Black Dog 22

Evening
Wyllow another way describe me could be “mad dog lady”. I’m glad it’s not just me. Hope you’re koko.
Whiff Good to hear from you.
HVDY hope you got all your ironing done and are happy with your hair cut. Mine needs doing. Lovely day here today . Had a nice relaxing day. Back home tomorrow.
Scaredycat sounds like you’ve had a super busy day. Hope you’ve enjoyed every minute with your family making memories.
Hope everyone else is ok. Special love to Doodle. Night all xx

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hi all.
Yesterday was frantic- so much to do and I finally chased up my cream which involved a lovely lady at the Hospital- consultants secretary and a very helpful independent pharmacy. What a to do that all was😩 Washing and ironing this morning while waiting for the whirlwind that is my 2;nd eldest GD and our 7 yr old GGS to arrive for the night. Her DH is at home with the pets. My DD is off work this week so it’s a picnic with them,my eldest GD and 11 and 9 yr old GGC and GD when she arrives- chaos will reign!!
Doodle- thinking of you today as always and hoping your hospital stay is calm and uneventful. Once your treatment is over you can focus on your new life but take it slowly and above all be kind to yourself. Cry when you feel like it,laugh when you feel like it and don’t ever let anyone tell you how you should be behaving. It’s a long road but you are the strongest and bravest person to take that road we are there with you holding your hand.
Wyllow- take each day as it comes and don’t think of this week as a whole. It will be difficult without your worker but you have great strength of character and will get through it. We are all willing you onxx
Candy- lovely kind ,long post ditto
Whiff- good to see you back.
SweetPeaSue- no it wasn’t the Wakefield accident. Those poor people. I can’t bear how people gawp as they go past- they never seem to think that those people are others beloved friends and families.
Glad you DH is thinking positive Garden thoughts- he sounds a very strong minded person. Hope you have a good day.
I can’t write more as I need to get ready for the onslaught!!
Love to all - those mentioned and those not xxxxx

Wyllow3 You're doing ok, just koko as much as you feel able to . Hope the meds palaver was sorted out.

Doodle . You're a strong lady, and you'll get through all this grief.

Candy6 Hope the weather warms up for you. It must be nice to be away, though, just for a break. Your dogs are obviously very loved. I have the same sentiment when it comes to pets.

It's a bright and sunny morning. I've got a massive pile of ironing to do (how exciting) and I'm going to get my hair cut later. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day.

The thing I tell all those who's other half dies never keep how you are feeling in. If you want to cry,scream , shout,hit a pillow do it and think that applies to everyone here . If you keep those feelings locked away they fester and anything you feels makes it worse. I learnt the hard way but when I was widowed at 45 what did I know about bone crushing grief. I was a fool and thought I had to be brave and only let myself cry if no one was is in the house for hours or when I went to bed.

Please everyone don't hold your feelings in you will only hurt yourself more. If you need alone time then have it and shut the world out for a little while. But while you can go out or do something that gives you joy and peace of mind.

I know what living with constant pain is like as I have been in pain my whole life now 66. But if I didn't feel the pain I would think I was dieing 😀.

But those of you who are in constant pain and have been for a long time I feel for you . For me I don't know what it would feel like without my pain as it's part of me . Even a morphine drip and 2 days of another strong pain killers but can't think how to spell it begins with a P. Whilst it took the pain away from my operation site it did nothing for the pain in my legs and arms .

I am glad I wake up every morning as I never thought I would reach the age I am . I had prepared myself in 1988 when my health got worse to die first . But it was my fit healthy husband who got Cancer and died at 47. So I owe it to him to live my life to the full. And I do. I don't believe in quantity of life but quality. Unless you are dieing from some awful disease then I can understand people wanting to end their life. My husband had that talk and if he decided he couldn't take the agonising pain any longer or McMillan nurse had already told us what dose to give but in her roundabout way. My husband was on the top dose of morphine any higher would kill him. Our children knew his decision and mine . And if he had asked I would have given him the higher dose and bugger the consequences.

That's why it saddens me when some of you say you don't want to be here anymore. I know you are suffering physical and mental pain but unless it's a condition that is life limiting you have to fight on . I have never wanted my life to end yet. My very wise husband made me promise a lot of things as he knew what I needed to live without him . And I have kept everyone and always will .

I know everyday is a struggle to carry on but you have to not just for you but your loved ones and people who care about you.

Grief isn't just for those who other half of themselves dies, it can be for loss of health ,loss of the person you where or want to be , estrangement is a living grief , you can grieve for your mental and physical health ,grieve for loss of ability to do things you once could and there are many other things you can grieve over. But you can live with the grief but it takes time not months but years . My husband died 20 years ago in February I grieve for him everyday and as the years go by the grief gets worse because he has missed so much. Even now grief can be overwhelming so I have a good cry,scream ,shout or swear at my husband for leaving me . But I see him with that stupid grin on his face and imagine him saying feeling better and I do.

I know it's hard but fight every day to live . As limiting physical and mental can be there is always away to do things but your way. You just have to find it.

I have said before you are all stronger than you think I see it even if you don't. You help eachother everyday and people who just read what you are going through as it helps them . And you are not alone . You are all brave and face life no matter what it throws at you . So please keep on fighting everyday and enjoy the good days the best way you can but let your feelings out on your bad days .
💕

pills not ills...

I was so very glad to read your pain was a little better, HVDY and a nice pub lunch treat.

I’m glad the afternoon was a bit brighter, Sweetpeasue. I’m guessing that buying the wood and saw is DH’s way of looking hopefully ahead. Those dreams can knock you out.

Doodle…….you say it exactly like it is……one cant say a lot more - (brought on a rare sniffle) yes lets try xx

Candy you sound like my sister with your love for dogs, and their care.

I am sorry though the weather hasn’t been too good. May tomorrow be super sunny!

Love to BD’s no in today, or readers

Had awful morning trying to sort out meds (availability, mistakes over a cut in meds still to be resolved, long GP phone wait as they had ills with different dosages...- all in Sainsbury’s as thats when the first call came and had to get onto 3 different people. Can't be sure its sorted yet.

Evening all, just had a long catch up.
Doodle I’m glad you got through your upsetting anniversary. It’s always hard getting through these things, especially so close to your loss. We’ve got one coming up soon. You did well to push through it and I glad that the past few days have been a bit better for you. It will be good when your op is over and you can continue to move on in a way that suits you, your pace and with the help and support of your lovely family and us on here too of course.
Sweetpeasue you have lots of worries I know but HVDY’s advice on trying not to was invaluable. It’s hard though and I wish I was better at it. It’s a bad time for you both but you have faced things before and got through them and you will this time too. The time will come when you can move back in it and move forward and enjoy your lives again. Stay strong.
Scaredycat you too had an upsetting anniversary and I’m glad you got away and I hope this helped you. Nature is a wonderful thing. I’ve seen seals her to and it’s so refreshing to see them in their natural environment. It’s only as I’ve got older that I’ve fully appreciated the outdoors and the natural environment so much.maybe it’s an age thing.
Nadatertrube yes, we have had three dogs but the older two don’t need walking as such as they sadly cant anymore. They need a lot of support but we believe that if you decide to have pets, then you have to give them the best life possible, right until the end. The younger dog keeps us on our toes though. DH has gone home this evening and taken the older two and I’ve stayed on at the caravan with the younger one. The weather hasn’t been good at all but a better day forecast tomorrow so km hoping to see some sun before I return home on Wednesday. I’m glad they are looking at improving recognition of ME. About time. I think it’s been trivialised too much in the past. A nurse once said to a friend of mine who suffers and when she advised her that her pain is sometimes exaggerated because of this, said “well we’re not even sure it actually exists yet”. I was fuming as this was so unprofessional and thoughtless. I understand too about your worries over your DS1. I have had so many over mine and still do. It’s hard being a parent. The hardest. I hope today has been a good day for you.
HVDY I’m glad your pain has eased and I hope you continue to be pain free. Sounds like you had a lovely day with Chubby Chops too. Wow, a day warm and sunny enough to get the paddling pool out! Lucky you. We’ve had nothing like, not at home nor here at the caravan. In fact, the weather here at the caravan has very often been a lot worse than at home. I don’t want it too hot, just some warm sunshine would be nice. It’s a shame too now that the school holidays are here. I feel for families on holiday. I hope you are pain free now.
Ellie Anne lovely photo. I have only been to Scotland once, and that was to Arran. I loved it. I would like to see more and I sometimes question whether we should have bought a motor home and not our caravan, so we could explore more. But the roads are always so busy and DH isn’t a fan of being stuck in queues or indeed travelling for long periods. Swings and roundabouts I suppose. I hope you have managed to get out on some nice walks.
Wyllowthinking of you on your difficult week. You will get through because you are strong enough. You are managing to koko. ❤️.
Love to all. Take care ❤️

Oh Doodle Sending a hug for you and Wyllow Wish I could help. Sending love.xx

Wyllow I’m so sorry for the situation you’re in. I can understand a bit. Sometimes I feel I can’t go on but have to. I know I have to as it wouldn’t be fair to others but I feel like screaming sometimes. Nothing seems to hold much purpose.
Let’s try together. You and me. Let’s get through this somehow. xx
HVDY how lovely you were able to have a conversation with your SIl. Nice for her to be able to chat. So pleased you were able to enjoy lunch and not be in pain.
Sweetpeasue yes I did have a good day yesterday. Today not so good but it’s swings and roundabouts,
Yes please make sure your DH is fully functioning before he uses that saw.
Scaredycat hope you’re home safely and I expect you’ve been very tired today. Glad you had a good trip.

HVDY So glad you've not had the pain you had yesterday. You must have felt very down and worried so you needed that better day today. Hope( that lovely word again) it lasts a bit longer. That was nice to see your SIL more coherent .Good lunch too - you've had a nice day.Crossed fingers.
Doodle Glad you had a nice lunch yesterday with your eldest son and to be able to eat and enjoy it too. Hoping there's been some brighter parts of today. Yes hope is all we have and it's what keeps everyone going. Reminds me of the poem- ' Hope is the thing with feathers,that perches on the soul...' Think about you every day as we all do. x
Scaredycat Hope you have managed to rest today, you really must have needed it after such a busy week and the frightening journey home. I saw on news today there was a really bad accident at Wakefield on A61 and wondered if that was the one. I would imagine you got home late and tired.
Nadateturbe Hope you are feeling a bit better today and you're not too low .
EllieAnne How are you doing. Wishing some sunshine for you.
Wyllow So hard for you being alone and not having any fight inside you to push for more help. I hope the absence of your worker this week is a one off . You need that worker and more besides.
It's OK not to want to say too much about your troubles - we understand. Just good to hear you are there . I know how difficult it is for you with the basics- self care - so you have done well to shower and put a wash on. You will get better -we will you too. We care.

Terrible dreams last night -being left alone( past relative betrayal and recurring dream about top of house being eerie and drawing me in but not finding way out of rooms again). Felt depressed and down but afternoon bit brighter. DHs scar area swollen so his glasses leaving a furrowed delve through it. He can't see without them. He bought some wood today to make a base for a new shed. He's unable to do it yet but brought an electric circular saw which should make things easier when he's able, but scares the life out of me. He'll not be using that yet!

Take care all and hope everyone OK and those not mentioned.

How's everyone getting on today?

I visited my SIL in the home, as my brother's at his son's for a few days. She was quite lucid, was able to have a conversation. DH took me, did a bit of shopping whilst he waited, then we had a very late lunch at a favourite pub of ours. Oddly, my pain is not too bad at all today.

Hope everyone is ok x

Sweetpeasue lovely words for Doodle tough time for you both waiting for results, for DH it seem like he needs to do what he can without overdoing it to try and keep his spirits up.

I’m so sorry to hear your coming home news, Scaredycat

So sorry it was an awful pain day, HVDY. You’re brave to get out. Bests for GP tomorrow.

Glad to hear Doodle you managed to eat lunch.
Ready to join other Bd’s in handbag on Wednesday.

ME services are very poor nadateturbe. Hard to keep your spirits up.

Physical and mental difficulties so difficult I don’t sort of want to write about them much. AS if it will make them worse. Did manage to shower and do a wash but a tough week ahead no worker. I ned to make more of a fuss but not good at doing it. I’m glad to be held in peoples thoughts

Night night BD’s xx

HVDY sorry just read your last post. Sorry your leg was so painful. Hope you get to contact Gp

Wyllow at least you’re reading so you know we’re here and thinking of you.
HVDY a bock of cheese in 2 days is a lot and you’re right about the salt content. Yes I’ve been out for lunch with our elder son and family today. It was really nice and I enjoyed my meal. First time in ages I’ve felt able to eat lunch.
How have you been today did you rest a lot. Hope it hasn’t been too painful,
nadateturbe don’t worry I didn’t read anything into what your wrote you’re always so kind to me. Me is so debilitating there ought to be so much more done in research and support.
Sweetpeasue thank you. Yes I did spend a lot of time worrying about DH and doing all I could to get him the right treatment. The NHS always needs some chasing.
Never be afraid to use the word Hope. Without Hope we have nothing.
Scaredycat so sorry you must be worn out. Hope you’re home safely now and can relax and rest. Yes so hard for those involved in accident hope they’re ok.
Ellie Anne and Candy thinking of you both and hoping you had a good weekend.

SweetpeaSue It is quite depressing to be unable to do things we'd like to do, isn't it? I can understand your husband feeling like that. Hopefully, he'll get the correct treatment soon. My pain has been awful today. We went to a place the other side of town and had a walk along the main street where all the shops, bars, etc. are. My "bad" leg keeps giving way when I walk, and has been doing that for a week or more (I'll try to get GP advice tomorrow). We had only gone 1/4 of a mile but I had to stop several times in that distance. It's ridiculous now. We all live in "hope", don't we? Your meal sounds good.

ScaredyCat How awful. Hope nobody was injured. I bet you were so glad to get home eventually. Have a rest for a bit.

How has everyone else been? x

I somehow can't prevent myself from using the 'hope' word so much.
🫣

Oh Scaredycat How terrible. It must bring such bad memories for you whenever this happens- of course sympathies with the poor people involved too and I really feel for you. You must feel exhausted after your holiday and just want to get home ,so sorry. You have 'spread yourself thin with so many fam visits coming up. Hope you'll feel much better after a rest.
Meanwhile , just hope those involved are not too bad and the traffic gets moving soon.

Hi all. We are currently at a standstill on the motorway due to an accident. DH is stretching his legs on the hard shoulder! Left his daughters at 10am😩But my heart goes out to those involved- a life changing day for them .
Thank goodness it’s not so hot now. We have to come back this way next weekend for another family occasion in a different place😩also got a GD and GGS coming to stay in between. I need a rest!! Have just caught up on all your news but will post tomorrow after getting sorted. Love to allxx

HVDY Wow! BP of 210 regularly-your SIL is a lucky lady , perhaps she has good genes. DH not able to be as active these last couple of weeks so he gets frustrated and makes him quite depressed about it all. Hope your not in as much pain today. You need your own appt with musculoskeletal and hope you get something soon. Much cooler here today too. We're having a lazy day. Just been to a local supermarket and bought a cooked chicken so having it with salad and some home grown potatoes.

Hope everyone is OK.

Nadateturbe I hope the coming week will be much better one for you. I wasn't aware of Sajid Javid encouraging more research into ME treatments- it's certainly needed. I'm sorry about your worry with son1 . We think when they're adults there won't be as much to worry about but the worries just change. I think the difference is we are more helpless when they're grown up as they make there own decisions and we can only be there for them as and when needed. Thanks my knee isn't as bad today. DH did get scans quickly but we had to wait a long time to get to see a specialist because of 1st GP not taking his headaches seriously.
Doodle I believe the temperature where you are must be hotter than here but I'm like you , I don't fare well in heat. It's a shame the hospital isn't closer .You will be pleased to get the operation over with so you can just concentrate on getting well. Wyllow is right , we will all be with you in spirit on Wednesday.
Thankyou for advice about chasing up DH's appts. If anyone understands that side of it , it's yourself after all the time you've had to spend there. My own DH has had only a fraction of time with ill health compared with yours Doodle and you were a rock by his side always. All that fighting to stay on the consultant's radar -chasing up appts, ect. I can only imagine what it took out of you. You need to look after yourself now and I know sure your sons will be with you and supporting you as you have their love always.

nadateturbe Sorry you've had a rough week. Does anything in particular trigger your M.E. or make it worse? I have always been able to talk a lot (DH's sister is the same). My longest ever call was with a friend I had at the time, lasting 6 hours! It was from 9pm to 3am!

Doodle I'm glad it's not so hot. There's a nice breeze here at the moment. Will you see family today?

Wyllow3 Keep doing as much, or as little, as you're able to, but do keep posting.

EllieAnne Might you get out to see anyone today?

DH and I will go out later, no idea where yet. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

SweetpeaSue DH's sister is one of the people I know whose BP is always high - 210, that kind of number. She's one of those people who doesn't agree with taking tablets, and although she's only about 2st overweight, doesn't drink or smoke, eats healthily, she eats LOTS of cheese (which has a high salt content), a block in 2 days, and cheese every day. I hope your husband will sit and rest more, particularly in this warm weather. You, too.

Read and caught up on your days just don't have the ooomfp to write and share just koko.
Night night dear BD's xx