Black Dog 19

Good to read thoughtful and caring posts.

Night night, all. BD's xx

ScaredyCat It was a roast dinner (beef) and very nice. It was kind of you to ring your friend. Alzheimer's is terrible, isn't it.

nadateturbe I think a lot of us get confused. I often struggle to find a word when I'm talking, and worry that people will get irritated by that. Let us know how your appointment goes.

SweetpeaSue It was lovely, thanks. I didn't have heated rollers but I've got ordinary ones, also straighteners and curling tongs. My hair is wavy but fine and falls into a centre parting, no matter what I do. It was very windy here, too. Glad you got out for coffee.

Doodle I don't like the feel of any products on my hair, but may have to start using mousse or something. I posted some cards last week but still need to take some to various neighbours.

Derby I hope you had a better sleep. Do you get any help with your husband? Carers?

I've been awake since 5, just overthinking everything. I talked too much yesterday again and wish I hadn't. Luckily, the family knows what I'm like. Today is Aqua aerobics, brunch at the pub, then getting my nails done. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Derby sorry to your husband has dementia . I know what looking after dementia is like. My mom lived with me the last 18 months of her life she had cancer and dementia. Dementia is a living grief the person you love dies before your eyes everyday but their body lives on. It's exhausting because you can't sleep to heavily incase they need you in the night. Mom keeping asking why is this happening and I would explain but she would for get. I got mom to do what she could do. It meant me showing her first but it was important I found if she was physically able to do something she enjoyed it. I put a chair in the shower room for to sit on to wash . But when she couldn't walk the few feet took a bowl of water in and gave her a flannel to wash her face and how to dry herself. Parts of her body she could do she did and me the rest. She had always brushed her teeth 3 times a day. Had to talk her through what to do. Even with dementia there where funny times. Like mom forgetting to spit the toothpaste out she swallowed it. We would laugh and she said her insides would be minty fresh. But unfortunately those times didn't last.

Derby are you looking after your husband yourself ? I looked after mom myself as I knew I could look after her better myself . I am proud of the fact when mom became bedridden she never had a sore on her body. The district nurses got me a pressure mattress and blow up boots to protect her ankles and a bed bar so she didn't fall out of bed. When mom could use the stairs when I could take mom out she had a wheelchair , pressure cushion for the arm chair and a wheel walker one downstairs and one up plus a commode from the community nurse.

I hope you are getting if your husband is under state pension age PIP or attendance allowance if over and carers allowance for you.

Unfortunately the last 4 months my mom became violent. But it's because of fear . They don't know who you are,where they are or who they are. Mom called me mom I used to say I am your daughter she would say I know mom and I love you.

Derby you are physically and mentally exhausted. And unfortunately it's not going to get any easier. I hope you have some one you can talk to. Is there a day centre for dementia and Alzheimer's patients near you where you could both go and talk to others doing what you are doing. And realise you are not alone.
This is going to sound wicked but I used to hope every morning mom had died in her sleep. My mom had died but her body lived on. And she would have hated what she became . She had never laid a hand on me until the dementia took my mom away. She was 90 when she died in 2017.

Derby if you need help get it don't struggle on your own I know how much it cost me health wise. But I could put my mom into a home . That was my choice. And if your husband is in a home or you have to put him in one don't feel guilty. Dementia not only destroys the person with it but part of you as well. 💐

Thank you HVDY. No help yet but soon I will need some.

As you know this disease is insidious and creeps up on you. I have to think of everything and relay messages/instructions very simply and clearly. Poor man is trying to cope with the cooking since I fell and broke my right arm in four places,

Derby it's one thing on top of another for you. No wonder you felt the way you do. Breaking your arm in 4 places you don't do anything by halves .

Whiff

Derby it's one thing on top of another for you. No wonder you felt the way you do. Breaking your arm in 4 places you don't do anything by halves .

Not clever was it? 🫤

Derby You're having a rough time. How long will it take for your arm to heal? Could you and your husband have ready meals for the time being? Soup and toast, jacket potatoes (in the microwave) with some filling, beans/egg on toast? Don't leave things too long before getting help (my brother had to have carers for his wife for a couple of months earlier this year, but she's just gone into permanent care (she's got Alzheimer's). The Alzheimer's Society, Dementia Uk, and AgeUK have websites with information/helplines etc. I worked as a carer in the community, going to people's house) for 20-odd years. I loved the job.

How' everyone else been today?

I had surgery two weeks ago. It’s hard to tell how long recovery will be. There’s physio etc.

Ready meals becoming more of a feature yes. But, bless him, I’ve just talked him through a Mary Berry recipe for real ginger biscuits and if you’d seen his face when we tasted them. Delicious.

He needs these little moments of triumph too.

Derby that's why I got mom to do the things she could even though I had to show her what to do. She used to laugh when she swallowed the toothpaste . Then she was my mom.
Mom forgot everything but she used to sing the songs her dad taught while we had a cuddle. In the end the only person she remembered was her first great grandson because he was a baby. Her last week she kept telling me to fetch him. But I couldn't as my son lived in the county I live in now. Where I came from was 100+ miles away.

Hopefully he will want to cook something sweet tomorrow.
Bet you can't have strong pain killers incase your husband needs you.

Derby Stir-fry might be an idea, for a change. It's good that you encourage your husband to do things. He must have been so proud when the biscuits turned out well. My brother (76) didn't encourage his wife to do anything at all (even though she would have been capable of washing up, dusting, making a drink/sandwich. He didn't take my advice to keep her active. She's only 70, and now cannot even stand up (is hoisted) - all that since about October.

Derby several of us have experience of dementia/Alzheimers. My dear brother had Alzheimer’s. It sounds as though your husband is still functioning well enough to be able to understand some instructions. You poor thing breaking your arm like that. I broke my wrist in May and I know how hard it is to do things round the house. You must be exhausted with the worry and how you’re going to cope.
Have you anyone who comes to sit with your husband for a while so you can go shopping or pop out? It’s important for you to have some time to yourself,
Do you have any family close by who can help?
We talk about all sorts on this thread and you will find a mix of sad and happy posts. If it looks like sometimes people are posting trivial things whilst others are really suffering, we find it helps to keep a balance that there can be good times too.
You will find several on this thread who have suffered great loss and problems. We just try and keep each other going with support and caring.
You are welcome to post as much or as little as you like. Don’t feel pressured to say more than you want to.

HVDY I could have written that about myself “I talked too much yesterday”. That’s me too ruminating over what I’ve said and how it was taken.
Sounds like you had a lovely day planned hope it all went well and you have some nice sparkly nails for Christmas.
Whiff so difficult with a loved one who can’t remember isn’t it. My brother kept asking about our mum who had died many years before. He could also be charmingly stubborn (ever the gentleman) and refuse to take his tablets but with a smile. Nearly drove my SIL mad trying to get them down him. Then when she wasn’t looking it take them 🤣

Wyllow Sweetpeasue Ellie Anne Scaredycat have a peaceful night. I’m having an early night got to be up at the crack of Dawn (well 7 am for me) for a blood test) x

Doodle wish I could just pop out….not allowed to drive for a while yet. Need to keep this sling on for first six week ar least

. But I have a friend coming for a coffee and chat tomorrow. I’ll banish hubby to the bedroom with the sports channel.

It has helped ‘talking’ on here. Thanks to you all

And no, I won’t burden her.

Good evening all. I'm starting to feel a bit more clear headed. I've had a really weird time. And Christmas isnt easy. So many people to see this week..
Sorry I've missed so much. I hope everyone is OK.
Just a short post. Sweetpeasue I hope the buscopan helped your tummy yesterday.
Your Sunday afternoon sounded peaceful. What are you reading? I've just finished How to be Good, Nick Hornby. Really enjoyed it.
Scaredycat I'm sure your friend was glad you rang to talk. It's very sad about her husband.
I think what you said is true. I too worry about the future for our children and gc. But as you say, they will cope. There is no point in over worrying.
Your pottery houses sound nice.
HVDY a product like mousse might help. My hair would look just flat and lifeless without it.
Another busy day for you! Hope your nails look nice.
I too do the thinking about conversation My children told me when I've chatted they always wait for the phone call from me to apologise for things. So I've trained myself to (mostly) not think about it. I don't go over what other people said, so why should I worry about what I said.
Derby you are having a very hard time. It's not easy looking after someone with dementia especially when you are coping with a broken arm. My mum had dementia. It's good you're encouraging your husband and being very patient with him.
I hope you enjoy your friends visit tomorrow.
Whiff you managed so well with your dear mother. It must have been so sad for you but it's comforting to know you did everything you could for her.
Doodle How are you both at the minute? I hope you sleep well. Very early start for a blood test.

Goodnight to everyone. I hope it's a peaceful one.

Night night BD's x

That's the great thing about this thread we chat about anything and everything. Those are the best threads. Because we are not just our health problems and they don't just effect us but our loved ones as well. Those with loved ones who also have health problems it's hard not to neglect yourself while caring for them . I know how my health suffered looking after others but didn't realise at the time. Like everyone here we just get on with things. We all have a moral code we live by. And choices we made aren't always the best for us but like everyone here we put others first. Even though I hated my mother in law for 40 years I couldn't not look after her after my husband died. Many wouldn't have but how I was brought up was family first and you treat people the way you want to be treated. I help where I can which is what the majority of people do. That's what makes us human . It's easy to give up and no one here has given up . No matter what life throws at you, you battle on. And most of you are facing multiple things and being pulled in all directions. But here is a safe haven where we can talk about what's happening in our lives or just chat about general things and that gives relief from our worries . I always try and find a positive from a negative can be something silly it usually is. But it's my way of coping.

Think I have said about the wood pigeons on my fence sometime ago. I had had a good cry as grief had overwhelmed me. The male tried to mount the female and he fell off the fence . He got back on and went towards the female who moved away he moved again she looked at him and I imagined her saying are you kidding me . Then she flew off. It made me laugh . Told you it was silly.

But I think we all need a bit of silly in our lives so that we can face the next challenge.

Good morning all.
HVDY- Mousse or thickening spray is good- if I didn’t use a product my hair would look even more flimsy,
You are right Alzheimer’s is terrible. My FiL died of it and it was so sad to see him gradually disappear. Sadly I think my friend is showing signs of it too - we,ll see her tomorrow but last time we saw her she was so muddled.
Did you have Xmas nails?
Derby- oh my you have had a rough time lately. I hope your arm heals well. It must be so frustrating for you and painful too.
What a wonderful moment for your DH to make and then eat his biscuits. Such a confidence building moment for him and maybe he,ll enjoy making a few more bits. Glad you are using ready meals though- M and S do some nice ones.
I do hope you have family nearby and are able to get some help. Do you have your groce4ies delivered?
Enjoy your friends visit this morning it will do you good to relax for a while.
Doodle- 7am is definitely Crack of Dawn for us. Hope you have a good day after blood test.
Yesterday we spent nearly 6 hours in A&E . I knocked my head on the corner of a bathroom cabinet while cleaning. 😩if you take blood thinners you have to go and get checked out if you hit your head because of brain bleeds. They were really nice and eventually I had a CT scan as I am a bit ancient.All ok but I thought of you and the many times you have sat waiting in Hospital for one thing or another.
Nadateturbe- I,m glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Sometimes Christmas can feel overwhelming can’t it.
To be honest it’s very difficult talking to my friend on the phone as she cries such a lot and her memory and understanding are deteriorating. She lives an hour away but has a lovely daughter nearby who is very caring.
ADs have certainly helped with overthinking - it is so wearying isn’t it.
Hope today is a kind one for you.
Whiff- you put into words so well how I feel about BD and how it helps us all.
What is it with Wood pigeons - they are always at it!!
We definitely need a bit of silly in our lives- a good motto.
Wyllow- so good to see you posting - I always feel glad when I see your posts and know you are here.
SweetPeaSue,Candy, Hairspray,EllieAnne, Nanny and any I have forgotten hope you have as good a day as possible

My (much shorter) Christmas nails

Doodle 7am! It's still dark then. I hope you got out and had your blood test ok.

nadateturbe Glad you're feeling a bit better. You're having a bust week, then?

Derby Enjoy your cuppa and chat with your friend. What sports does your husband like to watch? Mine has never been much of a sports fan. He likes Poirot, Endeavour, that kind of programme.

Whiif You were very kind to have looked after your MIL, especially as she wasn't nice to you.

ScaredyCat Glad no harm was done. 6 hours of sitting in A&E is no fun, though. Did they put a dressing on? I've used mousse on my hair this morning, and it's better. I don't like the feel of stuff on it. My hairdresser never uses anything (I ask him not to) and he manages to make it look decent.

How's everyone's day going? DH and I met up with a man from the day centre and his wife (and their beautiful and extremely well-behaved dog) for coffee. Chatted for a couple of hours. Home now, and got boring chores to do. x

nadateurbeBUSY week, not bust!

Went yesterday for ecg and blood test. The ecg was ok and I have phone for blood results. The nurse said if everything is ok that’s it so it looks like they won’t investigate further. I’m a bit worried about that.
Son 1 and family have decided to come on Christmas Day ! I know we are second choice but I can live with that. But I don’t have long to get organised.
But I have put the tree up today.
Glad you are ok scaredy cat.
Wyllow you are on my mind and I hope you are ok. A lot of people find this time of year makes things worse and support services are not so good.

EllieAnne Your tree looks very pretty. It's lovely that your son and his family will be visiting you on Christmas day, after all. That will be good for you. You've still got 5 days to get organised, plenty of time! You can do it.

Scaredycat Thank goodness you're OK. You must have been anxious and its horrible to be in A&E.
EllieAnne So pleased to hear of your latest news about Christmas. Glad youvehad your ECG and it was OK.

Sorry can't post much. Dreadful bowel and bladder pain yesterday and today and relentless. I'm extremely low about it all.
Hope everyone OK. X


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