Black dog 21

Nanny2507 Wyllow3 and Whiff thinking of you and hoping you are all right today.

Going to watch Kate Garraway and hopefully sleep afterwards.

Love to anyone on BD that I haven't mentioned.
Hope you all have a peaceful night.xx

Nadateturbe DH def has Polymyalgia. Couldn't move arms above his head and shoulders so painful he could hardly get out of bed when if first happened last Sept. The blood inflammation tests were borderline so GP referred him to Rheumatologist. An urgent appt there was going to take 3mths so he was given prednisone by GP . It helped but he needed much bigger dose. When he got to Rheumatologist it was confirmed he had Polymyalgia. He started to have the headaches and GP twice said he thought they were tension headaches because of worrying about me. DH doesn't think that and I don't but having to wait for Rheumatology appt again. Think only thing that confirms Temporal Arteritis is biopsy from temple. Blood inflammatory tests not been done for a while.
Bread wasn't much work as have food mixer with dough hook that knead it for me. I use fast action yeast so only one rise. Use half wholemeal half white flour.

Hope you sleep tonight.
Wyllow much love.

Goodnight all.

Evening,
muffinthemoo sorry but missed your post last night. I’m sorry about your nightmares and I’m afraid I don’t have any suggestions for you other than that I totally empathise with you. I don’t really get nightmares but I did used to get awful panic attacks during the night and that made me afraid of going to bed. I started on Sertraline and that has helped me a lot. Like others have suggested, a sleep clinic sounds like a good idea and maybe a change in meds? Good luck and feel free to post. We don’t always have answers but we are here.
Doodle Thank you for your congratulations. No plans for a holiday (we haven’t long been to the Canaries) but we are going to our caravan for Easter and I plan to spend more time there. Hopefully the weather will be kind! Good luck tomorrow.
HVDY no, I didn’t have a “proper” do with everyone but I went out with 2 people who I’ve become quite close to and I’ll keep in touch with them. Your cough sounds different to the one I had as mine was very dry and I couldn’t feel anything on my chest. Hope you are feeling better today. Sounds like a good film. I too like Olivia Coleman, Timothy Spall too. I’m old enough to remember him in Auf Weidersehen Pet (had to Google spelling 🤣) I don’t think he’s aged particularly well so probably did look like he could be Olivia Coleman’s dad!
Sweetpeasue well done on doing 5 k today, hope your knees aren’t too bad. I ache too after exercise but I think it’s good to keep going. Hope your bread was nice. I keep threatening to try. I made cake pops today with GS. He really enjoyed it and they turned out well.
Nadaterturbe thank you for your congratulations. There’s a few things on my list but nothing on the cards immediately. I’d like to do a European road trip in the future but not immediately. Too many other commitments here and DH still works so will keep the one on the back burner for now. I do need to relax and slow down a bit so hopefully that will do me good. Hope you enjoyed scrabble. It’s good to do something different rather than fester in front of the TV. It’s pouring with rain here too ☹️.
Love to Whiff Nanny Scaredycat EllieAnne and Wyllow. Sorry if I’ve missed anyone. Night night xx

Love to all and night night xx

Doodle Hope everything has gone well and you are home soon. Thinking about you. 💐

Hoping everyone is OK today. x

Thanks all. Procedure ok if not entirely successful but they got the samples they were looking for. Good news is I’m back home. Not up to posting much tonight about thinking of you all. 💕💕

Sorry not up to posting much. Just popped in to see if Doodle got home. Sorry it wasn't completely successful. Hope everything is OK. But glad to hear you are home . x

Doodle Glad you're back home. Hope you're OK and feel better tomorrow and sleep well.x

Doodle glad you’re back home. Have a good rest.

Hope everyone else ok.

Night night xx

Doodle I’m so glad you are home ok.
So annoyed with myself. I’m drinking too much and eating rubbish. And wasting time watching too much tv.

Night night xx

Doodle Glad you didn't need to stay in hospital, hope the results of the samples will be heard soon and ok.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202403/medium-901708-img-20240328-113031317-hdr.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202403/medium-32724-img-20240328-113020540-hdr.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202403/medium-578560-img-20240328-113001310-hdr.jpg

This was on a post box near to my bungalow. Hope it makes you all smile.

nadateturbe I think we all understand those days when we don’t feel up to writing much. Hope you’ve had a better day today.
Sweetpeasue how have you and your DH been today. There are lots of poorly people on this thread at the moment. I’m trying to stay positive not to let DH get more dispirited but like you he has so much to put up with.
HVDY yes I’m hoping the results are ok too. Trying not to think about it. Have you got eggs for all your DGC? I’ve bought one for all the family this year. I don’t normally but just decided I would. Are you having visitors this weekend?
Candy have you gone to your caravan already? It will be lovely if you have a few sunny days. Hope you have a good time.
Ellie Anne when you don’t have much to look forward to in life then you tend to enjoy the things you can enjoy, be it food, drink or Tv . I can understand the relief of drink. I’ve always found it relaxing, I am a mellow drinker not an angry one.
Scaredycat hope the holiday is going well.
Whiff that’s wonderful. Certainly made me smile. Love the
Big blue rabbit.
wyllow thinking of you this Easter, do you still go to Quakers?

Whiff Oh, that's lovely . Someone went to a lot of trouble to knit it all.

Doodle I bought eggs for all 4 children, and DIL, plus chocolates for both sons. Son1's GF is lactose intolerant, so I've got her a pretty candle and some hand creams. Baby has got 2 outfits. DH has been moaning about me spending . We've been invited for lunch at Son2's on Monday, will probably get a visit from Son1 over the w/e. Will you see your family? How are you feeling? And your husband?

EllieAnne If having a drink and some cake makes you happy at the time, why not?

nadateturbe, SweetpeaSue, all BDers - hope you're ok today.

My nephew had a chemo session the other day (in an attempt to reduce the brain tumour, which is inoperable), but his chest is painful. He's short of breath (the lung operation hasn't worked very well), he's on 16 tablets a day, and his leg is massively swollen. Things aren't looking good . It's made me realise how very lucky I am to be so well.

Oh hvdy your poor nephew. I’m very thankful for my health though a bit worried about my memory.
My dgs is lactose intolerant so I’ve got him milk free bunny.
I won’t see any of the family over the weekend.
Doodle drink takes the edge off things but I could easily have too much. I’m already over guidelines. Dh must know I’m drinking but never mentions it.
Sleep well everyone.

HVDY so sorry about your nephew. Sounds most uncomfortable for him and distressing.
Ellie Anne it will be a long weekend for you. Do you have any plans. Are you going to church?
I drink over the guidelines too. You are not the only one.

Oh no I've just lost all my posts. So sorry , I don't think I can write them all again. I tapped screen and the page changed! 😟 Will have to be short.
HVDY Just terribly sorry about your poor nephew. I don't know what to say, it's so awful. I hope Dr's are keeping him as peaceful and pain-free as possible.
EllieAnne I won't be seeing my fam either this weekend as son is away working. Have Easter eggs for GD GS his fiance and her daughter, which will have to wait till later. I hope you can have as good a weekend as possible. I don't blame you for drinking over guidelines at all. I've done so at times and especially when times are tough.
Doodle You have so much to cope with, I've been thinking about you today and just hoping you are OK. Trying to stay positive is all we can do but easier said than done. Some days can be worse than others. I'm so sorry you're going through all this and your DH too. You can get exhausted in spirit, mind and body. I pray you have strength in all three.
I've not been too bad today ,Saw psychiatrist this morning and upped my ADs . See how it goes.
Wyllow Goodnight and hope your day hasn't been too bad.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and hope you'll soon be feeling stronger.

Goodnight all BDs x

Goodni

Night night fellow BD's xx

HVDY sorry about your nephew. His swollen leg may be down to water retention and caused by one or more of his tablets. So he needs them reviewing. If you don't mind me asking is the brain tumour malignant or benign ? As chemo can give different side effects depending on which it is also not every sort of chemo suits people and if it's giving him chest pain then it's effecting his heart . Is he under a cardiologist?

Until my husband had cancer didn't realise there where different chemos for different cancers plus different strengths. The one my husband had was palliative but it was light sensitive and had to be in a thick black plastic bag.

If your nephew is terminal sorry don't know how old he is . If he's an adult then he is no doubt thinking about how much he can put up with.

When we knew my husband was terminal we talked about ending his life if the pain got to much. Our McMillan told us he was in the highest dose morphine and any higher would kill him . So we knew how much to end his life if he chose he had enough. Both our children knew from the start his decision. I told him I would give it to him and blow the consequences. Quality of life is far more important than quantity if you are terminally ill or facing a horrible existed like dementia, Alzheimer's or motor neurone or a disease that shuts down your body but leaves your brain active . It must be a living hell to still be able to think clearly but not move or communicate.

I know very religious people think life at any cost but I do wonder if they have experienced looking after anyone with an awful illness and death.

I have and I know what I will choose if I get like any of the things I have watched people die from or because of my HPX I have no quality if life.

But I am doing everything I can to stay fit and mobile hopefully it will be 15-20 years before I end up in a wheelchair again . After years of being in one and stopped using it before my husband's cancer but ending back in it when I had jaundice that's why I try to stay active no matter how wobbly or how bad the pain is.

I know some will think my view is wrong but we have free will and how we use it is up to each and everyone of us. But ending your life just because you want to for no reason then in my view that is wrong and selfish . I have seen the damage it has done to 2 families and each time the person didn't leave a letter explaining.

That's why it always saddens me when anyone here says they don't want to be here anymore. Unless you are terminally ill or have a disease as I have said above. Life is worth living to the full for as long as you have quality. I know mental health problems can cause people to think about suicide but it's not the answer . Living as many of you know is hard with a mental illness my nephew has mental health problems and have friends with various sorts, plus I didn't know what I felt about various situations was because of anxiety issues I have just thought I was weird . Only talking to others with HPX made me realise what it was . But I know how to cope plus it sets my PAF off so have to get back to my calm self as quickly as I can . Sorry can't remember who had permanent AF my brother has that and know how awful it is . So I consider myself lucky to only have PAF .

Hopefully this hasn't upset any of you and apologise if it has.

Always glad to see Wyllow check in .

Whiff My nephew was diagnosed with lung cancer last December, which is also in his brain. He had part of a lung and some lymph nodes removed in Jan, then some special type of radiotherapy (a one-off) on his brain, in Feb. Since then, he's been on hospital twice for the swollen leg - He's on a high dose of steroids plus other things. I hear all these things 2nd-had from my brother, who doesn't ask much). We haven't had any contact with my nephew for a few years, since I had my stroke, July 2021 (neither my brother nor nephew rang my husband once when I was in hospital for 6 weeks and he hasn't forgiven that) The chest pain is to do with the lung, but the hospital says they can't do anything at the moment except painkillers. He's 54, smoked all his life (not now, obviously but it's too late). Like you, I think quality of life is important. You have been to strong in your life, and you still are. Your husband must have been so proud of you.

HVDY thank you I do everything I because of my husband.

Estrangement is horrible especially as it shows how uncaring they are . I let my son know when I had my hereditary Hyperekplexia diagnosed. I text him to tell him I was sending a letter and a copy of my neurologists diagnosis. I never heard from him. He estranged me via email 4 days after my birthday in 2020. He text me he was sending it and not to contact him he sent one to his sister . But they had be on the outs for years due to my daughter in law's jealousy of my daughter . What upset he couldn't even sent a simple text like at least you know . Or glad you got diagnosed. But by sending me the email I realised how cruel and cowardly my son was . I had a loving caring son for 32 years no idea who he is now. But I will never forgive or forget what he and my daughter in law wrote about me. Any trust I had in him he destroyed and my love for my daughter in law died when she wrote on Reddit FIL died to get away from MIL. Such a wicked thing to write about a man she never knew and my son knows his dad died in agony unable to breath even on full oxygen. I have a grandson who is 3 I don't know his name or date of birth only he was due in July 2020. Last time I saw his brother's they where 4&2 now 7&5. When I moved here I saw them every week for 7 months.

I will never understand why my son dumped me and all our side of the family . But I decided last year I am done letting him hurt me. My grief for my husband far out weights what he has done and I have to many good things in my life . I will always love the son I knew and love my 3 grandson's . And one day karma will bite my son and daughter in law on the bum. They think they are perfect parents and they are not as no such thing. I know and saw things they did which I thought was wrong but never said a thing. But I know my grandsons are their world and they are loved and cherished.

I have never smoked but my brother did but when he started having heart problems he stopped cold turkey 20 years ago funny enough before my husband died and hasn't smoken since. As he didn't want to shorten his life.

Hello dear friends.
We got home late last night after spending a lovely long time with DD and SiL. We had the scariest landing - due to the ferocious wind the pilot had to abort the first landing with one wheel on the runway then go up again and have another go. I,ve never been so frightened. My DD and I took a long time to stop shaking.😩 So many of you have had such a rough time these last couple of weeks - hope better times are round the corner.
Doodle- I,m so sorry that you have had more health worries since I,ve been away but pleased you did not have to stay in Hospital. I do so hope you get the results quickly and all is OK.
You always show so much kindness to everyone while you have so much on your plate to deal with. Hope you have a peaceful weekend.
Nanny- so sorry your sadness is overwhelming you. Please if you can reach out to those that can help you- not easy to do I know but I,m sure your DH wouldn’t want you to deal with it alone. You will soon have a little GC and you will be such an important part of his or hers life- hang on to that thought and know that there are better times to come.
Candy- congratulations on your retirement- soon you will wonder how you ever managed to fit work in. Take a well earned rest and enjoy your new life. It’d be fun to plan a Road trip in Europe for the future but in the meantime enjoy happy times in the caravan .
Notoveryet - glad to meet you - we are all here for each other.
Muffinthemoo- those nightmares sound horrendous. They must sometimes stay in your mind after you wake up. You must dread going to bed. I really sympathise with you and hope you can get some help to deal with them.
EllieAnne- don’t beat yourself up about doing things that help to make your life more bearable. I can’t drink now but believe me when I could I really enjoyed it- sometimes a bit too much!! Hope the weekend isn’t too difficult for you- have you seen your new friend again?
HVDY- what a terrible time your nephew is going through- he must be very uncomfortable.
Your weekend sounds like fun- ChubbyChops first Easter. You will be able to do Egg hunts for her when she is a bit older.
You are a kind thoughtful Mum and “MiL” - you only live once and treating those you love is one of life’s pleasures. I,m sure it makes your DH happy too.
Hope your cough is less troublesome.
SweetPeaSue- Hope the increase in ADs will help you and that your pain allows you and DH to get out this weekend and enjoy the sea air. Will you see your Auntie?
Whiff- I feel as you do that life is precious and that we must try and live life for those we have loved and lost. My Mum took her own life as a result of her Manic Depression and it is such a terrible thing for those who are left behind to live with.
It’s me with permanent AF like your brother. It’s exhausting but I,m learning to live with it .I find your posts uplifting - such strength of character.
Nadateturbe- hope you are feeling stronger today and manage to have an enjoyable weekend.
Wyllow- thinking of you and sending an Easter hug.
Love to all those mentioned and those I may have left out

Sweetpeasue Hope the increase in ADs help you.
You’re right it’s hard to stay positive. I find i wake up in the morning feeling low but gradually pick up during the day then get to about 9pm and I just want to sleep.
You must miss your son while he’s away. How many weeks is he on shift? Hope you get to dispense your Easter eggs soon.
Whiff I do understand where you’re coming from. I know quality of life is so important. I watched my wonderful funny clever brother die with Alzheimer’s and it wasn’t fun at all.
Some people have to suffer so much.
HVDY sorry your nephew is in such pain. Is he in hospital or at home now?
Have you seen any of your little ones today?
Scsredycat welcome back. Oh yes the weather was dreadful last night. What a scary landing. No wonder you were shaking.
Thank you, we had a lovely visit from DS1 and family today. First time we’ve seen them all since Christmas. So nice to have a good catch up.
I think my AF, which I only found out just after my pacemaker was fitted, is causing fluttering type palpitations but I also seem to feel it in my lower rib cage and under my diaphragm too.
Maybe it’s not that.
So pleased you had a lovely holiday. Must have done you good. Try to forget the landing now as you don’t want to spoil the happy memories. Nice to have you back with us.
Thinking of you Ellie Anne, Candy and Wyllow
I’m part way through a 3 hour online church service and wondering if I’ll be able to keep awake till the end.

Whiff The treatment you had from your son and his wife was very cruel. I can never understand how some families can turn their back on family, particularly mothers. I've always said that family is everything. My brother is very different to me - he's never met my GC (eldest is almost 13), never been out for meals with his family. It's a pity he's been like that as he's now alone most of the time. He last came to my house almost 2 years ago (8 miles away), so I've now stopped inviting him.

ScaredyCat So pleased you had a nice holiday. Thank goodness for the pilot, who does those flights all the time, and was calm and got everyone back safely. My cough is still there but perhaps a bit less during the day now.

Doodle My nephew is at home, fed-up and wishes he could go to work! Not seen any GC today, but will see our 12yr old tomorrow GD evening whilst Son1 and his GF are out. Glad you saw your son and his family today, after such a long time.

SweetpeaSue, EllieAnne, Candy, Wyllow and ALL BDers - hope you have a restful night x