Overweight granddaughter

silverlining48

Be very careful how you speak to your gd about weight. Use words like healthy eating being so important for us all. Avoid words like fat, diets or similar. It can cause a lifetime of body shame which does not help.
Exercise is fine but it’s really what and how much we eat that causes weight gain. Ultra processed food has no goodness at all.

That's not true. Too much ultra processed food isn't a good choice, but it does have "goodness". For a start, it provides calories, without which we'd be dead. We seem to have got hung up about ultra-processed food, most of which provides carbohydrates, fats, proteins and some essential vitamins and minerals, which are the building blocks of life.

I have nothing useful to add but just wanted to say what a very caring and sensitive gran you are. She’s a lucky girl to have you.

Hithere

The worst thing you can do is bring attention to her weight and feel judged.

Love her and support her as she is

Not only this, but there’s the danger of long term eating disorders

The worst thing you can do is bring attention to her weight and feel judged.

Love her and support her as she is

Be very careful how you speak to your gd about weight. Use words like healthy eating being so important for us all. Avoid words like fat, diets or similar. It can cause a lifetime of body shame which does not help.
Exercise is fine but it’s really what and how much we eat that causes weight gain. Ultra processed food has no goodness at all.

@bluebelle I was trying to make the point as there are more overweight children, the ops granddaughter may not suffer as she may not be alone in being overweight.

I perhaps didn't explain it well, I was trying to be supportive in a different perspective

Whiff

Until both mom and daughter want to do something about their weight nothing you can do. I talk from experience. I was a fat child who grew into an obese adult. When a teenager and wanted to do something about it my parents told me it was puppy fat and would just go.

Life and disability from birth finally decided to tackle my weight in 2017 my husband had died in 2004 aged 47 but had both parents and mother in law to look after so I put life on hold.
2017 mom was the last to died and after having jaundice caused by long term use of 2 prescription tablets I couldn't do much for 5 months. My wake up call . And decide what to do with my life . Only 3 things lose weight ,move and get fit. So straight on diet lost 7st. I realised it was a marathon not a sprint. Took me until 2022 to lose it was size 32 now 16 still trying to lose the last stone and bit . I was well over 19st want to get to 11st one day I will get there. Moved to my bungalow and go to sit fit classes which is not an easy option as others may think. When I don't go out I exercise for 25 mins at home. Our instructor gave us a morning work out to wake up our limbs. So once dressed do it. It's posted on the pears thread on dieting and exercise forum.

Until your granddaughter and her mother wants to lose weight they wouldn't change their eating habits. Giving her healthy food when you see her is undone when home with her mom.

Is she being bullied at school over her weight? I am 66 next month was bullied everyday for my weight and disability and I fell up or down the school stairs all the time . Luckily never broke a bone think the fat cushioned me.

Only found out in 2020 I was born with a hole in my heart it's in the side wall and small. 2022; finally had my neurological condition diagnosed thanks to my new neurologist having my whole genome genetically tested and.its rare. Finally on treatment for my heart and neurological condition.

But better late than never.

Just wanted to say well done!!!

I’m the only overweight person in our family! Parents both healthy weights, husband and children all fit and healthy weights. I was ok til bany number one and been fat ever since after four children. I too am trying hard and have lost just over 1 stone so far.

Well done again, I know how hard it is!

Yep, I don't think that waiting months to eat a few home grown carrots is going to be the thing that sees weight dropping off the girl, but am interest in food amd nutrician may, long term.

Until both mom and daughter want to do something about their weight nothing you can do. I talk from experience. I was a fat child who grew into an obese adult. When a teenager and wanted to do something about it my parents told me it was puppy fat and would just go.

Life and disability from birth finally decided to tackle my weight in 2017 my husband had died in 2004 aged 47 but had both parents and mother in law to look after so I put life on hold.
2017 mom was the last to died and after having jaundice caused by long term use of 2 prescription tablets I couldn't do much for 5 months. My wake up call . And decide what to do with my life . Only 3 things lose weight ,move and get fit. So straight on diet lost 7st. I realised it was a marathon not a sprint. Took me until 2022 to lose it was size 32 now 16 still trying to lose the last stone and bit . I was well over 19st want to get to 11st one day I will get there. Moved to my bungalow and go to sit fit classes which is not an easy option as others may think. When I don't go out I exercise for 25 mins at home. Our instructor gave us a morning work out to wake up our limbs. So once dressed do it. It's posted on the pears thread on dieting and exercise forum.

Until your granddaughter and her mother wants to lose weight they wouldn't change their eating habits. Giving her healthy food when you see her is undone when home with her mom.

Is she being bullied at school over her weight? I am 66 next month was bullied everyday for my weight and disability and I fell up or down the school stairs all the time . Luckily never broke a bone think the fat cushioned me.

Only found out in 2020 I was born with a hole in my heart it's in the side wall and small. 2022; finally had my neurological condition diagnosed thanks to my new neurologist having my whole genome genetically tested and.its rare. Finally on treatment for my heart and neurological condition.

But better late than never.

I think it’s so hard but honestly growing a few salads or fruit which won’t be ready for months isn’t going to be a lot of help as nice as it seems
I think Pamala has the only idea that’s feasible and that’s for the Dad to talk to a professional (in confidence) to ask for ideas of ways forward although without the mum on board I can’t see how it can work
It is abuse to allow a child to be so overweight although it’s not the mums fault she obviously needs help too and it could be successful if they could both work together

I don’t think it’s helpful to say other kids will be overweight that’s not the point at all they need help too

But to be SO overweight needs long term huge changes so until the mum is totally on board it can’t or won’t happen Such a difficult problem I really feel for you I don’t know what I d do

Sadly many children are overweight and obese, it's unlikely she will be the only one in high school.

sankev

It think it’s going to be such a difficult discussion and I know my DS is struggling with how to get what is best for his DD but also her mom. He has tried so hard to keep a good and stable relationship with her mother as she herself has. I think he’s hoping it really will help both of them so fingers crossed for them all. We are trying not to make it a big deal so DGD doesn’t become overly anxious. Thank you all for your input and suggestions and I am going to definitely try growing some veggies and fruits with her.

Growing children need protein and healthy fats, not just fruit and veggies. What she probably needs to do is cut down on not so healthy sugary carbs and keep an eye on quantities.

This is a really tricky one and I’m not sure how I would handle it.
My DGS is overweight and I can’t understand why my daughter can’t see it. I have a tricky relationship with her anyway. Anything I say is seen as a criticism so I totally see how difficult it would be for you, even trickier. It sounds as though your DG’S mum is eating a diet of Ultra Processed Food, almost
guaranteed to make you fat.
I don’t think that you or your son see enough of her to make a difference, you seem to be doing as much as you can.
Could your son talk to your DGD’s doctor/school to see if there is anything in the area to encourage healthy eating?
Wouldn’t it be great if schools could have cooking and nutrition as an after school activity. I remember drawing a plate divided into fats, protein etc. A friend said her DD was learning how to design packaging in her DS lessons. Other names for Domestic Science are available!
Are you in the US?

It think it’s going to be such a difficult discussion and I know my DS is struggling with how to get what is best for his DD but also her mom. He has tried so hard to keep a good and stable relationship with her mother as she herself has. I think he’s hoping it really will help both of them so fingers crossed for them all. We are trying not to make it a big deal so DGD doesn’t become overly anxious. Thank you all for your input and suggestions and I am going to definitely try growing some veggies and fruits with her.

I believe Slimming World give free sessions to children. If the Mum could be encouraged to go as well that might work. Mum could also get a free 12 week referral via her GP.

I already do the healthy eating thing when she is with me, and my DS is also doing the same. She always cooks with me and she enjoys this.she actually enjoys lots of healthy foods but isn’t given the option when she’s with her mom. As I’ve mentioned her mom is clinically obese and from what I can tell they generally have McDonald’s and pizza. Also the cost of living crisis isn’t a factor as my DS pays a healthy maintenance and half to all other essentials such as clothes and school trips etc. He also paid for swimming lessons but as he works away her mom agreed to take her then constantly made an excuse as to why she couldn’t. I think a lot of the problem is due to mom’s depression concerning her own weight but again I’m unsure how I can help. My DS does take her for long walks every weekend and to play with other children in the park but she definitely could do with more exercise. Unfortunately I am unable to help during the week as I care full time for my disabled husband and she lives to far away. I do like the idea of her growing some simple vegetables and will certainly give this some more thought.

This is hard and I can really feel for how worried you must be but I m not sure there’s anything you can do, even the dad has got to tread carefully, but I think he is the only way forward for him to sit down and talk to the mum and ask what they can do together as her parents to help with the problem
There may be some genetics come into it too, but exercise and heathy food are the only real way forward as we all know

Could Dad and daughter start a simple exercise regime on the three weekends he has her, (without her realising that’s what it is) set her some goals, simple stuff like her beating him walking to a b or c, take her swimming instead of MacDs, kick a ball round in the park instead of sitting in a cinema
can he put a simple walking app on her phone I have the ring you have to close each day it’s not over done you can set it to easy to start with and make it into a competition she could ring him in the week if she’s completed her ring
Could Dad pretend he needs to lose some weight or get fit for something and get her to help him
what does he usually do at the weekends with her?
Swimming is excellent excercise as is competition between the two of them kids loooove to beat their mums and dads
Good luck this is going to be a toug long term thing no easy fixes

The answer in the hands of her mum really, but clearly she has weight issues herself. This is a difficult situation for you to address, bearing in mind you obviously have no desire to spoil your relationship with the mother of your GD. Your GC will be aware herself, but at 11 she needs guidance and encouragement. An ideal situation would be for Mum to acknowledge the situation , speak to her DD and decide between them how they can work together and eat healthier food. The emphasis on healthy food as opposed to weight loss. If mum could join Slimming world, and be motivated towards cooking healthy meals for herself and her daughter that would be perfect. Once your GD avd her mum lose a few pounds they will be on the right track and hopefully will be proud of their achievements. The last thing you want to do is cause friction between you and her Mum . Speak to your DS and try to hatch a plan . Good luck!

You could get her interested in growing some salad stuff, and berries, and making meals which include them.

Could you get your DGD interested in a sport or active pastime? I am thinking of something like swimming or cycling?

You say you have no say in her care but surely her parents are aware of her development. Can you discuss it with your DS?

Could you encourage her to learn to cook simple nutritious meals?

Could you just encourage healthy eating, and enjoyable exercise when she is with you?
She may decide to carry it on at home, of her own accord.