Black Dog 24

ScaredyCat It was gorgeous weather yesterday. The forecast here is for an even warmer day today. Jaffa won't want to come in . He only goes on the patio - our garden is about 70ft long but he chooses not to go far.

SweetpeaSue We call her Little Miss Messy Hair . She's got a lot of curly hair but it is quite wild. DIL doesn't want to have it trimmed. I wonder if your husband takes Alendronic Acid for his bones - it's a once a week tablet. I've had that before when on steroids. I've got ANCA Vasculitis, which affects my legs, feet, hands and arms, but I'm going to ask if it's affecting my lungs (it can cause wheezing and shortness of breath). Could that be what's causing your husband's? I'm going to ring the rheumatology number this week.

Candy6 Yes, they grow up too quickly. Your dog must have loved the water. Having a pub meal and a relaxing day sounds like a good day indeed.

Doodle I've had 2 courses of steroids (Jan and Feb), so the GP won't want to prescribe them for a while. Sitting and watching people on/near the river is so restful. Hope you get your eye drops today.

Wyllow3 Glad your tum was better and that you were able to have a nice dinner. Well done on the present shopping. It's not easy wondering what to buy for people. Hope you had a good sleep.

Woke up at 4.30 (no palpitations, just unable to get back to sleep), so prepared a beef casserole and got it in the slow-cooker. Jaffa thought it was play time, so I was awake until 6. Got up an hour later. Got Little Girl, 11 til about 4. Parents seeing Big Girl in a play at the theatre. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Morning All…..
A beautiful morning here in Kent. I started the day with a walk around the village, always see someone to say hello to. I’m going away near Chichester for a few days. Friends have a lodge and have asked me to join them for a few days. I am looking forward to the break but find packing hard, so used to packing for two! I’ve just been into the garage, saw DH’s walking shoes and that was it, a good cry……

Wyllow3. Sending big hugs to you. I’m sure you’ll enjoy sitting in your garden with beautiful flowers to look at, I always find it therapeutic.💐

HVDY… Yes my new ‘friend’ doesn’t live far away at all, so it will be easy to keep in touch and socialise with each other.💐

Sweetpeasue. Thankyou to you for your kind words. Yes a friend is coming with me, like you say it’s the two week rule. 💐

Nanny2507… it will be so much better for you, living nearer family. Perhaps you’ll be able to meet your son half way when the days are longer.

Doodle…hope your hayfever is easing. Glad you’re enjoying your walks, I think I’ve walked more since DH passed than ever before. Need to buy some new walking trainers…..

Scardeycat. Thank you to you for your kind words.💐. Yes I love people watching, so interesting.

Candy6… yes I’m getting my head around my hospital visit, I think I’m more anxious about walking into the hospital than seeing the consultant. Your dog walk by the river sound idyllic and then to the pub for drinks…perfect.
I do apologise for missing any of you out in my post, but love, strength and peace to you all.
I may not post whilst away but will be thinking of you. Take care. 💐❤️😢

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- oh your DH is busy again- as you say it’s a good job the pain is not in his working arm. It would be better though if it wasn’t in either! Glad his headache has receded too.
I hope this warmer weather eases your aches and pains and that you,ve both been able to get out today- maybe by the Sea.
Candy- thank you for the kind words- he was very well loved and a great character.
It’s nice you like lights too. My DH says it looks like Xmas in the garden!! But I don’t care they are so cheerful. I,ve discovered the firework ones - they’re brilliant.
Your Saturday sounded pretty perfect. It’s lovely seeing dogs in the water. We had a Setter once who thought the green algae on the top of the lake was grass and ran straight ‘on’ to it- sank and came out green!!!
Doodle - your eyes must be so sore by now. I think you need drops today! Hayfever sounds such an uncomfortable thing to have.
It must have been lovely by the river with your friend there is just something about being near water that makes us happy I think. Ice Cream too- which one do you like best?
Hope you,ve had a good day despite the wretched hayfever - there must have been a lot of people at church on such a wonderful day.
Nanny2507- downsizing is not as bad as it sounds. We left a big place in the country with 2 fields for a small house in the Main Street of a busy village and have never regretted it. Of course it’s not easy facing those decisions alone but it sounds like your DD will help you as much as she can .
It’s worth taking a look at any property especially one close to your DD. There is a house with your name on it just waiting for you to find it.
EllieAnne- it must really be bugging you now about the wall as it’s stopping you sorting out your plants and everything. No wonder you feel low. Could you just book someone to repair it and give the bill to your husband?
Wyllow- a better day for you yesterday. So glad you were able to enjoy some nice food- a happy tum.
Well done with the pressies too- I love online shopping but then feel guilty when I see all the shut shops- Catch 22.
Think of the positives from yesterday Wyllow. Forget the dressing gown you managed to do stuff despite your mood.
Don’t forget the treats tomorrow.
HVDY- Jaffa must be loving laying in the Sun- it,ll do him good too hes such a good boy to stay in the garden.
Little Girl's hair is beautiful so dark and curly. Most of our GDs have straight blonde hair!
That was an early wake up- glad no palpitations though.
It’s great that Big Girl is interested in the Theatre. They must be so proud of her. What sort of play was it?
NamnyG4- yes it certainly is a lovely day isn’t it.
Chichester is such a nice place - what a kind invitation from your friends. It will seem strange to be going on your own but it’s another big step on the road to getting your confidence back.
I expect you find walking therapeutic . I know how much it has helped me over many years. Get some nice trainers for Chichester.
Don’t worry about posting while you are away. We,ll look forward to hearing all about it when you get back. Have a lovely time.

Take care all BDs both mentioned and those who post when they are able. Wishing you peaceful times

NannyG4 Certain items of your husband's must evoke such memories . I haven't been to Chichester but heard it's nice. Kind of your friends to invite you. I'm glad you'll have some company.

ScaredyCat Jaffa is so well-behaved (apart from being playful at 5am today). Big Girl was in a musical, put on by her drama school (Copper). She did a solo song, as did a few others. We didn't go but watched it on YouTube (Bonington Theatre near us).

Lovely day - LittleGirl came at 11. After a play and lunch, we went to a nice park. She went on the slide (hates swings) and had a toddle about and an ice cream, then the parents met us there, so we've just got in. Hope ALL BDers are ok x

Nanny it sounds as though your DD really wants you to move close to her. If you get on well with her and your little granddaughter then why not unless you’re leaving lots of friends behind. I can understand not wanting to leave the home you shared with your DH but are you happy there?
I wish you well no matter what you choose to do.
Ellie Anne have you managed to sort out anything about the wall? Sorry I have no idea what the size of it was but could you get a local chap in to rebuild it for you?
Wyllow not got the eyedrops yet so eyes are still very sore. Not been sneezing as much today which is good. Been at church most of the day had lunch there too. Very nice.

HVDY your little granddaughter looks lovely. Such a lot of hair.
Hope you get an answer to your shortness of breath soon. Have you had a heart check recently? When I was breathless it was due to heart block but my breathing was very bad. Yours sounds as though the meds could cause it. Hope you get an answer soon.
NannyG4 those tear triggers keep happening don’t they.
Glad you’re having a break it will do you good. My hayfever is still bad, it’s been my eyes more today.
Scaredycat church was indeed very full today. Lots of us there. We had lent lunch after which was nice too. My eyes are bad but I will have to wait till Monday to get to the chemist for some drops. I love walking by the river. I like the sea best but the river is nice too.
Sweetpeasue hope you both have had a better day today. Have you been out in your garden or to the beach?

doodle I am sort of happy. My DH renovated this house. Everything I see has been made or hung by him.
nannyG4 I still have Everything of DH here including his shower gel, his deodorant and toothbrush. I have all his clothes and shoes. All his shoes are on the shoe rack. I have his hoodie on the back of my door. I wear his slippers. Things will take time. I cried like a baby on Thursday because I think a file I need for the estate agents is in his wardrobe but I cant get it. Remember to go at your pace and remember him in your way xx

I laugh now when I think of a day where DH sneezed, broke wind and then burped one after another. We fell about laughing. It now really makes me giggle.

Well done for using that early time so productively, HVDY. Nice time there with LittleGirl in the sun.

I hope the break near Chichester is a good one, NannyG4 Warm waves back.

Your back garden sounds rather magic and enchanting, Scaredycat

I’m sorry your eyes are so bad, Doodle, really really not fair!. Glad church helped.

You explain what works for you very well, nanny2507

It was a getting through the day just a bout OK, did a wash, had a shower, sleep, but my TV suddenly went off around 8pm. Panic…really rely on it a lot…no confidence in sorting things out.Pretty sure its Sky, as its sort of half working my papers are all in such a mess it took me ages to find the Sky folder, then too late to ring them…but my driving licence did turn up in the search. Watched some stuff not eh computer, I’ve got a good enough screen size…

Thinking of BD’s who have medical appointments or need them this week xx

Night night all.

Doodle My Son1 had curly, blonde hair (despite DH & I being dark). His hair is black now, same as Son2. X-ray showed that my heart is a normal size, and ecg last year was fine. I cough a lot as well as wheeze. The GP said Ramipril can cause a cough but I stopped taking that 2 weeks ago (she swapped it for Doxyzosin). Lung function tests will show something (approx. end of April). Did you get your eye drops today? The weather's changed. What did you do today?

Wyllow3 Have you managed to contact Sky? Get your tv sorted out? DH sometimes watches things on the computer. I use it for reading the news and looking at YouTube (and Gransnet of course).

How has everyone been?

LittleGirl came at 8. After breakfast, we went to the playgroup for 2 hours, then had lunch. We drove to a country park, but she fell asleep in the car and was so tired and irritable when we woke her, we came home and she's continued to sleep. Love to all x

NannyG4 I hope you find the few dys with your friend helps and is of some comfort. I don't know what to say to you of any help really. I can imagine how I'd feel and I just want you to know I care. 💐
Nanny2507 When my mum died I kept her slippers for years. I used to put them on and off her feet when she was able to get out of bed in the hospice. The Ketamine made her unable to talk but once as I was taking off her slippers she said she loved me. Those slippers were very special after that. I feel for you so much and I can see how many reminders there must be - especially the DIY jobs and shaving gear. I'm so sorry for all on this thread that have lost their DHs. I do hope you can find somewhere near your DD if that's what you choose. 💐
Scaredycat Thankyou for all your lively posts. We've not had a beach walk for some time now. We've missed some nice warm days though yesterday turned very foggy and fog has lingered today. Think the warmer temps on the sea causes it.
Doodle Hope you have managed to get some drops for your eyes today. Its such a shame you have to get this condition every Spring and it's not fair you should have to put up with this and your huge emotional grief. Hope you've had a reasonable day.
Wyllow Hope today has been better for you. Think today was your shopping day. Just another task for you with your TV - hope you manage to get it sorted out. Thinking of you and sending love.
HVDY Seems like Littlegirl has been tired today. I'm sure Mammar must get the same. Yes DH does take Alendronic acid . Hope you get through to Rheumatology this week. I'm interested to know if it's your Vasculitus causing your cough and breathlessness. My DH has never had Asthma and he doesn't have the cough but I think it's quite probable that the Vasculitus in the Aorta, head, neck could be causing breathlessness. Hope your cough is not keeping you awake.

DH has MRI shortly. After Vascular consultant discharged him ,saying she'd leave him in the hands of hand consultant ( DH had been discharged from hand consultant at the time) our GP referred him for MRI on neck/ shoulders to rule out trapped nerves in neck causing the arm/hand pain. Just to lay that theory to rest. We both know it's Subclavian Steal that's causing the hand/ arm pain but the Vascular Surgeon said it wasn't.
DH done some papering today but still has thick dullness in his head.
His BP is still so high despite the additional BP medications prescribed.
I feel so depressed about it all and still so fatigued and achy all over.
I wish I could see a chink of light.

Hoping all those not mentioned have been OK and are coping. Sorry for not mentioning all.

nanny it’s good to have happy memories of laughter too isn’t it. You must have memories of your Dh everywhere in your home.
Wyllow hope your TV is fixed now and things are ok again. Do you have an iPad? I watch Tv on my iPad I hardly ever have the TV on. You could have one as backup.
HvDY glad your X-ray results are ok.
No I forgot to get the drops today I’ve been out for lunch with friends. I will get them tomorrow when I go to sit fit. There’s a chemist close by. Eyes are a bit better but the antihistamines are making me so tired.
Sweetpeasue what a lovely memory of your mum and the slippers. I had a lovely lunch with friends very nice. Then my friend said it was nice to see me looking so well and I cried because I don’t care how I look I just want Dh back. I know she didn’t mean it like that and was just pleased for me. The weirdest things can upset me these days.
Hope your Dh has that MRi soon. Keep on going. You will get through. I just hope they find out what’s really wrong and treat it soon. Not surprised you’re worried and low. Sending hugs.
Scaredycat have you been out and about today. It’s been beautiful here. Sunny and warm.

Doodle I think there's a type of antihistamine that doesn't cause drowsiness but can't remember which one. Do get your eyedrops tomorrow and hopefully they'll help a bit. Oh those tears are never far away from you and I'm sure your friend understood. So good that you are blessed with nice friends and they must see what a kind person you are. Your poor eyes must be almost constantly be wet what with the hay-fever and tears. Thankyou so much for your hugs . Yes by 'shortly ' the MRI was literally in another hr so now all done . Hope you sleep well.x

It's very bittersweet to think of him. I'm sitting here now with a smile on my face just remembering him. But the ache in my chest is so heavy. Those thoughts always end with tears

Nanny2507 I hope that ache in your chest will become milder in time. I can't find any words to make it easier for you but just to let you know we all care so much.x

Hugs all round, I'm exhausted from today, more time tomorrow. The TV is wobbly but working it may be Sky or just an old TV. Supermarket shop more importantly the gardener came round at 4.30 so missed afternoon rest, he will come in a couple of weeks to attack the jungle.

Caught up with you my lovelies see you tomorrow. Hugs for specially upset today xxx

Nanny2507 The loss you feel is so great and must be very difficult, but it's good that you can remember thigs about your husband that make you smile. I expect that in time, the nice memories will outweigh the sad ones. I hope so.

SweetpeaSue Glad your husband had the MRI ok (not pleasant to have done) and hope the results will be through soon. Perhaps then, there will be a better idea of what is wrong and then treatment can be started. I must be having a flare-up of my Vasculitis as I've got new red dots on my legs, feet and hands. They don't hurt, that's the main thing. I hope you have a better day.

Doodle Some antihistamines don't cause drowsiness (Piriton does) - cetirizine, fexofenadine and loratadine don't.

Wyllow3 Great news that the gardener will soon be making a start on your garden. Hope you got some goodies from the shop.

It's a nice morning. Been up for a few hours but can't be bothered to get dressed yet. Son2 has started a new job today. I'll ring him this evening. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
HVDY- yesterday we went to a cat rescue place. It was right next door to the garden place we were visiting. The lady was lovely and so were the cats. We filled in a form and in the Autumn after holidays we,ll go and see her and the cats again.
Solo singing is very brave- I will have a look on You Tube. That’s such a wonderful interest to have.
Glad the X-ray showed nothing unpleasant- it’s a process of elimination isn’t it. Do hope the Vasculitis doesn’t flare up again.
I expect Little Girl was tired after her busy Sunday. Hope Son2 has a good first day at his new job.
Doodle- Sunday sounded lovely- hope you have the eye drops now and they are helping.
I too prefer the Sea but any body of water will do! I love the photography of water too. I remember how much your DH loved his photography.
It’s surprising the things that can trigger the tears- a smell,weather,kindness, music,beauty - a never ending list. But it shows you have a great depth of feeling which is what makes you you.
Nanny2507- I,m glad you take comfort from the funny memories too. Your DH was certainly multitasking that day!!
There are so many things to do and consider when moving aren’t there. But being nearer to both your children will be a new life for you and like all new things will take a while to get used to. You are a strong lady- you can do it.
Wyllow- Monday turned out to be a busy but productive day for you. So glad you are having the gardener. It’s new beginnings and hope for you as you start to be able to enjoy that lovely place again.
Hope the TV behaves itself now but maybe it’s time to treat yourself to a new one.
Is it your nice carer tomorrow?
SweetPeaSue- such a sweet story about your Mums slippers. I still have the Palm from my Mums last Palm Sunday. Simple things but so poignant aren’t they.
Hope the MRI will throw up some answers to bring some kind of explanations as to what is happening.
Still your DH is keeping busy- his way of coping. It’s no wonder you feel,as you do - your mind is so full of worry and wondering. Hopefully one day that chink of light will shine through.

Well really ought to have a walk now- I,m so tired but that’s not going to change so better make an effort. Been out for coffee with GD1 this morning. Can’t believe she,ll be 40 next year.
Going to see our friend with Alzheimer’s tomorrow- she couldn’t remember DH name when I phoned her Friday.

Love to everyone those mentioned and those not and those just reading

SweetpeaSue Lovely story about your mum's slippers. I kept my mum's dressing gown, the last thing I'd bought her. It didn't fit - she wasn't fat like me - but I had it hanging on the end of my bed for a while.

ScaredyCat How many cats are you planning to adopt? I wish I could give a good home to more cats, but with Jaffa being FIV positive, we couldn't (it's passed on through bites). I fancy you having an almost 40-year-old GD! I think of you as being more like my age (almost 66). Hope you managed to go for a walk.

I've vacuumed, polished and mopped, and did some ironing and washing. That's enough for today x

HVDY- If we can it will be 2. It’s not a decision to take lightly but this is the first time I,ve not had a cat for so long since I was about 5. DH hadn’t had cats but he loves them and is a bit of a cat whisperer!
Oh I wish I was your age - you’re just a baby! I married very young and had 3 children by 24! I have 3 lovely step children too all with families.
Yes we had a walk but it’s so cold after that lovely weather.
You,ve been busy.

Sweetpeasue glad the MRI is done. Do you know how long you have to wait for the results?
Yes , I am very lucky. I have some lovely friends.
I have got my eyedrops etc now . I went into the chemist today and stocked up. Sit fit this morning then an unexpected coffee with DS1 chihuahua was nice. How are things today?
Nanny I know exactly how you feel. I can smile and laugh when I see photos or videos of Dh and I together but ache with not having him here with me.
Wyllow I am so pleased you managed to meet up with the gardener and he’s going to help. I’m sure if your garden is sorted you will feel happier and hopefully be able to sit out there in the summer and relax a bit,
HVDY I’m on certirizine so it shouldn’t make me too drowsy but it always does till I get used to it then I’m ok. Got my eyedrops today so that’s good.
Hope your son does well in his new job and it’s something he’s happy in. Is it local or is travelling involved?
Scaredycat are you thinking of taking in a rescue cat? That would be nice.
Glad you met up with your GD. I hope you’re not too upset meeting your friend tomorrow. It’s so hard when people can’t remember you but you remember how they used to be.
Ooh I’ve just read 2 cats. That would be good. We had two little dogs they were sisters and it was lovely having them together.
Yes Dh loved his photography. I often think when I’m out how he would love to take a photo of this or that.

ScaredyCat Like you, we'd had ats for years, until Mr Cooper died. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed having a cat until Jaffa came along. My husband never had pets until he married me. (his mum was strange and said she disliked ALL animals). I don't feel like baby .

Doodle Glad you got the eye drops, hope they ease the itching and soreness. Nice for you to meet your son and his little dog. Son2 will be travelling to Derby from Nottingham, but only twice a week, I think. He'll WFH the rest of the time.

DH painted the 3 remaining walls in the bedroom - it'll need another coat - and is out this evening with Son1. Hope everyone is ok x

I hope that Son2 has found the job OK, HVDY. My, domestic goddess award for you today!

Yes Scardeycat carer is Wednesday. Good to hear that you got out for coffee this morning. I cant believe you have a GD of nearly 40, as well! You did start young.
Good for you for the determination to walk. Delighted to hear you might have cats again soon.

So glad you have those eyedrops at last Doodle. I can imagine bout DH and how he’s have wanted to photo. when you fin something nice or fun.

Dressing gown day again today, stuck. I wake with “no point” and rest self care often. Bl****y MH stuff been so long on and off, over 23 years “in the system” Cant pretend otherwise.

Missing some regulars today - hoping people are coping, sending hugs all round xx

Night night all.

Evening all. Went to church this morning and shed a few tears had a nice afternoon with friends but still sad.
HVDY glad your son doesn’t have to travel too much. Both our sons work from home now. They are fine with it but I don’t imagine it suits everyone. Not very sociable.
My eyes are better thanks but I’m so tired I can hardly keep them open at the moment. They still itch.
Wyllow I wish I knew how you could get past the no point bit. I do understand. With me it’s not so much what’s the point it’s more how can I go on without him.
That’s a long time to be under the care of the MH team. I wish they had some new magic treatment that could lift moods. I have a friend who has the same problem with her son. Just stays in bed every day. It’s heartbreaking.
Sweetpeasue how have you and your Dh been today? Do you know when you’ll have the results of the MRI?
Scaredycat you did have your children Young. Mind you you’re still young at heart. Your posts are always uplifting and you sound such a lovely person.
Art class for me tomorrow. Acrylics I think.

Hi all.
Glad your eyes feel a bit better- itching is still uncomfortable though.
Your little dogs must have been lovely- yes we thought 2 bonded cats would be happier together than a single one.
Next time you see a scene you think DH would have liked maybe you could take a pic instead . It could turn out to be something you might enjoy.
Thanks for your kind comments. Yes I,m glad I had my children young. It’s lovely watching more than one new generation growing up. An ongoing sadness is that my youngest Son lost his life before he had a chance to have a partner and children.
Have fun with the Acrylics they are very forgiving.
HVDY- my DH hadn’t had pets either but is brilliant with animals especially cats. Yes it was lovely for you to have Jaffa find you and you’re right it’s close contact with another cat that brings back that need for a warm furry friend.
Glad your Son2 s new job won’t involve too much travelling- hope he’s enjoying his first week.
Are you pleased with the colours you chose now they are applied? Hope Little Girl is cheerier today.
Wyllow- hope you,ve had a good meeting with your nice carer. You had quite a bit to tell her .
Yes you,ve been a long time dealing with the challenges of MH.
I wish very much you could enjoy life and find your point in living again. Despite all the difficulties and hurdles we have to overcome this world is a beautiful place. But you,ve made a start with the garden - ‘from little acorns’.

It’s very quiet here today- hope everyone is OK. We,ve been to see my friend today and she wasn’t very well. Extremely upset and not understanding why she feels so troubled. Her short term memory is pretty much gone. She cried - it was so sad.
As her DH is in care for Alzheimer’s it is doubly sad. Thank goodness she has good support.

SweetPeaSue,Candy,Allsorts,EllieAnne,NannyG4,Nanny2507,,Whiff, Nadateturbe and anyone I have unintentionally missed out wishing you a peaceful night.