and they're concerned for you. Being there for your GC opening their presents is a good compromise though I can understand you not wanting to put a face on for the celebration day. I think all you can do is choose the time when you think they're likely to listen and explain that it's your own choice and what you would feel better doing.I'm sorry that it will be very hard for you whatever you do. I'm so sorry Nanny.
Doodle Never mind , you must feel so frustrated. I hope your husband has been alright today.Take care of yourself and sleep well.
Wyllow Thinking of you and hoping you are coping and feeling a tiny bit better.x

Wishing all BDs and those reading a peaceful night.x

Wis

Sweetpeasue that sounds like a very positive day, in spite of early pain. I don't drink port but my bf looks forward to the M&S bottle I buy her. Maybe spoil yourself a little.
Nature always lifts your spirits. Glad your day was good.
I still don't feel great. If I don't feel better in the morning husband will ring doctor. Feel weird, my eyes feel hot, BP up a bit too.
BD does indeed make us feel we aren't alone which helps.x

Sorry everyone can't manage any more. Thinking of you all. x

Nadateturbe Oh I'm really sorry to hear that. You don't sound at all well. So hope you are feeling better tomorrow and you don't have too bad a night.Sending a hug.x

nadateturbe Sorry you're not feeling well. Perhaps you've got a virus? I hope you'll feel better after a decent sleep, but if not, it might be just as well to ring the GP.

EllieAnne It must be very lonely to be in a marriage and home where you're not spoken to or appreciated. My husband can go all day without talking, it's only because I yap all the time that he responds.

SweetpeaSue My brother - I could write a book. He's met my GD1 once (she's 12), never met the other GD. He forgets the many times I'd been with him to hospital when he had prostate trouble, and when he had his cataracts done. Ah well. Oh, your mince tart sounds delicious. Get some port/wine/whatever you like down you, treat yourself , you deserve it.

Nanny2507 My dad was the same when Mum first died, he came to us (my brothers never even offered) but didn't really want to be there. The following year, he went to a seaside B&B. Your family must be worried about you being alone. You must do whatever you feel comfortable in doing, and if that's to be at home alone, so be it.

Doodle and Wyllow, hope you're looking after yourselves.

It's all been happening today - DIL and baby have now moved into Son2's, after the ceiling at DIL's house collapsed! They've got the cats and enough clothes/baby stuff for now, but will need to arrange furniture removal for all her things. Her daughter's had to move in with grandparents because of school (50mins drive from Son's house) until she can be accepted in the new school. Son1's 9 year old has been with him all w/e and now says she doesn't want to go back to her mum (I suspect she'll be happy with whichever parent gives her the nicest w/e), but I hope she'll now realise what a happy, normal, loving family she'll have with Dad all the time.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful sleep x

Evening all
HVDY you really have got it all going on. It will all get sorted in due course I’m sure, but I’ll bet you can do without all the hassle. Your brother is so inconsiderate and I’m glad you said no.
Sweetpeasue sounds like you had a good, productive day. So nice for you.
Nadaterturbe sorry you are unwell. I hope the rest helps and you feel better tomorrow.
Nanny it must be frustrating for you that your family won’t lis1ten to what you really want. It’s because they care but they must realise this is your grief and it’s important you do things your own way. Stick to your guns .
Doodle I feel your pain about your post. It’s happened to me many times. Hope you have a good rest tonight.
Ellie Anne yes, leaving would be a massive thing to do. It takes a lot. I think the lady I know of is a bit self indulgent and likes to do things for herself. Everyone is different but personally I would think of the impact on my close family and probably couldn’t do it. It has had a big upset on hers but she seems oblivious to that and says she’s happy. Like I said, each to their own.
Thinking of Wyllow and others. Sleep for me now. Night all xx

Night night all BD's xx

How's everyone getting on? Had a text at 8.30, asking if we could have the baby today (we'd never say no, we think it's a privilege, especially as we didn't have that with the other GDs). She came at 10, I went to aqua aerobics with my friend but came straight home - found Chubby Chops asleep and DH dozing . Hope everyone is ok today x

Hi all. Sorry short post today. I’ve got a pain in my right shoulder and my typing fingers are a bit numb.
Please forgive me for the short post.
HVDY be nice if your 9 year old could stay with her dad too.
How lovely to have a day with the baby and lots of cuddles
Sweetpeasue glad you had a better day and saw the autumn colours.
Scaredycat hope you’re ok you been out anywhere?
Ellie Anne hope things have settled down with the neighbours and you are feeling a little more calm.
Wyllow take care x
Candy couldn’t believe I d lost all that long post. My hands are really painful today and having tingling. I think it’s starts with Reynard syndrome when I drive in and my hands get cold. Are you busy at work this week.?
nanny I’m so sorry. Things must be so hard for you and your son.
nadateturbe hope you feel better today.
DH walked for the first time today. He’s tired now but so pleased.

Whiff- I loved your post about Normal.
People who aren’t normal ARE normal just different and thank goodness for it eh!! As you say if we were all the same it would be very boring.We don,t come from moulds - every person is unique and interesting even if we don’t always like them. I have been known to say sorry to things if I have to throw them away and feel really mean deadheading flowers.
You have such humour recounting your ups and downs- literally. The brave way you approach your pain is wonderful.
Doodle- glad your tum feels a bit more settled. Yes your meals must have been pretty erratic just lately.
Losing a long post has got to be one of life’s most annoying things- I often preview and then forget to send and then wonder where it is!!
Hope your Sunday was uneventful and DH is feeling stronger each day.
SweetPeaSue- glad you feel a bit more confident with the MH nurse- so important for you to feel understood. Ah you are so kind to your Aunt. She must appreciate your visits and outings very much even though she is not so aware and often forgetful.
Sunday sounds like it was a lovely day for you. You are right taking pleasure in the small things is important. I love to look at the sky and the clouds they are so beautiful. It’s good you have done some baking too- Mince tart - yum. Get down to M and S there is a bottle of port sitting there with your name on it!!
HVDY- today my GGS is having an infusion for his Crohns- it will take a few hours . It is the first of several over the coming weeks. My GD is in her 30,s but as usual deals with any of her problems with a smile.
Glad you are feeling better and hopefully the nasty stinging
feeling will go soon.
Your brother takes the biscuit!! Maybe saying NO to him will shake him up a bit.
Nice you got to AA today after yesterdays happenings- ChubbyChops seems so content at your house- what a sweet little pal for DH too.
Nanny- if it’s your family inviting you to Xmas Dinner it must be because they are worried for you on your own.They too will feel sad this first Xmas. It is the hardest one but seeing your GDs in the morning and spending a little time with your family may be a good solution for you. I,m sure if you decided to stay
after all it would be OK but if not they will be glad you came- they love you.
Nadateturbe- I,m sorry you feel so poorly it sounds like you may have a virus or a nasty cold coming.If you still feel bad today hope DH has managed to get hold of the Dr.
Thank you for kind words re my GGS and GD. My GD is a nurse and has a few health problems to deal with but hopefully the asthma will not be permanent.
Candy- thank you too for kind words. Xmas market at night sounds lovely it must have looked so pretty. Did you have Gluhwein?
EllieAnne- Don’t worry about your neighbour maybe she’d had a bad day. At least you and DH worked together to clear the moss but you shouldn’t have had to do it though.
Your situation is so sad and it’s chipping away at your confidence- wish you could at least have a room in your house just for yourself so you could relax.
Wyllow- thinking of you and hoping there may have been a chink of light for you.
Sleep well allxxx

Doodle Your husband walked for first time today. Great progress. Steady small steps and gradual improvement is so encouraging for both of you. Don't concern yourself with individual posts ,we all realise how difficult it can be with long hospital visits. The painful fingers and numbness and tingling are typical of Reynards. We're having much colder weather now .Hope you got warmed up quickly when you get back from hospital.
HVDY Glad you managed Aqua Aerobics. What a lovely domestic scene to come back and find baby and DH snoozing. Hope you had a nice afternoon playing and talking to little chubby chops. What a shock for your DIL when the ceiling fell through. Fortunate that her daughter's grandparents are nearer the school. I hope your 9yr old GD can be with her dad if she wants to be.Sounds a much more stable environment. Hope you've seen the last of your UTI.
Scaredycat I don't see the MH nurse v much so difficult to understand but it was a reasonable visit that day. I didn't know your GD was a nurse.She will understand quite a bit about Crohns but I imagine it must be an anxious time when her son gets poorly with it. I hope the infusions will help the little boy. I know what you mean about deadheading but it's worse to see the flower heads looking miserable 😕.
Nadateturbe Do hope today hasn't been too bad for you and you're feeling a lot better. Look after yourself.

I've had a bad day today with awful bowel pain and depression. It's difficult to take pain relief when they can make it worse. Hoping it will ease off soon.

Take care all.x

Had