How to help husband

Could you try to write simple notes in a small notebook? If he would accept that and not be annoyed by it, you could put important things for that day in there, also if you can say I think I put it in the notebook. Then also he might be able to check things out in the notebook for himself , and may feel calmer .

People say write appointments etc in a large calendar, that is fine it the person remembers to check the calendar!

I've hung my Dad's calendar on the wall next to where he sits at the table to eat his breakfast.
I wouldn't necessarily expect to rely on him reading it for himself, though if he's forgotten something I'll remind him it's on his calendar.

He goes to a day centre four days a week so I write that on, plus what time he's being picked up in the morning and what time he'll be home by.
He calls this "going to work."

Anything out of that routine I write on and highlight eg dentist appointment, hospital appointment, where, what time and who's taking him.

Similarly if we're taking him out for the day or away for the weekend I write all the arrangements on so the carers know that he will be out of the apartment, what times, where he's going, who with and that he won't need any meals.
They manage his medication so I need to collect that if we take him away overnight.
I also write on when my husband and I are away so they know to contact my brother or sister if there's an emergency.

Obviously I tell them any news in person as well, but Dad has a team of carers and I don't see all of them every week.
They've all said they find the calendar extremely helpful to be able to refer to 🙂

How someone responds to calendars and notes can vary enormously from person to person.

When I looked after my uncle, I would give him a sheet each day with everything that was happening written on it. he kept it by him and constantly referred to it. When itried a similar system with my aunt, it was a total failure. Within minutes she had lost the sheet and couldn't remember it. My uncle had been an army officer, always well organised. His wife was untidy and ditzy.

Just to clarify there has not been any diagnosis and neither has DVLA been informed. As I said his recent memory is poor but this could well be due to his medications. He refuses to see or speak to any more professionals after being treated so badly by the one who never even saw him. I actually put in a complaint and it was upheld in our favour as without a diagnosis or seeing him she should never have said what she did. That was agreed by them. I only want to know how best to help him without causing him upset. If the time comes when I don’t think he is coping I will contact the GP. Thanks again for replies.

*Ijustwantpeace2020. Unfortunately it doesn't need a diagnosis, nor does the DVLA have to be informed unless the non-drive period extends beyond six weeks and thenyou are the one expected to do it

Last year I was twice told not to drive for a month because the doctor was checking out a minor medical problem that might have beens serious. DH was told not to drive when he developed sleep apnea. Once he had his CPAP machine and a few checks, he was back driving again. He was the one who told the DVLA after six weeks not driving.

The simple fact that a doctor has told someone not to drive means their insurance is invalid. It doesn't really matter whether your DH's medical problem is dementia or the side effects of medication.

However if your DH appealed and it was agreed what was said was unjustified and withdrawn you should be alright. Both DH and I have experienced the inconvenience and problems that arise when you go to see a GP with, what seems a minor problem, and they turn to you and say 'You must stop driving immediately until this problem is resolved'. But even in my case both timesit was unnecessary, nevertheless, knowing that the doctor's statement made my insurance invalid, meant I complied.

I discussed LPAs with him a while back but he’s adamant he’s not ready to commit to that yet.

Anyone can suddenly have a stroke or heart attack etc which can affect their ability to understand and deal with their own affairs.

Does he know that LPA only comes into effect if it's needed? It's not something that happens immediately.

Good idea to suggest it for yourself, as well as your husband. Get information about it beforehand so that you both understand what it involves.

Bloody stubborn men!