Black Dog 20

It's hard to count blessings when you're in agony. It just seems unfair and its easy to lose faith, albeit temporarily.
I don't understand either Sweetpeasue. I just live with hope in those times. I'm so sorry you're suffering so badly again. All I can do is send you big hugs and pray.xx
Sorry, just answering Sweetpeasue.
I'm in bed with almost zero energy today. Thankfully husband has football to keep him company.

Thanks EllieAnne You made me smile. I agree totally- nothing worse than flat Prosecco!
Glad your DH helped with some of those dishes. Shame you weren't helped more with that but I bet its quite common . The little ones can get so excited that it's too much in the end. Hope you get some time just for you tonight - even if it's in your own room. Take care of yourself. X

Nadateturbe Just seen your post. I wish I understood too but I know there are so many others suffering in this world, I just wish I could understand that aswell.
Thankyou for your hugs and hope you can get some of that energy back with rest. x

Sweetpeasue it always saddens me when you say you aren't brave. You are and believe me I know what's like to live with constant pain. When it gets worse it's drains all the energy out of you and everything is harder to do. For you it's worse because you had this done to you through doctors negligence you are suffering and no one will apologise or find a solution to help you.

But you get through everyday . You help everyone here just by being you. Your honesty helps others realise they are not alone as lot of people read this thread but feel they can't post.

You fight everyday to lead a normal life and you don't think you are winning but you are . It's easy to give up and wallow in self pity but you don't.

Nobody on this thread does that you all show courage even if you think you don't. People know they can come here and not be judged or belittled or not be believed.

When I go to the loo in the night I always check to see that Wyllow has posted and always relieved when she has.

Thank you all for asking I had a lovely time with my daughter and family and her in laws. As usual I got spoilt with lots of presents. And glad they all liked mine. I get on very well with my son in laws parents and it was lovely to catch up with them.

I am glad I had a dishwasher when I had my kitchen done. I had never had on before and wouldn't be without it.

My daughter and son in law had a new en suite shower room . It was beautiful. Next year it will be my older grandsons bedroom as he needs more furniture and the kitchen. They haven't got a dishwasher in this house and that will be one of the things on the top of their list.

Nice to see new people feeling confident to post and that's down to all the long timers here. And the feeling of safety and friendship which is priceless.

Happy Boxing Day all
Sacredycat glad you had a nice time at your DDs. You’re a brave lady to cope with all your losses. Christmas is a time when we think more of those no longer with us.
We had a lovely time with family today thank you. Just a couple of hours but enough for a good catch up before Dh started waning. So lovely to see them all.
HvDY we were on our own yesterday but it was fine. We had a lazy day and watched a film and had our usual post dinner nap. Nothing exciting but still enjoyable.
Hope you enjoyed your tea with all the family.
Sweetpeasue hard to remain cheerful and positive when in great pain. Like you DH has been low and angry. Angry at the hospital for letting him get in this state and angry not more is done to help. You are not alone in your thoughts.
Sorry the pain has come back again to spoil things for you.
Ellie Anne sounds like it all went off well. Like you, in Christmases past I have felt worn out at the end of it. Little ones often get over excited and grumpy at Christmas. Too much out of their routine.
nadateturbe good to have a rest after a busy day. Good job your DH has the football to occupy him.
Hope tomorrow you have more energy.
Whiff lovely post . Glad you had a good time. Your DD must be pleased with their en suite. So nice when everything is clean and new.
Wyllow sending hugs, x

SweetpeaSue You are brave and you try to get on with life, but the pain must get you down. If it helps, have a drink, do whatever gets you through it. Tomorrow is another day, and I truly hope it will be better for you.

EllieAnne I'm glad you had company yesterday. Toddlers do get a bit over-tired and awkward at times. A dishwasher is handy (glad we've got one. The waste disposal unit is my favourie thing in our kitchen). Presocco must be finished. I've been on rose wine then vodka.

nadateturbe Hope you have a good rest. My husband watched Nottingham Forest on tv this afternoon (they won).

Whiff I'm glad you had a nice time. Having a family where everyone gets on well makes a lot of difference.

The family have all just gone, after 4 hours. I can't help but feel so thankful that we all get on so well, but I don't mean to sound smug (I hope I don't sound it). My friend hasn't seen her son or daughter, and her son said he "forgot" to ring or even text to wish her a happy Christmas yesterday. .
Time for a cuppa and tidy-up now. Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing evening x

Whiff I regreted my post afterwards for telling it how it is. Thankyou for seeing positives in it. You help in so many ways. I'm so glad you had a lovely Christmas with your daughter and family. Can't write more but thankyou.
Doodle Your DH is righteously angry. It's so bad that there's not enough time given to bedsore My FIL had dementia and suffered terribly in hospital. There Should be more done to help him now. Thank goodness he has you to speak up and help and I know you do. We can do that far more for others than we can ourselves.
HVDY* It's lovely that you have such a close family and you are thankful not at all smug. I'm pleased for all your family members.
Wyllow We all care. Much love.

Wishing all a peaceful night. X

Wishing all a peaceful night

Good evening dear Doodle sending love to you and anyone in need, especially at this time, and mostly to absent friends xxx

Wyllow are you still there as you unusually check it but there is no message from you. Please let us know you are still with us.

Answering one at a time.
HVDY had Christmas Dinner with son DiL and her father and GDs. Then her brothers family came in the evening.
It was lovely being with them. They are all so friendly.
It's awful about your SiLs home being closed to visitors. I hope it reopens soon. It was nice you invited your brother.
You don't sound smug at all. It's lovely that your family are so close.

Scaredycat glad you had a nice day.
Christmas does bring sad memories too unfortunately.
FT is very useful, makes family seem not so far away.

Sweetpeasue please don't stop writing how you feel. I didn't mean to make you feel you can't do that. Writing how you feel gets it out of your system if you don't it whirls round your mind and makes you feel worse.
I know only to well to my cost as I am guilty of doing that. Putting a brave face on when inside I was crying and screaming. Being widowed at 45 I thought I had to be brave I was a fool. Plus when you are widowed at that other women became very posesive of their husbands. It's as if I had lost one husband and on the look out for another one. But I soon found out who my friends where.

Worrying about your own health plus your loved ones health is exhausting. I know it cost me healthwise but I would do it all again . I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't done the things I have. We all have a moral code we follow which is unique to us.
As in the end we have to live with ourselves warts and all.

After 2 busy days today is so quiet. I’ve tidied a kitchen cupboard because things kept falling out and I’ve made stock from the turkey. I want to go for a walk but the rain is very heavy. Maybe later. Glad it’s over but feeling low. Am a bit worried about little gs for reasons I won’t go into. Might go into town later. One of my favourite shops is selling Christmas stuff half price. Take care everyone.
Hope Wyllow is ok.

Carillion that’s so nice of you to remember me. Thank you so much and hope you and yours are doing well. x
HVdY you will be tired but happy after such a full on day yesterday.
Sweetpeasue how have you been so far today?
Whiff you’re right, putting on a brave face isn’t always the best way. People always want others to be “OK” so they don’t have to deal with emotions they can’t handle. It’s always difficult to know what to say to someone who is suffering. I have read the best advice is to listen rather than jump in with platitudes. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
nadateturbe pleased you had such a nice time with family,
Ellie Anne Im glad you had your son and family over Christmas. It’s pouring with rain here too. Hope it dries up later and you get your walk.
There’s always something to worry about isn’t there. Hope your DgS is ok. I expect he will be on your mind a lot like mine is in my mind. At least we care. That says something

And now I think I might have annoyed my d in l with a thoughtless comment. My stomach is churning with worry. I’m trying to make myself phone dr for blood test results and getting really stressed.

Perhaps some of you have heard from Wyllow3 but in case not, she replied to my pm, that she isn't feeling good.
I don't normally pm, but as she hadn't posted I thought I would try.
Sorry I'm still very tired.
Story of my life!

Whiff On the contrary , your post was reassuring as I felt bad about mine. You are right about things whirling around in your head, I think we all get that. At those times I feel very unstable. It's so sad that some 'friends' fell away when you needed them most in your life. You have been brave to make a new life after your world fell apart at the loss of your DH and soul mate. Your DH would be very proud of you .
Doodle I'm much better today thankyou , at the moment. Early morning bladder pain always leaves me in tears but the painkillers do work on it. Bowels seem so strange as unpredictable and don't respond 'normally'.
How is your DH's pain and are his heel sores improving at all? I think you were going to speak to someone today. We shouldn't have to keep speaking up but with things as they are we have to keep pushing for help. I do hope you have both had a better night.
Nadateturbe Hope you're OK - they were v early posts.
EllieAnne It's the time for clearing cupboards isn't it. I'm sorry you're so worried about DIL. It might be that whatever the comment was hasn't been taken in a bad light by DIL or even noticed in any way. I know I often worry about things I've said and my DH can't believe that I can get so worried about things. I don't think most men worry as we do .(Hope that didn't sound like a sexist comment, just my general observation). My DH has just rang to book a B test. It's much better to know than not know results I think, but I understand your anxiety.

Hope everyone's day is OK and coping with troubles.x

Hi everybody.
HVDY- you never sound smug- having a companiable and happy family is cause for celebration.I,m sure I,m not alone in that I enjoy hearing about them all.The way you have recovered and still deal with health problems is truly remarkable.
Did you have a Xmas cuddle with Chubby Chops?
SweetPeaSue- Never say you are not brave,the pain you have to put up with would be hard for anyone to bear- it’s not easy to keep going on every day as you do. I think we all feel angry on your behalf.
EllieAnne- Glad you had a better day than you anticipated and I,m sure that your DiL didn’t even notice what you said- you are too kind to say anything nasty.
As for Prosecco- we have put so many empty Prosecco bottles in the bins over the last 2 days I don’t think the girls in our family know that it goes flat!!! I do miss a drink but am glad to see them have fun.
Nadateturbe Aah - you used up your reserves Xmas Day-but it sounds like you had a good time. Good job there was a Football Fest on TV yesterday you could relax safe in the knowledge DH was happy.
Whiff- what a nice day you had- it’s so nice when there are other family members whose company you enjoy.
Like You I always check if Wyllow has posted but I do it when I wake up. I hope she’s all right.
Doodle- hope your family had enjoyed their Xmas Day and I expect they were very happy to see you and DH. They must have been very worried about you both lately. Nice to have a good old chat.
The last 2 days have worn me out - but in a good way. The weather is pants today so making that an excuse not to have a walk. Tomorrow we have another get together so resting up for that.
My 2nd eldestGD popped in with her little boy this morning on her way home up North. Haven’t seen her for 9 months so was good to have a cuddle. She is much better since her serious bout of Covid.
Hope today you are both enjoying a rest and DH foot is healing better.
Wyllow- Worried about you- just need to know you are OK.
Sending Love
Love to all new friends and old - take care of yourselvesxxxx

nadateturbe That was nice. I love family gatherings, don't you? Do our son and his wife live far from you? (sorry if you've said and I've forgotten). I invited my brother but he didn't want to come - he's not sent cards or bothered with Christmas for years, never once ever had his family round, and I can't remember ever having a present from him. He's never met any of my GC (eldest is 12) and has no interest in other people. So he's been alone, His own fault.

EllieAnne It's been pouring here all day, too. Hope your blood test result is ok, but surely someone would have contacted you if not? We worry about our GC, don't we, but I hope all is sorted out with your GS. I bet you didn't say anything wrong, it's probably anxiety making you think that (I overthink every single conversation I have with anyone and everyone).

Doodle How are you? How's your husband?
SweetpeaSue The weather is miserable. Are you doing much today? I keep putting off doing the ironing.
ScaredyCat How lovely that you saw your GD and her little boy. Did they enjoy Christmas? Yes, I had a cuddle yesterday. I managed to get a photo of all 3 GDs, although the picture was quite blurry (all that wine I had[grin).
Wyllow3 Please take care, we're all here and care about you.

It's been a quiet and lazy day, which has been good. Got Chubby Chops tomorrow, so hopefully the weather will be better and we can get some fresh air.

Whiff, Candy6, ALL BDers - hope you're all ok x

Scaredycat It must be lovely to see GDs popping in like that with their own little fam. I always think of you as quite young and not old enough to have great-grandchildren! Yes the weather was certainly the excuse/reason we made here for not walking but it would have been chewing and miserable with wind and rain-so dark too. Thankyou for being angry (on my behalf) that's so kind of you and shows you understand .It's one of the things I spoke to psychologist about and one of reasons I'm seeing him about. I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow with your relatives.
HVDY Such a shame about your DB but difficult to know what else to do. At least you tried. It must be hurtful for you too though. I've had a quiet lazy day too and I've ironing. It's a strange dark day today. Have a lovely time with your chubby chops tomorrow. I hope its better weather.
Wyllow I'm hoping you're OK. X

Scaredycat spot on with your assessment of yesterday.
Have read everyone's posts, thinking of you all. I will be OK. Just the usual recovery time.

Wyllow3 thinking of you. Hoping things will get brighter for you. xx

Thank you...
and night night all BD's.

Wyllow was very relieved to see your message. Hope you start to feel better soon .

Had to write this on desktop site as you can't read anything on mobile site. And I have to enlarge everything on this site so I can read and write on it because of my eyesight.

This is not to do with bd but since last night I can’t read gransnet on my phone, comes up gobbledegook. I can still get it on iPad. Has this happened to anyone else?