BLACK DOG 26

A faceful, not graceful stupid autocorrect

Had a terrible night. My own fault. Chocolate and wine late at night so terrible indigestion through the night. Thought I might be having a heart attack.
Slept late and it’s messed up my Monday routine.
Very windy here and starting to rain.
Oh Wyllow I think we are about the same age but I don’t have your looks or your confidence,
In a different supermarket the other day there was a camera at the self checkout. Suddenly saw this ugly face and had to look away. I felt like crying but it s years since I ve been able to cry
Sometimes tears come into my eyes but that’s it. I think people think I m cold and uncaring. I didn’t cry at my friends funeral.

Afternoon all
Wyllow- I,m nine and a half yrs older than DH. He is older than me in his head so it works OK. We,ve lasted over 40 years through many good and bad life experiences with our large family.
What a lovely Sunday you described - you really are grabbing life by the horns and it is so heartwarming to read. We love our local Costas too- all ages,all sorts and a good place to watch the world go by.
SweetPeaSue- what a lovely surprise invite from your Sister. Great Sunday roast too. Must have been good to be with your Sister in the knowledge that your other BiL was safe and recovering at home.
Your,plums look wonderful they are my favourite fruit at this time of year. Sure they,ll be ok in the freezer.
The knitting is such a kind thing to do and is good for taking your mind of things. Just think that dear little doll you made for that lady means so many poor tiny babies will be warmer this Winter.
Doodle- yes it is funny watching a young woman emerge from the noisy toddler of what seems five minutes ago!
This Winter will be a bit easier for you as all the people who were new last year are all friends who you are comfortable with. Start of a new term is always good.
Sundays are difficult days on your own but your Church gives you so much doesn’t it. Can you walk there or do you have to drive?
Allsorts- how are you? I hope your DGS hasn’t been too difficult this week and you,ve had a more peaceful time.
Nadateturbe- Take care tomorrow and hope it’s not too tiring for you. The combination of emotion and exertion means much effort for you. But seeing your Brother is important for you isn’t it. Stop on the way even thoug( it’s only 1 hour. A drink and snack will keep your strength up. Will think of you.
HVDY- haven’t had a ‘posh’ Tescos pie - will try one in next weeks order. M and S do Chicken, ham and leek ones which are really good.
Your GD1 must sometimes feel confused and a bit hurt. The only constant in her life is her Dad and you and DH.
Hope you,ve managed a little nap today . You must have got well fed up with the “wart hog” noise from DH last night.
EllieAnne- choc and Wine was probably not the best late night snack but I bet it went down well at the time.
You give yourself such a hard time. None of us are that pleased with our looks as we get older. We all have some bits that aren’t too bad but in reality it’s not that important. It’s what’s inside that counts- corny but true..

Love to all- old and new

Just lost a post it took me 45 mins on mobile

😡😡😡😡😡😡

Back later x

EllieAnne very few people in life are beautiful. Most are average, or even plain. We can't look like we did years ago. You think that way because you're depressed.

ScaredyCat No, I didn't have a nap. GD1's mum's idea of taking her out is only ever to Wetherspoons or McDonald's. She doesn't do anything else with her. GD1 doesn't complain, though, although I know she feels envious of all the things LG and her sister do with their mum. How's your day been?

Wyllow3 It's infuriating when that happens.

My friend texted me earlier to say that her cat hasn't been seen since 9am, so she'd been around the block, shaking a box of cat biscuits. She's just said the cat casually strolled downstairs....... x

Sweetpeasue How thoughtful to take on the knitting for Ukrain. That must have been some stash of wool you’ve been given.
I have been very lucky with the people I’ve met. I’ve made good friends in lots of different places. I’ve never really had friends before. Never been one for mixing with other women or girls nights out. I always was happy being with Dh. My friends are all now women of a certain age and we’re certainly not out clubbing. Just lunches, coffees knit and natter. The more occupied I am the less time I have to think.
Thank you Allsorts
HVDY your granddaughter sounds like she loves make up and girly stuff. Does she like to get dressed up to go out?
Your granddaughters don’t have much luck with their mum or their other grandparents do they. It must make the world of difference to have you and your Dh being so caring and attentive.

Ellie Anne I am guilty like you. If I have too much chocolate and wine it has the same effect. Hope you’re feeling better now. I doubt very much you’re ugly. Normal probably. Believe me I’m no oil painting. Those cameras are always unflattering.
You always put yourself down so much. I’m sure you look fine.
You’re not a cold person. You feel things a lot. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Scaredycat church isn’t too far away but is too far for me to walk so I do drive there. I love going there.
Nice you and your Dh get along so well.
HVDY so glad your friends cat was found ……..safe at home🤣
Wyllow isn’t it annoying when you lose a post. So much effort gone in an instant. Hope all is well and you’ve had a good day.

Nadateturbe Hope the drive went OK and your energy isn't too low.
HVDY Oh its awful when they snore( DH often does too) and you can wait with patience for a quiet spell -- then ot all starts again. I bet your DH won't forget to turn the machine on tonight! The neighbour looking for her cat made me smile - the cat just strolling down the stairs - sounded very pleased with itself. My middle sis was very fair with lots of freckles - didn't matter who told her they were lovely she hated them.
EllieAnne I know exactly how you feel about reflections of ones face. Those blasted little mirrors above self checkouts are really horrible. The mirror is distorted ,I think, because it's at a strange angle. In my head I think I must look about 45 or 50 then when I see reality it really wounds. I've come to the conclusion that it's because I avoid mirrors so much I've never accepted myself. I don't know the answer but I do think others don't care at all how we look ,it's actually ourselves. I know when I'm really low and sad I look much worse. I wish I could give up chocolate- it's always been my biggest weakness.
Wyllow Grrrrr! I know that feeling so well after losing long posts on my phone. Just a wrong quick tap and you can't get the page back it just comes back empty. See you later maybe.
Doodle Myself and DH are the same. I've never really had friends , acquaintances ( book group) but never friends. I did have one who I thought a lot about but she let me down terribly and I realised she had never been who I thought she was. I'm so glad you have made some lovely friends but I know they can't ever replace the life you had with your much loved man. xx
* Scaredycat* Yes it was good to seey sis, she's the youngest, and we all don't get together that often. My DH gets on nicely with her partner too. Of course we talked about our worries of our other sis DH who is just recovering slowly. Oh I do wish I could magic some of the plums to you all - it's such a shame.

We had my DGS (10) this morning until half 2. We took him to a park that had a huge long swing( think they used to be called American Swings in our day) He waited till no one was on it then he gingerly got on. After a time he was well away stood up holding the chains. Got a great video. Afterwards he helped picking plums. Funny thing is we'd always told him ,when he was smaller and the tree was smaller too, he couldn't climb it. Today we let him and he was up there handing plums down from the top. We had some laughs as the plums kept raining down on us when we tried to cut the branches. Such a nice day- we do love him. He's growing up so well.

DH not as bad as he can be today so that was good.

Hoping everyone has had a decent day and love yo all those not in or just read.

Grr for time lost GP and later in Costa. 😡

I was saying to Ellie Anne, in detail, you should have seen me and my body and hair when I was very depressed, I wasn't even walking....thats why, its not that you are not attractive...

Doodle is spot on....and Doodle I hope your day was OK, what did you do or was it a "down reflective day?"

I have always been attractive except when depressed but not beautiful. Long story short - born with good body shape and so on, someone once said I looked like `Julie Andrews to give you an idea.I

But I wasn't bothered about how I looked, but looking back, realised I never doubted about "getting a boyfriend"all my life except when depressed.
So now with really, really good good skin care , treats like dyed eye lashes, and exercise and a good hair cut and I like making charity clothes into really good outfits - I'm still confident enough in that department.

The GP is the tough news.
I have had 2 operations, on my face, of pre-cancerous tissue. Def no cancer, OK!.
I've found some dodgy spots am pretty sure are similar as did the GP, but now I know the ropes - a same day visit to GP, and a two week referral to dermatology.
Enough for me to be concerned and wish it didn't have to happen, and I need to find someone to go with me, maybe my lovely cleaner who delighted me by declaring herself a friend on Saturday. I cant ask nephew or his wife, they are desperately busy getting the house ready for the baby.

The good bits - well, I did a great sort out with Dobies, as regards a phone refund on bad Hostas delivered and have resolved a difficult incident in Quakers yesterday with Love (it took away rather a lot of sleep)

And bestest of all, my charity haul. I'll spare you the boasts but just...the £1 pretty (cream with little poppies blouse?)

I'm still finding it hard to eat (always a problem for me since I started being poorly way back, until Scardeycat and others here encouraged me to have treats and so it started with getting ready meals ...

I now have a fridge full of bits and bobs that I can quickly assemble and I like raw food with toast....I might struggle with eating, but everything I do eat is spot on. (kale drink, anyone)

Sweetpeasue it sounds the best day for a while? Children can be so healing and so good to hear DH's day was a bit better.

HVDY you really make me smile with your tales. Tat one with the cat creased me up. Bad MrHVDY on the sleep front - I hope you got cross.

Scaredycat ....did you ave and need a restful day? I do hope so.

Ex was also 9 year younger, but we looked the same, which didn't please too much OTOH he liked showing me off which I did NOT like. You have found Mr Right 🙂, I'm happy, after so much sorrow, and hope to find the same.

I am beginning to wonder if Mr Costa is a kind of stepping stone, I fancy him very deeply but not letting hopes crush reality.

Until he makes his mind up about staying in my city, and resolves stuff with young narcissitic woman in Spain....(his previous pattern, and always ended I heartbreak).

After posting a last thing this morning, I am leaving things be. I won't stop going to Costa, I was "making it my second home" before I met him, its a wait and see (with pretty fervent hope, I admit, but under control as I have so many new mainly happy sometimes very tough people things in my life now to absorb me..... there may be an "is it worth the bother" point unless he decides, and I know he need a good long time and steps towards me.

He's never meet anyone like me.... it must be a bit of a shock to the system for an ex string of pubs owner, going out with pretty younger but disastrous women 🤣..to meet me.

But on the first night he took me to a pub where he was well known so that says a lot.

nadateturbe did you manage yesterday? you must be pretty flat out today.

Allsorts you are really welcome in more, if you want.

Thinking with love of past or occasional posters in Black Dog, I really have never in my life encountered a group like this and its such a blessing.

xx

Doodle My GD1 is like most teenage girls in that she lives in leggings and baggy sweatshirts. She does like to dress up to go anywhere, though, but is self-conscious of being tall (5ft 8ish) and big (size 8 feet, broad build). I'm glad you've got so many nice friends and places to go.

SweetpeaSue You spent a nice few hours with your GS then. Don't they grow up quickly... Glad your husband wasn't so bad yesterday.

Wyllow3 I've also been given a 2-week cancer check hospital appointment. I've had a red lesion on one arm, for about 5 years. Never went anywhere about it until 3 weeks ago when it had become itchy. The GP dismissed it as dry skin (for 5 years??) and prescribed steroid cream. She made an appointment to see her again, last week, and because it's no different, referred me for the dermatologist. I'm not worried - it'll be sorted out. I hope your friendly cleaner will go with you for your appointment. Mr Costa might be a future partner for you, who knows? Wait and see.

nadateturbe Hope you managed the visit to your DB ok.

Up at 6 - the dustbinmen. Once I'm awake, I find it difficult to get back to sleep - DH has never had that problem! He'll be up at about 9.30, possibly later. Hope everyone has a decent day x

HVDY maybe we'll even get the same day.

Oh my, your description actually matches a big change in DGD2, she's just, in the last photo, taken to the baggy look. Just starting secondary school. 3 years ago it was the wanna be princess took. How is GD 1 at the moment?

Well you were an unwilling "lark" this morning, and I was the owl, as I didnt go to bed till about 2.30am,, just woke now about 10.30am. Hope you aren't too tried to enjoy the day.

An idea has seized me - actually go to the garden centre alone.

I need to replace the plants that were the rubbish Hostas in the Dobies order, but what I'll do is go with a specific list and ask for help to get the plants. And then if I have gained more confidence...well, garden centres are dangerous places including the scone with the coffee.

Wyllow3 I'm seeing the dermatologist on Friday, next week. I'm in Nottingham, so it's at the treatment centre (part of QMC). I've got a blue badge, so it's usually easier for parking. Hope you won't be waiting long. Our GD2 (10) and SGD (15) wear baggy jeans, sometimes ones with big slits in the knees. I don't like to see it, but it's fashionable, apparently. GD1 replied to me today, apologised for not being in touch for a week. She and DIL (stepmum) were having their nails done and going out for lunch.

Hi all
HVDY- GD1 sounds a loyal. Loving girl who is,dealing with life as best she can.its hard for her isn’t it to see other people enjoying lots of different experiences.She knows you’re always there for her though and she couldn’t have a better Nanna.
Mondays we usually do the housework together so by lunch time I,m done for so had a lazy afternoon.
Good Cat story- they never cease to amaze us do they.
Doodle- I don’t like girls nights out but have always really enjoyed meeting up with my friends.
I,ve been for an early morning walk today as DH was at the Gym. Then home and actually did some cooking.Later I,m off to the hairdresser. DH comes with me too and has a mooch round a Garden Centre.
SweetPeaSue- Don’t give up Chocolate it’s one of life’s necessities!
Having 2 sisters must be lovely- are you the eldest. I,m sorry your friend let you down - must have been very upsetting. I have been fortunate with friends and it’s really sad and difficult at the moment as my closest ones are all having such a bad time healthwise.
The love for your GS is a treasure isn’t it. What a lovely happy day you both had with him yesterday. Glad DH was able to enjoy it too.
Wyllow- I have sun damage on my face and have Cryogenic spray and 2 lots of chemo cream . Hope somebody can go wit( you to your appt- I,d come but it’s too far!!
So glad you now have an interesting fridge . I think we all helped reawaken your taste buds. I,ll take a rain check for the Kale drink😩
It’s definitely a wait and see with Mr Costa. If he’s hesitant it shows he’s careful with peoples feelings.
Enjoy your Costa days - there’s always someone to talk too.

Take care all - thinking of everyone past and present.

Wyllow It is indeed a blessing to have found this group.

I think you're right to remain cautious about Mr C . He sounds such a nice man and I know you care deeply for him .... but, he does have a woman in Spain and he may just decide to go there for the winter , continue his relationship with her, then come back here when the better weather suits. I know you are very aware and perceptive so I know you are not going to get too close, just in case.
I m sorry about the 'dodgy spots' and I hope everything will be OK. Would be nice if the cleaner will go with you to the appt - she sounds so nice that I'm sure she would if you asked her.
I'm another who likes charity shop finds. In fact I picked up a nautical themed hanging that I loved this morning.
HVDY My own DGD dresses exactly how you describe - the leggings, baggy sweatshirt. I hate these leggings that ,somehow, grip the bum cheeks in the middle like a thong. It looks like they've nothing on - guess I'm showing my age but I really hate to see them on children.
I hope your appt goes well next Friday. I know you're not worried but it's always concerning. You'll be glad to get it out of the way. Oh another early morning for you. It felt like an early morning for me when I had to get up early to put my face on before DGS arrived just after 8 yesterday.
Scaredycat You've had a busy day today. I don't think I could walk out alone ,although I did find I could do it with Fluffball the other day. You too have to be careful with your skin- don't think I've heard of a Cryogenic spray.
Oh I'm with you on * Wyllow's* Kale drink though I'm sure it's much healthier than 🍫. Yes I'm the eldest of 3 and , as such, had the box room bedroom of my own- 2 sisters shared a bedroom and seem much closer , probably because of that, I'm not sure. Could be because I'm much more introvert.
EllieAnne Hope you've been OK.
Doodle I hope you've had a good day. There was news today from Cardiologist secretary- Consultant wants DH to have echocardiogram at consultation and a possible treadmill test. DH has never been able to go on my own treadmill and now he gets so dizzy he declined that. He can't do anything energetic right now anyway. I don't think it will matter. Secretary still hasn't got all the patient's appts sorted but we got the feeling it won't be long now. Still not got appt for scan that Vascular wanted.

Went for coffee this morning in nice little town we like and has quaint shops. Great charity finds , unusual hanging picture( I'll post) and some new knitting patterns.
This afternoon did some reading from chosen book for the group . Also had awful IC and the runs. I'm afraid I must have eaten too many plums!

Hoping everyone is ok. Thinking about those not in.
Nadateturbe Hope you're back now and resting after the journey. I'm so sorry about your DB and I hope the visit was as good as possible and not too harrowing.

Sorry- forgot the charity shop find.

The ship is a real model as are everything else stuck to the canvas. Fisherman's rope knots are all named. Just never seen anything like this before.

Sweetpeasue glad you had such a lovely time with your grandson. Lovely memories to treasure. Sounds as though things are happening on the medical front. Hope your DH gets seen soon.
Wyllow glad you got your plant situation sorted.
I’m glad you are still going to Costa and just waiting to see what happens. I hope things work out for you in a satisfactory way,
HvDY difficult for your Dhd being taller than a lot of others. I have a friend who was 5ft 10 when she was 12. It’s difficult when she’s of an age where they all want to look alike.
Hope the skin problems for you and Wyllow are sorted out promptly.
Scaredycat hope you enjoyed your walk without being drenched by the rain which happened to me yesterday. Were you happy with your hair after the hairdressers? My DH used to come with me too and I always went with him to the barbers.
Sorry all for short post tonight. I’ve been out all day and didn’t have dinner till late. Had lots of messages to reply to this evening and I’m really tired. Catch up better tomorrow

ScaredyCat What did you cook today? I made dauphinoise potatoes this evening, which were gorgeous. I had oven-roasted veg and a tuna steak (Jaffa had a tuna steak, too). DH had steak, chips and peas. What did you have done to your hair? I love the feeling of a fresh haircut.

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I'm really not at all concerned about the dermatology appointment. If it is anything cancerous, it'll be dealt with. I'm glad the Cardiologist's secretary has been in touch. Things should be moving soon, then. Your charity shop find is so unusual and interesting. Oh dear, the plums started your tum off. I'm like that when I have yoghurt, so have had to stop buying it.

Doodle GD1 is like her dad (Son1). He's 6ft 2, broad with it. GD2 is petite, like her mother. Glad you've had a busy day. You should sleep well tonight.

DH is out with Son1 this evening, so I've done some online shopping, chatted to a friend, and read a magazine Hope ALL BDers sleep well x

I was going to the garden centre, but no rush, the gardener is 8 days or so away
I was just letting the day go as it went as I had no commitments, and ended up at 5ish (when it rained, but had my Mac) collecting MnS order - so bought other bits and bobs, visited Next for a slip and instead came out with a perfect little boxy cardigan, and then headed for Costa.

No MrC, but a long delightful chat with one of the baristas, L.

Well we could have been twins by the time we had talked about walks, holidays, family, and even leaving a abusive man , so more on relationships..

more happy serendipity, big smiles and goodbyes now from staff, nice young man, "how are you" big smiles and I ask back. 🙂

That night with the elderly lady fall has had profound effects that have rippled all round, drawn the best out of all who were there. Drawn all closer - hope she makes it this week maybe by taxi to the door.

Hence to Sainsbugs, Big Shop, so I was glad to find a reduced ready meal nice chicken Kiev with sliced potatoes on top good and filling.

Humph, it's my day tomorrow with carer K that usually is the Botanical Gardens, but it looks like rain all day, so we'll see if she can manage rain gear tomorrow.

I’m waiting to hear about a new CPN, it feels a wobbly gap, so I hope that I hear soon. I’m consistently very wobbly under a coping facade, but mostly happy - whatever happens with MrC, I have gained confidence, things seem more ordinary - radio 4, tidying, a regular coffee place, doing things at a more normal speed.

My 10 to 12pm is now nearly always classic FM - top classic calm pieces, on my computer now as the sounds is so good…unless something on TV.

Night night all, thinking as ever of all BD’s “in’ or not.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202509/medium-6elz4g-boat-safe.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202509/medium-b1qs8v-boat-safe-2.jpeg

And artist friends image - so comforting, its tiny in RL but these are photo variations I'm going to got print out.

Oh I posted two the same.
the other one - pink or yellow?

duh

again

huh, the other one is pink instead of yellow. 🤨

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- the spray was at the consultants office and was a freezing one. The cream I,ve had twice so far and apply myself.
I don’t mind walking on my own as I like to go at my own pace.
Nicer to go with others though cos you can chat but that tires me out more.
At last your DH seems to be getting nearer some proper ,relevant appts. I think a treadmill wouldn’t be sensible until they see how he is.
I like the sound of that little town- they always have the best shops.That hanging picture looks very interesting.
Doodle- Nice walk yesterday - we are very lucky to have a lovely woodland Trust area in our village.Its safe to go alone as there are always people around.
Yes thank you I,m pleased with my hair- it’s the same but shorter. I have blonde/ grey hair and it’s not very thick but my Sis has dark/grey hair and loads of it. It grew back well after her chemo. Monday morning I cut DHs hair- not the best haircut he’s ever had but at least it was free. I,ve done it ever since Lockdown. His hair is thick.
HVDY- Dauphinoise potatoes are delicious- haven’t had them for ages. I made Shepherds pie and some Bolognese sauce for tonight.
Just had a cut at the hairdressers. Always nice to go there as DDAnd I have had him since he began so always plenty to talk about.
Your GD1 is like our GD2 - she is much taller than my DD s other 2 girls. It was difficult when she was younger as people thought she was older and expected her to not be more grown up.
Hope your appointment goes OK. My problem areas are called Solar keratosis - they can turn funny hence the treatments.
Wyllow- lovely now M and S click and collect is back isn’t it.
A boxy cardigan sounds nice- what colour?
Costa is your home from home now-so nice to feel comfortable and part of things. That poor ladies misfortune was your good fortune- more lovely serendipity as you say. Hope you get to see her soon and hope she’s healing up well.
Chicken Kiev - a favourite . So nice to know you’re enjoying your food.
You put it really well how you feel at the moment. Taking things at a better pace makes life calmer for you.
Loved the pics- the colour and the method.
Hope you got out in the rain today.
EllieAnne- how are you today.
Ditto Nadateturbe and Allsorts.

Love to all and hope we hear from some of our old friends
we,ve been missing xx