Beginning to feel like a leper !!,

sankev
My DH and I are also clinically vulnerable and cautious, and itIS very isolating. We do have a tiny outdoor cafe in a nearby park. It is always really busy, customers are well wrapped in big coats, the cafe provides blankets, and unless it is really bucketing down with rain it works very well for socialising. Lots of parks have little cafes with outdoor seating. Could you see if there’s one near you? I also recommend a small portable hepa filter for times when you do need to go indoors somewhere, eg shops, the library, medical appointments. Mine has the size and appearance of a water bottle.

sankev it is isolating I had to do with my husband this was back in 2003 when he's cancer became terminal . Our son was only 16 and daughter 20 at uni but came home for extended weekends . For all the precautions we took my husband got a fever. Unfortunately virus are in the air we breath and as hard as we try we can't keep it out. All you can do is stay vigilant.
Perhaps someone could visit if you both double masked and they were . They left there shoes in the hall and washed their hands in antibac before entering the rest of the house but either stay long distance from your husband or go into a different room . And not touch. I know it will be hard but that way you could physically see someone.

I had to take my husband's temperature twice a day and first sign it went up phoned the hospital to see if we had to go in our not depending how high is temperature was.

I know how flustering it is for you both . Had it with my husband but also with my mom as she lived with me last 18 months of her life . She had cancer and dementia.

You go from being a wife to nurse and gatekeeper . And it's both physically and mentally exhausting. And the constant worry gets you down . I know my husband hated being dependant on me and your husband must feel the same . An old GP of ours said children where germ factories they churn them out but it others that suffered more as they got over things quicker.

You are not alone in feeling as you do it's normal and you are doing everything in your power to protect your husband and it's not what either of you thought your lives would become . He must hate feeling a burden to you and stop you living your life. But you are are eachothers other half and to be loved and loved in return is so precious. And it's not easy to see the person you love most in this world suffer nor is it easy for them to be the cause of causing you pain . But that's love for you and life would be the poorer without that love . 💐

Sounds difficult. How about meeting outdoors and with masks and 2 metres apart. Better than nothing.

It must be so frustrating for you sankev especially at this family time of year.
We did see my youngest daughter and son during the latter lockdown when we moved to live closer to them and were effectively in a "bubble" as neither of them was going in to work, but didn't see our other children for ages as my husband is vulnerable due to heart failure.
I've had so many coughs and colds this year and my husband has had a cough for a couple of months, it's so hard to avoid illnesses even if you are careful. I think that we probably catch most things from our nearest grandchildren, it's hard to tell when young children are infectious as they are so resilient and often have no symptons.

It’s heartwarming that you feel that you can share such feelings on here . I hope that the encouraging, empathetic replies go some way to filling the void you are feeling.
This time of year is very difficult/emotional / demoralising for so many , so, any chance that we have to offer warmth & support needs to be taken!
Please accept a ‘virtual’ hug 🤗

If you are used to being quite sociable, I can understand that you're feeling lonely. And of course, worried about your DH's health.
Do you have a neighbour who would go for a walk with you? Maybe take a flask of coffee and/or some biscuits.

Thank you everyone I feel better now I’ve vented and your feedback is very much appreciated. We are using masks but just now all our younger grandchildren are suffering various winter bugs they are picking up from school and I definitely think it’s best they stay away no matter how much we want to see them. FaceTime is an option.
Like many of you our lives definitely aren’t how we expected to spend our retirement but I know many others are far worse off. We are lucky we have family who are always there when we need them.
I think the moral of this story is live for today because you really don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

Can you and your DH get out of the house to get some fresh air? Could family and friends meet you for a short walk - may be just a 100 yards - so that you see each other and talk.

If your DH cannot walk far, have you considered buying or renting a buggy? DH has been quite ill recently, and his mobility has been majorly limited and at the moment we are renting a small portable buggy that fits in the car. It has enabled us to visit the local NT property and 'walk' round the grounds with family.

Please don’t beat yourself up over this you know you are doing the very best you can. This doesn’t mean you have to like what you’re doing and you must feel very lonely. It can be hard to accept that sometimes we hate and resent what we have to do for a loved one even though we will do anything for them . Remember you are not a saint you are like the rest of us only human with feelings.

Of course this is so hard for you - also for the many others in a similar situation.
What about a zoom call or whatsapp call?
Maybe get a younger member of the family to organise a Christmas quiz. In this way you will all get together to 'see' each other and also have some fun at the same time.
A difficult situation which is heightened at this time of year.

I was also going to suggest face timing family and friends, you'll be able to see one another as you chat and wont feel so isolated.

It must be particularly difficult at this time of the year as people are making arrangements to get together for Christmas. Please don't feel guilty, it's perfectly understandable to feel as you do .

Fingers crossed that you get to see your brother tomorrow ginny .

Sorry to hear about your DH.
I have your problem the other way around. My brother is very poorly and his immune system is low. The last two visits we were to make have been cancelled due to this. I am hoping to see him tomorrow but have to wait for a phone call.
I understand but I just want to see him.

-*Sankey*.of course you resent this situation, it’s impossible not to. You certainly shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I hope the support here will help

I am in the same position sankev so can sympathise with the feelings of loneliness and guilt for feeling resentful.
I had to be careful on my own behalf during Covid lockdowns as I was undergoing chemotherapy. But now that risk for me is for the moment in the past somewhat.

But DH has severe COPD and is very vulnerable so we are still being very careful. I have changed from being out and about and socialising 5 years ago to being in limbo.

I get out for a walk everyday and hope to bump into someone I know for a chat. And I occasionally sit outside with someone for a brief coffee. But my life has changed dramatically. And I really dont like it at all. One daughter lives a long distance away and is not well herself. Our other daughter comes and stays for a couple of days most weeks. And we have decided if she brings an infection with her without knowing...well so be it. We want and need to see her. She of course doesnt come if she is unwell.
Life hasnt turned out as I had expected at this stage of the game!!!

Have you considered Face Timing the family or friends? We do that with family members who don't live nearby, although others prefer just an ordinary phone call. Zoom calls are not ideal perhaps, but it might be a way for you to speak to several friends or family members as a group.

Sorry to hear that sankev - as others have suggested, masks are the answer. Hope you have a nice Christmas, regardless 🌲

Babs03

Taking SueDonims lead could visiting family members and friends mask up?
You can buy masks online quite easily so either they could come with a mask or you could buy a box of masks and give them one upon arrival.
Not great but a compromise.
Totally understand you feeling upset.
Wishing you all the best 🌺🙏🏾

A flu virus, for example, can live on a surface for 24hrs and a mask can only reduce the risk of transmission.

I understand how upsetting this must be, such an awful conflict of feelings.

Taking SueDonims lead could visiting family members and friends mask up?
You can buy masks online quite easily so either they could come with a mask or you could buy a box of masks and give them one upon arrival.
Not great but a compromise.
Totally understand you feeling upset.
Wishing you all the best 🌺🙏🏾

What a difficult situation. You must be feeling cabin fever, with not being able to get out and about.

Do your family live fairly close by? What about taking a nod from Covid times and having socially distanced meetings? Would that be possible?