The right to choose to die

I totally agree. It’s the stuff of nightmares and the law needs to be changed!

Poppyred

I totally agree. It’s the stuff of nightmares and the law needs to be changed!

I won't go into great detail about the death of my parents but it really was the stuff of nightmares....
After my mum's death my brother had to be sedated and to this day, he'll still wake at night.
My dad was screaming...staff kept saying "he's not in pain" but nothing will persuade me otherwise, that lasted for 12 days.

It's horrendous...

So sorry Franbern

I agree the law does need to change.

I completely agree with you Franbern.. we should have the choice..

My mother knew she was dying, she used to say, ‘They shoot horses, don’t they?’ So sad. She should have had that choice.

It’s a very emotive subject. I agree with Iam - we need a grown up informed discussion about this, all sides taking part - faith leaders, palliative care professionals etc.

I’m so,so sorry Franbern and adrisco. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, my heart goes out to you.

I agree that this is an emotive subject but I see no reason to involve faith leaders in this discussion.

Salti

I agree that this is an emotive subject but I see no reason to involve faith leaders in this discussion.

I agree, health professionals and the family, preferably with written directions (signed and witnessed by a solicitor) from the patient.
The Solicitor would confirm that the person is in a sound state of mind at the time of making the declaration.
We could all then plan ahead and it could be filed with our POAs and Wills.
I think that Faith leaders will always be against it. It’s time that we make our own decisions.

Dalit, the national discussion has to include faith leaders, along with representatives of the public, medical, ethical and legal professions
Although an increasingly secular country, we still have a majority who follow different faiths.
Some faiths believe life must be preserved at all cost. Other faiths do not share that and do believe we need to help people at the end of their lives, to make their own choice.

Sorry, I meant to add that we can’t exclude people from a national discussion because we anticipate they won’t support our own point of view. My vica friends are more familiar with death and dying than most of us

The way I see it is that people of faith can decide not to opt in if they don't want to, but those without shouldn't be restricted because of the faiths of others. I would never support compulsory euthanasia, and can't see that ever being on the table, but IMO it should be an option for those who want it.

I wuld NEVER impose voluntary euthanasia on anyone who felt it was against any religious, etc faith they may hold., Just do not understand why they can impose their ideas on me and mine.

So sorry Franbern and Adrisco that you are in this heartbreaking situation.

Franbern

I wuld NEVER impose voluntary euthanasia on anyone who felt it was against any religious, etc faith they may hold., Just do not understand why they can impose their ideas on me and mine.

That's exactly my view, Franbern.

Sending loving thoughts to those going through this painful time.

I refused active care for my OH when he was so ill. His end of life care was good and I do not think he was in any pain - the merest hint of distress and he was given a calming injection and he drifted off again. It was a peaceful time for us all, and we were able to sit round his bed and share memories knowing that he was in no distress and that the end would come soon.

My elderly Aunt (96) has recently suffered a stroke which has left her with sundowners syndrome. She has been in hospital for about a month. She lives with her son, who has bad arthritis and mental issues which means he cannot deal with people at a social level although intelligent and functions very well otherwise.

There is nothing more that the hospital can do. My aunt is now paralysed down one side and suffers very badly from very painful arthritis. Sundowners syndrome has left her very agitated and at times hallucinates largely at night -although at other times she appears reasonably ok . But she is very unhappy now.

She is being sent home with carers coming in 4 times a day. I can’t see how my cousin can possibly cope, because her disruptive behaviour happens all night - he will never get any rest. The social worker said that he would closely monitor the situation🤔. We shall see.

My aunt throughout her life has always maintained that she would follow the road to euthanasia if she could be given the choice. This is just the sort of scenario that she would have envisaged.

Life is very cruel at times.

I so agree with the view that we should be allowed some agency at the end of our lives. Life at any cost is not life and we need a change in the law to allow a peaceful end for those who have had enough of living.

I’ve said this before on here, but one thing we can all do is to add a paragraph to our Health and Welfare Power of Attorney, to say that in the event of our being unable both to care for ourselves, and speak (with full mental capacity) for ourselves, we do not want any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment. Palliative care only, please.

Witzend

I’ve said this before on here, but one thing we can all do is to add a paragraph to our Health and Welfare Power of Attorney, to say that in the event of our being unable both to care for ourselves, and speak (with full mental capacity) for ourselves, we do not want any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment. Palliative care only, please.

If this is not in writing, but our children (or whoever holds the POA) is aware of our wishes, is that enough, do you know?

At the age of 64, I am reluctant to commit to something like this in case there is a chance that I might recover and have years of life, but if there is no chance of that and I am not able to speak for myself I'd like to think that they would be listened to if they advocated for me.

In later life I may well have a clause added to my POA document.

I would hope it’d be enough, Doodledog, but especially having had far too much experience of dementia in the family, we want it down in black and white, too.

In any case, if it’s not in what you committed to paper when you were capable and fully compos mentis, how are any medics to know that your Attorneys are not thinking, ‘Sooner she pops off the better - there’s a nice fat inheritance waiting!’

Not that I’d ever suspect ours (dds) of any such thing, of course!

No, that's a good point. Maybe I'll put a signed note with my POA document and tell the children to use their discretion about whether to use it. I trust them, and we could discuss it before I did it. I'll talk about it with Mr Dog, too.

Whiff

When my husband was terminal we talked about what if the pain got to hard to bear. He decided he wanted his life to end and if he had asked I would have given him a massive dose of morphine. Our children knew their dads decision and supported it.

Our McMillan nurse had already told us the only dose to stop his agony was the dose that would have killed him.

This was end 2003 beginning 2004. We had enough morphine tablets in the house to kill several herds of elephants. In fact our son took 2 large carrier bags full of tablet and liquid morphine to the pharmacy the day after his dad died.

Quality of life is what's important not quantity. My husband had no quality of life and was on a morphine doser . He became unconscious before he could ask me to over dose him. On full oxygen he couldn't breath. They say hearing is the last thing to go. He was at home in our bed with me and the children and I told him to stop fighting we would be ok..He died few minutes after.

My mom's dementia killed her long before her body died. She would have hated what she became . My mom attacked my daily for 4 months verbally and physically. I wish in her lucid moments she had ask me to stop her suffering. And I would have . Even though I would have had a criminal record.

I hope when my time comes I can choice how and when I want to die. Animals have more rights in this country than humans. No one would let an animal stuffer but it's ok for a human to be in agony.

I am so very sorry Franbern, Adrisco, and Whiff. Such awful times.

My daughter wanted to die because of the unbearable emotional pain she felt and always said to me 'Mum I want you to help me to die, it's not fair that they can treat your physical pain but not my pain'. She took her life on the 24th November last year, so we have just had to go through that first year anniversary which was very hard, and another Christmas is looming.

It's almost bizarre that during the pandemic, DNR's were slapped on people over 60 who ended up in hospital with 'respiratory distress' and who were basically euthanised as no-one was allowed near them to see what was happening, yet we cannot now just help someone who most definitely is going to die, to have a good death.

I have every intention of seeing myself off when the time comes; I have the means and it would be easy assuming I can administer said means myself - I have an abject fear of dying in hospital, and most definitely do not want to go anywhere near a care home (a hospice though would be okay). My remaining daughter knows my wishes.

My best friend saw her mother choke to death in a care home as the GP wouldn't come out and she hadn't been written up for any end of life medication - disgusting! She has already told me that she would pay for me to have a nice holiday in Switzerland ... it's wrong.

My MP, Danny 'it's not your fanny' Kruger did a programme on C4 with his mum, Prue Leith - she was FOR and he was absolutely AGAINST assisted dying. They went and visited places all over the world where it is practised, but he didn't change his mind, thought that the NHS would provide us with a good death. Well I hope he doesn't have to see his mum choke to death on her own secretions, and I have told him such, not that he ever replies to me! I pity Pru when the time comes ....

Dee1012

Poppyred

I totally agree. It’s the stuff of nightmares and the law needs to be changed!

I won't go into great detail about the death of my parents but it really was the stuff of nightmares....
After my mum's death my brother had to be sedated and to this day, he'll still wake at night.
My dad was screaming...staff kept saying "he's not in pain" but nothing will persuade me otherwise, that lasted for 12 days.

It's horrendous...

OMG Dee1012, I am so, so sorry, and as I said above, my MP thinks it's acceptable ... he's a far right fascist too, so it figures.

Witzend

I’ve said this before on here, but one thing we can all do is to add a paragraph to our Health and Welfare Power of Attorney, to say that in the event of our being unable both to care for ourselves, and speak (with full mental capacity) for ourselves, we do not want any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment. Palliative care only, please.

But palliative care can prolong suffering.
My sisters MinL was in hospital, and decided she had had enough. Told the medics that she wanted her oxygen discontinued. That was done but my sister and the rest of the family stayed with her for a few very distressing hours until she died.
The medical staff were very supportive but could only do so much.
My DH has recently had a diagnosis that will end up with the need for him to be connected to an oxygen cylinder. This may not be for quite a while but he doesn’t want his death to be like hers and neither do I.