BLACK DOG 25

Morning all, back at last! I had a quick catch up around a week ago but didn’t have time to post at that time so have just done it again. Have had a difficult few weeks. We lost one of our beloved dogs. I made the very difficult decision to euthanise him and did it without telling the family. They all thought it was time and had done for a long time so I put my big girl pants on and did it. It was very difficult but just had to be done. I am devastated. I collected his ashes yesterday but can’t face doing anything with them yet. He was 18 and I’m truly grateful for the time we had with him. Apologies to those who are going through human losses, I realise that’s harder. Anyway, onwards and upwards.
Wyllow I’m glad to read that you’re doing a little better. Hopefully, slowly but surely the old Wyllow is coming back. I’m glad you’re able to take some pleasure in doing “normal”things at last. Long may it continue. I hope your day with the carer goes well.
HVDY LG 2 already! Where does the time go? I hope your day goes well.
Scaredycat I’m glad you are enjoying your holiday. A break always does us the world of good I think. Well done on overcoming your anxiety to enable you to go too. Enjoy.
Sweetpeasue sorry you still have worries over your DH. I hope he gets the appointments he needs and subsequent treatment to help recovery. Must be such a worry for you. Sending love x
Doodle sorry you are in pain. It must be difficult dealing with that and your bereavement too. I hope you are still managing to keep busy. Sending you love too x

I’m going to try and keep up more but my life is still busy. I still get really tired late afternoon/early evening but I like the busyness (I think). I like routine and not good mentally without it. Love to all and those those not personally mentioned. Have the best day possible all. xxxxx

I thought he was doing more HVDY becuase if I recall correctly there were descriptions when he first left work as in sitting around most of the time. You've done well there because of course now he has more purpose and involved in the family.

I got on a high looking things up HVDY, got far too tired and didn't sleep well - so woke up thinking oh no its coming back but it hasn't - poor judgement as per the "high"

- now am out of it and its my carer day, w got to the Botanical Gardens, still, we can sit with a coffee instead of usual walk around.

So a "not a lot day" like you if I can just keep reigning myself in, it really is very hard.

Best days possible, BD's.

Doodle Don't worry about not posting much. We all realise what a predicament you're in. Having a haircut always feels so good, doesn't it?

Wyllow3 Yes, DH does more at home. For 40-odd years, I did everything in the house, but he now does his share. He has to be reminded, though . You really are on an "up". You did such a lot yesterday! I looked at the YouTube link - the man is quite handsome. The music is very good (highbrow for a rock/heavy metal fan like me). Hope you continue to have good days.

Went to bed at 11.30, didn't wake at all until 6.15! Not doing a lot today, hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

ah, found Nadateturbe's Taise song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcN_RQGmUOk

Oh my, you are having a good week, Scaredycat, I cant say how glad I am you overcame your anxiety and went.

Ah, its hard with the “I used to be able to’s…..” But look how far you have come after great sorrow in your life MH wise, and now despite AF are still…in France and doing what you can…

and giving so much to us.

Yes, wouldn’t it be splendid to all pop over for the beach or the cathedral.

Echo Scardeycat on you and your family, HVDY I’m glad your back has been better. DH seems to be doing more at home - is that right?

Oh I loved my shopping trip. In fact, I may head to the retail park on Mondays instead of Sainsbury’s. Mind you, trouble it, the temptations…but I could do something there I haven’t been able to, as they have a big ope costa I might be able to venture in alone.

Yes - I did a spot of gardening today, its gradually losing its associations with Ex and becoming mine.

*Sweetpeasue, after so much uncertainty and waiting you are bound to have these many complex feelings. Can you prepare for the appointment with a simple list of symptoms, their occurrence, how long they have been there, but keep it simple and well laid out? I know it’s a mixed blessing writing things downs it can trigger anxiety, but on the other hand it might get the best results. 2 pages A4 max?

Oh, that first bunch of sweetpeas - how lovely. Can you pop a phot in of them where they grow on the thread? it would give a lot of pleasure to see my fave flowers.

I was glad to hear about your haircut, Doodle I hope you have a nice lady to have a natter with, all part of the experience for me. As ever, thinking of you - have you been able to get out to the hospice or church or are you flat bound a lot?

Yes *Ellie Anne you have been on my mind too as your went “in a good place” when you last posted.

I’ve done loads more things - hard to remember! Bits of gardening, a lot of clothes sorting out, washing, all ready for big charity donation, trying them on, being realistic about tummy etc - fortunately many of them actually came from charity shops do less £££ at stake. Had a sleep so tired late afternoon - this chap singing (I have a lot of his songs on computer - he is a baroque singer (and quite a looker) -I find the songs and the temp and the simplicity very relaxing

Give it a go

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzF11RsxcWg

Best nights all, and to those who read but not post, this is a space you are welcome in, but I realise it might be difficult with “regulars who know each other - a simple hello is enough.

Evening all. I am so pleased for progress Wyllow.
I am reading all but please forgive me for not replying individually , can’t type much. It hurts my hands more than almost anything else. .
I am Thingking of you all. Had my haircut today which is wonderful.
Take care all xx

Wyllow3 Thanks. Perhaps I'll ask Jaffa to wake me early tomorrow . I'm glad the Psychologist is looking after you. I'm so very pleased you've been in the garden. I know you used to enjoy that. The difference in you lately has been amazing.

ScaredyCat Thanks. My back has been much better today as I haven't done any bending at all. DH changed the beds, did the washing and dinner. He's a good man. Enjoy your holiday, hope the weather's good. It's warm here today.

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I never join a GP phone queue - our surgery has an online triage form (it starts at 8am) and is so much better than waiting. When your husband gets the tight feeling in his chest, is it painful? (chest pain should never be ignored). I'm sure he wouldn't want you to miss your book club. Oh, sweetpeas are beautiful.

Hope everyone has been ok today - thinking especially of Doodle and EllieAnne, but also those who don't post frequently x

HVDY Thanks,yes result ,just hope he gets that appt soon but I'm quite annoyed that it's the second time this has happened when I wasn't listened to( DH had GCA headache for ages and I was so scared. We only got sent straight to Emergency Day Ward because I went to a different GP) We've thought about staying with another GP but our present one is only one that will give F2F appts every time and I like to be with him at appts.
Oh you must have been so tired and it's such a pain getting up and joining the phone queue. Hope your back hasn't been too bad today but sounds like you need that appt.
Wyllow I bet new Wyllow will be stronger than ever.
So glad you are taking some pleasure in walking in your garden. I remember a photo you once shared and it looks quite a large one. You need that extra help from your gardener- this time of year everything grows so quickly. Sounded like your psychologist is taking notice and it's also a good thing to have a health check at GP surgery to get up to date with things. I'm just so happy you have made a breakthrough , I really am.
Scaredycat You do so well keeping up your walking- doesn't matter you can't do what you did though of course it can be frustrating. Sounds like it's a lovely place where you are and you're making lots of happy memories with your photos to help. Thankyou for your kind words to all. Enjoy rest of your holiday.
Doodle Just hoping you haven't been too sad today and you've been able to take advantage of the warmer weather. Hope your hands are not as painful today.

DH has had spells of real tightening of chest today. Feel so worried. Hope his appt comes soon. I'm actually considering not going to book group tomorrow as don't feel right about leaving him. ( I wouldn't tell him that though).
The garden is looking so colourful and picked first tiny bunch of Sweetpeas- the scent is unbelievably gorgeous- wish I could bottle it and send you all some.

Love to all and thinking as usual of those not in and hoping you're ok. * EllieAnne Sending love.

Hi all.
Feet up again after a long walk with lots of photo opportunities.
I can’t believe I,m the same person who used to take those walks in her stride now I mince along like a True Scaredycat!! But I love it and won’t give in. Where does confidence go.
Wish you could all get on Wyllows magic carpet.
HVDY- just shows what a great Mum you are that your boys are are happy to open up to you and DH has been great too.
Thank goodness that SGD didn’t need any nasty procedure. So sorry your back is not right still- you need an early morning call from Jaffa to make your appointment!
LG will love that present- I can imagine her filling up the little trucks with all sorts. Take care today.
SweetPeaSue- thank you. This is such a lovely place - lots of little beaches and photo heaven.
What a relief it must have been to be taken seriously at last. You have fought so,hard to be listened to for DH.
Well done for your kindness to the Charity- it must have given you both a nice feeling of satisfaction.
Doodle- every time I see your post I,m glad . Do hope,your wrist will get stronger in the coming months and can cope with whatever has to be done.
It’s just not fair that you are having to deal with this now- you are one brave dear lady.
Wyllow- yes it’s true that the last few days you have come on in leaps and bounds but are very aware of the pitfalls. You are armed with knowledge and experience now so between you and the psychologist all should be well.🤞 it’s great how she has taken your physical health into account too and the diary is a good sensible idea.
So happy to hear of your shopping trip- it must have felt good.
It’s been so long since you had the enjoyment of shopping and treated yourself. What happy words too re your garden- it can now be a place to relax and recharge. Glad the gardener is returning.
Don’t forget to take time out to relax and listen to your music
- and glad you were able to reach out to your Sis too.
EllieAnne- haven’t forgotten you- take care of yourself.

Love to all - those here and all those who haven’t called in latelyx

good luck with that tomorrow, HVDY. Oh do get computer working, we do all rely on it dont we. My computer bloke Thursday. Great to have a DS to hand for it.

A roller coaster with the Psychologist, but of course essential and positive. she's going to write to my G P's to get a 20 min overall physical health check as I have neglected that side - typical with MH stuff taking precedence.

Also one vv good thing - I keep a stream of consciousness diary now, have for several days, and she said I can send them to her she will read it an get essentials into my notes so if I ring MH in crisis it will be up to date.

Went into my long lovely garden all by myself. there and back and spotted blessings (lovely plants) and curses (what needs doing, but the gardener has promised to come 2/3 weeks)

See you all later.

SweetpeaSue At last, you're getting a result! It's a good job you're on the ball and so persistent with the medical people (but it shouldn't have to be like that). I hope your husband's health problems will soon be sorted out.

Doodle Glad the appointment went ok, and I hope the procedure in 6 months won't be too bad. The GGS of a couple I know broke his arm in 3 places recently (he's 6 and did it at school), and he's got plates in. He's got to have one removed in 3 months.

Wyllow3 You had a good, productive day! Well done. As you say, though, you're aware of the rapid change, so you don't want to crash again. Hope your Psychologist can help you with managing your moods. Our computer isn't working properly - not sure if it's that or the monitor, but the screen is plain white when turned on, so I've been unplugging the lot and re-starting it all. Son1 will look at the weekend.

My back wasn't too bad all night, but I didn't get up until 8.45, so missed getting through to the GP at 8am. I'll have to try tomorrow. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

"Nu Wyllow" we'll have to see how she turns out.

*Ellie Anne*- so good to see you in. When you are ready, it will be good to hear from you more. xxx

Thank you scaredy cat

Wyllow Am just amazed at your ability to post such improvements in your MH.
I m so pleased you are coping at the moment. You do seem to have a good idea of your dips and highs in mood. That's a good thing.
Just so heartened to see you shopping for the things you need to go forward into your new (yet old and real) Wyllow. Xxx

Good to hear your postcard Scaredycat and what a lovely photograph to bring it alive.

Great to hear of 2 lovely days thanks to the weather. I’ll join you via magic carpet on the beach. Thank you for the candle.

One thing tho - my emergence isnt slow or steady, its too rapid and wobbly. Memory, spelling gone, (thank you predictive text) but its in my hands to try and slow things down.
Yes, the Quaker Zooms ++ in time is absolute key - as my family is 3 hours away, and short on friends due to illness, its access to people - and faith.

My brother in law has not replied. However, I did a cunning Rightmove and Zoopla search on my Mil’s house and it is not up for sale and has not been - so I know she is alive thankfully.

I just wish for you more good weather, but pace yourself now, won’t you.

Thank you for “replying” to my post, HVDY. Interesting ponderings indeed.

I’m not sure what Wyllow will finally emerge. Now I am aware of my depressive/high swing after the last one, I have information now about “must take it slowly, but trust me its very hard work as when everything suddenly comes alive its all too bright - but a couple of dodgy dips into depression helpfully remind me to try and keep a steady hand on tiller.

I’m glad it was a good day with LittleGirl what a blessing she is and glad her sis is OK. My sons favourite game was those wooden train tracks - they are so brilliant.

Sweetpeasue thank goodness you managed the appointment and oh my, what a result!!!. Incredible - at long last! I know it will be a tense waiting time of course. What I hope for you s for a diagnosis that will throw light on whether conditions are sealed and ways forward. Yes - we all need to feel needed, its what goes around comes around, doesnt it?

Doodle wish I could wrap you in cotton wool and arrange for you to be card for - everything at once at such as difficult time. Are your sons aware of all this? Hope you can lean on them a little - this is all very strange about the plate and the 6 months, isnt it? xx

I had an amazing shop as the Retail Park has Next, superdrug, M and s food, and a shop for some summer white Sketchers.

I got some vape spray to help me kick the vape habit (teeth discover, lips affected ) but can make the d* thing work, but as my on the ball Psychologist is coming tomorrow, I have a job for her as well as lots to talk over as regards managing the “up”…

slept easily this afternoon after walking round all the shops. And bumping into my nice neighbour having a rare natter.

Meanwhile curses curses my left ear is going deaf again! I rung my doc sis up and we worked out what ear spray to get as per last time to get…. she worked out what to get and I ordered it on quick delivery. What a blessing.

Computer is behaving very strangely, its on Thursday for new computer: can't come soon enough.

I’m thinking of all as ever. I have a list of all BD’s to remember and as needs come and go just wish you well and hope you’ll pop in.

HVDY Littlegirl will love her birthday present I'm sure. It sounds ideal - I can imagine her pushing the little trains along. So glad her sister didn't need any treatment. Do hope you get a GP appt tomorrow , sorry your back is still painful.
Doodle Nice to see you in . I hope the plate removal thing in 6mths isn't a big job, as you must be hoping too. So sorry for your predicament and try to give your hands the rest they need.

HVDY good your SGD doesn’t have to go back again. Brave girl. Can’t believe little girl will be 2.
Sorry can’t write more tonight. Hands tired already Hospital ok I think but for some reason they want to take the plate out in 6 months as it’s not quite right, I
L ask more next time.

Wyllow lovely to hear you so positive.
Good news about rapid access clinic Sweetpeasue
Ellie Anne hope you’re ok
Scaredycat hope holiday is going well
HVDY

So sorry-- should have said spoke to Private Cardiologist's secretary.

Oh Scaredycat Thanks for your candles photo and for thinking of us all .
So glad you're enjoying the beaches and sights with walking.
HVDY Do hope it went well for your SGD and she wasn't in too much discomfort. Not a nice thing to have to go through at her tender age. Oh naughty Jaffa getting you up early again. Hope you had the energy today and enjoyed Littlegirl. 2 yrs old is such a sweet age and I bet she keeps you on your toes a lot.
Wyllow Oh it did my heart good to hear such optimism in your post. So good to have a zoom meeting again with Quakers. Can't say better than others about your ex's family though I know you're in a stronger place now and it may do you good to know about ex's mum. Thankyou for the sing link. I found the words to the song was 'Pour down your Holy Spirit ' which is beautiful . Did you get to Next and find your waterproof? Thanks for crossing fingers n toes for me.
Doodle Hoping you've had a good day and had company.
EllieAnne Nice to see you in and as Wyllow says we like to know how you are.

Well- managed appt and just before had googled that Subclavian Steal can cause Angina and had doubts if should referr to Vascular or Cardiologist. Spoke to private Cardiologist and she said appt date depends on heart condition and seriousness and best to be GP referred.
Told GP about not seeing chest Dr again till November and that when we saw chest Dr a couple of weeks ago he'd mentioned could be Angina.
GP is now referring DH to Rapid Access Chest clinic --result!!. I'd asked GP if he'd do this a few mths ago. He's having another ECG and blood test on Saturday so Chest Clinic will have up to date results. I believe Rapid Access Clinic is about 2 weeks or so.
Just so relieved being taken seriously.
DH still got to sort out Subclavian Steal and resulting arm/hand pain but findingss from Chest Clinic should give clearer picture.

What a morning- took collected stuff to Administrator of Ukraine Charity and found huge amount of sealed boxes outside house. Sudden plan to leave today and waiting for huge Lorry to set off. There was only 2 of them so we helped out bringing more boxes out of house. ( DH was so good and we didn't like to say about his condition but we coped and only did what we could)
It was good to feel needed.

Love to all BDs and those reading. Thinking of those not in , take care of yourselves. X

My sons are both very close to me (they get on well with their dad, DH, though) and have confided in me about things, over the years - things they wouldn't say to their dad. I've never felt I've missed having daughters. Like you, I've got lovely DILs now. I hadn't heard of "tripartite". It sounds like a good system - better than today, I think. You seem so much happier recently, and it's so good to hear. I hope the "old" Wyllow is almost back now. I hope you got your shopping and treated yourself to something nice. Had a lovely day with LG, and her sister is ok now, thanks for asking.

ScaredyCat What a beautiful photo. I'm glad you've been getting out and about. The weather is supposedly going to be very warm this week. SGD didn't need to have anything done at the breast clinic, thankfully. My back is worse, so I'll try to get a GP appointment tomorrow. Thanks for asking.

Busy but enjoyable day with Little Girl. Bought her birthday present - a wooden train track and carriages. Her sister is obviously very relieved not to have to go back to the hospital. Hope everyone else has been alright today x

Thinking of you allxx

Hi all.
Got my feet up as had 2 lovely but very energetic days - so a quick post.
SweetPeaSue- lovely to hear of your sisterly gathering- especially after so long. Yes we all get fond of our BiLs after all our years of growing older together don’t we.
Just try to enjoy each day as it comes - don’t let the sad thoughts win.
Glad your dinner together at your Sons was enjoyable- worth a grumbling tum!! Hope you got a GP appt this morning.
HVDY- Weather is better now and we have had 2 nice days. Done so much walking,beaches,pretty towns and a beautiful Cathedral.
It seems amazing LG is nearly 2- what a joy she is for you all.
Do hope her Sister gets on OK at the Clinic- such an ordeal for her at her age.
How is the sciatica today?
Doodle- So glad you got to Church and the hospice too.Your Sons sound lovely and such a support for you. Do hope the Hospital are pleased with you today and that your wrist is healing nicely.
We visited a lovely Cathedral today and I lit a candle for all of us and our loved ones - especially your DH.
Wyllow- your re emergence has a been a slow steady one and it’s wonderful to hear the interest and enthusiasm in your words. What a great idea to join the Zoom Quaker meeting- it would be so good to have some like minded friends again.
I agree withHVDY that you need to tread carefully with the family of your Ex. It would be tragic for you to get hurt again. You need to take care of yourself and be mindful of how hurt you were. Now is time to live for the present and the future
- you have much to look forward to. Your family will be so proud of you as we all are.
Hope the shopping goes well - new food for our Old Wyllowxxx
EllieAnne- thinking of you and hope that your days become brighter.

Love to all - mentioned and in our thoughts.xx

Now thats an interesting observation, HVDY, as a lot of grans who post express themselves as being closer to daughters. But I've just got the one son so no "compare and contrast", except to say that I wasn't really close to my mum, we got on OK, but I'd never been able to turn to her for comfort. And my DiL turned to her mum, but in a way thats not surprising as I had long periods of absence whenI had a depressed patched.
I'm just thankful they didnt start until my son was at uni and he found a lovely DiL.

Actually HVDY the school story is quite interesting as my town had adopted the "tripartite" system when I was 11. If you failed to get into grammar, which I did, you went to a technical high school.

But I think you missed out on more that recorders simply becuase it wasn't the school but the Local Authority that paid for both the instruments and lessons, in Hull where I was raised, not the school.

My you do get up early, but that a plus as you pop into Black dogs to start us off for the day. Have a great day with LittleGirl.
Hope big sis gets sorted.

Yes Quakers is the biggie. Since my family lives 3 hours away, and I dont have friends due to illness, it's Quakers to look towards for people contact. bu I am very wary, although Quakers have always had a reputation to being mental health friendly. Back 400 years ago they were the first ever group to set up institutions where MH patients were treated with love not punishment and chains.

Hoping to get my new waterproof today at the retail outlet from Next, and there happens to be an M n S there, might be able to save myself a journey to the supermarket I usually got to.

So thankful to BD's for this thread to chat and be as close to my real self as is possible online.

Doodle Nice that you saw both sons together. I think sons are often closer to their mums than daughters. Best wishes for your hospital appointment today.

SweetpeaSue Your dinner sounds gorgeous. I love that, too. DH makes great roast potatoes. 3pm was late. I hope your tum settled down. Best of luck in getting through to the GP today.

Wyllow3 Perhaps you went to a grammar school? We only got recorders at mine (it was a bilateral school - some classes were grammar, which I was in, some secondary modern). I've always tried to be a good mother (we all do, don't we?). You're doing so well at the moment. I'm pleased you joined a Zoom Quakers meeting. You used to enjoy those a lot. Be careful re your ex's family, you've managed to get through a horrible break-up etc. Please don't get too involved and get hurt again.

Early start at 5.20 (thanks, Jaffa). Little Girl will be here at 8ish. Her big sister has got to go to the breast clinic, possibly to have the abscesses drained. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x