Black Dog 20

Goodnight everyone on BD. I hope you have a peaceful night.xx

Scaredycat Thankyou for your reassurance. It must have been so heartbreaking for your DGD to have all those miscarriages.How awful. I hope she is OK now about it all but it's so sad.
Mine was so v long ago and I only mentioned it in my wish to have had a daughter. I'm really not affected by it now. Hope you are having a lovely family meet up tonight.
Nadateturbe You are absolutely right- we all have our different ways of posting and we all care about each other in our posts. Hope you are OK.

Thankyou all for your messages. I'm sorry can't post too much tonight.
Hoping everyone has a peaceful night's rest in mind and body.x

I didn’t get my walk. When I went outside the wind was so cold so I did some shopping instead.
I don’t want to have to find a new church at my age. Our pastor speaks the truth and it’s often hard to hear.
I know my attitude in this marriage is wrong but can’t change my feelings. I look after him very well practically but can’t give anything emotionally. That all died years ago.

The snow had all gone by early afternoon, so the day centre could have opened. I suppose the Manager had to go by what the weather reports said, though.

nadateturbe Teenage years are difficult for many. I was a handful to my parents. Your "funny turn" last night does sound like anxiety (I get it occasionally). Deep breathing helps.

Doodle GD has been living with her dad since October - her choice after the mum had a huge rage (one of many) and smashed things around the house. GD's behavior has been bad since she found new "friends" at school. Your poor husband has suffered such a lot. You, too, yet in spite of everything you have had (and still have) to cope with, you care about everyone on here. x

Such a caring post Doodle in spite of your own problems. You've had some very frightening times with your husband. And thanks for information about panic attack. But your poor husband, my heart goes out to him. And you. xx

Thanks all for your kind thoughts. It was a bit of a grim day yesterday but we’ve moved in today and will come to a decision soon. We weren’t expecting the risk factors to be as high as they were.
HVDY that MRI scan sounds frightening I’m pleased you find you can cope with it. Hope the results are fine when they come through.
You’ve got snow 😱. Not surprised they cancelled the day centre. Didn’t realise the weather was so bad,
Sorry about your DGD. Is she still living with her mum? Teenage years are so difficult. Not babies any more but trying out the boundaries to see what they can get away with.
nadateturbe thanks for your kind thoughts, DH has had so many operations in the past we are almost used to it but it’s still frightening. He once went to the theatre for a 3 hour operation at 10am in the morning and was still in the operating theatre at 10pm at night. No one could give me any news of how he was. There was a reasonable explanation but when you don’t know what’s going on it’s hard.
Your episode of feeling like you couldn’t breathe whilst sleeping is exactly what happened to my DH twice in his last time in hospital except his continued when he woke up. He said it was the worst feeling. He ended up with about 8 doctors and nurses round him tending to him. I think it might have been a form of panic attack.
Glad your DH is feeling better. Your turn to be looked after now,
Thanks Candy much to my surprise we did sleep well last night.
Nice to have your DD close by. Our sons are close too but like yours, with busy lives we don’t get to see them that often.
So pleased the meds are working for you. Means you can look forward to a visit from your son without worrying so much.
Ellie Anne I don’t think anyone would think of you as uncaring. Like you I get muddled or forget who said what,
Sorry you have problems in the family and church worries, the church should be a place of peace.
Nice to hear you’re having a beach walk. That should help,
Scaredycat thank you. Yes it has been a few upsetting months. Still we all plod on don’t we.
The worries never stop do they. First it’s our children, then grandchildren and in your case GGC. I suppose it’s a good thing that we care. So many don’t have someone to turn to for advice or just to talk things through. It’s so good you all get in well.
Wyllow keep going. Reach for the light at the end of the tunnel xx

Doodle I hope you are both OK and managed to get some sleep. I'm so sorry for all you are both going through. You must be exhausted with it all.
It sounds like you have a lot to think about. Perhaps as Scaredycat suggested maybe talk to your GP, or family? Or maybe you don't want to do that. Such a very difficult time. Thinking about you. Hugs. xx

HVDY early teens is a very difficult time for young girls. I was a nightmare and got worse. My head was all over the place. It must be difficult for your son, not knowing how to handle it and I bet your GD is not really happy. I hope she settles, its good she has family who care. It makes a difference.

Hi Scaredycat you sound very cheerful! We are indeed a bit like those weather people atm 😁.
I do that thing too of multiple photos in the frame!
Miscarriage is very sad, I can't imagine coping with multiple. So heartbreaking.
Isn't it lovely what your son said about having his mum back. He sounds like a very loving son. It's good your family get on well and can support each other.
I'm not brave at all. I had an episode while sleeping of feeling like I couldn't breathe and I think its the stress and anxiety of coping while not feeling well. Thankfully it only lasted a few seconds and I woke up. Fine today, just tired.
Enjoy your celebration and yes, hearing aids might not be needed!

nadateturbe Some doctors are reluctant to prescribe ADs without trying talking therapies first (I know what worked best for me). I hope your son manages to get ADs, they could make all the difference to him. Our Son1 has been worried/angry/upset about the behaviours of his eldest girl for a month or 2 (she's going to be 13 in June). I hope she sorts herself out and starts behaving again.

ScaredyCat Thanks. The hospital monitors this tumour, to see if it's growing. I haven't had any symptoms, so expect it's ok. Enjoy your meet up this evening. Are you going for a meal?

I'm just off to do some ironing (the excitement of it all) x

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- I feel so upset for you after reading your latest posts. Not for one moment are you weak- you battle on courageously against what seems like a brick wall. Not only having to deal with relentless pain but worrying about your DH too.
I,m sorry to hear about your miscarriage - it must have been very sad times for you. One of my GD has suffered several and it’s heartbreaking.
We have a birthday meet up tonight- I may take out my new hearing aids!,
I,m glad you had a better day yesterday - hope DH keeps his promise maybe time to get those thumbscrews out.
Doodle- what a stressful day it must have been yesterday. Enormous decisions to make and both choices have potentially worrying outcomes. Hope your head is a bit clearer today. Maybe you could both talk to your GP about what is such a difficult decision.
I am so sorry that you are still going through such turmoil and worry after the last few stressful months. I echo what others have said - you are the heart of us allxx
HVDY- yes I,m like you I have many photos around. Each frame has other pics stuffed behind the current one - and still they keep coming😩Still as so many live away it’s nice to see them around.
That MRI sounds scary- you take everything in your stride though- hope it’s all ok.
Enjoy your snowy,cosy day- ChubbyChops will enjoy watching the flakes come down.
Candy- my DD works full time too but some WFH so I know she’s there even if I can’t see her!
Hope you have a lovely weekend with your Son and his GF- yes the ADs do help don’t they. My Son who came last week said it was like having his Mum back- so glad I decided to take them as I am sure you are too.
Damask Rose- Welcome. What a kind post . I didn’t know Sad wasn’t just a Winter condition although it makes sense. One size doesn’t fit all. Hope to see you here again.
Nadateturbe- hope soon you and DH can have some comfortable days together. You sound like the little weather people who pop in and out of their house but with your beds.
You must be so exhausted- another very brave lady.
Our family is like everyone’s- we have young people poorly dealing with various conditions and all the worries of bringing up families and life’s ups and downs but thank goodness we do all get along well.
You must be worried about your Son maybe as HVDY suggested he could ask for some meds. They have helped me more that I thought possible.
EllieAnne- you certainly don’t sound uncaring - just the opposite. I would love to walk on the beach with you- hope you enjoy the peace there today.
Wyllow- wishing you better days xx
Love to all those mentioned and those not

HVDY that's what I thought too. My son feels the same as your husband. I think many men would. Perhaps sons doctor has a different process. But I'll talk to him again.
I hope your GD is OK. It's hard not to worry. We want to fix everything!
Sorry you're housebound. Hope the snow passes quickly. We have snow in Ireland but for some reason we see very little of it at the coast, thankfully.
EllieAnne I feel so sorry for you feeling like that in your own home. And church, is it the church for you? Have you ever tried another? And more family worries. I hope it sorts itself out.
You don't come across as uncaring. Reading these posts, I realise everyone just has a different way of expressing themselves. We all know we care, so just have to be ourselves. Enjoy your walk, wrap up well.

We're both a little better. Going to have a rest now.

Candy6 What a long but very caring post. No day centre, it's cancelled due to the weather warning. Hope you have a lovely time when you see your son and his GF (hope the weather's ok by then). I wonder why the various NHS departments don't liaise properly with each other. When I went to the walk-in centre recently, they didn't have access to my GP records, so my GP surgery hasn't had any information about why I went there. Daft.

Nadateturbe I'm the same, I don't express myself very well in writing but am much better in person or over the 'phone. I like to see or hear a person. Your son could ask for antidepressants. Often, there isn't an obvious cause for depression, just a depletion of certain chemicals in the brain (it used to be called Endogenous depression, something I've had for about 35 years). I went with my husband to the GP, asked for ADs - talking therapy wouldn't be any good to him - he doesn't talk to me, never mind a stranger!

EllieAnne You don't come across as uncaring. I hope that whatever your family worries are, they are resolved or eased soon. My eldest GD is a cause for concern at the moment. We worry because we care, don't we?

SweetpeaSue and Doodle Hope you have a better day today.

It's snowing here, and settling a little bit, so the day centre has been cancelled. It looks like being a cosy day indoors. Hope ALL BDers keep warm and cosy x

Nadateturbe I can’t write long posts either and hope I don’t come across as uncaring. I do read them all but sometimes get confused as to who said what etc.
been busy this week but not
Much on today so I will go into town to pick up prescriptions and have a walk on the beach. My mood is low because of stuff at church and family worries.
Doodle I’m sorry that you have all these worries.
Sweet pea sue your pain sounds unbearable. I wish you could get an answer.
I’ve been hiding in my bed room all morning so far but I need to move now and do some things in the house.

Night Nadateturbe * Wyllow* and all BD.

Warm night night to you and all BD's xx

Goodnight Wyllow3 and all on BD.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

Good gracious what a long post Candy. I wish I could write long posts like everyone else. I'm not very good at expressing myself, even when I do have energy.
Good to here from you. You sound very busy but seem to be coping. How lovely to have your daughter close. And to be able to meet up regularly. I dream about doing that..
It's lovely that your son is coming, and so good that the meds have helped you, and made it easier for him too. I hope you all enjoy the visit.
I understand completely what you say about the health service. eg I was given an appointment recently from a request in 2017 and I had already had it done privately years ago and my GP knew. "Joined up NHS" would be good. It should be possible with modern technology. Also, we should be able to access all our records.
My son has to see a therapist, but I know he would just have liked to get antidepressants. There is nothing causing his depression.
Thanks for nice comment on my painting.

Sweetpeasuewhat a l9ng thoughtful post to everyone.
I didn't know about you losing a baby. I'm sorry.
I'm glad your appointment went well and you had less pain today. I take warm prunes every morning. Usually helps, but I had terrible pain and bloating during the night. It's so easy to eat something that upsets your system, and it must be extremely difficult for you, on top of your other problems. I hope your good spell continues and you sleep well tonight.
And I do hope husband keeps his promise.
We're now at the usual stage of husband recovered enough to make food, and I'm in bed recovering from looking after him for 6 days.. 😁

Evening all,
All caught up and can see a lot of you have had difficult days and I’m sorry for that.
Doodle I’m so sorry DH’s appointment didn’t go well. It’s so disheartening and worrying when that happens. Like Sweetpeasue suggests, take your time to process and digest the information you have been given. It’s always worse at first, it’s a shock but you will process it, filter and make clearer decisions in the days to come. You both have so much to cope with I truly feel for you both. I hope you manage some rest. Sleep is healing in itself and I hope you get some. Take care.
Sweetpeasue things have been difficult for you too but you manage to send such caring posts to others. Sorry about your PM appointment. It never ceases to amaze me how bad the NHS are in sharing information. These days, it really surprises me that their “admin” systems are so poor when there have been many, many advances in modern technology. I wonder why ALL records can’t be available at the touch of a button and information can’t be shared between different departments in the same hospital and even between different NHS trusts. I realise that personal data needs to be secure and it would require a very complex system but it would make things so much easier rather than the archaic system they have. If the NHS didn’t waste so much money on top tier managers I’m sure a better system could be funded. Anyway, sorry for the rant, it’s frustrated me for years after attending so many appointments and waiting for information to come through. At least your psychologist sounds good. I hope you have had a pain free day today.
Nadaterturbe I hope your DS is feeling better. You both have a lot to endure too. I too didn’t realise RLS affected other parts of the body too, how cruel. Your DH sounds very organised with his meds - I hardly take any and still manage to forget! I hope you’ve had a good rest now. By the way, the painting you did was lovely. You are very talented.
Scaredycat it’s nice you have your DD in the same village. Mine is in the next village. We see each other a lot mainly because of GS and we do occasionally do things together but she works full time and we both lead busy lives. It’s good she’s there though.
HVDY hope you had a good day with chubby chops yesterday. It will have been tiring but all worth it I’m sure. Glad you’ve been able to get to aqua. Are you going to the day centre this week? I hope the results of your scan are ok too.
Whiff I hope your day out went as well as it could. I’m so sorry your grief is still so raw after all this time. Like others have said, he must have been very special. You are so very kind and understanding to others.
Ellie Anne I hope your weekend went as well as possible and you managed to get to church.
Gossamer hello and welcome. I hope you have been ok.
Wyllow special thoughts and love.
I’ve been busy as usual, it’s how I’ve learned to cope. I’m grateful now that I feel better mentally but I still struggle with lack of routine at quiter times, so I suppose I’ll continue for now. I have little to complain about when others are going through so much. My son and his girlfriend are coming home for weekend and I’m looking forward to that. I’m grateful too that because of the meds, I don’t struggle so much when he leaves again. It makes things easier for him too as I know it was difficult for him seeing me that way (I used t try and hide it but he always knew). There’s snow forecast for lots of areas so please stay safe all. Apologies if I’ve missed anyone. Night night xx

HVDY Oh that sounds really awful ,that mesh thing over you! Far worse than an ordinary MRI. Glad you have that over with.

HVDY I'm sure your glad that's over. Hope everything is OK.

Doodle I am so sorry, so much to think about and your poor husband having to decide what to do. Life is so very hard for you at the minute. I hope you manage to get to sleep, with so much on your mind.
Sending hugs and prayers. xx

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I should get the results in about 6 weeks. I'm not concerned. I'm glad your pain has been less today. Certain painkillers cause constipation, don't they, so it must be difficult to get the balance right. Hope your husband can get to see someone, he shouldn't put it off.

Doodle I've had 5 MRIs in the last 2 1/2 years. The brain ones, like today's, are claustrophobic as they put a mesh cover thing about an inch above your face, and this time there was no music playing. It took 45 minutes but didn't seem that long. Your husband has got a big decision to make - have nothing done and risk further problems (?) or chance having the operation. Nothing is without risk though, is it?
I hope you both manage to have a decent rest tonight

Wyllow3 I hope you're getting a bit better each day.

Hope ALL BDers have a good night. Day centre tomorrow has been cancelled because of the weather warning x

Doodle Wish I knew what to say. You will both be exhausted with such a full day. Take time for everything the Consultant has said to sink in. Tomorrow I hope things will seem less daunting and a bit clearer for you to cope with and make decisions. So sorry about your situation. Sending a hug and prayers. X