I slept late today and have just been watching DD out with chickens out as I washed up.
The reason I am standing looking out of the window rather than tearing around the house trying to fit a weeks worth of cleaning into a day, is because at the beginning of October I simply ground to a halt For the first time in my life my MH failed me.
I was signed off work for 4 weeks; finally burnt out from trying to balance my FT job (related to adult social care), caring for my very elderly DDad who has dementia and who I have looked after since my darling DMum died 18 months ago, in addition to supporting my adult DC who both live with me as they have ASD.
It is only am now I starting to feel so much better that I realise how overwhelmed I was. My illness made it seem as though I was living in shades of grey and numbness, having had all the colours and joy removed from my life.
My concentration was non- existent, I couldn't even sequence making a cup of tea without wanting to burst into tears. I simply couldn't function mentally which was terrifying to me, as it appeared that I had lost my mind
Thankfully, as I said I am feeling much better now and more like my self and although it was frightening to feel so out of control I have learned a lesson.
In future I shall try more to take stock and admit that I am struggling rather than ignoring my health and carrying on taking on more and more, rather than seeking help in the early stages
When I spoke to the GP and explained my life he said he was surprised that I'd not been ill sooner.
I will admit that I have seldom been one for analysis of my own feelings, I've always been a doer rather than a thinker.
But I ignored the warning signs that were present since DMum became ill just before the pandemic.
I carried on working all through her treatment and the COVID pandemic, dealing with all the admin after her death, and taking only 3 days bereavement leave because I was so convinced I was indispensable.
Eventually I had what was euphemistically called a suspected cardiac event and this prompted me to make the move away from working in the manic setting of clinical care.
But, I then carried on full pelt in my new job, not even pausing to wonder why it happened. I never properly acknowledged the effect losing DMum had on me, or the toll working with people at the worst time of their life took.
Let alone the energy I expended looking after my home and family.
I wanted to share with you, many, who like me are still working, looking after parents, children and grandchildren, my cautionary tale.
I lucky I am now able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Look after yourselves fellow gransnetters because we are all but mortal.
Notagranyet1234 Mon 30-Oct-23 16:48:21
Judy54 Mon 30-Oct-23 17:00:24
AGAA4 Mon 30-Oct-23 17:18:18
Murraymint Tue 31-Oct-23 16:53:07
AGAA4 Tue 31-Oct-23 19:58:15
Romola Thu 02-Nov-23 11:33:40
ElaineRI55 Thu 02-Nov-23 12:44:13
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icanhandthemback Thu 02-Nov-23 13:11:58
Notagranyet1234 Fri 03-Nov-23 00:47:58
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icanhandthemback Fri 03-Nov-23 10:52:00
PamQS Sun 05-Nov-23 14:40:44