Black Dog 23

Just a quick message.
Woke up terrible and barely made appt on time. Couldnt keep eyes open in waiting room. Was in quite a while as lots of tests and had to have more blood and ECG. Just no energy at all.

Hope everyone has had a decent day but thinking of you all and hugs to those in a bad way. Xx

Thank you all. I think some of the info I was given was wrong but friend was very stressed. I think the people in the other car are in hospital but not life threatening. The young man has had surgery and is in icu.

Afternoon all.
EllieAnne- oh what terrible news of your friends Grandson and the awful crash he was in . She must be worried sick and in shock too. The suddenness and violence of an accident like that is so shocking for all concerned. I know only too well how it feels as I lost my DS and his father in a dreadful accident. How sad that those young people have lost their lives - I hope the young man pulls through. Kind wishes to you too as you have been friends with his GM for a long while and watched him grow up.💐💐
Doodle- good to hear that Thursday was a better day.
I,m sure you’re not hopeless at your Art. Everyone interprets subjects differently. Yours must be full of kindness,lovely colours and imagination.
Better to let those tears flow than make yourself feel awful trying to hold them in.
Hope you have the sun too today.
Nanny- pleased cuddles are on the menu again.Grandchildren are our children’s gift to us aren’t they.
SweetPeaSue- hope you got to see the Doc this morning and your pain is staying away.
Wyllow- I hope you did manage to get out today- it’s such a beautiful day. Tiredness is hard to deal with but just a walk to the nearest park bench and sit down in the sun. Although it’s hard when it looks as though everyone is happy lots will have problems too. You may meet someone to chat to.
As I,ve said before there doesn’t have to be a point - just learning to live again one tiny step at a time. You have so much courage. X
HVDY- I,d love curly hair- mine hasn’t got the energy to go its own way!!
I,m OK thanks and hope to see DD at weekend and FT my Sis.
Isn’t it lovely how GD1 and Little Girl are such pals - it must be so nice to watch them together. Even the dog enjoys socialising!!
Covid and flu jab for us tomorrow so hope we don’t feel grotty.

Candy,Nadateturbe,Whiff, Nanny, Allsorts AGAA, and all those who I have unintentionally left out hope the weekend brings some bright moments.

SweetpeaSue It must feel as though you're being passed from pillar to post, but I hope you'll get someone who can help you soon. Beautiful photos, are they of somewhere local to you?

Wyllow3 Glad you managed to get a microwave and a walk. Well done on making the hair appointment. A nice, fresh haircut will make you feel a bit better.

ScaredyCat I had about 4 inches off the length. It's curly, so unless I blow-dry it, it just goes its own way. Not sure about pink highlights but perhaps some beige or blonde ones. How are you and your lovely family?

Doodle It isn't wallowing to cry. Let the tears flow. I hope you're seeing someone today.

Nanny2507 What consequences are there (if any) for your GD when she behaves badly? Does she manage alright at school? Glad you had cuddles with your grandson. We love all ours, too.

It was a good day yesterday - took LittleGirl to a great playgroup, where the playleader did lots of activities to entertain the children. We went to Son1's and saw him, his 2 girls, after school. GD1 is so good with LittleGirl. The dog had to get in on the attention, too . Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

EllieAnne So sorry to hear about your friend and the terrible crash. I hope her grandson will be OK but so dreadful for those who died and their families. Thinking of you and sending love .

Ellie Anne sorry about your friends grandson and all the families the accident has affected. 💐

EllieAnne What a terrible thing to have happened. That poor friend of yours. Terribly sad, particularly when the 2 small children died as well.

Oh Ellie Anne just read your post. I’m so sorry, how awful. You must be so upset and your poor friend. What a dreadful thing to have happened. It will be such a shock for you. Sending you a hug x

As ever……a lovely post Scaredycat

Thoughtful words for HVDY, Sweetpeasue. I hope you can sort your weight out . It’s a shame the good Urologist doesn’t have the right experience….such a long wait going round in circles to see if her recommendation of someone else works out. Hope you get nice GP tomorrow. Thank you for the lovely photos.

I’m glad you had a good day Doodle, the way grief hits you on arriving home is so very understandable…. have a big hug.

Glad to hear of nice baby cuddles, nanny.

Oh Ellie Anne I recall you talking about your friend and her difficulties - but this is beyond shocking - no wonder you cant take it in - hard to know what you can say to her.

Yes, I know much was achieved yesterday, but today dropped into very hard to cope no point in it ness. I do have a lot going on physically too and often tired out. If the weather is sunny again tomorrow I have to try to do better but my MH stuff can turn in destructively often

Thinking of you HVDY and others usually in and other BD’s, always remembered.

Had a phone call tonight from the friend with the difficult family. Her grandson early 20s was in a car crash today and has life threatening injuries his girlfriend was killed and an adult and toddler in the other car died too. I know the road and can’t think how it happened but I suppose the police will work it out. I can’t take it in. Known him since he was a baby .

Hi Doodle GD is 8. Can be very rude and then cries and shouts when told off. She actually acts like a spoilt child but she's not but it's the best was to explain it.
Beautiful nanny cuddles with GS the past 2 nights. How I adore all my grandchildren

Doodle Really good you've had a decent day today. I bet you're not as hopeless as you think in your art class.
You certainly are NOT ' wallowing' as you call it. I'm so sorry for your immense pain. I don't know what to say . Just sending you love as ever.
I trusted this Urologist today but it was she herself that said she didn't really take on bladder pain patients. I get the impression IC patients are way down the line than other people, and I can understand why, when there's no cure, but never mind. Just hoping you sleep tonight Doodle. X

Wyllow so very pleased you’re getting on with your carer. She sounds really nice and helpful. Glad you’ve got your microwave sorted.
Scaredycat glad you are still going out for your walks. That’s good. I’ve had a good day today . Art this morning (I am hopeless) then church bereavement group this afternoon. Was in good spirits coming home then I allowed my self to wallow a little and the tears come. I’m ok now.
Sweetpeasue hope you get to be referred to someone who you can trust. Sorry the pains come back again badly. Hope you get to see the GP. The photos are lovely.
HVDY don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing well to lose 10lb. Highlights can be a nice lift. Hope you’ve had a good day.

Photo 2 is wooded area behind house that has masses of bluebells in spring.

Photo 1 is Rydal Water

Scaredycat Thankyou for that lovely post to me. I believe you're right about it not being the time to beat myself up but I know I need to sort my weight out whatever else I'm not in charge of.
I blame the cake! Actually it's chocolate too. And ..........
So you have the bubble thing too. Seems we're all familiar with it. Love your idea of all walking together.

Saw lovely Uroligist this morning and took 2 x 3 day diary that she'd given me to fill in last time.
Told her the solfinacin she'd prescribed only caused more problems of not being able to pass urine easily.
She mainly , like many other Urologists, deals with Cancer and other problems and doesn't have the expertise in bladder pain/IC so is referring me to another Urologist. The main one with experience in IC is the last one that did my Distention op ( I'll call him Mr F) who I was upset with and he said my pain was not IC (as the op didn't show glomerulations in bladder) and sent me to Pain Management. As I said before , most IC patients don't have these things in bladder so it shouldn't exclude IC .
She said there are a couple of others apart from Mr F who she'll refer me to.
So going round in circles here.

Pain throughout body and bladder pain so came back home took all painkillers and spent 2 hrs in bed. Phoning Dr's tomorrow.

Sorry haven't replied to all personally. Thinking of you all and hoping your days haven't been too bad today.
Try to send a photo to cheer ,after the moan.
Wish all a peaceful night. X

HVDY I really do understand those feelings of -it's my fault I'm like this- as in your remark 'I can't believe what I've done to mysel'. Do be kind to yourself though - you've been through a hell of a lot with the hospital mistake leading to your stroke. So much to contend with and process and it's not something many can understand- that feeling of being almost assault victim from those you trust. You've done so well to come through mentally from that AND the stroke and fallout of losing your job.
10lbs is really a good loss and use that to keep going - only do it gradually so as not to punish yourself too much. Perhaps the highlights will give you a boost. Sure Littlegirl will have brought some laughter today. 😊 Take care of yourself aswell as others.❤️
Doodle Thanks -re the jab. Luckily don't think I've had side effects apart from perhaps hight temperature during night and today. I really hope today you've managed to find some bright moments , you're trying so hard but it's such early days. Sending a hug.
Wyllow I'm so pleased you've made that step to book hairdresser- I know it will give you a little boost. So good for you to have that great MH worker and she's help solve the microwave problem and you've both had a walk aswell. That's really a lot for you to think of and arrange in one day. No wonder you were so wiped out. Wish she was able to see you more often. Hope today has not been too bad for you.

Back in a bit.

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- I think you are physically and mentally exhausted. Please don’t hate yourself- this is not the time to beat yourself up. It’s time to be kind to yourself and you are really brave how you are digging in with the MH Group and the Book Club. That bubble feeling still happens to me sometimes- it’s like being on the outside and looking in.
Hope you get your appointment tomorrow.
Also hope you feel ok after the flu jab- ours is Sat😩
Doodle- your counsellor spoke wise words . Bereavement is a huge trauma and like any great trauma affects every part of you. Your last 18 months have been worse than you could ever imagined. It will heal and you are doing all the right things.
Glad you enjoy the MH walks- companiable silence is very soothing. I walk every day if I can but nearly always after breakfast as I get so tired later.
I hope you have something nice to do today- it’s nice and warm here today.
HVDY- Little Girl must seem like a little ray of sunshine for all the care home residents. She is going to grow up such a confident friendly child.
That was a big weight loss- a bit of a kick start. You have had much to deal with health wise these last years and it’s so good that you can get out like you do. We are our own worst critics aren’t we. I absolutely hate having my photo taken- much rather be the photographer!!
Did you have a different hairstyle? Some highlights would be good- how about pink ones.
It’s so hard to love yourself though isn’t it- so easy to love others. Except for the odd annoying one!!
EllieAnne- so glad you got a reply from DD. You can rest easy for a bit. I,m sure you don’t irritate her but sometimes when we feel nervous we get a bit of verbal diarrhoea.
Thank you for your prayers - so thoughtful.
Yes wouldn’t it be nice if we could all walk together- maybe one day we can all go out at the same time and have a virtual walk.
Wyllow- what a busy day that was- so many achievements.No wonder you are tired but so brilliant that you did them.
Ah you really like that worker- she must have been so pleased with all you managed.
Good to get rid of the old microwave too.
Hope that day is the first of more steps back into the world.
Big high five coming your way xx🖐️
Love to all

I went with my worker to get the new microwave and there was still time for a little walk and make a date for a hairdresser in 2 weeks. Been totally wiped out after than. Nice worker took old microwave for the tip. It was very very difficult when she left.

Yes Doodle it is a place I can communicate. Part of last thing evening routine to contact. Carer should be once a week but she has next week off, then it should be more regular. Hugs your way for..everything you have to deal with atm.

I’d go for the highlights, HVDY if it gives you a boost about yourself. I’m glad to hear about the weight loss.

Thank you for the prayers, Ellie Anne . I’m glad you got the response from DD. It seems like the best way to keep in touch atm.

Sweetpeasue It does seem like a difficult choice about the Amitriptyline, I dont knnow the answer! Unless you feel worse after the group, I know what you mean about the bubble, its probably bstter to go than not.

Thinking of you BD’s not in today, night night all.

HVDY when my brother had dementia he was always interested in watching little children play. There must be something in us that still understand a child is precious.
Wow. Well done on the weight loss. You are doing well. I lost a stone and a half when DH died but I’ve put on a few pounds since then.
Nanny things must be very difficult for your daughter coping with your granddaughter. How old is she? Obviously very loved and cared for but it is hard when you don’t know from one minute to the next what will trigger an outburst.
Your grandson sounds lovely.
Sweetpeasue* walking is good. Being with others for companionship but not necessarily talking gives you time to think about things. Glad you went to book club. You might feel tired after your jabs. Several people have reported that.
Wyllow you said previously that your increased posting was not a sign of you feeling better and I understand that. But it is a sign of willingness to communicate more and that you know you are safe here saying whatever you like. Shame about the microwave. Hope you get one soon. How often is your carer coming?
Ellie Anne thank you for including us in your prayers. I pray for you too.
I’m pleased you heard back from your DD. Text messages often are quite short at least you know she’s ok.
Scaredycat hope you’re having a good day, been dark and gloomy here.

SweetpeaSue I need to lose a few stone. I hate the way I look and feel. I saw some photos on Facebook from that playgroup yesterday and can't believe what I've done to myself. I might yet have some highlights. We're taking LittleGirl to another playgroup tomorrow (she loved it last week) then to see Son1 and his girls after school (he finishes work early on Thursdays and collects the youngest one). You must wonder what on earth to do for the best with painkillers. I hope you manage to have a better night tonight x

EllieAnne I was touched you name us all in prayers ,thankyou.
Glad you feel more settled now you've been in touch with your DD. Personalitys can be so different - I was much different to my mum but we can love each other for what we are all the same and Im sure your DD loves you too. Hope your walk was good if you went and you didn't get too wet.
HVDY I bet those lost 10lbs are due to running after Littlegirl. I really want to lose weight too but don't seem to get started. I hate myself as I am.
You've had your hair so many different colours and seem so adventurous. Mine has been all grey since my 30s and I hate having to dye it. Sorry it's been a nothing day. Do you have something planned for tomorrow!
I'm thinking of taking another Amitriptyline on a night but don't want to be too sleepy on a morning as I may need painkillers on a night too. I can't win.
Wyllow Hope you managed to get your microwave sorted. So annoying when something stops working and you're used to it. It would be a shame to miss your walk with the carer as you gey on well together and you could do with that connection.

Had flu jabs this morning, did bit of knitting then book group this afternoon. I was so tired and I just managed to hang on till the end. I still feel in a bubble of my own there.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day.x

the comment about the microwave was made to Wyllow3

EllieAnne At least your daughter replied and you know she's ok. I prattle on, too - Son2 gets bored/irritated by it, but that's how I am.

It's been grey, dark, dismal and still here (no rain, but a "nothing" day). Had my hair cut - I still can't get used to being all grey, but I'll leave it, for now, anyway. Hope all other BDers have been alright today x

I did text dd and got a short response but at least I know she is safe. She does have friends but they have to be connected to an interest or activity. She doesn’t do ‘chatty’ friends and can be very intense . I irritate her I think because I prattle on about nothing.
Raining here today but need exercise so will go for a walk.
Wyllow I get what you mean about the hairdresser but do try.
If I lived near you we could walk together.
I was naming you all in my prayers this morning. I know some don’t have any faith but I do it anyway!
When I think about all the challenges you face and your courage it amazes me.
Hope you all have a peaceful day.

Nanny2507 Thanks for explaining. How very difficult for your daughter, particularly being on the end of violent outbursts. Are there any medications usually used for the condition? Hope your cough goes soon, so that you'll enjoy some cuddles with the baby.

SweetpeaSue Having poor sleep is horrible and will make you feel worse. Could you take something at night - an antihistamine?

What a shame about your microwave. Couldn't you order one online so that you don't need to lose your walk with the carer? (Amazon, to leave in a safe place?). Hope yu manage to get a mobile hairdresser appointment.

It's a wet start to the day. DH is meeting friends for breakfast. I'm going to get my hair done later. Just weighed myself and I've lost 10lbs (unintentionally), so that's my incentive to lose more. Hope ALL BDers manage to have decent day x