Should we all have the right to a same sex carer?

There isn’t a statutory right to have same sex care (or other preferences), but people have the right to request one, which should be recorded , and honoured if at all possible. I can understand why there isn’t a statutory right, because it’s a broad church of professionals involved in every persons care. For example, if you insisted for example on a female orthopaedic surgeon, or a male speech therapist you might well have to travel a long way to find one. I don’t envy those trying to sort out care in the community - imagine the permutations of preference they have to cover with small teams, and mobile staff who have timed calls and have to travel between them too.

Women with and without mental capacity who receive daily care as part of a care plan have the right to female only personal care

Ah, right.
I understand now. Thank you.

Personal care is different from asking for female surgeon

When my mother went into care, she was asked on day one, as she was admitted, lots of questions about her likes and dislikes, and one was about her preference for female or male carers and intimate care. She specified only female carers for intimate care, but was of course happy for any other cate to be either sex. In fact, one of her favourite carers was a man. This is how it should be. Although she was self funding and therefore paying a lot of money for her care, I think that all residents should be afforded the same consideration.

When she had carers at home, I wanted her to have female carers, which was what she requested anyway, because whilst rare, I was aware that as an elderly lady living alone, she was vulnerable, and whichever way we want to look at it, men assault women a lot more often than the opposite. I felt she was safer with female carers when she lived at home.

"I live in a nursing home, ‘Keeping dignity’ ? I haven’t lost my dignity because I cannot use the lavatory"

Good for you, Anniebach, and good for yolur nursing home too.

Male/female surgeons are a completely different matter. Of course you cannot choose which sex your surgeon is (unless you’re paying and willing to travel a long way for the exact surgeon of your choice) but I would have thought most people would want the best person for the job.

I do not care a hoot. I will be grateful for good care wherever it comes from.

Maybe a bad example maddyone, but the principle applies. Perhaps I should have used the example of Gynaecology. There are people who feel as strongly about the sex of the doctor treating them as they do about other staff who look after them. That is the difficulty for those juggling staff capacity against patient wishes. We’re talking about same sex care here, but preference is very frequently expressed by people about race, religion, and sexual orientation of care givers as well, including things like I don’t want Nurse X to look after me because of (whatever) issues about her that I don’t like.

Luminance

I do not care a hoot. I will be grateful for good care wherever it comes from.

Don’t throw our female protected rights away so freely

From Rosie to me: "In that case why bother with any sex segregated facilities in any situation. men, women, boys and girls all in together. Get your kit off and stop being so prudish.
Hope you'll be able to answer the outrage from some religious groups who don't allow men and women to mix when fully clothed let alone in a state of undress!"

Right, Rosie. There are degrees of prudishness. And there are patients who are not as carefree as I about appearing naked when it is part of hospital procedure.
For instance I like to go to the toilet unsupervised. When was hospitalised I never felt less dignified when bathed by a male than by a female. In the four bed ward where I lay, I never heard any other patients complaining either.

I agree that care at home is a different situation concerning both safety and possibilities for abuse.

I imagine that religious and ethnic customs are respected by the authorities as much as is possible.

I think the word prudish is not ideal when talking about it.
Is a preference not to eat meat "squeamish", and something to be got over?

I imagine that religious and ethnic customs are respected by the authorities as much as is possible
But that could be seen as discrimination against those who have personal preferences but no religious or ethnic customs.
I would be most upset to learn that my preference for a female carer came second because of that.

Miss Adventure:"I think the word prudish is not ideal when talking about it.
Is a preference not to eat meat "squeamish", and something to be got over?"

I was aware when I wrote"prudish" that it sounds judgemental.
I confess I am a little judgemental . Ideally we would all be happier if we all stopped worrying what others think of our nakedness.

Thanks for your reply Caleo

I think for the most part the biggest concern for many (including me) is for one to one care at home. In a hospital setting there should definitely be scope to accommodate same sex care for females if not for males.

You say you weren't bothered and didn't hear any other patients complaining, but that's surely the point? Patients in hospital are in a vulnerable state and many are unable or unwilling to advocate for themselves. Most of us don't want to be nuisance or make a fuss, but why should someone who does feel loss of dignity if a male carer is cleaning their vulva and anus, have to be grateful for that?

You say there are degrees of prudishness. Is modesty ever prudish?

PS a preference not to eat meat could make life difficult if there were nothing but flesh available. In similar vein, pun not intended , we may be offered cultivated insects to eat one day, and would not want to hurt the hostess's feeling by showing squeamishness.

Just seen your last post. I would not be worrying about what the male thought of my nakedness, I'd be feeling vulnerable and undignified.

The term 'prudish' is not just judgemental, it implies that there is a sexual element to intimate care, which is not the case.

Rosie wrote:
"Is modesty ever prudish?"

In my case I was brought up to be prudish and I know now that prudery is not modesty . I hope to be modest and not show off what little, if anything, remains to me to be modest about.

Rosie, I do understand. Nakedness is very vulnerable for anyone and I hope that all carers at any level from the consultant to the cleaner are taught to be respectful, and cover the patient up and screen the bed when appropriate

Doodledog wrote: "The term 'prudish' is not just judgemental, it implies that there is a sexual element to intimate care, which is not the case."

But it is the case that "the sexual element " is present when somebody is being washed in hospital or at home. The sexual element and the patient's dignity is what our debate is about. It is about washing the genitalia not washing the face.

Rosie wrote: "why should someone who does feel loss of dignity if a male carer is cleaning their vulva and anus, have to be grateful for that?"
Only very helpless people have to have their bits washed by a carer. The usual procedure is for the carer to hand the wash cloth to the carer and invite the patient "would you like to finish washing yourself?"

"hand the washcloth to the patient"

Caleo

Miss Adventure:"I think the word prudish is not ideal when talking about it.
Is a preference not to eat meat "squeamish", and something to be got over?"

I was aware when I wrote"prudish" that it sounds judgemental.
I confess I am a little judgemental . Ideally we would all be happier if we all stopped worrying what others think of our nakedness.

Ideally we would all be happier if we all stopped worrying what others think of our nakedness.

I think there's something you're not understanding.

If I was to stride around naked - say on a beach - deliberately, and full of confidence- I might not worry what others thought of my naked state. The power lies with me.

Lying in a bed, vulnerable through disease or illness, dependent on others for intimate care - my choice whether or not to appear naked, has been taken away. The power lies with others.

It's to do with vulnerability. I think most people like to be in charge of when, where and with whom they appear naked.

It’s very odd I think that if we were talking about women in an ordinary state of health leading ordinary lives, none of us would think it was ok for a male to touch their intimate parts if the woman had said no.

And yet if the woman is old and ill then somehow, for some, it becomes something not just to be expected, but for the woman to be mocked or disapproved of if she still says no.