just avoid him.
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Brother's drinking
(60 Posts)He also told me I need to see my Doctor and get stronger medications.
I am seeing my Doctor soon.
M0nica....
Good question!
Parents did question his outbursts and he put it down to experiences he had in the Police.
Thank you.
I am now realising that his wife must be annoyed with him, plus probably has had words with him before about this.
They live many miles away from me, and I only get to chat with her when on the phone to my brother and he hands the phone over or she wishes to chat with me while there.
I know our parents rarely chat with her when they phone him up, but they just accept it and rarely need to discuss things with her.
He has occasionslly said, during my difficult phases and his outbursts on the phone, that his wife is angry with me, but when the phone is passed to her she assures me she is fine and sorry that I am upset and calms me down.
I have not got her own contact details, as a few years ago, when she did give me her previous mobile number, brother found out somehow, questioned me about it, so I got rid of it.
From a previous marriage, my brother has a daughter, now grown up and living near her job elsewhere in the country.
My niece has recently told me she has wanted to approach the drink situation but cannot, is worried about my brother's health and assures me my brother gets fired up and explodes with many other people as well.
Also that she feels my brother has now got he wants now she has moved away.
I am in shock and cannot take it in, although he can be loving and supportive when I need him to be and he has not been drinking.
Your brother is a nasty bully, it's as simple as that.
His drinking and the state of his marriage is his responsibility. Don't let him intimidate you.
The screaming into your face is completely unacceptable and I think it justifies you breaking off contact with him. He's using you as a punch-bag for his own failings.
I now feel so guilty and scared that if there is a break up in the marriage, he will blame me.
Read that sentence out loud to yourself several times. Cannot you see what total nonsense it is? If his marriage break ups there will only be one person to blame and that is him. Why are you accepting everything this bully says to you?
Why did your parents do and say nothing when he shouted in your face.
The best thing you can do is refuse to go to any family gathering where he will be present. You can presumably visit your parents when he is not there.
Just cut him out and ignore him. If he comes to your house do nto open the door. If necessary call the police.
Your rescue from this appalling bully is in your hands. Just refuse to go anywhere where he is present.
This is a sad situation but you have to protect yourself from your bully of a brother. You have each had opportunities and made your own life decisions and it appears he is jealous of you, hence his behaviour. He has no respect for his wife, you, or his parents if he displays such bad behaviour in front of them and his drinking escalates his bullying. I would agree, keep away from him to protect yourself from further fallouts. This is not your fault.
Keep in touch with his wife but avoid him as much as possible. He is drinking too much clearly, and it has begun to affect his communication skills. I suspect his wife is not happy with her life either.
I would be going no contact with this bully, his drinking is not your problem and is no excuse for his vile behaviour.
You have to ask yourself what you get out of the relationship with your brother, seems to me nothing but intimidation, insults and spitefulnes, and you really need to put yourself first.
I am a retired, junior level public sector worker, who took early retirement on ill-health grounds. I have a disability which means I cannot read social situations and can ramble on too much, plus need things explaining more than once sometimes, to understand them.
My brother, who is three years my senior, is a former Policeman, serving 9 years, left in the early 90's and has worked in the private sector ever since.
I have always earned far less than him, but due to not having his taste for living life in the fast lane and not being an excessive spender, and managing my money well, am better off than him.
He often buys seriously pricey things on a whim, for him and his wife too.
Although I buy top end items, I take time over deciding.
He has always had a taste for drink, plus his wife drinks too. Brother drinks two bottles of wine a day and his wife less, but daily......They have both told me themselves.
His wife totally understands my disability, is reassuring, calming, helpful and has never criticised me and says I have never, ever annoyed her and am not to blame.
However, my brother, who has always been impatient with me, has started to get verbally abusive, threatening and dismissive of everything I say during family get togethers. Even more so when he has been drinking.
During a recent family visit, I took myself to another room to calm down after an outburst aimed at me. As I was trying to relax, brother entered and calmly asked if I was alright.
I calmly asked why he suddenly exploded and he calmly said it is because I am wealther than him and brought my pension into the conversation too.
He then, later, in front of our parents, yelled and screamed at me, right up to my face.
I saw his wife give him 'the look' several times during the stay, plus she told him to stop his behaviour towards me.
My brother is always, out of the blue, telling me what to spend my money on, emailing me with ourageously pricey things I should buy, plus recently he told me not to leave his wife any money in my will as she will only waste it on pricey fashions and he will die before long due to drink.
I was shocked and appalled to hear him say this.
He has since phoned me to say I ruined the recent family visit and I often upset his wife. Also that if his marriage breaks up due to me, he will drop all contact with me for good.
When not drinking, he is still impatient, but not threatening.
So, not only am I still shaken from recent events, I now feel so guilty and scared that if there is a break up in the marriage, he will blame me.
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