Yes....and get ready for an essay...
Scaredycat - that wasn’t a fortunate choice of where to be, was it?
For someone who cant write much, *
nadateturbe, you were splendid today. Oo, I didn’t catch that you were in your caravan, is it by the sea?
(Its a much Weller “me”, than the old one, all. More awareness, more clarity.)
*Doodle” I’d definitely agree the level of heat brings one down: it stops us doing things that help, quite considerably.
I’m with you now on what you do as regards laundry - I do a lot of smoothing out after the washing machine. But my Mum was the same, except of course Dad’s shirts and her clothes for work. We were taught early on how to iron our school blouses.
Sweetpeasue - are you struggling with what I often do? A good day somehow is followed by a bad one. Not quite worked out why, although I suspect some self punishing as in “undeserving” in there.
I hope tomorrow picks you up a little.
This is very very long, so skip or speed read.
“Its been a very emotional journey, going swimming at the gym. On the way there I was flooded with memories of going both with Ex and also of course with my first husband .
Saturdays were always the day to go together to the gym. As I drove there, profound sadness as the memories flooded back. I arrived at the gym very very shaky indeed.
I’ll be honest, I thought it would be like a coming home in the pool, but it wasn’t, the emotions were so strong, I had to walk holding the wall.
Swimming backstroke always gives me an easy rhythm. My legs have lost strength, but my legs have lost power for great stroke
Then the really emotional moment came when I went in the steam room. I was alone, it was lovely at first, stretching out.
Then I was seized with a similar but not quite as frightening feeling as I did at home when I rung the crisis service.
Just terrible loss, and no amelioration (tho I knew what was going on). I searched in my mind desperately for a mental place, a space where it was safe: not family:
Then it came to me: it was sitting in the quiet and love found only for me in the midst of our little Quaker meeting.
I recalled the picture I always draw on, which is to be beside a river, alone, the sun setting or rising or full sun depending on mood:
I was flooded like I was one day driving to work over lovely scenery, my heart was flooded with Love/love and of course One Corinthians 13, and as I was alone I could cry.
I could feel wanting to run away from this feeling but stayed with it. That place, that physical and mental space, its where I belong.
The passage in One Corinthians 13 is:
“1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast - but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became older,(edit) I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12*For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known*.
13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. ^But the greatest of these is love^
I left the Steam room still having to touch the wall, but the shower grounded me.
A great chat with a women in the changing rooms grounded me - remarkable shared family and MH and abuse discussions.
So now I just feel calm and tired and will watch yet more “Body in the Library” the Agatha Christie film currently on I player.
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