BLACK DOG 25

ScaredyCat How sad about your friends. Dementia is a terrible thing, more so for the family and friends who have to watch their loved one fade away.

Doodle Each day without your lovely husband must be so hard. I can only imagine it.

I've been drinking lots of water (I normally drink 4pts of fluid a day but 6ptstoday), and things have been much better today. Son1 and girls turned up unexpectedly this afternoon, which was nice. Had a photo of LG from DIL. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Doodle- we crossed posts!! Ah your post to Wyllow was so full of sadness and yet so kind too. That emptiness inside you is all encompassing and I feel so sad for you. You have been so brave but sometimes the effort must seem too much. My wish for you is to find your inner peace and gradually your days will not be there just to be got through but to bring you some contentment again.
Thank you for kind words about my friends. Xx

Doodle- hope you,ve had a nice lunch out with your friends.
Garden centres are so good aren’t they - so many other nice things to look at as well as the plants.
Your walking group sounds really enjoyable - it’s so good to walk and talk together.Do you have coffee as well?
I,m sure your DH is with you walking - such a lovely memory of holding hands.
Yes my Guardian Angel is a very real being for me.
Hope Tomorrow is a gentle one for youxx

Sweetpeasue hope you have a lovely time and relax. Hope both you and your Dh have no problems during your break and can have a peaceful time.
HvDY so sorry about the UTI. Why do they always happen at weekends. Have you been able to get something to treat it?
Your brother sounds as though he’s sunk into depression. That’s a terrible pit to get out of.
Wyllow I can understand a lot of what you say. I have been with friends all day today. I have laughed and enjoyed a nice lunch. Looked at flowers and been outwardly ok. Inside I’ve been scared of the way I’ve been feeling this last week. The depression and worry about the future. Can I really carry on day after day after day just filling in time until I get to be with my beloved again? I hope this feeling wears off and I can come to terms with it a bit better but right now each day is a struggle to keep myself going. Having no choice doesn’t make it any easier. Somehow you and I need to find a way through the grief and pain and mange to live again. Not sure how but life like this isn’t good. I think the only way is in my own head. I have to find a way of coping and so do you. Let’s hope we both make it through.
Scaredycatit must be so sad for you thinking about your friends and what their lives are like now. Two people who have lived a life together now apart and each one not knowing what’s happened to the other. It’s very sad,
Hope you have a nice weekend. Are you seeing family?

Hi all
HVDY- what a devastating impact that fall had on your Brother and SiL. It’s so sad your Brother is missing out on his young relatives - they bring so much joy into our lives don’t they.
I would say my friend is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s. She still lives in her retirement apartment but her DH has been in a care home for 2 years and is very poorly having had Alzheimer’s for several years . She has no idea she is ill so very confused although physically very well.
Hope you have got some help with that UTI - the sooner the better.
SweetPeaSue- hope you have arrived safely and your little cottage just how you remember it. Wishing you a worry free and relaxing holiday. Enjoy some nice food and just rest and soak up the beautyxxx
Wyllow- that was a nice post with shades of our old Wyllow.
What a pain about M and S - hopefully it,ll be fixed soon. They have some nice stuff at the moment.
Yes you had some good times with your ex and not always easy to see reminders. But the damage inflicted was immense and it’s better to feel lonely than frightened in your own home and having to deal with so much mental abuse. Don’t let those memories spoil the enjoyment you could have in your garden again. Good idea of HVDY- perhaps the Garden man could make a few changes.
Hope you,ve got out today - tum permitting. It’s going to be nice weather these coming days so get out there if you’re able.

Wishing all those with sadness and problems that there are some sunny moments for you this weekend. Love to all

EllieAnne Thanks, I will. These things always happen at weekends when the GP surgery is closed. Hope you see people to talk to (at church?) this w/e.

Wyllow3 Thanks, I will ring 111. It can't be easy to be reminded of the things you did with your ex (garden etc). Could you get the gardener to put some different shrubs etc in, to try to "make it your own"?

Got up at 5.15 (thank you, Jaffa). Went back to bed, 6 - 7.30. Lazy day today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I was intending to order some M n S stuff HVDY and Scaredycat but the Website is down atm (some kind of hacking/invasion)

Another lovely day for LIttleGirl and aqua aerobics, well done HVDY. There isnt a lot you can do for your brother except keep up contact should he be able to be better one day. Please go and get help for your UTI!

nanny2507 You poor thing…please take good care of yourself.

Scaredycat that was a good thing to imagine when you walked alone. Your long term plans to get out and about make good sense, may it be a long time away.

Being with people can distract Doodle but it cant take away that underlying feeling. Hugs. And well done on the walking group. Poignant holding hand memories.

I am still often besieged with missing Ex in so many ways from the good times. He’s a few miles away but gone for good… but he scared me so much when he was both ill and abuse getting the police in that last year and everything but there had been happy times. (He is bi-polar among other issues)
Then the loneliness hits me so hard. The garden we made together in Covid I have to look out on. I hope to get out tomorrow but having tum trouble so being close to loo so I will have to work it out.

Yes Sweetpeasue I like the freedom of nighties.
You’ve had a busy day today haven’t you. All getting ready and seeing family. I’m crossing all my fingers and toes that your time in the Lakes is a beneficial break for you both

Waving to Ellie Anne and all the BD clan and those who may just be reading

Night night all. xx

Hvdy get antibiotics right away ! I let mine drag on,

Doodle By his own admission, my brother's never been sociable and always pessimistic. He refuses to join anything, go anywhere or speak to anyone, so he's already in a black hole. You try to fill your days and see and speak to quite a lot of people, which is very good.

SweetpeaSue Clumber and Rufford parks are about 20 minutes away, but we've got Gedling country park as well as Burntstump, both about a 5-minute drive. The ordinary x-ray I had showed things looked normal, but the results of CT scan the other day will take about 5 weeks. I do hope you and your DH will rest and enjoy some peace and quiet away.

I appear to have a UTI - I've ben feverish, and been for a wee 18 times today, so far . Hope everyone has a restful night x

Nanny You've had a lot of emotional anniversaries lately- no wonder you feel so bad. Moving house/home is such a stressful time too- crossed fingers for Sunday viewing- apart from poorly hand. Hope you have some effective painkillers and it's not the right hand ,if your right-handed. Either way it difficult to do everyday tasks without both hands. I'm so sorry. Hope it heals quickly.
Scaredycat Such lovely posts to everyone. What a great way to walk ,thinking of a guardian angel by your side. That's a great idea. Oh yes ,the peace will definitely help next week. If it's not music it's 3 dogs barking constantly! Grrr. Oh I hope your visit to your friend on Monday isn't too distressing and she's not too bad. I'm sure your visits must be so helpful as,being friends, youll share lots of nice memories from the past.
Wyllow I always wear nighties in bed - never could bare PJs round my legs. There are some lovely ones on-line. Do treat yourself -as Scaredycat says- sizing is easy for nighties. I expect you can relax tomorrow morning with no one appearing early, knowing your cleaner has been. The weather is meant to be good so hope you can get out for a walk.
HVDY Littlegirl is so lucky to have such caring grandparents. There are some super parks around you I think, Clumber Park I've been to with my DGD and family.What a full day for you with the aerobics aswell. Thankyou for telling me about the xray- was it a normal one or CT . I hope it shows any abnormalities up if there are any for DH.
Doodle You say you've been lucky to have good friends though I'm sure it works both ways, and you've certainly made so much effort to do things and socialise. Enjoy being with them at Gardencentre tomorrow. Oh you describe so well the everyday meaningful things that you miss about your DH. I feel so sad for you and wish so much I could do or say something to help. Imagining holding hands -I'm sure your DH walks with you.
Thankyou ,this holiday means a lot to make time and memories and to try to keep worries at bay. X

Saw son today- my DILs birthday so took her card and gift. Been generally tidying up and washing- reading (Mill on the Floss for book group). DH still suffering pain in arm/hand because of Vascular Insufficiency in that arm. He finds things to do to distract but seems to aggravate it. Do hope next week doesn't throw up more medical problems.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night in body and mind. Hoping everyone can find some bright moments in the warmer days forecast. Take care everyone.xxx

Nanny so sorry I think our posts crossed last night. I know how you feel. I’m coming up to one year and it’s awful. I’ve been with people all day and yet I’m so lonely.
So sorry about your hand, that’s all you need. Good luck with the viewings and I hope you get a buyer soon.
Wyllow it’s good you are thinking about new clothes and the fact you like it when the cleaner has been. Small steps but an improvement. Keep going you will make it. We can pull each other along.
Sweetpeasue hope you have a restful time away. Try concentrating on relaxing and spending time together.
HVDY from what you’ve said, I think your brother has been like this for quite a while. I’m sad and lonely too but I need some time every day where I connect with others and do things. I can laugh and enjoy myself and he needs to do something or he will slip into a black hole.
Scaredycat I’m going out with friends tomorrow for lunch. Garden centre somewhere. Sunday will be church and shopping I expect. I’ve been out all day today. This morning been with our lovely walking group. Such nice people.
How nice to think about your guardian angel walking with you. When I go out I try and remember the feel of DH’s hand in mine. I can usually conjure up the feel of his fingers and how we always held hands all the time.
Ellie Anne I hope the weekend isn’t too bad for you and there are some nice moments.

ScaredyCat When she fell and fractured her femur, she'd been in that particular care home for less than 24 hours. It was meant to be for 2 weeks to give my brother a break. She has been in permanent care since. My brother's never met any of our GDs, not been to our house for about 3 years. I don't even bother to invite him now. What stage of Alzheimer's is your friend in? Have you been out anywhere today?

Took LG to a country park for a couple of hours, then back home for a cooked lunch and play. I did aqua aerobics with a friend whilst DH took LG to a play park. She fell asleep at 4.30, then Son2 collected her. How's everyone else been? x

Hi all
HVDY- I can’t remember your SiL falling- what a sad thing to happen. Such a shame your brother doesn’t spend time with your lovely family.
We,re visiting our friend with Alzheimer’s on Monday and when I phoned her yesterday she sounded more confused but less distressed.
What a nice meal that was - roast beef is my favourite roast too.
Hope you are enjoying your day with LittleGirl- she must love her days with you both.
SweetPeaSue- So glad you are going away tomorrow- the peace will do you both good. It,ll be nice for DH to do some sketching - I remember your pretty views from last year. Try not to worry too much DH has the X-ray when you get back which hopefully will give you some answers.
Walking alone helped me when I was really poorly with anxiety - I used to imagine my Guardian Angel was walking with me.
Have the best time next week.
Nanny2507- what a difficult time you have had - so many memories must have come flooding back.
Your fall sounds very painful - what a good job you didn’t bang your head as well.
Hope the Sunday viewing goes well - it only takes one person!!
Take care of yourself and watch those doors!!
Wyllow-you’re right about painting vases - Van Goghs Sunflowers were in a bit of a dodgy vase.
It’s worth an early morning to get a nice clean house I,m sure.
Don’t think your cleaning lady notices your ‘ratty’ nighties!! Good idea to order some online- new nighties would be easy to buy as sizing isn’t complicated. Having some new clothes might make you feel brighter especially Summer ones .
You so deserve nice things.
Doodle- the hospice has become a place of sanctuary for you- it must be very special. Your friendship has so much meaning for you both - I,m glad you have such a lovely friend. Maybe you could try sketching your tree in the grounds.
Getting out in the fresh air is so therapeutic and I,ll do it as long as I,m able. To be honest if the time came and I couldn’t walk I,d get a mobility scooter.
It’s so nice that your Art class is so enjoyable both in the content and the nice people you,ve met. I,still meet up with my Art friends regularly and we haven’t been to a class since Covid!
Hope you have something nice planned for the weekend.
EllieAnne- hope the weekend isn’t too stressful for you.

Love to all - those regular ,those who post when they can and those who perhaps just read.

Nanny Oh, that sounds very painful. Hope it won't take too long to get better

how I tripped over a door bar and smashed my hand on a door handle. Hit it with such force I'm surprised I didn't impale myself on it

SweetpeaSue The last GP I saw said she wondered if I've got HF (and wrote it on my notes) but x-ray showed a normal sized heart. I hope your husband gets a diagnosis, one way or another, soon. Try to relax, both of you, as much as possible, on holiday. You both need a calm time. The weather should be quite good.

Nanny2507 You've been having a rough time lately. Hope your hand heals soon (how did you do that?)

Doodle My brother is sad and lonely, but unlike you, he refuses to join anything or go anywhere. He won't even come to my house for dinner. I'm glad you push yourself to meet up with people and do things.

Wyllow3 I'm sure your cleaner doesn't notice your nightdresses, but perhaps you could order new ones online? I order all my clothes (even knickers) online, I never go into clothes shops. Hope today will be better for you. I've been up since 5.30!

Got Little Girl today as DIL is working. We'll take her out somewhere. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Sorry to hear about your SiL, HVDY. I dont like cooking atm but tum won’t take the curries so go for it and have one on me…Nice day and food there at the Day Centre.

So you’ll be gong for older cats than kittens, Scaredycat. Sensible decision.

I’m glad that DH is looking forward to the break, *Sweetpeasue. I so hope it goes well for you.

nanny2507 I’m sorry to hear tis been a tough time, Iwondered how things had been. Poor you with your hand.

Sounds like a good Art session for you, Doodle with the vase. I could show you plenty of paintings where vases would have rolled onto the floor …..you dont need to be good at it as in a “correct” picture.

Had a dressing gown day as I woke up late. Tomorrow is getting up very early for the cleaner which is a strain but nice when it’s done. Ashamed of rather ratty night dresses she sees..I need new clothes.

Night night all, may there be best sleeps possible without horrible dreams.

HVDY my friend and I go to the hospice at least once a week. It is the most beautiful place, quiet tranquil and of course had special meaning for us both.
Glad your SiL is going back to the home. It’s no fun being in hospital. I’m sorry for your brother but he doesn’t try and help himself does he.
Wyllow I hate having bad dreams. I can’t shake them off and they usually affect my mood a lot. Hope today has been a much better day for you.
Scaredycat glad you went for a walk. It’s good to go out when the weather is sunny and get some fresh air. I’m hopeless at sketching but managed a reasonable glass and vase today. They would both fall over in real life as they didn’t have a good base but it was ok. Fortunately it’s the company I really go for and they are great.
Sweetpeasue I have been very lucky in the friends I have made over the last few months. People can be so kind. I enjoy the art class but am not very good at it.
Hope you can relax in your trip and enjoy yourselves. Hope it’s sunny and you get to visit some nice places.

Hi everyone xx things haven't been good. Anniversary of DH passing, then his bday, then our anniversary, then my bday. Had a viewing last week but they didn't give any feedback I can only assume they didn't like it. Another viewing on Sunday. Fingers crossed. I had a nasty fall 10 days ago and broke my hand. Still recovering. Xx

LucyD You have such encouraging words for Everal and Doodle. It's so hopeful to know that others in the same boat can experience ' moments of joy' . It is indeed the price we pay for love . You've waited a long time for your new home and so glad you've a new kitchen to look forward to and plan.
Elveral I hope your DD has fun learning the guitar. I didnt stick at it-fingertips can be very tender at first , though it's said they toughen up after a while. Your kind words to me yesterday helped so much- thankyou. Wish we had magic wands here but it's true that kindness goes a long way to comfort .
HVDY Thankyou for your words to me. Glad you had a nice meal at the day centre ( Beef is my favourite roast I think) It's just so different to have a meal made for you. I think you asked about my DH and a chest scan. He had a chest scan over a year ago but I asked GP if he could have another one when he said he'd arrange the blood test , so he's due to have ( just ) chest xray the Tuesday after we come back from Lakes. Thinks it's poss to tell if heart enlarged.
Wyllow Oh I hate really bad dreams- I have them a lot . They have such a horrible effect on your mood the day after- especially if they're about loved ones who are gone. Well done for the walk with your carer - the fresh air really makes a difference. Glad your tummy is better and hope it stays that way.
Scaredycat Thanks for your words too. I didn't know kittens could be so wild in the house! Sure it must be best to get a fully grown one then- will you have 1 or 2? Have you thought of any names . I admire you being able to go for walks alone ,I'd find it more than difficult. My DH will probably take something to sketch with next week- pencil and pad are easy aren't they.
Doodle I'm so sorry for your heartache and these days must be so difficult. You are trying so hard to keep afloat and carry on with your life without your dear man. You've made so many new friends aswell as your church ones even though it must be exhausting getting through the days. I'm sure your DH would be proud of you . How are you finding the Art classes - I'm hopeless and that's not false modesty.
EllieAnne I do hope your DD gets in touch soon. I know how it is when we don't hear from our AC for a while. You so need that love especially and you care so much for your DD. Sending you a hug and take care of yourself.
Nadateturbe Often think of you. I know you've so much to contend with and the huge fatigue must be terrible to manage. Hope you're still able to go to your art classes.

We will be going Saturday and my DH is looking forward to the peace of the holiday. (I' m sure he'll find something to mend though). His breathing problems cast a deep shadow but we're going to do our best to overcome worries. The bluebells may be out at the front of house ( hopefully) and lambs in the field at the rear where the garden table and chairs are.

Love to all and those who aren't personally mentioned. X

ScaredyCat My SIL fell and fractured her femur 20 months ago and has never really walked since, but with the Alzheimer's, yes, it affects everything. People "unlearn" every single thing - rational thoughts, memories, speech, movement, feeding themselves, etc. Sad, isn't it. SIL will be 72 in May.

Day centre was nice - roast beef then cheesecake, and it was someone's birthday so we had a cupcake. Hope everyone has been ok x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- your poor head is so full of worry and troubling thoughts it’s affecting you physically and wearing you out. You are never trite but always kind,thoughtful and caring. I do so hope you can get away to the Lakes on Saturday and be able to relax and just soak up the beauty and your favourite places.
Doodle- Did you enjoy the sketching session? I hope so because it’s something you can do anywhere without having to cart loads of stuff about. In the nice weather you can go out and maybe sketch as you sit in the lovely hospice grounds.
Your friend and you have a lovely companiable friendship and obviously feel very comfortable with each other. I,m glad you had lunch together after your emotional morning.
You could be right about the cats. I had a mental picture of them sitting there with napkins and knives and forks!
Elveral- Your big ,fluffy ginger cat sounds so lovely and cuddly and tabbies are lovely too- we had one for many years. Kittens are tempting but don’t know if we,d cope with all the whizzing about and flying up the curtains!!
What a lovely hobby playing the guitar is - does your DD sing as well? My GGS is learning to play one and he loves it.
So glad you had a better sleep.
Wyllow- good news about your tum- you must feel much more comfortable.
Glad too the walk helped you and hope that the sun on you felt good. To go out like that when the ‘self punishing what’s the point ‘ demon is at work shows you have more strength than you think. Maybe next time you can go and have a coffee in the park with your carer.
HVDY-your brother must have a lot of sadness inside him.
Poor SiL I guess she fell over trying to walk? I didn’t realise she couldn’t walk- is that something that happens with Alzheimer’s or did she have a problem before?
It’s sunny here too . I went out for a walk when DH went to the Gym then home for some chores. Talk about living it up!!
Hope you had a nice lunch today.

Hope everyone’s day has some brightness in it.xx

Wyllow3 Bad dreams can be so unsettling, can't they? I hope you didn't have them again last night. It was sunny and mild here, too, yesterday. A bit of fresh air is always good. Glad you got out with the carer.

Lazy day yesterday, just a bit of housework. Day centre today. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

ScaredyCat My brother misses his son, although they never did things together like my husband does with ours. My SIL has been in hospital for a few days. (She can't walk these days but had forgotten and tried to). Apart from being dehydrated, she's ok and going back to the home today. Like your DD, I hate cooking (I cooked every night until the last 2 years).

Doodle I used to enjoy art at school. Yours sounds good. I'm glad you find comfort and friendship from going to church. The hospice seems a lovely place. Is the lunch there a weekly thing?

Elvera1 My Step-GD plays the guitar. Does your daughter have (or had) lessons, or pick it up as she goes along? It's nice that she's got a hobby like that.

SweetpeaSue I don't think you're ever trite. Your husband's health is on your mind. I hope you'll both have a relaxing holiday.

Very frustrating to lose your post, *HVDY!
MY tum is a bit better this week thank goodness. I dont like red meat but there are some nice chicken and ham with leeks and sliced potatoes to brown on top types.

That was a good day you reported, its been ages since you’ve been to aqua, isnt it. I hope todays "easy day" was what you wanted and needed.

Yes Scaredycat your photos yesterday were lovely. And your usual post today was, too. There is a cafe in the park but haven’t quite managed to get in there yet. You really are looking forward to your cats, aren’t you! (Frequent mentions

Just glad you came in, Sweetpeasue, just glad you came in.
It’s the familiar and new faces. We are all creatures of habit after all and need contact. But don’t be sorry.

Doodle your courage in making the best life you can in the circumstances shines out. Walking with you. Glad you could share with someone.

Hello Everal well the sun makes a difference, doesn’t it when we get it. So glad you have cat cuddles. Yes, the chats we have are just as you say. Good to hear of one better night.

I had such a bad dream I woke up in a bad state. It’s part of my condition that often a better day is followed by a bad one. Self punisher at work. Head in whats the point mode.

Thankfully it was carer day as I really was in a state and the walk helped tho shorter than usual and sunny.

Night night to all in, and reading too.