Black Dog 22

Hi everyone.
Been out early before I start flagging! Not so warm so much more comfortable.
SweetPeaSue- you had a good charity shop visit - they are great for books aren’t they. I,m not sure what that tape is but wondered if it was for when you stretch paper and have to stick it down on your easel.
Well done with a clothes sort out- bet you looked snazzy in your leotard did you have leg warmers too? I got very skinny when I was ill a few years ago and have just got back to what I was before- and a bit more.
Sorry DH is still not feeling well,he is wonderful though how he keeps on with his interests despite everything. Hope you have a good day.
HVDY- I tell people they look nice too- often if we are out having coffee. I think sometimes DH would like the floor to,swallow him up but I just like people.
Chubby Chops had a good day- what an adaptable happy little girl she is. Hope DiL and daughter enjoyed Taylor Swift what a treat and something to remember forever.
Hope your Son and family enjoy Croatia- it’s lovely .
I think that little cat has your name on him- being “done” will be a small price to pay for joining your lovely family.
Glad you had a good sleep at last.
Wyllow- it sounds as if you have felt some benefit from your walks- you’re right it’s so much better for you to be outside in nature for a while.Walls don’t have much going for them do they!!
I do hope the new carer will help open some doors for you. As you say just helping with some practicalities would be great as well as company for you.
So sorry you have lost some contact with your family. There is a point - you love them and they love you. I,m sure they would be so glad to have their Mum and Grandma back in their lives - even just a text or two.
KOKO - you will get there xxx
Doodle- so much of what Whiff posted must resonate with you. You’re a bit like a little hamster on a wheel at the moment- whizzing round and not getting anywhere.
Your DH loved life and would want you to live yours to the full but it will take time. I felt like Whiff that I needed to live for my lost ones as they couldn’t. You,ve done so well so far ,but be kind to yourself ,rest when you’re tired ,eat things you love.
Those that love you will understand that some days you just feel broken . Your thoughts are full of whys and what ifs - I promise it will get better - different of course but better.
Take care dear Doodle.
Whiff - full of compassion and wisdom as usual.
Love to all and those not mentioned or just readingxx

ScaredyCat Son2 has been to lots of different places in Croatia (before he met DIL). DH and I have been to Dubrovnik (old town is lovely but the whole place now gets a lot more visitors since Game of Thrones was made there. We liked Cavtat, Korcula, Brac and Mijet, but our favourite was Porec and we went there 3 times. DH and I took Chubby Chops to a lovely park today with a sand pit. She enjoyed herself. She's a very "easy" baby. It's been quite cool here, and windy. Did you have a good day?

How has everyone been? x

HVDY everyone likes being complimented don’t they.
I’ve never been a size 8 either. I love my food too much. Crunching my way through a nut cookie a chocolate from a box and a bar of milk chocolate as I write,
What a lovely day you had with chubby chops.
Hope they all have a good holiday.
Sweetpeasue I had a much better day today. Met up with friends at church. Did some craft.went for lunch and all in all a good day. Came home and was ok. Saw DH’s photo on phone and cried a bit. But I’m trying to keep calm. He has such a beautiful face (well to me anyway) and I miss seeing him smiling at me.
HVdY The bereavement group is good. We don’t actually talk about death or our personal experiences. We just chat and then light candles and say prayers. It’s a lovely group
Oh you’ve found a stray. That’s nice for both of you. Is it a pretty cat?
Whiff I hated ironing but I’d give anything to have to iron DH’s shirts again. I have had a better day. Certainly I don’t entertain suicidal thoughts ever. If I see photos of his face smiling at me in close up that’s when it wrenches at my heart.
I know many put away photos of the loved ones. They can’t bear to look at them and I suppose my life would be easier if I didn’t but I can’t do that. I love his beautiful face smiling at me but instead of being able to smile at how much we loved each other it just makes me feel so sad that I can’t hold him again or touch his face. It gets me every time.
Whiff of course you understand. You have had to battle on so many years without your beloved. To lose him so young must be awful to cope with.
Wyllow i had a better day today. I fought really hard not to bring myself down. Im a bit OCD and if i dont perform certain rituals i think Im letting Dh down. I prayed to God to help me geg strength to get through and i think it helped.
Hope things go well tomorrow.
HVDY hope you got through the day without nodding off.

Wyllow So pleased you got out for a walk yesterday, you are making a big effort. Do hope the carer works out -sure it would make a world of difference.
HVDY Didn't know you'd been having another little 4-legged visitor to feed. It would be so good if she stopped with you. You really needed that sleep last night. I did many silly things to get weight down when younger and know now it wasn't worth it. I think my insecurities led to many hang-ups. Health is what we all need now.
Scaredycat No leg-warmers but a pair of black lycra tights. 🤭 I loved dancing and still love watching dance. DH said used to get paper tape from post offices and he used it to tape down paper for painting with watercolours. Said it was licked then held down at edges .I didn't know what he meant really but I m sure yourself and Nadateturbe will know and perhaps Wyllow.
Doodle Can't tell you how pleased I am you had a better day today. Your bereavement group sounds just the thing - gentle and light. I ironed 5 shirts of DH the other day and was thinking how lucky I was to do that. You speak with such love of your dear husband. I would miss so many things but the need to see their face , so understandable and so painful. I couldn't put up a photo of my mum when she died. I hope you're OK now you're alone after a busy day. Think of you often. Sending another hug.

Sorry can't write more but thinking of all not mentioned. Been waste of day today. Pain started this morning and couldn't move about all day until 4. 2 lots painkillers and burning , deep pain in bladder, and as if great weight on top of full bladder. Usually goes but this time it didn't. Fed up and sorry I've felt so low today. Once doped up so sedated had to lie down. Hoping tomorrow will be better.
Take care everyone and sending love to all. Koko.

Doodle Your bereavement group sounds helpful and comforting. Are there men and women there? It's nice that everyone is friendly. I ought to take photos of my husband, I suppose, but we don't really take photos of anyone but the GDs, particularly the baby. The stray cat is friendly, lets me stroke him, and comes into the kitchen to eat but no further than that. He's unusual, brown in colour. Not pretty like my Mr Cooper was, but I hope he will move in one day. I didn't nod off at all today but I won't be able to take another AD until tomorrow night, so I'll have an antihistamine instead.

SweetpeaSue We must have been typing at the same time. I used to eat "Limmits" diet biscuit things in the 70s, even though I was slim then. You've had a rough day . Have you got any appointments about your bladder?

HVDY Oh yes I remember the Limmits diet biscuits. Didn't satisfy hunger at all did they?
Yes I have another appt with Urologist lady in October thanks.
Hope you have a good night.x

HVDY Really sorry. I thought my last post to you seemed terse which wasn't meant to be so.
Just so very low.
So many here worse than me.
Just so scared about everything.

Glad to hear your night was better, HVDY. It seems like you’re really hoping your stray will take to you, I’m sure it will work out with patience, which you have with people.

Well done for getting out before the flagging started, but *Scardeycat. Always nice for someone to hear “you look nice”. Sort on for “those walls”! Thank you for the your thoughts.

Doodle I was so glad to read your day has been better. The group sounds good and peaceful sharing. I think routine and rituals are key to getting by, actually.

I’m aware of the sort of brown paper tape you mean Sweetpeasue although more recent framing I have done is using brown sticky paper to do the same job. (Lining the backs of frames?)
But was sad to read of your really painful day, its been some time since its been that bad. I hope todays rest means tomorrow is a little better. Its horrible to be scared, I know.

It went OK with the carer, difficult meeting a new person, we talked and walked in the park, it’s hard to say whether and how much it will help. But felt comfortable with her and she is very experienced. She is coming next week and then has 2 weeks off which will be difficult.

I try to text family, it brings up such difficult feelings of loss and a difficulty is they tend to talk of what they are doing, not in my family, what people are feeling. I can't say “no point in it all” to them, and never would.

SweetpeaSue It wasn't terse at all (You worry too much). I hope you've been more comfortable today and that your husband isn't so bad. Yes, you're scared, and most people would be the same. You can't change anything by worrying, though. How's your day been so far?

Wyllow3 I'm glad you got on well with the new carer and hope you'll have a good relationship with her. It's a shame she will be off when you're hoping to get to know her better. Your family would no doubt be concerned if they realised how you actually are. Are you still in touch with your Quaker group?

How's everyone getting on? I went to the day centre, had fish, chips and peas, then fresh fruit tart and cream. Nice. Next week will be my last time with that particular group. It'll be good to have Chubby Chops regularly, though. Hope everyone is ok x

Wyllow Glad to hear the carer is very experienced as that was one of your concerns. I always find it awkward meeting new people and because of your illness it must have been a bit scary too so you've done well. Bodes good you felt comfortable too.
It's good you text family , even though you don't feel a true connection-sorry if I misconstrued that part. I can understand that loss is more pronounced when you hear about their lives. I expect it's a reminder of how distant you feel. I hate your think of your loneliness and you are making such an effort.
Yes DH searched everywhere for the tape and finally found it in Hobbycraft. He's not started on painting yet but the books he got were how to paint flowers and the other on landscapes.
HVDY I am a worrier you're right. I've been much better today . Pain always mornings but didn't continue. Had DGS this afternoon. He'd found an app on his phone about drawing and we both sat there going through the stages of drawing a panda which used various shading with a pencil. His was much better than mine.😂 Then we played table tennis which was difficult for him to get the hang of but it's just practice. My knee's playing up now. It will be lovely for you to have Chubby chops on a regular basis. She must keep you going though - it's nice she can have a sleep- you'll need it too!

DH really not well this afternoon. I was a bit scared. He seemed more breathless and said feels unwell. I took DGS back after a few hrs.

Hope all BDs have had a decent day. Love to all and those reading. X



.

Sweetpeasue sorry you had such a bad time yesterday. You seem to have been better recently. Glad you had a better day today but sorry you’re worried about your DH, Has he been overdoing things? If you get really worried go to A&E . Hope by the time you read this he’s feeling better,
Sounds like your DGS had a lovely time with you. It’s so nice when they enjoy spending time with you.
HVDY yes the group has both men and women. It is nice.
Taking photos is really up to you. I have an awful memory so I rely on my photos to remember events and things. I would be lost without my pictures and videos of DH but I know others don’t set so much store on them.
Hope your stray adopts you it would be nice for you to have another cat.
Wyllow so glad you got on with the carer. Yes I understand about not wanting others to know how pointless you find things,
My buzzers going time for dinner. I’m so tired tonight.

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- So sorry you felt so awful yesterday- good to hear of an improvement today. Lovely to spend time with your DGS- he loves Art like his Grandad.
I,m sorry DH didn’t feel well this afternoon - maybe he’s just tired after doing quite a lot lately. But yes if you’re worried there is A&E to put your mind at rest.
Sending a hug - you need one.
Doodle- I,m so glad yesterday was better for you. It’s lovely too that you are feeling comfort at your bereavement group in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere.
The love for your DH is a wonderful thing and his smile which lit up your life continues to shine on you from his photos.
Wishing you peace and contentment and restful sleep.
HVDY- Dubrovnik is one of our favourite cities and we are big Game of Thrones fans too. What lovely places you have been.
It’s cold and windy here today too- jumper weather.
Good lunch for you today. You,ll miss everyone I guess but the chance to spend time with Chubby Chops is one not to be missed. It will bring you much joy.
Hope you’re more comfortable today.
Wyllow- it sounds like a promising start with your new carer. So good that you feel comfortable with her. It’s a pity she has to take a break but you can look forward to her coming back.
I think HVDY is right about your family - what a shame you must miss them.
Take care allxx

Doodle DH has been trying to get on with things but whatever is causing the tiredness - GCA or the Vascular blood flow problem- doesn't seem to go away. He has to taper the Prednisone and came down from 30mg to 25 yesterday so if pain in head comes back after a few dys he has to go back to previous dose.
DGS loves spending time here- I think grandparents do generally have more time than parents. I hope you have a peaceful night and get some rest. Sending love and a hug.
Scaredycat Cooler here but very windy. Think storm Eileen is on her way - batten down the hatches. Lovely words to Doodle . Don't think I've watched Game of Thrones though I could be missing something there. Thankyou for my hug - I'll keep an eye on DH.

Caught up with you all, just too tired and not able to comment, but a warm night night and see you tomorrow xx

SweetpeaSue What a lovely time spent with your grandson. Our GDs play DrawKing on their mobiles and computers. Good fun. As others have said, A & E if your husband seems really bad.

Doodle The family take videos and photos of us. The girls gave us a framed photo compilation as a Christmas present from them, last year - 6 photos of DH, me, and the 2 of them. That was a very thoughtful gift. I hate having my photo taken though.

ScaredyCat It's blowing a real gale here, too. I felt fine yesterday but then walked around Asda last night (DH wanted a couple of things) and my hip has been painful since but I'm taking Ibuprofen. Son2 and family are in Zadar. SIL sent a couple of photos last night, one of baby asleep on the plane.

Son1's GF sent me some photos of them all enjoying themselves on holiday. They're back tonight. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Wyllow Glad you came in and hope today hasn't been too bad for you.
HVDY Not heard of DrawKing- will have to google that one. DGS has some way of drawing on phone, like Etch a Sketch? I hate my photo taken too - tbh I've always hated it. Do hope the hip pain has eased off through the day for you. I wonder if you bent down for items on shelves in Asda. You will be fed up of it. Must be good to see Chubby chops contented on the plane.

DH a little better but still exhausted with sweats . He's just fixing a light in his new shed,😊
I've been having aches pains and stiffness in lots of joints for about 4mths but getting worse. If I've rested - on night watching TV or getting out of bed it hurts to stand on feet -I mean soles of feet every toe, ankles ,elbows shoulders , neck- something can't be right but first put it down to getting older. Heck , if it's not one thing. DH just dyed my hair . Always feels better roots done but coming out in handfuls.
Hope everyone has had a reasonable day.

Sweetpeasue anxiety and stress can make your hair fall out and I’m not surprised with all you’ve been and are going through. Do you know why your DH is having sweats is it the medication he is on? Do hope he’s not overdoing it.
I hope he’s reducing his prednisolone very gradually I know when DH used to take it if he came off it too quickly he got depressed and felt bad.
Hope you have a more peaceful bank holiday.
Scaredycat thank you so much for your lovely message. It always gives me hope when I hear from you because I know you’ve been there and understand. Are you seeing any of your family this weekend?
HVDY those photos and videos sound lovely. I don’t like having my photo taken either but I did take lots of DH and I together. So pleased now that I did.
So sorry your hip is playing up again. Good to hear your son had a good holiday hope they get home safely.
Wyllow hope you are sleeping ok and maybe manage a walk again soon.
Ellie Anne I wonder how you are, I know you don’t like bank holiday weekends much. Hope you have something nice to do.

Doodle So very kind to think of me. If DH is in Emergency situation I assure you I will act on it. He's not right at all tonight either but just need to ride it out until appt in September. He had post today from Rheumatologist. He came out , after hr in office consultation, to say he had nodules of 6mm in lung. He told us to tell GP and it was in letter today. I think it's just incidental to have these things. There's so much going on with him I'm losing track. Better when he has appt with Vascular Surgeon 17th September.
You are such an amazing person to think of others on this thread , I am in awe of your caring . Wishing you peace tonight and rest.xx

HVDY it’s good that you do have those photos (tho I admit I dont like them of me either atm) I hope the ibuprofen has worked for you today. I had to look up Zadar, it looks lovely.

Sweetpeasue I’m relieved that DH has been just a little bit better and able to achieve something. And glad you got your hair done.
It’s hard to know whats age as regards your aches and pains! As someone I now said, getting older is not for the faint hearted. You’re both having a tough time.

Seeing warm thoughts Doodle for koko and caring.

I’m also losing hair from stress Sweetpeasue no other reason.

I’ve had 2 dressing gown days as not been able to get anything together, pretty grim. Hopefully better tomorrow.

Thinking of others not been in a while hoping to hear from you when you’re able. Missing you all!

SweetpeaSue I hadn't done any bending, just walking around the shop. I think my joints are getting stiff and muscles are not being used. Your pain for the past 4 months - any new tablets started around that time? I stopped taking Statins almost 2 years ago as my legs were aching. That stopped then. Could your thyroid be causing hair loss? Not sure about your husband's sweats. Prednisolone?

Doodle You're always kind to us all. Will you see the family this weekend? Son1 and his family are home (DIL's mum house-sat, and looked after the cat and dog). Son2 is away until next Thursday. I went to feed the 2 cats earlier, let them out (their garden is cat-proofed)

Wyllow3 I had hair loss after Covid (2021), and so did Son1, same reason. Mine grew back, his hasn't so much - he has a bald patch which he's self-conscious about so shaves it all off. I'm going to have a dressing gown day - I went to feed Son2's cats, in my pyjamas at 7.30. Ibuprofen does help, thanks. Hope you have a better day. Do you watch films? Read?

It's a grey morning. DH is going to go to Son1's soon, as his car battery is flat. We may need to help Son to buy a new one. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi All.
SweetPeaSue- I,m glad that DH is a bit better- the new shed sounds a bit of a man cave. As long as he doesn’t do too much it’s so good for him to continue to keep,his interests up and keep as active as possible.
I must admit aches and pains do seem to pop up from nowhere as we get older- as Wyllow said and Bette Davis I believe - It’s not for cissies!
Game of Thrones is the best programme ever - we’ve watched it all through 3 times so far and each time see new facets to it.
Will you see your Auntie this weekend?Hope you manage to enjoy it whatever you do.
HVDY- I,m another photophobe - I hate my photo taken and never know what face to pull😩😩But what a lovely gift from your girls such a loving thought.
We’ve been to Zadar twice on cruises- it’s lovely isn’t it and has that wonderful Sea Organ to listen to. Hope they have a safe journey home- Chubby Chops sounds like a good traveller too.
Have a good PJ day - it’s been raining here since we got up so chatted to my Sister for a couple of hours now having a lazy day too. You were up early for the cats- how is your little furry visitor?
Wyllow- sorry you have a bit,of hair loss- maybe when you are up to it a haircut might help it recover a bit. As you said your new carer might help you organise one.
Hope you,ve cast off the dressing gown today- just getting dressed might help you to face the day better.
As you say there are some we haven’t seen here for a while- I miss them too.
Have a friendly hug and remember how important you are to,us all.
Doodle- Ah that’s so kind- sometimes I worry about saying the wrong thing but I try to help from my experience and concern for you our lovely friend.
Tomorrow we are having our 3rd eldest GD(29) for a meal - she lives in our Village with DD and SiL who are on hols this week . She’s lovely and we love to see her.
Had a long chat with my Sister this morning she is doing really well but worried about her daughter who is still waiting to have her ovarian cyst removed. It is huge now and she is very uncomfortable.
I hope you have something nice to do this weekend - take care lovely Doodle.
EllieAnne,Nadateturbe,Hairspray,Allsorts,Nanny, and all our friends hope you have the best weekend you can

ScaredyCat I haven't been to Zadar, but Son2 has been to lots of places in Croatia - Pula, Trogir, Zagreb, Hvar, Split, Dubrovnik and Plitvice Lakes (looks fantastic), all before he met DIL. My little stray hasn't been yet, but perhaps later - I hope he is with someone else and being looked after. Has your niece got a date to have the cyst removed? It must be horrible for her.

SweetpeaSue Hope you and your husband are having a better day.

How's everyone else? Wyllow3 I've only just had a shower (4pm) and got clean pyjamas on. I couldn't be bothered at all but feel better to be a bit fresher. Are you having one of those pyjama days, too? I sat and watched Dogs behaving (very) badly, then some of Four in a Bed.

DH went to Son1's, ended up buying him a new battery and fitting it, so Son be able to get to work ok now on Tuesday.

HVDY I looked up Zadar too ,it looks gorgeous- hadn't realised it's a city. Your son2 has been all over Croatia. Glad you have son's car sorted- always a worry when needing to get to work. Ive not stopped any medications and don't take statins ( no high BP) I'm hoping it's not Fibromyalgia as I fought to have it taken off my file as was wrongly diagnosed with it yrs ago. Have hereditary hair loss anyway but thyroid might be good thing to check actually. Hope your little stray cat turns up.
Doodle How have you been today? Yes the Prednisone has to be tapered according to a set table DH has been given but if pain gets worse on reducing he has to go up again. GP usually helps monitor though it's very awkward if need to be seen quickly. DH just has to work it out himself with the chart he has.
Scaredycat It will be nice to see your DGD tomorrow- I can't believe you're old enough to have such an extended family and GD of 29- you sound so vibrant and young. Oh its so bad your sister's girl is waiting so long. Did I tell you of my aunt's DD who waited for an op on her ovarian cyst? It too started quite small but by time it was operated on it was large as a grapefruit. I feel so sorry for your poor neice. No didn't take aunt out today. It's getting quite difficult as her wrist still in plaster and difficult to steer her around when DH not great too.
Wyllow I hope you've had a better day today. I see you were 'in' quite late last night so I hope your night wasn't too bad.

Same pains all over last night and today when inactive for a while. Took all painkillers last night and just kept moving a hot pack from my neck to back, feet . It's horrible. DH just pottered today but looks exhausted all the time and keeps having sweats.Supposed to be going away on Monday to same site as son2 for couple of nights. Not sure what's happening really.

Thinking of everyone and missing those not able to post and sending love.x

SweetpeaSue Zadar is a city but has a coastline, so beaches, too. It might be worth getting your thyroid checked. Son1 has Fibromyalgia, and he takes Paracetamol when he gets aches and pains. You and your husband are certainly going through a rough time. It will do you good to get away for a while. I do hope you still go. My little furry mate came, walked into the kitchen and rubbed round my legs, then ate his food and cleared off .

Hope everyone has been ok. x