Black Dog 19

Just a rant - I'd waited months for my dental appointment, got there 10 minutes early. Told the receptionist I was there, etc., sat waiting - and waiting. Other people came in and got sen, and went. I still waited. After 45 minutes, I asked a different receptionist when I'd be seen. She said the 1st receptionist hadn't made a note (or whatever they do) that I was there! She apologised, said it wouldn't be long, so I waited again. After an hour of sitting there, I told her I couldn't wait any longer, and I left. I was dying for a wee, driving home (UTI), and walking up our path, wet myself entirely. Had to shower then change my clothes. Bugger

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband manages to get a Rheumatology appointment brought forward. Is he having any side-effects from the steroids? Sorry you're feeling so tired and not feeling like doing anything. The ADs will take a bit of time to work. The frustrations with your new 'phone sound familiar to a lot of us, I think. I get Son1 to deal with anything too technical.

nadateturbe I expect you have to pace yourself. Rest when you can.

Candy6 You say your bowel problem only seems to happen when you eat out. Might it be caused by a bit of anxiety about going out, do you think? Do you eat anything different when you go out, to what you eat at home?

Nanny2507 I can't imagine being without my husband, but it must be very difficult. I would think the dark evenings, cold weather, and the approaching Christmas all add to it.

I'm going to the dentist this morning - just a check-up, but I've waited about 9 months for this appointment. Chubby Chops will be here with DH by the time I get back . I've bought her some new toys. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Good morning my friends. Thank you for your replies. Everything is so hard. Everything I do reminds me of him. Me and my son put a new TV stand together and my son was cursing his dad for doing the other bolts up too tight. In a jokey way. I started to cry because although it was funny and typical of DH it reminded me he's not here. This week has been really hard for some reason. Love to all

Evening all

Thank you so much for your comments and advice on my problem. It has helped so much and I feel reassured. I’ve googled Sertraline related to bowel problems and it seems it certainly can cause problems and when I think back, it only started after I started taking it. It can cause something called microscopic colitis but I hope it doesn’t come to that. I don’t want to stop taking it because it’s helping me so much. I think I’ll just have to monitor it and like Scaredycat said, I will need to be prepared. I’ve bought some Imodium which I can take when I eat out (it only seems to happen then). Hopefully it won’t happen often and it will settle the longer I’m on them. Honestly, you get one problem sorted the another raises it’s head! A scenario I know a lot of you are familiar with too. Thank you again my friends for all your support. I appreciate it all and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you have a few things going on which are upsetting you. You are not ranting, you are getting things off your chest which is what you need to do. I’m sure your cake tasted lovely and the people in the group appreciated it. I hope you get that controller sorted soon. I hate being too hot too.
HVDY your DH does sound depressed. I hope you get an appointment with the GP who can prescribe some meds that will help him. It’s surprising because he always seems willing to socialise and help your sons etc. it’s hard on you too, living with it and seeing him like that. Take care of yourself. You seem so strong and a coper. I expect your lovely family will give you any support you need too. I hope the extended dose of meds will help your UTI. Enjoy your lovely baby face tomorrow.
Scaredycat thank you for your useful advice. I hope your day has gone well.
SweetpeasueI hope your DH rheumatology appointment is brought forward and the increased dose of steroids help him. I’m sorry you are feeling so low. It’s good you have a MH appointment on Friday so that you can discuss your concerns. Do you see a counsellor? I used to and she was very good. She was very intelligent and had a lot of knowledge on other medical conditions which I found helpful. It’s finding the right one though and one that hasn’t just done a quick course at the local college. I paid privately but it was worth it. In the end though it was the meds that really helped. I hope you get sorted very soon. I feel your pain about your phone problems too. I haven't got a clue and rely on my DS to sort everything out. It’s so frustrating.

Love to Nadaterturbe Nanny Wyllow Doodle Whiff and all those not personally mentioned. night night xx

Good evening everyone. I'm feeling ok, just lack energy to do everything I want to do. So having to prioritise. I had to help husband choose new specs today and had a short walk. And I made it to church last night which was lovely.
I read everyone's posts and there is so much I really wanted to say but I wrote about eight lines and just couldn't manage. I have read and understand how everyone is and the problems people are coping with. Thinking of you all. Hope you have a peaceful night.xx

Doodle You were so brave yesterday to drive through that deep water. I wouldn't have liked it one bit. I'd have done it though to see my DH in hospital.Its surprising what we can do when we need to isn't it.I hope your DH feels rested tomorrow for his next physio session.
HVDY I'm sorry about your DH.It does sound as if he's quite depressed and as he's had that persistent cough for so long he must be feeling tired and fed up with it. I hope the GP will be helpful when you see him/her. I hope you have been OK today and your leg pain has settled.
Nadateturbe Please don't worry about posting at all. I know the ME takes a lot out of you and you've not been well lately . Thank you for remembering us in your prayers -that is kind.Take care of yourself.
Candy The bowel incident must have given you a scare and its not surprising your confidence has been shaken.I can understand that completely. As HVDY says it might be worth noting what foods you've eaten previously and seeing if, over time, there's any connection. Thanks my DH got a phone app and GP is sending expedite letter to Rheumatologist to see if an urgent app (which turned out to be next February) can be brought forward.
Nanny I wish I knew what to say.I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this dreadful time.I can't imagine how painful it is to lose the other half of you. Do you think it would help to speak to those in the same position? Cruse Bereavement Care might be helpful. Sorry if this has already been suggested.Sending you a warm hug and thinking about you.x
Scaredycat How are you? You so often help with kind words for others. Hoping the AF is more comfortable.
EllieAnne I think if I was baking for anyone outside the family I would feel so much pressure. I'm sure the church will welcome any offerings and you are good to help in this way. It's a shame your husband can't help with the heating controller. I'm not very savvy with stuff like that either. Could you Google the paricular system and find a UTube on how to manage the controls? Sorry I'm not much help.
Wyllow Love to you as always and hoping your MH team are helping you.

Apologies if I've left anyone out. DH told to stay on the new raised dose of steroids for longer and now have to wait for some indefinite time for Rheumatologist to bring fwd an appointment. I've been so tired and depressed I don't want to do anything or face each day.Only been on new ADs for about 9dys so won't have had chance to make a difference I expect.MH nurse seeing me on Friday so will be able to tell him how I feel.
Real feeling of chaos today when upgraded my phone. I might have to take it back as everything new (eg apps all different logos) and changed password.I can't comprehend any of the bloody thing.Feel so useless.

Hope everyone has a restful evening. Love to all not mentioned.

ScaredyCat GDs mum calms down - until the next time (which won't be long). Social Services, the schools, and police, are now all involved (this has all happened before, several times, over the years. SIL doesn't get upset or anxious - she's blissfully unaware of a lot of things now, and her memory is about 30 minutes (Just as well). I'm glad your sister is doing well. I remember when you felt very worried, not that long ago. It's nice that you can FaceTime each other.

Doodle It was me, not DH, who was on steroids. He's like this because he's no longer working but lacks the motivation to do anything. I'll see that he gets sorted out. It's good that your husband has had some physiotherapy. Any idea yet how long he might be in hospital?

How's everyone's day been? The UTI I had last week is back, so I've now got another 7 days' of antibiotics (why couldn't they have done that instead of giving me 3 days' worth?). Got Baby Face all day tomorrow . Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing evening x

Evening all….well afternoon I suppose.
nadateturbe I’m so sorry you are feeling low. Being tired and of low energy can bring you down too. I do hope you’ll feel better in yourself soon.
Candy so sorry about the incident when you were out eating. I can understand why you were so upset. None of us want that sort of embarrassment, At least having had the scan you know nothing bad is happening. Could it be linked to something you ate or any meds you are taking. Isolated incident can occur but if it keeps happening what about talking to the GP about some meds to help.
Ellie Anne I can’t sleep when I’m too hot. If all else fails I have the fan on. Hope you have a more comfortable night.
Like others have said, if you give your time to help out no one should make an adverse comment. Especially at a Church where people should be kind to one another.
Please try not to get too upset about Christmas
You are not the only one whose family like to do their own thing. I know mine love to just have a family day on their own. Have a lazy lunch and breakfast them sit around watching TV and a nice meal in the evening. They often spend the day in their PJs. I’m happy for them. I have always told both my children that we won’t get stressed about what they do over Christmas at all but that we would like to see them for a while during the Christmas period to exchange presents. Could you arrange to have a visit to your children and GC before Christmas perhaps meet up for a drink or snacks sometime when you can exchange gifts.
I do realise it’s different for you as DH and I are fine being on our own at home for Christmas but you would rather be with family. I do hope you can arrange something which makes you feel better.
We all struggle with faith at times but I do know when things were really tough for me last week I did feel a stronger presence and comfort from the words I was reading.
Have you tried looking up some texts for sadness on the internet. If you keep looking I hope you’ll find comfort from something that strikes a chord with you,
HVDY DH had good physio session today but he feels tired now.

Certainly does sound as though your DH is depressed. Has he been on steroids and come off them because that can make you depressed too. I think a word with the GP is in order.
I can remember when you were always out eating or visiting family. Does sound as though he’s gone downhill a bit.
Scaredycat I’m not a happy driver. I only like driving routes I know and get a bit scared when there’s lots of water on the road.
Glad your dear sis is improved. Will you be meeting up over Christmas do you think?
sweetpeasue hoping today has been a better one, Hope you’re DH gets through to the Gp and sorts his meds out.
Wyllow hoping your spirits lift soon and you can start to improve. x

HVDY- thank goodness your GDs Mum has calmed down - poor girls they can’t know from one day to the next what to expect from her. I hope your Son gets custody obviously the elder one feels happier with him and understands more than the younger one.
Your poor SiL - hope you find her less troubled today. It must be so difficult for her to deal with the physical ailments and not really knowing what’s going on. Difficult for you too.
Aqua Aerobics will be a nice break for you.
Sorry your DH is so down-it certainly sounds like he,s depressed. I remember he doesn’t worry about things but maybe he’s worried about his neck problem. Hope the Doc can help him.
Doodle- so glad your DH is doing better and that the physio today doesn’t wear him out too much. Good news though that they think he’s ok to have it.
You were brave to drive through that awful weather- you did so well to get to the H.
Yes it’s so good to see my Sis looking so much better. Like many of us here she will never be how she was but is so improved.
SweetPeaSue- Glad Bladder is behaving better at the moment- being able to get out will do you so much good both mentally and physically.
Hope DH has managed to arrange an appointment with GP.
Nanny- Ah how I wish there was something I could say to help you. Sending loving thoughts to you and we are all here to listen.
Nadateturbe- so hard for you in the vicious circle of feeling isolated but no energy to get out and about right now.
Hope you soon feel a bit brighter - take care and hope today is being kinder to you.
Candy6- It is so hard to stop whizzing about when you,ve always done it isn’t it but I,m much better at it than I was. You will be too .
Oh I feel for you with your upsetting incident- try not to let it spoil your confidence at going out. Best to go out prepared with pads and wipes etc in your bag if you feel worried. I speak from experience!!
Good luck with the Xmas shopping .
EllieAnne- it’s horrible when you have to deal with a new heating control or anything like that. No wonder you got upset at DH unhelpfulness.
Don’t worry about other peoples baking they are not very nice if they compare results. It’s just your lack of confidence - bet your cakes are lovely.
You may be surprised and you might see some of your family at Xmas - maybe not on the day but during the holiday.
Be kind to yourself EllieAnne you are such a gentle person.
Wyllow- as always wondering how you are and whether you have seen any of your Quaker friends. Sending a Big Hug.
Love to all those mentioned and those not. Also any reading but not postingx

Doodle Well done on driving through all that awful weather. I hope your husband gets on well with the physiotherapy. Yes, the problems with SIL will be a regular thing, I think.
nanny2507 Do you see anyone much? Family/friends?
nadateturbe Hope you soon feel brighter in yourself. Today is a new day.
Candy6 It sounds quite distressing for you. Have you thought of keeping a food diary? Write down what you eat & drink, then when the bowel problem occurs. Do it for a week or 2, and see if there's a pattern. The friend I go to aqua aerobics with has had the same trouble.
EllieAnne If anyone says anything about your baking, they'd be very rude and ungrateful. If you're not confident in it, though, why stress yourself out with doing it? There might be other things you could help out with.

I've been trying to get through to the GP about DH. He's really depressed, has been for some time - he doesn't want to go out (says he hates going out) or do anything, but for the last few weeks, doesn't want to shower, wash his (long) hair or get dressed. I have to bully and nag him to do anything.

Hope ALL BDers manage to see a bit of sunshine today x

Candy a friend has ibs and has had incidents like you describe and also finds them very distressing and embarrassing so it sounds like you have it too. I’m not sure if she takes medication for it.
I’ve been awake for ages. Last month we had to get a new controller for the heating and it’s very complicated. It keeps coming on when I don’t want it on and I’m up through the night trying to get it off. I hope it’s ok now but not convinced. I did ask dh to have a look as he was here when the man put it in but he just said no he didn’t know how to fix it.
I know it’s trivial but it’s got me upset.
Helping at church today at our over 50s group, my turn to bake and that hasn’t worked well either.
If anyone says anything I won’t cope. The others
Are much better bakers . One is a retired home economics teacher.
I was ordering Christmas presents for my 2 d in l yesterday and got upset thinking I won’t even see any of them.
My faith has seen me through a lot but I’m struggling to keep it right now.
Sorry I’ve been awake half the night and I’m rambling.
I hope you all have a peaceful day.
Thinking especially of doodle and wyllow.

Night night, love to BD's.

Evening all, I hope you’ve all had the best day possible.
HVDY I’m sorry for the trouble you are having in your family. It must be very unsettling for you all. I hope your son’s custody application is successful so at least one daughter can get some stability. Even if the other GD stays with Mum then at least she knows she has someone to turn to if she needs it. Mum doesn’t sound like a very nice person at all. It’s a shame for her older girl too. You and your friend sound like me and mine when we meet - never stop talking! It does us good though I think. I like sanctuary spa products too. I also like the supervet but I don’t think I could read the book as I would be too emotional about his dog. I’m like that since the problems with my MH - get very emotional. I hope your DH gets the help he needs off his GP after the results of the ultrasound. Hope your UTI is better too.
Ellie Anne the photos are beautiful. You must get some comfort at least from living close to the beach. Your friend sounds like a very special person and it’s a shame for her GS. I suppose sometimes we have to accept that some people just can’t be helped. Very sad though.
Whiff thank you for your kind words. You are so right about finding friendship on here and it is indeed a safe place to share. I hope you have had a good day.
Scaredycat thank you too for your kind words. Yes, I must get used to doing nothing. It’s because I’m not used to it and when I had time, my demons would appear but it’s easier now with the AD’s and I must get used to that. It’s good you’ve got your Christmas shopping done. I’ve done some but certainly not finished it. I’ll do some more this week.
Doodle I’m glad your DH is doing better. It must be a relief for you. Hospitals aren’t a nice place to be. That’s exhausting in itself I think. I’m glad your pacemaker is helping too. Once DH is fully recovered you will be able to do more and more I’m sure but for now, try and rest when you can and take things easy.
Sweetpeasue I hope your pain stayed away today. Good luck to your DH tomorrow in getting an appointment.
Nadaterturbe I’m sorry you are feeling low. Please rest and ask for any help you feel you need. Tomorrow is another day as they say and I hope it is a brighter one for you. Take care of yourself.
Thinking of Wyllow and Nanny and sending much love.

I had a disturbing incident at the weekend which is a bit embarrassing and one I haven’t told anyone about. DH and I went out with some friends for a meal/drinks. Not long after I finished my meal I had another disturbing bowel incident. I managed to control it but it got worse. I managed to keep it from everyone though thankfully but it could have been so much worse. It’s really unsettled me and definitely spoiled my evening. I keep worrying it will happen again. I’ve never really had trouble like that but I think I may have IBS? From what I’ve read sounds like it anyway. I think I mentioned it on here before, that I’ve had a few incidents over the last few months. I’m not overly worried it’s anything sinister (I’ve had a very recent routine bowel cancer test and it was ok) but like I said, it’s knocked me a bit and made me nervous of being out. Anyway, sorry to burden you all but it feels better to get it off my chest and I’ve done that now. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

I hope everyone has a restful night and thinking of those not personally mentioned too xx

Sorry, much as I would like to, I don't have enough energy to answer everyone. I am trying to pace myself and make more of the energy I have. I have become a bit depressed and isolated and I am trying to tackle that. So for now I am reading your posts and have just remembered everyone in my evening prayers. Including you nanny2507. So sorry for your terrible grief and sadness. Please think about a support group/counselling.
Wishing everyone a peaceful night.x

Oh Nanny bless you. I’m so sorry for you. Loss like yours is the hardest to bear. Have you had any more thoughts about trying a support group? How is your son doing because I know you and his Dad meant so much to him.

Hello all. How is everyone. I'm surviving, sadly.

HVDY children are very attached to their parents despite how they’re treated. Maybe your son trying to get custody will make their mum be a bit more reliable.
Yes DH is improving thanks. It’s a slow job but maybe some physio tomorrow.
Sorry about your SIL. I fear this will be the pattern from now on. Home she’s not in discomfort.
Sweetpeasue hoping the bladder stays quiet tonight and you get some sleep. Also hope your DH gets that appointment.
I can’t stand any noise when I’m trying to sleep. Find it hard in the summer if we have the fan on.

Yes a cold dark wet day today. Horrendous journey to the hospital this morning had to drive through deep water due to flooding in lots of places. My heart was in my mouth wondering if the car would keep going.

Wyllow, still in our hearts and prayers. x

SweetpeaSue Glad your bladder is ok at the moment. Hope it continues to be alright. Apparently, SIL has been moved to a different ward. She's very agitated, so I'll visit tomorrow instead. I'm so glad that Son1 is applying for custody. We'll al back him up, of course.

How's everyone's day going? It's blowing a gale outside. Staying in and keeping cosy. Hope everyone is alright x

Doodle Best wishes for your DH and hoping he's good today. Look after yourself.
HVDY What a lot you have going on. Sorry to hear of all your GDs situation. You must be so worried. Also about your SIL. If you go I hope you find her reasonably comfortable and getting the care she needs.
Enjoy the Aqua aerobics.

Hoping everyone is ok today. Going to return a dehumidifier bought yesterday but too noisy. Bladder only just settled but ok at present. DH rang surgery but GP he wanted not taking appts so neeeds to wait till tomorrow. Hope you all have a decent day.

Doodle The mum has settled down (until the next time. It's what she does) and took GD2 out for the day (again, it's a pattern). GD1 is not going home again. She's now with Dad. He's applying for custody of both. I don't think he'll get the youngest. She won't want to leave Mum, despite everything.

How are you? Is your husband getting better now?

It's a damp morning. Aqua aerobics later but no brunch - friend is watching what she eats. SIL is in hospital again. This time, with fluid on both legs, an infection in one, and suspected DVT. I'll probably visit this afternoon.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Night night dear BD's. xx

HVDY you must be relieved your DGDs are ok. Has mum settled down a bit do you think? Good the surprise party was a success.
nadateturbe sorry your DH isn’t feeling well. Last thing you need when you’re not well yourself. Try not to overdo things,
Perhaps a peaceful day at home yourself would be the best thing.
Sweetoeasue hoping you have a good day today and are pain free.
Wyllow hope you haven’t been upset by all the fireworks going off this weekend. They certainly are noisy, x
Scarrdycat you get your cat fix with your DDs cats and I get my dog fix with my sons dogs. 😊 Glad your DDs rescue cats have adapted to their new home well.
DH doing well thanks. Wish I could take you up of your offer of help with the shopping. Can’t believe Christmas is so soon.
Good news your sister is doing well.

ScaredyCat I've been making a fuss of son's friend's mum's 2 cats. They were both asleep under the duvet . It's been drizzling here since about 11am.

Had a very nice time at the surprise party - Son2, DIL, and baby went, and altogether there were 12 of us there. The lad's mum made a lovely buffet and cake, and I drank too much (a bottle of wine that I took) but the birthday boy was happy with all his presents and cards. Just got home. Hope ALL BDers have had a decent day x

nadateturbe How's your husband feeling now? Don't feel guilty, it can't be helped. Hope you're ok

HVDY- yes you need to be there when DH gets his call re the Ultrasound. Good idea to give him a list - I have done that for DH before - they just don’t ask enough questions.
Yes there is a cat shaped hole in our lives but if we need a cat fix we can visit my daughter with her 2 rescue cats. They have finally really settled well after what must have been a traumatic time for them.
Glad both GD are ok- you must be relieved .
I would hate a surprise party - poor chap!! Hope you all have a good time though.
Doodle- I,m so glad the pacemaker is helping - you shouldn’t feel quite so exhausted now.
If I lived close I,d help you out with your shopping!! We put everything in one bedroom - it looks like a little shop at the moment!! Don’t really have to worry about hiding anything though- not like when the children were little!!
Hope DH continues to make good progress.
EllieAnne- what a beautiful place you live- lovely photos.
What a kind lady your friend is - she must be so glad of your support. It doesn’t sound a very safe environment for her - or you but the things we do for those we care for. Do take care though.
I,m sure your children think a great deal of you but not everyone can show emotion easily. You are so hard on yourself - it’s a while til Xmas maybe something will turn up that will help your day.
Nadateturbe- I think those flu jabs are worse than the Covid ones. Glad you,re feeling a bit better now. I,m sorry your DH is feeling poorly still.

Don’t feel guilty about the Service- you need to stay in and keep warm.
SweetPeaSue- glad you were able to take your Aunt out yesterday- she must have been so pleased to see you. Have you been taking the new ADs?
Wyllow- thinking of you as always and hoping the support is there for you.
Had a FT with my sister this morning - she is doing so well at the moment. Then a walk - it’s cold but dry - every day is different at the moment isn’t it.
Wishing you all as good a day as possible.