Black Dog 22

Nice to see you after a bit Candy and glad you like your time away. "Home" does feel problematic for you atm.

It's hard to bear the loneliness, EllieAnne

Wearying with that pain day after day, HVDY.

`I do have a cleaner. Today was supermarket. I do thin about doin ghtose things but a big chunk of me stops me, a sort of emotional self harm.

Sweetpeasue - hoping So much tomorrow is helpful for DH (and yourself!)

Doodle I have a laptop. But I have seen complaints on GN about accessing the "in the last hour" button but not other threads. Hope your lap top starts behaving

nadateturbe hard to koko like that

Night night BD's, very tired now.

Good evening everyone. Well I've almost caught up. Ran out of screen energy two thirds way through Candys post. How did you manage to write all that Candy? very thoughtful.
Have had a bad time recently, got really down and had to work (and pray) my way through it. And very short on energy.
So just briefly, Sweetpeasue I assume from reading that your DH has appointment tomorrow, apologies if I'm wrong. Will
be thinking of you, and praying.
HVDY I am so sorry about your pain. As someone else said the surgery needs to know how bad it is, I do think you need more attention. It's disgraceful. I hope you manage to enjoy the trip, especially the chocolate making!
Doodle I wish I could take your pain away. You mustn't feel you can't say how you are. It's important to talk. I don't think I can add to all the good advice you have been given by wonderful friends here. Sending hugs, and praying that God will help you through this time and hold you fast.xx
Thinking of everyone else. And hoping you are all OK. xx

Doodle- I use my iPad to log in and type as it’s easier to type etc. No problems today. Hope you,ve had a better day todayxx

Sorry, what I should have said was I'm not having any problems seeing posts using my phone Doodle.

Doodle Sorry you're having problems. I use my phone so can't help I'm afraid. Hoping someone can come in that uses their iPad.
Hope you haven't had too bad a day and you managed to sleep OK last night. Sending love. X

Anyone here having problems with GN. I can’t see any other posts only the ones in I’m on. Sorry really slow to post to.
Does anyone use iPad rather than phone to log in?

Wyllow Well done for keeping washing clothes and dressing.
A garden can look very deserted can't it? My aunt's sister lived in one of the 2 houses at edge of field (aunt lives in other) and her sister died a Yr ago so empty house and garden left to itself overgrown.
Never mind , Wyllow' when you're well enough you can maybe get a gardener in to tidy it a little. You are the main priority right now. Hope the new carer comes in soon.
Candy You sound just as busy now as you did when working. So glad you're enjoying the visit to your son. I always feel sad if I go to visit my eldest son and it's time to leave. Not sure which city it is but it's nice to be able to browse around some good shops, anywhere different really. Thankyou , yes we're both a bit nervous about tomorrow- only get 1 chance to put things over. I'll be with him.
EllieAnne Not been nice weather here today either. You keep so busy -I expect it helps to forget your sad situation at home. Whatever helps you. Remember the families you see together aren't all necessarily happy all the time. So awful about the nursery ! Honestly I can't see what fun these people get out of trashing a place like that and causing such upset. It's beyond me too EllieAnne.
HVDY Your pain must be so bad -it's disgraceful that you can't get that MRI any sooner. I'm so sorry- I just hope it goes away sooner than they have led you to believe.
Yes I do really think the Rheumatologist will believe it's GCA though we've been let down so many times that I never take things for granted now. It is certainly so wrong that everyone is suffering because of the waiting for tests and treatment.I don't know how long this will go on for its shambles.

Ellie Anne you’ve had a busy, productive day! I’m sorry you’re so lonely. I hate the thought of anyone being lonely. I spend a lot of time on my own too. DH has always been busy working so I’ve always done my own thing. Recently though, his work has become much quieter and I’ve found myself feeling a bit guilty going about my busy day. He doesn’t seem to mind but I like doing these things. I do think that when he does finally retire then we should do more together but I like my routine and our tastes are different. At least your DH doesn’t seem to mind you doing your own thing too which is at least one good thing. How awful about the nursery vandalism. Some people can be cruel and so thoughtless.

Candy the weather definitely affects my mood. I like the sun but can get a bit sad then too as I am always on my own and I see others in couples and families. But I go for walks and work in the garden.
Today it’s cold and windy.
My hand is getting better but still a bit of a mess.
So far today I’ve changed the bed done some washing,cleaned the house and done a big shop.
Now I am trying to talk myself into going for a walk.
Dh is watching golf on Tv.
I’m feeling really lonely today.
My d in ,l put on fb that my gs s nursery garden has been vandalised. It was only set up a month ago with plants and new furniture. Kids and staff so upset. Why do people do these things..?

Morning all, I haven’t been in for longer than I thought but all caught up now.
HVDY I’m so sorry for all the pain you are experiencing, it’s no wonder you are despondent. It must be so hard when you want to do things but you can’t. Are there any other pain relieving meds you could try? I know some can have some nasty side effects though. I hope whoever it’s is you see today is able to help you and you are able to go and enjoy your break away. The photo you posted of Chubby Chops is gorgeous. What a lovely little girl. Sounds like you had a lovely birthday celebration for her too. I like TEMU too but my latest addiction is Vinted. I’m selling some stuff but buying stuff too! I like shopping and clothes and I’ve had some bargains on there. I like the idea of recycling things too. I hope your pain is manageable today.
Scaredycat I hope you have managed to get the cream you need. It just seems to be a big problem these days for all sorts of meds. Very worrying. I wonder is it something to do with leaving the EU and the bureaucracy surrounding it? I hope you get it soon. I hope your chicken pie turned out ok. Since I finished work, I’ve started to “cook from scratch” more. Nothing complicated as I don’t want to spend hours in the kitchen but I would rather eat more wholesome healthy food. It’s a shame to hear of your friends decline with Alzheimer’s. I think you said she still lives independently? My MiL has it too and still lives independently but I’m worried how long she will be capable of doing so. So cruel. Your village fete sounded nice. Do you live in a small village? Nice to see these traditions being carried on. We have one too in our village but I haven’t been for a few years as it’s always the August bank holiday weekend and we’re usually at our caravan then. I hope your niece gets her op soon. Again, much the same story everywhere these days. Annoying and so difficult for those in pain. I hope your day is going well today.
Ellie Anne so sorry for your fall. I hope your hand is healing now. I’m sorry too that you get no comfort from your DH. That must be so hard for you. Your friends haven’t helped your mood either it seems. I hope your meeting helped a bit and that you are able to enjoy a more meaningful friendship. I’ve grown apart from a friend too. It’s a long story but ultimately it’s down to her DH. I loathe him now. We do still meet up but it’s quite strained and I will never share anything too personal which I think you should be able to do with a true friend. It hurts. The weather you experience where you love seems like it affects your mood? The weather very much affects mine too. I would happily move abroad but not anywhere too hot and I’ve have to take my close family with me so it’s not going to happen. I hope it’s ok for you today and you are able to get out a bit.
Whiff your analysis of fear about being left alone was good. I too have the same fear and really don’t know how I’ll cope if and when it happens. Your post was comforting and like you said about feeling the sadness is good because you are feeling it and masking hurts more. A very good therapist once told me that and she was right. I never realised it before then. Your post to Ellie Anne was very thoughtful too. You write well. Your description of the vegan meal you had resonated with me too. Since my daughter became vegetarian a few years ago, I have tried different things and can honestly say that the majority of the time, you really cannot tell the difference. Things have moved on a lot. I remember going out with my veggie SiL when the only meal she was offered was to take the ham off a very poor salad! Hope your day is going well.
Zakouma66 you too gave good advice to Wyllow re. CBT. It’s great that all these snippets of advice are shared as they can help others too. I cope with things by keeping busy too but being too busy, as I constantly find, sometimes wipes us out and personally, I’m trying my best to find ways I can cope without having my mind constantly occupied. It’s a balance I suppose.
Doodle I’m sorry to hear you are so sad and wish there was a magic wand I could use to take it all away. It seems you are having good days and bad but you are mostly doing so well and are being very brave. I hope that doesn’t sound condescending. Please try to eat something even if you don’t feel like it as, as I didn’t realise, that not eating can make anxiety worse. When I was really bad, I couldn’t swallow food so I used to take Complan but I think there are better supplements these days - Ensure (prescription only) for example. You probably know all this so apologies if you do. I think you are right in postponing your op to a time when it feels right for you and your surgeon obviously agrees. I’m sure your son would prefer to be around too. Both will be a great comfort to you I’m sure. Your neighbour sounds lovely as does your flat. It must be nice sitting on your balcony overlooking the river. I would like that. I also like to hear background noise, traffic etc. it makes me feel more “present” to use therapy speak. I’m writing this post in my son’s flat (or apartment as he likes to call it 🤣) with the doors open to the patio and sound of traffic (it’s ground floor) and I could happily live here. Trouble is I have a lot of “stuff” and I’d have to seriously have a clear out. I hope you are feeling brighter today.
Wyllow I’m glad you got your meds but it’s a shame you had to go through all that to get them. You did very well. I hope you start having more good days soon. It’s good that your MH worker will stay until care is in place, I just hope it happens for you soon. I expect the election and all the events surrounding it is keeping your mind occupied this week. I hope today is a good one for you.
Sweetpeasue it’s good that you made the decision to give up your group sessions. If you weren’t getting the right vibe, then no point. Nice of your son to call from his honeymoon. They obviously care for you a lot and it must have given you such a boost. Your tops and flowers look lovely. I expect you are nervous about tomorrow but it’s good that your DH will be seen at last. Will you go to the appointment with him? At least if you do you can explain exactly what’s happening and stress the need for something to be done. Will be thinking about you both. I hope that you are pain free and are not worrying too much.
Nadaterturbe it’s a shame you had to cancel meeting up with your friend. I hope you are feeling better today. I expect you too will be following the election closely. Mind you, hard to miss! I hope your energy levels are ok today and you are able to get some fresh air.
Allsorts sorry you are so depressed. Sorry if I’ve missed it, but do you take meds? Like others on here, I was quite bad before I started them but things are more manageable for me now thankfully. I hope you are feeling better today.

Apologies for the long, long post but because I haven’t posted in a while, I wanted to respond personally while I have the opportunity. We came down to see my son yesterday and I have a day to myself today so I’m catching up. I’m going to walk my dog to the local park in a while, have some lunch and then look around the lovely shops in this small city. I love it here and could happily live here. I’ll be sad to go home tomorrow but hopefully not overwhelming like I used to be. Hope everyone has the best day possible. Take care.

ScaredyCat It's awful for your niece. Such a lot of people are waiting for operations and treatments. I hope she gets a date to have it done soon.

Doodle I haven't got much faith in this Physio now - he's the one who gave me exercises for Osteoarthritis, which I haven't got (they made things much worse) We'll see. I'm pleased you're eating ok. Perhaps you might get out and chat with someone today?

SweetpeaSue Surely the consultant will realise your husband's got GA. I hope the treatment will be correct. It's not right that we should have to ask for treatments and tests, is it?

Wyllow3 The pain has been too bad for me to do anything much at all - putting my knickers on, getting on and off the toilet, everything is painful. Could you manage to set yourself one task per week to do? And try to get as much help as you can - whether that's a gardener, cleaner, someone who irons, etc. You don't have to try to sort everything alone.

EllieAnne How are you? Has the weather brightened up where you are?
Whiff, Candy6, Nadateturbe, zakouma, Allsorts and all others - hope you have a better day today x

Sorry for your painful and frustrating time, HVDY sounds like RICE is too sedentary and MEAT only possible if pain levels allow!

Roll on Tuesday indeed, Sweetpeasue, glad DH has not over done it.

Holding you in my thoughts, Doodle what you are experiencing is so understandable. World turned upside down and unknown and scary. Would a GP or counsellor possibly help? I don’t know if you have anyone to ring or not.

I’m glad you had your chat with sis, Scaredycat, her poor DD waiting. So many.

It is difficult to get the balance right zakouma

No, done nothing re hairdresser, today had a shower and washed clothes, but mood stuck in whats the point in anything etc you should see the garden its heartbreaking but I cant make myself ring the gardener…just try not to think bad self hate thoughts all the time but not active.

Thoughts for EllieAnne**Candy**Whiff**Allsorts Nadateturbe and Candy

night night all xx

Doodle So glad and relieved to know you managed last night. It would be surprising if you didn't feel frightened and overwhelmed by so much you've had and are still having to face. I didn't realise your son was away too. I always feel a bit more secure when my son is at home. It's just feels good to know there's extra backup if needed. Hope you have a better night tonight and come in and say whatever you feel -someone is bound to be here. You are precious to all on BD.
HVDY I'd not heard of MEAT -T for treatment is what patients def need. It's awful that you're havingto go through all this pain and I wish it would go as suddenly as it came.I hope the 1st physio has some knowledge of this nerve entrapment and can help . Thanks, I've kept DH from overdoing it today.
Scaredycat My aunt's daughter( my cousin) waited nearly a Yr with an ovarian cyst. Started off v small and by the time she had her op a month ago it was as big as a grapefruit. It's really terrible how long people are waiting. I'm so sorry about your poor neice. My cousin is now much better. Hope your neice gets her op soon. No cafe to walk too so we usually drive to a village 5ml away or one little further.
* Zakouma66* Sounds like you keep busy to try and keep depressive or upsetting thoughts away. Sorry if you've mentioned it but hope the loss of your parents isn't too recent. It's v hard after both are gone and can feel v lonely. Not sure if you have any siblings. Hope you feel better tomorrow when it's start of another week.
Wyllow Hope your tummy isn't still bloated and painful.
NadateturbeEllieAnne**Candy**Whiff**Allsorts Hope your weekend has been OK.

Helped DH plant a clematis in front garden. Just getting anxious about Tuesday as if consultant doesn't understand that it's GCA it will be very bad indeed. Not good taking these steroids long term but the sooner he's on correct dosage the sooner the tapering down can start. Surely Rheumatologist will see this.
Night everyone. Wishing all a peaceful one. X

Scaredycat I am trying hard to keep myself on a stable path today. Getting so upset affects my breathing which then scares me that I’m having trouble. I’ve been better today and yes I have eaten thank you for caring.
Sorry about your niece. Must be so distressing for her.
Zakouma I understand. Weekends are hard to cope with.
HVdY I hope the physio gives you the right advice. You don’t want to be doing the wrong thing and exacerbate it.

HVDY- yes she is extremely uncomfortable and looks,pregnant. She is still waiting for her Op and has no date - so hard for her. But so many people are in dire straits aren’t they. Hope you get some better help tomorrow. We had exactly the same dinner as you😀
Doodle - hope you have had a better dayx

SweetpeaSue Heat doesn't have any effect. I've tried RICE - Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation, but actually, NHS now recommends MEAT - Movement, Exercise, Analgesia and Treatment. I'll see what the man says tomorrow. I think it's wise for your husband not to do too much. Not long until he sees the Rheumatologist, and hopefully, he'll get some answers.

Doodle I hope you're eating and drinking well. Keep looking after yourself.

ScaredyCat Your niece must be very uncomfortable with a cyst of 8 inches!. I hope she's got effective pain relief for it. Has she been given a date for an operation?

zakouma66 Sorry if you've already said before, but how long have you felt like that? Would grief counselling help? I hope you find something to help you to relax more.

I've done very little (again) but did a load of ironing and will do the dinner soon - nothing special, just chicken portions and veg (no bending involved there). It's quite cool here today. Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing evening x

Running around like the proverbial headless chicken here. I 've felt very unsettled since my parents died. So I stuff the time full of things. Somehow its alright in the week but can't dial it down at weekends.
It better to be active and busy ( maybe) but there has to be a balance.

Hope everybody doing OKish under the circumstances.

Hi all.
Doodle- I,m sorry that you felt so awful yesterday and of course you should write however or whatever you feel. You who are so kind to us all is so deserving of love and compassion. I think how you felt was a combination of grief,panic,fear and exhaustion and more emotion than you could cope with. Please call someone if it happens again.
I hope today you have been able to eat something and keep hydrated. Take care of yourself you are precious.
Allsorts- what you say about friends is so true- I,ve noticed my lovely friend with Alzheimer’s doesn’t seem to get many visits from her other friends. Kind words to Doodle- very true too.
HVDY- The pain you are experiencing sounds dreadful. It is so restricting for you and would be difficult for you when Chubby Chops comes to see you.hope Hope its eased off a bit today if not the surgery needs to know the extent of the pain .
Yes the fete is an annual happening. No it’s not a little village but we have a big village green which is lovely. We have lived here for over 30 yrs.
SweetPeaSue- sorry DH not so good - Tuesday can’t come quick enough can it.
Hope you,ve been able to get out for coffee- do you have a cafe you can walk to? It’s always good to have a break especially if cake is involved too!
I,had a long chat with my Sister this morning . What you said to HVDY about what patients seem to be expected to endure
She told me her daughter is waiting for an Op to remove an Ovarian Cyst which has grown now to 21 cm across whilst waiting and is extremely uncomfortable.
Wyllow- hope your tummy has calmed down today- so uncomfortable for you.
Any joy with a hairdresser?
Take care of yourself x
Nadateturbe,Candy,Whiff,EllieAnne,Zakouma, and all who post and read have as good an evening as possible.

Sweetpeasue no not trite at all. I’m sure it is panic and I did do some breathing exercises high helped calm me down a bit. I’m sure it’s a combination of things, grief, my son being away and worry about breathing properly till I get my lung fixed. I’m sure the lung bit is psychological because I postponed the op.
Couldn’t eat last night and didn’t have a drink as I thought it would affect my breathing. Calmed down in the end.
Allsorts so kind of you. You often pop in with a kind word here and there whilst dealing with struggles of your own.
Willow sorry about your tum again. You must be worn out with all those trips to the toilet and very uncomfortable. Hope today you feel better,
Scaredycat love the sound of your village fete. Yes I imagine it was a bit hot but nice to see people enjoying themselves.
HvDY so sorry you’re in such pain. You’re normally active so not surprised it’s bringing you down not being able to do what you used to. Hope it’s eased a bit now and you have a better day.
Ellie Anne and zakouma and Candy hope the weekend passes well for all of you.

Allsorts So true about friends- Quality over quantity. Kind words to Doodle from someone who has been there.
Wyllow Do hope today sees some improvement in your poor tum. Do you stil find massage helps a little?
HVDY Your pain sounds terrible. Seems that the bending down is a trigger for setting it off but how do you go through the day without having to bend. Pain is exhausting I'm so sorry. Think you mentioned going back to GP for stronger pain relief which is the only thing you can do really. They need to know how v bad it is - it always amazed me just how much they expect people to endure. Does heat help at all?

DH not great yesterday so didn't take aunt out. Roll on Tuesday. May just go out for a coffee to break the day up then back to garden. Don't want DH doing too much today.

Hope all have a decent day and sending love to those suffering -physically or mentally. X

ScaredyCat The fete sounded lovely. Does that happen every year? Do you live in a little village? It must be nice.

Doodle You were married for a long time, have so many memories of your husband. Grief doesn't last for a few weeks or months, but I suppose a person has to get used to the idea of their loved one not being there any more. It must be awful, but you'll get through it with the love of your close family and your faith. We on BD all wish we could help. Keep posting and saying whatever you feel like saying x

Allsorts People show their true colours when something major happens. They either show themselves to be genuine friends, or they stop contact. I've got 3 true friends who proved their worth when I was in hospital for 6 weeks.

Wyllow3 I hope your tum settles down today and that you'll be more comfortable.

I'm utterly fed-up. This trapped nerve pain is getting me down. I did nothing yesterday except make the dinner. I then bent down to pick up a watering can and was in agony afterwards for the rest of the day. I'm less mobile than I was 3 months after my stroke . Another day of resting and doing nothing, then........... back later. Hope ALL BDers see some sunshine x

I've read through but very low and tum is all swelled up again...
I wish there was a magic answer ..don't we all...

Of course you can write like this Doodle so understandable with everything that has happened and the operation too - wish I'd come in when you posted xxx

If people are not there when you need them, they are not friends. If you just have one true friend that's better than a dozen flakey ones. As you get older it’s traumatic when a good friend dies.
Doodle, think how long you were with your husband, you don't get over a loss like that, just learn a way of living round that big hole in your life, but in time you will begin to feel more able to cope and start to enjoy things, it does however take time so be kind to yourself because thats what your husband would want for you💐
To everyone low at the moment I know how you feel and that things get a little better.

ScaredycatGlad you've had a nice day at the village fete and that you had good weather( send some sun here- rain most of day). Sounds as if you've lived there a while. It must be good to see the same families growing up. We used to have a village carnival yearly but not had those for yrs now. Thanks for your kindness - I know I'm much better mentally now . There wasn't any MH service for me at the beginning but BD was there and it's been a lifeline for me so thankyou.

Doodle Hope I didn't sound trite with the breathing excercise-- you will know them already.
Wish I could take away your heartbreaking pain, Please come in and say whatever you want-you always said that to me when I joined BD. You helped so much. Thinking of you tonight. X

Wishing all BDs and those reading a peaceful night. x