Black Dog 24

Good morning all. I have the estate agents coming today to take pictures ready for putting the house on the market. I'm still unsure what area I want to go to. Near DS or DD. Being near DS offers me the peace and quiet I'm used to. I live in a tiny hamlet overlooking fields. Moving near DD with my budget will mean looking at other houses and that makes me sad. But practically I need to be near her. How do I reconcile these feelings

Hi all
Doodle- I hope you are able to enjoy your River - it must be baby Swan time again.
What a lovely DiL and how lucky she was to have had your DH in her life .
Yes don’t give up too much for this Lent- you have lost enough already. Hope you,ve enjoyed your lunch today. It’s a beautiful day here so hope it is for you too.
NannyG4- I hate hospitals too because of awful life happenings and memories. They scare me. Can you have somebody go with you to your appointment?
Don’t worry about routines just take each day as it comes and as you say it will sort itself out eventually.
Hope you too have had an enjoyable lunch with your new friend- so nice to find someone who you feel comfortable with.
HVDY- Glad the meal was good. Sometimes when you see other peoples choices you fancy theirs instead don’t you!!
Your bedroom is going to be lovely . There are so many pretty and not so expensive things that you can chose from now.
Hope you have a good lunch and the painting is all finished when you get back.
Wyllow- the Gardens must look lovely in the Sunshine. So glad you were able to get out. Patience really is a virtue in your carer isn’t it- so much easier to open up to without feeling hassled.
Well done for contacting the Garden man. He will make your garden lovely again. Please don’t feel ashamed - it’s difficult to do when you feel poorly and unmotivated.
He will be glad of the work and be glad to see you too. It ,s surprising how much gardeners can get done in a short time.
Try not to let those memories of Ex spoil it for you . You deserve some happy times after all that you have had to deal with.
SweetPeaSue- hope you and DH have been able to enjoy this beautiful day.
Thinking of you all those mentioned and those who are absent.

Nanny2507 If you move nearer to your daughter, the houses around might not be such a bad thing - you may be able to make new friends, join something. Being near your son would give you peace and quiet, but would it be too isolated?
Doodle and NannyG4 Did you have a nice lunch?
SweetpeaSue How have you and your husband been?
Wyllow3 How's your day been?

DH didn't do any painting. He had floorboards up, put new electric sockets in the bedroom and also the room I currently sleep in. The bedroom fitters (Hammond) rang, they've said it'll be approximately May 8th when they can fit it - so carpet and bed will be after that. An early start tomorrow, we're having Little Girl from 6.30!! Love to all x

NannyG4 I’m very much like you. I’ve no routine at the moment. In trying to keep busy I’ve left no time for housework or shopping. I have to do bits whenever I can.
I dread the thought of going into our local hospitals. DH was in all 3 and I loathe the thought of being in any of them.
Thank you. Lunch was nice. We stayed for a few hours and had a good chat. Very nice group.
HVDY good your Bp has come down. Perhaps the tablets are working. Did you tell the GP about the palpitations.
Not really a pub no. More like a large restaurant with a big bar area. Lunch was good. I had a hallomi (can’t spell it) wrap, what did you have at the day centre?
Well done Wyllow. I’m so pleased you contacted the gardener. That is a massive step forward. Don’t worry about the state of the garden I’m sure from what you say he’s a nice guy and will understand. Don’t get yourself het up about it. It’s the right thing to do. It’s a first step, so, so pleased for you.
Nanny. How do you get on with your DD? I know you love being with your DGD so if you and your DD get on well I’d think about moving closer to her. The other place sounds more attractive but if your son and his wife decide to keep themselves to themselves a lot with the baby, you could end up being just as lonely there as you are now. I think you said it would halve the journey to your son too so that would be a plus as well.
Scaredycat sadly we don’t have many swans here now. We may be lucky with a few cygnets but mainly it’s geese and ducks.
Lunch was very enjoyable thank you. It’s been beautiful today. Have you been out in the garden?
Sweetpeasue how are things going. Hope your DH’s headache hasn’t been bad today. Are the increased steroids helping? Have you been for a beach walk. The weather is lovely.

So sorry ,haven't the energy to reply to you all. Write more tomorrow.

DH no better- calling nurse helpline tomorrow morning.
I've had to go to bed this afternoon- been the same last couple of days. Managed to sow some seeds this morning. Had a good cry too which does no good at all. Both of us low .DH managing to do little jobs which distracts him.
Wyllow Cheered me to know you've booked a gardener. Try not to worry about it. You've took a first step.

Write more tomorrow. Hope you all sleep peacefully. Love xxx

Good Evening everyone….

Sweetpeasue…sorry your day hasn’t been good and you have to call helpline tomorrow….
Sometimes it’s good to have a good cry. I have plenty at the moment.
Doodle….I just can’t concentrate at the moment…brain fog…jobs need doing around the house but they will have to wait.
I also enjoyed my lunch and a beautiful day.
HVDY…..yes my lunch was very relaxing. Your DH sounds very practical, something my late DH wasn’t!! How exciting having a new bedroom.
Scaredycat…. I have a friend who will come with me to the hospital. I had a lovely lunch with my ‘new’ friend, we just seem to have clicked.
Nanny2507…..hope the estate agents were positive and you felt comfortable with them. Are you having any others to look at your property?
Wyllow3…💐… good news regarding the gardener, he won’t be worried about the state of your garden. Hugs to you for your triggered memories ❤️
Sleep well everyone….❤️🙏💐

Sweetpeasue you’re wrong. A good cry does help. I used to think it didn’t when my beloved died but over time I’ve found it does help. I’ve pretty much stopped the wailing now and just settled for the silent tears but it does help.
You’re frustrated and worried sick at the lack of care your Dh is having and I’m not surprised. It’s dreadful nothing more is being done for him. Hope you get in touch with the helpline and they do something. Sending a big hug. Xx

Doodle I thank you so much for understanding and for your hug. Means such a lot.x

Good early start on the washing there, HVDY I hope you enjoyed the day centre. Lucky to have a DH who does electrics! I recall when he first left work he sat around more.

nanny2507, aw, there is not an easy way, moving is stressful and there is a choice. I expect it took some considerable effort getting the house ready for the photos. Doodle’s advice is very good I thought.

I hope you got a bit of sun going out yourself today, Scaredycat Nice post, as ever.

I’m not surprised that you feel that way about hospitals, Doodle. I like halloumi! I’m glad your lunch was enjoyable.

Big hugs time, Sweetpeasue, for those times in bed and worries about DH whilst you still are both trying to find out what is really wrong.

Hello NannyG4, dont put any pressure on yourself for house work now - whenever you can. I’m pleased you have someone t go to hospital with.

I agree about crying Doodle.I wish I could. Bottling feelings up is not good. But we are all different.

I had a hopeless day today, I sort of knew it would be, dressing gown, not washed, it’s one of my problems, reacting badly to good things sometimes.
But yes, if the gardener takes it on it will help. Its an enormous garden (Mistake to buy this house, thats another story)

Late night waves to anyone still up.

Best nights possible, BD’s.

Doodle I didn't bother to tell the GP about the palpitations, but they've eased off a bit. It was gammon at the day centre, which I don't eat, so I had a vegetarian fake chicken thing (horrible), potatoes, and vegetables. The man I usually give my puddings to wasn't there, so I ate it! Mixed berry crumble and custard. How has your day been today?

SweetpeaSue You are both going through such a horrible time. It's no wonder you feel low. Did you manage to get through to anyone on the helpline?

NannyG4 Housework can wait. It's more important for you to get out and see people. I'm glad you've got a new friend. Does she live near you? My DH is a qualified electrician and is quite handy. Saves a lot of money on having to get people in to do things.

Wyllow3 My husband will still sit around and do nothing, any time he gets the chance. I have to nag/cajole/encourage him to do things. Perhaps when the gardener has straightened up your garden and made it tidy, you'll enjoy sitting out in it sometimes. Some pretty flowers in pots will make it cheerful. Hope you've had a better day today.

It's been a long day. I woke at 4.15,couldn't get back to sleep. We were at Son2's for 6.30, they went out then. Took LittleGirl's sister to school, then went to a new, huge indoor play centre, which she thoroughly enjoyed for 2 hours. Lunch at a pub, then picked up Big Girl from school. Parents collected LG at 6. Shattered. Love to all x

NannyG4 Hope you've been OK today. Its lovely that you've managed to click with a new friend that you can get on with. I'm glad you're not going to the hospital alone . I can understand how upset you must feel at going to that same hospital. I've been referred twice under the 2 week rule and both times it wasn't cancer. It's just a case of them being extra vigilant. All the same, I'm sure you'll be glad to get it over with.
Nanny2507 I think you're doing the right thing by moving close to one of your AC. Your problem reminds me a little of my aunt's situation. She has lived surrounded by fields for many years with her sister and BIL living in the house adjacent. She's always loved the peace and quiet of it all then her DH died and not long after both her sister and sister's DH died within weeks of each other. She's been in the house alone now for 2yrs and doesn't like the thought of being anywhere else but every time we see her she says she hasn't any neighbours and she's lonely. She's 90 now and she shouldn't be alone . It's a hard choice for you to make but I imagine it must feel very quiet now after your son and family has moved out. Take care of yourself x
HVDY Such an early start , you must be quite tired by the end of the day. You are such a good mammar to Littlegirl, keeping her occupied with different things to do. Hope your cough has cleared up now .
Doodle Thankyou for your hugs and kind words. I've wailed like a banshee at times but the silent tears you speak of hurt just as much I think and can leave you choked up. I hope you've been ok today and not had too many tears .
Wyllow I remembered you saying your garden was a large one. All the more reason for the gardener then as it must be far too much for you to cope with yourself. I hope today has been better for you. Thankyou for your hugs .
Scaredycat We haven't had a beach walk for a while. We only have Fluffball twice a week when son is away at work. I'm so sorry about your GDs FIL. It must have been very quick since his diagnosis and must have shocked his family and loved ones.

Thinking of those not in and hoping everyone is OK.
DH talked to nurse from Rheumatology and when she rang back she said because DH already has appt for Rheumatologist in a few weeks they didn't want to put up the steroids any more just yet.
I'd have liked some input but DH wanted to talk for himself so... He's to drop the steroids by 1mg every 3/4 weeks she'd been told to say by on call Rheumatologist. The tapering plan isn't usually like that from being on his present dose of 20mg but we'll have to wait for his appt now.
Nothing is ever said about what to do about his hand/arm pain. I'm going to have to point all this out again at his next appt.
I've been a bit better today though still aches n stiffness.
Everything just seems to be stuck for so long in this no man's land .

Live to all and thinking of you all.

Evening all.
Been a nice day here. Went for walk with local group then lunch at the hospice. Sorry just a short post tonight I’ve got hayfever and lots of sniffles and sore eyes. I’ve taken an antihistamine and am going to bed soon.
Hope you’re all ok and I’ll be back tomorrow x

Another dressing gown feeling useless and tummy pain day so sending love and see you tomorrow BD's

SweetpeaSue More waiting . It's such a worry for you both. I suppose the doctors have to balance the benefits of the steroids with the long-term side-effects they have. I hope you and your husband have a better day. My cough and wheezing have both returned (been off the steroids a week) but not as badly as before. I wonder if it could be to do with my type of Vasculitis. The x-ray was ok, apparently.

Doodle Do the antihistamines help? Do you use eye drops too?

Wyllow3 I hope your stomach pains have gone. It must be a job to know what to do or take for it.

EllieAnne How are you now?

It's sunny and warm here - bedding on the line. Jaffa's enjoying lounging on a patio chair. Hope everyone is ok x

Snow White for World Book Day at nursery

Photo not showing... "image coming soon" it says

Hi all
Nanny2507- I think that moving nearer to your DD is the way to go.. As we get older living in an isolated but beautiful spot has many difficulties. Things like public transport , dentists , Drs .Surgery, hospitals ,shops etc. need to be near and easier to get to. Being near to your DD but also nearer to your DS and family seems the best of both worlds. It is a huge decision for you but also a new start . A different type of house may be something you wouldn’t have thought of and bring its own advantages. I wish you well in your search.
HVDY- DH was busy while you were out. Must be great to have a live in electrician!!
What a busy but exciting day you had with LG.
Such a beautiful little Snow White with her lovely chubby chops and cheeky grin.
Good news re the X-ray.
Doodle- glad you had a good lunch . Yes the weather has been beautiful these last few days . Did some pottering about in the garden while DH was out. I managed to sort out some of the solar lights and their batteries. A small achievement but I felt ridiculously pleased with myself. I love lights on the garden- do you have any on your balcony?
I,m glad you don’t have such wracking crying sessions now it wears you out doesn’t it. Silent tears still hurt though don’t they. I can’t cry now but remember how it felt when I could.
SweetPeaSue- yes it was a shock for my GDs lovely family. Just over 2 months from diagnosis when he passed. Why do the good ones always leave us early?
Your DH is certainly a strong willed person- keeping busy like he does is good for his morale but of course very tiring too.
Sowing seeds is such a positive thing to do and will be cheery when they come through in the Summer.
Hope you,ve been able to enjoy this beautiful day.
NannyG4- I,m glad you,ll have company for your appointment- support is such a welcome thing isn’t it.
The lunch must have been a welcome break for you- so nice to have a friend who ‘gets you’.
Wyllow - what a pity you,ve had 2 crummy days. Hope somehow the sun today has helped raise your spirits. It’s warm enough hear to go out without a coat.
The Gardener will be pleased not just for the work but to restore your garden to its former beauty. A big garden is a lot of work but perhaps he could come once a month to keep it nice.
One day you may feel like having a smaller house but for now just to be able to enjoy your lovely garden would be a new beginning for you.
Hope the tum has settled down today so you can enjoy your nice meals again.

I,m sitting here and watching people going past in T shirts enjoying the sun- what a difference from the cold of a week ago. Whatever you are all doing I hope you’re having the best day you can.
Love to all BDs mentioned or not and those who just read too.

HVDY Littlegirl looks so sweet in her fancy dress costume. She has such a cuddly little face and dark eyes. Thanks for showing us. Oh I'm sorry the cough and wheezing is back - so disappointing after the steroids. I hope it goes away. I've no idea about cough and your type of Vasculitus though I think a scan of some sort would show if arteries involved were to blame. I really don't know but I'd ask the Dr next time you see one.
DH had a better day today either headache much improved. Yes, the Rheumatologist and Vascular consultant with said the steroids are a necessary evil . They gave DH calcium tablets and something for his bones. He's always having blood tests.
Scaredycat It's been a lovely warm day here too. Those seeds were cottage garden ones that attract butterflys. The flowers lasted all summer and into Autumn. DH has been painting the kitchen today . He just seems to work through the pain in his arm - I don't know how he does it - good thing it's his left hand and he's right- handed.
Wyllow Sorry to hear about your awful day again. Hope tomorrow is much better. I really think it will help to see your garden coming to life again.
Doodle Hope the antihistamine forked last night. Such a nuisance when your eyes are affected like that. I know one type of antihistamine helps to feel sleepy, though I know you are so tired before you go to bed anyway. Hope your eyes haven't been as bad today.

Pleased DH s headache not as bad.The extra dosage must have kicked in and it only needed a few more days. The breathlessness is concerning -there has to be a reason - just need to wait for Rheumatology appt.

Hope everyone has been OK today. Take care and wishing a peaceful night for all.

So sorry for all the mistaken words. I'm so tired and brain fog affecting me.

Hello all, hope all are having a decent day.

Sweetpeasue sorry you’ve both been having difficulties again, it must get you down. I hope today has been a better one for you and you’ve been able to enjoy some sunshine.
Wyllow well done on contacting the gardener. Although it’s triggered you, in the end I’m sure it will be a good thing for you. You can make it your own and it will be good for you to see it getting done at last, especially with the onset of spring. I hope today has been good for you and you can enjoy one of your favourite meal treats.
HVDY what a gorgeous little girl and she looks so sweet in her outfit. Enjoy every minute as, as I’m sure you know, it goes too fast. You have busy days too, you must get shattered. Your new bedroom sounds lovely too. Something to look forward to.
Scaredycat I’m sorry for your GD’s sad loss and in such a short timescale too. He sounded like a lovely man and you’re right, life can be so unfair at times. I’m sure they will all help one another through it all. Well done on your lights. I like garden lights too and I even put some on my decking at my caravan. So pretty.
Doodle I hope your hay fever is getting better and the antihistamines have helped. Trouble is they can make you drowsy can’t they? Glad you had a nice day yesterday and hope you’ve been able to do something nice today.
Nanny2507 well done on putting your house up for sale. A positive move for you and something exciting to focus on. As others have said, living in isolation can cause problems as we get older, far better to be nearer to amenities. Do your children offer you any advice at all? I’m sure they both want the very best for you.
NannyG4 I understand your worries over your upcoming appointment but please try not to worry too much as, as others have said, the medics have to do these things as a process of elimination. I know it’s hard though. I hope you’ve have been ok today.
Ellie Anne thinking of you and hope you are ok.

Had a quiet day today, took dog for a lovely walk in our village this morning and he went in the river for the first time this year as the weather was so nice. I had a nice sleep this afternoon and we’re off to the local pub now for a few drinks and something to eat. It will make a nice change. Wishing everyone a nice evening and sending lots of love to all xx

Wyllow don’t ever give up. There will be better days. Take care.
HVDY what a lovely picture of Little Girl. So pretty. Hope she enjoyed world book day. Can’t believe how grown up she is.
Hayfever really bad again tonight. Haven’t got any eyedrops will have to get them Monday. My eyes are so sore.
Hope you don’t need to go back on the steroids.
Scaredycat yes the silent crying is exhausting too. The emotions are the same whether wailing, sobbing or just quiet tears. The loneliness and the missing him always get to me.
Glad you had a nice day in the garden. I had a nice day with my friend by the river at Windsor. We treated ourselves to and ice-cream and sat and watched the world go by.
Sweetpeasue glad your DH’s headache is better hope it stays that way. I hope that rheumatology appointment come s soon too .
My eyes are really bad tonight. My fault for not buying eye drops when I bought the nasal spray. Hayfever is really bad at the moment our son is sufffering too.
Candy that sounds like a really nice and peaceful day followed by a nice meal at the pub. Hope you enjoyed it.
Ellie Anne hoping you’re enjoying a bit of the sunshine in your garden too.

Hello all xx Thank you for your replies over my move. I cant remember who said what sorry. But, I get on very well with my DD and she has been very vocal in her thoughts. And constantly sends links to properties. Including one where I can see her new house (she's moving in 2 weeks) from the bedroom window. I'm incredibly nervous about moving mostly as this was mine and DH future plan. It doesn't take me as close to DS as I thought but still an hour closer. It's going to be hard as my house is quite large I fully expect my next place to have a kitchen and lounge the same size as my lounge alone but it's the area I'm moving from and to.

Hi.
Doodle there is no point in doing anything in the garden until the wall is taken away. There are bricks everywhere.
I m ok . Still feeling quite down.

EllieAnne Good to see you in
Really sorry about the wall and your garden. Also for you mood being so low. Just to say I hear you and hopeyour spirits are raised soon.
Nanny2507 .Everything you mentioned in your last post about being near to your DD seems to me a good thing. Of course you'll be terribly anxious about moving , that's natural, though I think,myself you'll have support being closer to your DD.

What a lovely photo of Snow White HVDY, thank you! I can just picture Jaffa too in the sun.

I’m so pleased to hear you got to do a little garden pottering, Scaredycat, sorting out the twinkly lights.

What a relief that DH had a better day, Sweetpeasue. He needs to achieve, doesnt he? Well done him, and well done you too for the seeds. …I do hope the Rheumatology appointment explains the breathlessness.
(I didn’t notice any mistaken words, rest easy…)

Your day sounded nice, Candy, and I can picture your dog shaking himself when he came out of the water. I hope you had a great evening out in the pub.

Thank you for those words, Doodle. It seems to be forever at times, doesn’t it. It seems so unfair for you and your son to get hay fever when the day is sunny and nice out! I hope the eye drops help quickly.

nanny2507 your DD is certainly keen, which is nice. I so hope you find a nice one…a lot to take on, big changes, don’t rush it now until you are ready and find the right place…

Warm waves EllieAnne.

I sorted out my tum today settled in time for nice ready meal and managed to order online pressies for 2 birthdays - but another dressing gown day and mood.

Night night all, may they be as peaceful nights as possible.