Am I too old for Therapy?

Perhaps have a word with your doctor, who will be the best person to advise you on the sort of therapy that will help.
Tricky raising it with family, who are untrained.
Try the therapy, and then see how you wish to proceed.

I don't think you can be too old for therapy.

Why don't you do what your brother did.

Buy an excercise book. Continue the story from where he left off, and record in detail all the past events that are so painful.

Don't hold back; you're writing it for yourself, so include every memory, explore all your feelings at that time. Be a time traveller in your own past. Write it, cry it, repeat it over and over. It's your life, you own it .

What you felt back then as a child , may not entirely match your adult understanding of those pasts events now. Write it all down, present feelings.

Read it, close it and put it away. If you dream about it, some dreams are both revealing and healing.

Wait a few months or a year and read it again.

What you do with it some time in the future is entirely up to you. You could bury it, let others read it, or nothing at all. It's all yours.

Like keepingquiet I agree that you're never too old for therapy Coolcoco.

We are never too old for therapy. It’s not unusual for difficult memories that we’ve ’successfully’ repressed to be triggered at any stage in life. Older age in our lives can be a time when reflection on things we thought we’d dealt with or banished can start nudging us for attention. Could you talk with your brother or sister about this.
Some GP’s have a mental health specialist.
You may be able to repress the unwanted thoughts but they may not stay there
Best wishes

If you have given up alcohol, at what point did you feel you may slip back into old habits with it ?
I’ve been without any alcoholic drinks at all for nearly 2 months now despite being sat with my husband who drinks on at least four nights of every week. I haven’t struggled to not drink up until now and tonight, for some reason I really felt like I could have just the one glass of wine, I don’t want to - I want to stay off it for good but I just wondered if this was a normal thing at this point in time .

Coolcoco, whatever happened your family has clearly had a profound effect on you. Its been hidden for a very long time but your brothers book has brought everything back . Of course you are not too old to benefit from therapy/counselling. If you do go down that route please ensure you find an accredited professional. Your GP could be the first port if call - there may be a counsellor attached to the practise. Would you consider telling your DH about what happened all those years ago? It may help , failing that please seek help . I wish you well , don't be afraid- you can do this.

RandomNan

If you have given up alcohol, at what point did you feel you may slip back into old habits with it ?
I’ve been without any alcoholic drinks at all for nearly 2 months now despite being sat with my husband who drinks on at least four nights of every week. I haven’t struggled to not drink up until now and tonight, for some reason I really felt like I could have just the one glass of wine, I don’t want to - I want to stay off it for good but I just wondered if this was a normal thing at this point in time .

Hi RandomNan You might want to start your own thread about this.

You are not too old. Professional counselling might be the way to go so that you can freely talk and remember without boundaries or the sense that you have to be careful with DH, family or friends’ skills or reactions. If you need to settle the worrying or intrusive thoughts that would be the way to go. As Shelflife says, you could start by asking your GP for a recommendation or research carefully yourself for the right qualified counsellor or psychotherapist. Very best of luck.

butterandjam

Why don't you do what your brother did.

Buy an excercise book. Continue the story from where he left off, and record in detail all the past events that are so painful.

Don't hold back; you're writing it for yourself, so include every memory, explore all your feelings at that time. Be a time traveller in your own past. Write it, cry it, repeat it over and over. It's your life, you own it .

What you felt back then as a child , may not entirely match your adult understanding of those pasts events now. Write it all down, present feelings.

Read it, close it and put it away. If you dream about it, some dreams are both revealing and healing.

Wait a few months or a year and read it again.

What you do with it some time in the future is entirely up to you. You could bury it, let others read it, or nothing at all. It's all yours.

That is such a wise, insightful post!

But @CoolCoco, if you feel it would help to talk to a therapist/counsellor, I would definitely go for it.

I'm 72 and I am seeing a therapist.
I found mine using British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, (BACP), website.

You are NEVER too old for therapy!

As a counsellor (in my 70's with 35 years of experience) I would say definitely therapy. The GP is not always the best port of call. If they offer you anything it will be pills, or CBT. There is usually a long waiting list for CBT and while it is good for superficial issues it does not always get to the root of the trauma. There should be a local counselling organisation that you can call on - a good GP should know about this, but not always. Even better would be word of mouth - do you know anyone who has been in counselling? When you go into counselling please do not be afraid to change counsellor if you do not feel comfortable. Apart from an initial understandable awkwardness you need to feel COMFORTABLE - it sounds as if you will need quite a lot of empathy. Another idea is an on-line counselling organisation such as Betterhelp - some of my work is with one such. This can feel daunting at first, especially if you are not used to the technology, but believe me once you 'connect' you will find it of great benefit. Again, if you do not feel comfortable with your therapist you can change (but give it a chance - one session may not be enough) You can also request an older therapist. Do not take any notice of anyone who says 'just brush it away, under the carpet' - that is almost never the healthiest thing to do. Good luck on your journey. It sounds like you need to be listened to with kindness and understanding, and some TLC. The right person will give you this, as well as the tools and knowledge to move on.

Coolcoco, I had therapy late in life and wished I had'nt, therapists are very good at opening doors but they never tell you how to close them. Whatever happens in your life, happens and can't be changed and to my mind it's best left where it is, no good can come of bring it out. I had my therapy and the result was the loss of everything I had put my life into. When those doors opened all hell was let loose. Leave it be my dear and let the past stay where it is......in the past.

Butterandjam what a wise post this is. Even if you do decide to speak to a therapist the idea of writing it all down is, I think an excellent one. The words you write will be for yyou alone and revisiting it later might give you all the answers you're looking for.

I also have written a book about my childhood memories. My younger brother and I are estranged from our two older sisters, have been since our parents died many years ago. I found the experience of writing it cathartic and did cry during the process even though many of the memories were happy.Our parents were wonderful / caring, funny and eccentric. My childhood, through illness, was difficult and my Mum always said they it was “Better to get it out” and encouraged me to write and draw about what was bothering me . It helped . I still keep a daily diary, as well as adding memories to my book. It still helps. I’ve had therapy and counselling over the years. Writing it “ gets it out “ and, I find , is a more honest reflection of what I’m feeling. (I know that I have , in the past , told therapists what I think they want to hear.)Have go. You may enjoy it .

Go for therapy! I did last year at 74 and it has helped me normally

Yes, absolutely get some therapy! I have issues from my childhood and more recent events and I just had a course of counselling through the NHS (because I can’t afford to pay but you only get 6-12 sessions). So if you can afford it maybe go private. Anyway I got this counselling by self referring online through NHS. I was lucky to get a good counsellor. They offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Counselling- ask for counselling, CBT doesn’t help you explore past trauma.
You are never to old, these things hold us back and can affect our health so better to get some help. I agree with another person who suggested writing it down, that can help, but it’s better if you can explore it with a knowledgeable, caring professional. Yes talk to your DH but follow your heart, if you feel you need therapy, and I’m guessing you do, then go for it. Good luck, I hope you manage to find peace with it.

Well into my 60s and had counselling twice in last couple years.One was to do with trauma ftom years ago second to with that resurfacing and causing problems. You should go, find a UK registered therapist/counsellor and tell your husband as it may affect your relationship further down the line. Mine did but with help it's sorted and I have strategies to use if things start to trouble me. One of them is writing down what's happened/happening/and how I feel. It seems to help putting it on paper sort of let's it go!! Good luck ❤️

Hi cool coco, this is my first reply to a post, it really chimed with me. So much wisdom from experience offered, it’s lovely that fellow grans/nans all feel for you, I do. My experience, a very traumatic childhood, & when damage impacted adult life, depression, self harming behaviour etc. I’ve always been known as a strong person, there for others; had to learn to be there for myself. Yes, I’ve had therapy via NHS; CBT ineffective, doesn’t touch past issues, but interpersonal therapy was quite helpful for me, it centres on the relationship you have with an individual, trying to resolve the difficulties & issues that impact your life (in my case my adoptive mother). I’ve more recently paid for therapy, but the success of that is dependent on what type of therapy you’re paying for, & the dynamic between you & the therapist. For you, if you have questions & confusion along with long embedded hurt, I think finding a good, knowledgeable, caring therapist would be a good idea. Age is never a barrier; I firmly believe that our increased self awareness with age can only be of benefit in therapy. Good luck, & I truly hope you will find peace with it.

You’re not too old! But there are a number of ways to process and release painful memories and trauma (and it sounds like this is trauma). So I’d choose something that resonates with you. If you’d like some counselling on the nhs then see your gp. Otherwise, perhaps look into other private therapies. You don’t always have to talk. It could be that a body therapy works for you, if you don’t really want to talk.

Something very traumatic happened to myself and my daughters 25 years ago. We were all in a state shock and I was given a month of sick leave. My GP offered post-traumatic stress counselling, which I took up. It was just six weeks. It was specifically to support me with the issues around that incident although it did inevitably touch on wider issues associated with my upbringing, family etc.

I found it helped me to overcome my sense of guilt and responsibility for what had happened. I had to work at this a bit, and keep reminding myself. But I was very pleased that I did it. I was able to talk to my daughters about it, and I have a couple of close friends who knew all about it too.

I wonder if your intrusive thoughts might be post-traumatic stress? This often resurfaces when people get older. You might not need therapy as such but perhaps specific counselling for PTS might help you? Thoughts about how to manage this have changed quite dramatically over the years and I’m sure that the support will be even better now.

I try now never to talk about the incident or even to think about it. I can sometimes be triggered by something unexpected on the television, in a film or even on the news. Even certain objects can do this. But I am able to let those thoughts pass on like clouds in the sky. Something that I notice, but don’t have to engage with. If I do allow myself to engage, I can become quite upset and angry all over again, and I’ve learned that that just doesn’t help me at all.

I hope very much that sometime in the future, you’ll find yourself in the same position - knowing those memories are there but not needing to engage with them. Obviously, I don’t know your OH - mine does know what happened to me, which was before I met him. But I think I would let him know that something has caused the reemergence of very unpleasant uncomfortable memories for you and that you’re thinking of getting some help to deal with them. You need some extra TLC at the moment, and people need to know what you’re going through to be able to provide that.

Never to old. I’m just starting to deal with stuff from 50 years ago. Be warned it’s hard work and can throw up a lot of other stuff. Not everyone wants to open Pandora’s box and deal with it. Tbh leaving stuff untouched is a common coping mechanism in itself.
Is it worth it? IME, yes.

Better out than in. Could cause all sorts of problems if kept under the carpet, in my view. Good therapists can be hard to find, and they can be expensive. I would put a bit of effort into finding the right one for you.

Oh how sad ... I was so sorry for you when I read your post . I think therapy isn't for everyone , and opening all the boxes may result in not being able to stuff the rubbish back in the box ...An older generation coped with not talking about things and a stiff upper lip ... think of our lovely Queen Elizabeth and all the difficulties she had coping with Family members ...

I don’t think you are ever too old for therapy. I talked to a therapist when I was 66 and out of the blue 2 very painful events from over 40 years ago suddenly took over my thoughts. My husband was not supportive but I researched and asked around to make sure I found someone who was properly qualified. Lots of tears shed and I found it very tiring but I’m so glad that I did it. I found keeping a journal useful too. If a friend was having a difficult time I’m sure you would be kind towards them so treat yourself with compassion, as you would a friend.