BLACK DOG 25

*Aw Doodle that must have been such a shock for you when you were expecting to see your DHs name. I'm so glad he wasn't forgotten after all and you found it. All of those memories a year ago are extra clear and it must be so hard trying to re-live that time and how it was. I can only imagine your yearning for him . I can't find words to say but I'm thinking of you and I know that doesn't help your pain . You did your very best for your DH and as Scaredycat has said before, he would be proud of the way you are trying to carry on. I hope you are able to still get out over the weekend and you have someone to ferry you about, church Sunday and such. Sending a really warm hug.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night, and thinking of those not in. Love to all.xx

I have rather a colourful eye but thanks to ice and arnica it doesnt hurt: I managed to sort out the TV somehow with rubbish Sky service, (cant get a human being, all techie phone instructions). Yes, there had been a big outage hopefully it won't panic me next time.

I defrosted the freezer HVDY it was very bad, hoping its helped the fridge, as veg have been going off due to fridge not working properly.

My garden is now looking good, (yes it actually gave me a good feeling) de-jungled and one patient garden labourer dug out so many patio weeds from crevices he deserves a medal. I was relieved they finished at 2pm, I just wanted to go to bed by then.

I’m sorry you’ve got kidney pain, HVDY and hope it eases soon . That was an early get up. I’m glad you had an afternoon out.

Sweetpeasue age 10 is still young enough to enjoy play, long may it last.
Not having to rush in the morning is a good thing!

Its good to hear about your DH ad SiL being able to relax Scardeycat - well done on the walk and enjoy the cat show (I’m sure you will)

Aw, Doodle - of course you are all over the place. I thought of you today, remembering the time outside you had there, and so relieved the name was there xxx

Today was successful in getting things done, very tired rather achy indeed. Usually after a productive day my mind takes it out on me so I will try and do my best tomorrow not to fall into that.

Night night, and thoughts for all Bd's just reading and here

xx

Doodle That must have been a shock when you saw your husband's name wasn't there. Glad you found it.

Wyllow3 I hope your fridge starts working ok again but I'm dubious. Glad you managed to sort out the tv. It's infuriating that there's not always a person at the end of the 'phone, instead of all these automated responses. Now that your garden is taking shape, might you sit outside when the weather's good? I sat out just now, but it's quite cool.

It's a "nothing" sort of a day - no plans to go anywhere, so just faffing about. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

HVDY Sharing a 'nothing' sort of day with you too.
Bad start to the morning- complete body aches / so went back to bed and slept another hour though don't feel much different. Went out to supermarket at 2 so just faffing like yourself. Came across a local Ukraine charity group whilst scrolling so need to get some stuff together.
Cold here too . Hope your kidney pains are settling.
Wyllow Oh I'm so glad your garden is looking better. You can enjoy watching it's development and things coming to life. Sorry about the aches and fatigue though. I don't think I understood properly but I do now. It's hard for you when you have the' what's the point' earworm all the time aswell. Hope today isn't too bad for you.

Hi all
Doodle- Oh your heart must have sunk when you couldn’t see DH name. No wonder you were in tears..thank goodness for your lovely friend. Your DH will never be forgotten. These are difficult days but they will pass.
I wish I could hold your hand and comfort you and I guess we all feel the same.
SweetPeaSue- sometimes faffing is really satisfying. There’s no need for you to rush about and work - the shopping was enough for you today.
Do hope you get some relief from the aches and pains and have a pleasant evening.
Wyllow- good job the TV is sorted- it affected a lot of people I believe.
Well done with the defrost- what a horrid job that is.
So happy your spirits lifted on seeing your garden - I bet it looks lovely. I remember a photo you posted years ago.
Really good to hear that you felt some pleasing sense of achievement . The achey feeling is a good feeling after you,ve made things happen. Hope today you have been able to build on that - you have made a step forward.
HVDY- enjoy your “faffy” day it’s an art not every,one is good
at! You always seem to find something to do.
Oh the cats were beautiful. It wasn’t a high powered Cat Show just people who mostly had bred their cats and enjoyed showing them. So many different little cat faces and wonderful coat colours and,patterns. We could have filled a sack with them!! Some just sat on chairs or were happy to be carried about to meet people- cat heaven.

Thinking of all those who haven’t been in lately and those who just read. Take care all

SweetpeaSue I hope your aches and pains have eased off by now. I sat outside for most of the afternoon, as it's warm now. A wood pigeon came up very close to me, so I threw some seed for it. This recent CT chest result is weighing very heavily on my mind.

ScaredyCat All those lovely cats under one roof! I'd have a few, if I could, but with Jaffa being FIV, we can't risk that.

DH mowed the lawn then collected a parcel for me. He's watching football on tv now, so I'll do some online shopping. Love to all x

Evening all. Been another day of tears memories and tiredness
Friend took me to lunch and we spent the afternoon sitting in the sunshine.
Tomorrow our sons are going to the hospice with me. They are both feeling the pain too.
wyllow glad you’re garden islooking better. You had a more positive day.
HVDY sorry you’ve been so poorly. Hope you feel better soon. I can see you and Scaredycat stealing all the cats from the cat show between you and bringing them home.
sweetpeaseue
Thank you yes I have friends who have been giving me lifts. Thank you for caring. Sorry you too had a bad start to the day.
Scaredycat what a lovely thing to say. I wish we were all closer too. Glad you enjoyed the cat show.
Ellie Anne thinking of you too.
Take care all

Of course it’s a big day for footie, HVDY. Faffing is fine for a day. I hope you got something nice online. (I’m waiting for M n S to get back onine)

Sorry to hear of early pains, Sweetpeasue I’m glad you managed the supermarket.

You clearly had an absolutely lovely time at the cat show, Scaredycat - I’m picturing all those cat faces you saw. My DS would have been in cat heaven too (he’s a fan and they have two black with white socks)

Doodle thinking of you, recalling the posts from a year ago. I am so, so, glad you can share tomorrow with your sons and you will be on my mind xx

A nothing/dressing gown day here too. But yesterday was so demanding. Usual ear worm tho I managed some WhatsAps with DS. I don’t like sitting out in the garden it’s weighed by Ex things - but sit right by the French windows wide open.

Thinking of absent BD’s who cant manage to come in

Best nights, BD’s.

Hi all.
It’s quiet here today- hope everyone is having the best day they can.
Doodle- Ah these are hard days for you but with much kindness from your friend and your lovely Sons. They will have been such comfort for you today as they are constantly.
Thinking of youxx
HVDY- it is understandable you’re worried . You have gone through so much these last 4 years health wise. A pulmonologist is the best person to see for your lungs and I hope,the wait isn’t too long for that appointment.
You are so kind to have given Jaffa such a lovely home but as you say it’s too big a risk for any other furries. I keep thinking about how lovely they all were yesterday. We both liked the same ones .
I expect your DH has been watching the footie again this afternoon as Forest were on. Now it’s motor bikes so he,ll be happy. More,online shopping??
Wyllow- yes you never saw so many cute little faces in one place! Your DS would certainly have enjoyed it. I love black and white cats especially if they have white shirts too.
You earned your PJ day as you were so busy on Friday. So pleased you Had What’s Apps with DS.
It’s a shame those bad memories spoil sitting in your garden but it does sound nice sitting by the French windows with the fresh air wafting in. Could you bear just walking round the garden ? I feel like the old Wyllow is a step nearer.

As always love to all

Hello all. Had a lovely afternoon with our sons at the hospice. Lots of memories so peaceful there . I will be going on my own tomorrow morning to spend some time there .
Love and hugs

Wyllow Glad you managed some Wattsapps with your son. It means a lot to stay in touch. Understand about the garden and memories of ex, but sitting near it taking in fresh air will be good for you and must be peaceful.
HVDY Been cold again here- North- East wind and pretty dull. Hope its been milder inland.It must be worrying for you waiting for your appt with Pulmonary consultant. Sending you a hug and I hope the days pass quickly before you appt.
Doodle I hope tomorrow will see you have a quiet and peaceful time at the hospice. It must be so very hard. Wish there was something I could say . I will be thinking of you.x

I was thinking of you today, Doodle: may it be peaceful tomorrow too.

Yes, it’s been chilly here too, Scaredycat. I hope your day was OK. When will it be “find a cat” time?

I hope your day passed without too many difficulties, Sweetpeasue. I also hope the appointment, now getting near, is helpful.

Thinking of BD’s not in - seems strange without HVDY and missing others too, hope to see you in soon.

I did my clothes wash and had a shower, but life is I admit just hard to get through, wish I could see otherwise. Very disabled DGD has begun to be able to walk with her walker, first time for a long time, DS and DiL work so hard and do so well with 3 other kids too.

Night night BD’s and xxx through the tough times.

Doodle The hospice seems to be a relaxing place to go and sit for a while. I'm glad you've got your sons and friends to support you. Did you go there today?

ScaredyCat Thank you. My husband likes the motorbike racing on tv. I did some online shopping - new pyjamas, sheets and a dress. I slept for 2 hours yesterday afternoon and when I woke up, DH had cooked a roast chicken dinner. How are you?

SweetpeaSue Thank you. I wonder why my CT showed things and yet I no longer cough or wheeze (I use an inhaler probably once a week. How have you and your husband been?

Wyllow3 You're doing the essential things - shower, washing, etc., and that's enough for now, but you can get better, and I believe you will. That's great news about your granddaughter. I hope she gets stronger and more mobile as time goes on.

I've been feeling miserable and overthinking things (wallowing), but Little Girl was here all day (8 til 5.30), so we had a lovely day with her. Children make everything worthwhile, don't they? Love to all x

HVDY So sorry you're feeling so low. I admit a tendency to do the same and get 'stuck' with a doomsday scenario ,especially about my chronic fatigue and DHs health. Glad Littlegirl has helped today and you're right- little ones always seem to put a smile on our faces.
My DH doesn't have a cough either. I think you'll feel better after you've seen the Pulmonary Dr and know where you stand. There's nothing worse than waiting.
Scaredycat You really do love cats don't you and it will be so lovely when you have one( or 2) of your own. There's nothing like pets that love us unconditionally and are always pleased to see you. Hope you've been OK today.
Wyllow So pleased your neice is doing so well. Your son and DIL must be very busy with 3 other children aswell. They obviously have quite a lot on their plate. I'm glad you can Wattsapp with son and keep up with thing - sure it will mean a lot. I know it takes such effort to get through your days and I just hope your garden helps a little.
Doodle I hope your time at the hospice today has been special and I've been thinking of you a lot today. You must feel so lonely so I hope you've seen someone else there that you know. Nothing can fill that space though and I wish there were words to help. I know I imagine Id feel as if my heart was
ripped out. Sending my love and a warm hug to a lovely lady who , we here, look upon as a real friend.
EllieAnne Hoping you're ok . Perhaps you've been tidying up your garden a little after the wall debris. I do hope it's all recovering for you.

Woke up with weight of worry but shook it off a little and did a little shopping with DH. Sat in the garden this afternoon to read and did a little deadheading - the Geum has bloomed lots of little deep red flowers. Sunshine for the first time here in days.

Hope everyone is ok and thinking of those not in too.x

Hi all
Doodle - there are no words that will take your pain away today. Life is a precious gift and I know from experience that one day you will be able to remember your dear man and smile at his memory.
Take care dear Doodle - you are very precious to us all.
SweetPeaSue- I hope you are both coping with the interminable waiting for appointments and are able to relax and enjoy some moments of peace. You deserve the best.
Wyllow- ah bless your dear GD heart - she is a brave little soul.
I didn’t realise they had such a big family - how lovely for you too. I,m so sorry life is so hard for you but I really do hope there are moments when you can see a little chink of light. You are a much loved Gran and that is something to help you realise life can be good again.
Hope you had a good shopping trip today and picked up some treats.
Cat time will be in the Autumn when we have finished our holidays hopefully.
HVDY- those times of overthinking are really tough aren’t they. So glad you have Little Girl to make you smile. You,re right children do make life worth living whatever age they are!!!
We had roast chicken too but not made by DH. Tonight cold chicken and bubble and squeak- we know how to live it up!!
Been busy today Housework and some gardening so feet up now and tele.

It’s been very quiet here the last few days . Hoping all our regulars and occasional visitors have been able to enjoy some good moments in their daysxx

Thank you all dear friends. Yesterday was a lovely day of memories with our sons. Today a time of solitude and quiet tears thinking of my dear man and how much I miss him. I am grateful for all the years we had together.

You have all been such a support to meand I thank you all so much for caring xx

I've caught up with you and the ups and downs (xxx) all but not up to writing, see you all tomorrow.

Best nights possible, all. xx

SweetpeaSue Your flowers sound pretty. It's a lovely, sunny day here today. DH and I are going to a coffee morning thing at the library (he hates anything like that so we'll see how it goes). I hope you and your DH have a good day.

ScredyCat Bubble and squeak is delicious. Not had that for years. I believe you can buy it frozen (I doubt it's as good as home-made).

Doodle We all care about you. You're a lovely lady and have been there for us all (I remember you being so kind to me when I was worried about both of my sons at different times).

Wyllow3 I hope you manage to see a bit of sunshine today.

How are others who haven't posted for a while?

Love to ALL x

Scaredycat Lovely words to our Doodle. Yes, the time has dragged waiting for DH to be seen ,then let down, but next Tuesday he sees chest consultant so hoping so much for some answers. Hope had a relaxing evening after such a busy day
HVDY Hope the coffee morning went well ( and DH enjoyed it too!). We've had another sunny day and it's so lovely to watch the garden flowers developing. I bet your planted tubs are filling out nicely aswell.
Doodle I so hope today has been OK for you . We are with you in thoughts, even if we can't be there in person. I hope there are less tears today and you have friends for company. Big hug.
Wyllow Been thinking about you today. I realise you too must be so lonely and you have had your heart broken too ,albeit differently. You are much thought of and we all so want you to get better. Please believe that the old Wyllow is still there and waiting for you to let her know it's safe to come out. Hugs.

Lovely sunny day here. Appt with trainee psychologist and MM worker today( came in post a few weeks ago. Sort of knew it would probably be the last. I'm ready ( and they believe I am too) to say goodbye. Had a bit of a cry afterwards when I thought of where I'd 'been' and how it all came about from the procedure that went wrong , subsequent pain and bleeding for so long and the Dr's closing ranks in their deceit. I've come through it and appreciated the MH help ,even though it wasn't there for a long time after. I have a number to ring if I really need to so that's my safety net but I need to keep telling myself that I'll be OK now. I mean without the MH system.
I'm scared, but I'll be OK.

Hoping everyone has had a decent day with not too many obstacles and has found something good in it.
Peaceful night wished for all.x

Evening all . I am sitting here surrounded by flowers from some lovely kind friends. Unfortunately due to only having one useful hand they are currently in a large plastic container rather than a nice vase. A total mix of beautiful colours and quite cheering.
I had a friend round for coffee this afternoon which was nice. Hospital tomorrow for check up x Ray.
Thank you all again for your kind thoughts. Writing is still difficult so forgive me for not replying individually.
Love and hugs to all

SweetpeaSue The coffee morning was good. The couple who run it were very welcoming and chatty. DH even got into conversation with them and a couple of women we sat with. My plants are looking nice, but the squirrels have been burying peanuts in there (I leave peanuts and hazelnuts out every day, so my own fault). Understandably, you feel apprehensive about not seeing the MH worker any more, but you've come a long way from how you were before. You'll be fine, but at least you've got a contact number if you have a bit of a wobble.

DH is out for the evening, with Son1. I'm going to try to advertise some clothes on Vinted, to sell. Hope everyone has been ok x

Doodle* What good friends you've got. Hope all goes well tomorrow for you x

HVDY Great the coffee morning turned out well and your DH felt comfortable talking there.
Oh yes, squirrels, they are very mischievous and they must absolutely love your garden having a nut feast waiting for them. Good luck with Vinted.
Doodle I'm so glad to hear you've had some great friends round. Those flowers won't mind which container it is as long as they have water. Enjoy their colours.
No need for apologies ,it must be so difficult day to day. Thinking about it I don't know how I'd put on make- up with my left hand ,let alone other things.
Hope your appt tomorrow goes OK and you don't have a long wait. Xx

Hi all
HVDY- glad the coffee morning turned out well and DH got into the swing of things.
We don’t get any squirrels in our garden and we have a nut tree too!!
Hope you get some sales on Vinted- my GD3 sells hers on there.
I can’t imagine frozen Bubble and Squeak- is there anything you can’t get frozen now.
SweetPeaSue- Fingers crossed for next week and some answers at last.
Good to hear how you coped with your appointment today. You have been through so much and come out the other end very bravely. You will be OK - as an,ve said before you are braver than you think.
Doodle- lovely flowers for a lovely person. I bet you could arrange flowers with one hand better than I can with two- I am rubbish at it.
So glad you have some lovely friends- they must think the world of you.
Hope tomorrow’s Hospital appointment goes well- I know how difficult it is for you to be there.
Take care Doodle - you mean so much to us all.
Wyllow- sorry yesterday was a tough one. I echo everything SweetPeaSue said . I think of you a lot and like everyone am always here for you.

Love to all and thinking of all our absent friends.