Black Dogs 27

Ellie Anne I have the same sort of face. I look unapproachable and glum. I try to smile a lot to compensate. In view of what you’ve said I think that woman was being very unkind. Move on and make more friends with nicer people.
Wyllow glad you’ve made up with your sister. I bet you’re both relieved. I think Mr A oued be very unwise to approach anyone else. Hopefully her understands this now.
HVDY I feel so sorry fo your DGD. She is lucky to have you and your DH to care for her, Other grandma doesn’t sound as though she’s much help and her mother is awful.
Pool little girl. Hope you can find her some therapy.
Sweetpeasue glad you’re feeling better,.Your Dh should carry his spray with him everywhere so he can use it when he needs to. Does it help? Hope you’ve both had a better day today. Roll on next Friday.
Scaredycat have you been out today? Beautiful sunshine here this morning for our walk and talk group.
Went to hospice this afternoon and met up with a couple of friends. Nice chat.

Wyllow3 Yes, I'm sure you're right about the MH therapy thing. I'll try to look for something that might help GD. Went to see her and the cat family (she was there to tend to them). Had to go out for cat litter - the irresponsible mother hadn't got any! Bought toys and treats for the cat. The Maternal granny was due to visit (she sees the GC perhaps 3 times a year), so I left before she turned up. Hope you get a satisfactory response/help from the Quaker lady.

Hope everyone is ok x

I'm so glad you are thinking therapy wise - it will be hard to acesss HVDY as compared with other young people facing abuse, it's relatively mild I'm afraid.

How about checking out what actually is available by phoning local abuse phone lines for children? There might be groups where they can just "hang out together" which might "bring her out of herself" in a benign space?

Having a very easy going day so far, but last night I didnt sleep a lot as I am still very angry that MrA only really apologised on the basis of me being particularly vulnerable. Now dont get me wrong, it was very kind and Quakerly letter, and he is giving me 4 weeks space - but he - and maybe other older Quaker men? need to know its actually illegal, and can affect all women however "vulnerable" they are, as we are all "vulnerable" to unwanted attentions as women (and some men too of course, but in this case its men).

Going to have a chat with D one of the Quakers soon. I dont want to do it at all...but I need to. If she volunteers to contact the Area Safeguarding person not me so's a note can be sent out to all meetings as regards legality and strong guidance I will leap at the chance.

Wyllow3 Yes, GD needs good friends. She seems to attract the wrong kind. She needs therapy of some type, to deal with issues she has about her mother, so I'm onto that. I'll be seeing her in a couple of hours.

Up at 6.30 - thanks, Jaffa. It's quite cold. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Poor GD1, what a start in life. Understandable she should want to please people, hungry for love.
Best defence is to eventually get women friends who can meet those needs. I'm not sure how to help her to do that. But you are on the case, doing what you can.

I just so hope that the nightmares end, Sweetpeasue, and understanding doctor and the best treatment outcomes.

Doodle GD1 lives with her dad. GD insisted on staying there last night. I've been in a row with Son1 over it all this evening. He's been to see to the cats twice today. She's staying at home every night now, going to her mum's every morning and teatime. Your knitted shawls sound lovely. How kind, particularly for anyone who has lost a child. Glad you had a nice day. It's turned really cold this evening.

EllieAnne I haven't got a smiley face (but then who goes around grinning all the time?) That woman isn't a friend. She sounds really unkind. Can't you sit with someone else at church? A stranger would be better, surely?

Wyllow3 GD1 lacks self-confidence, largely because she isn't petite like her little sister (who is constantly told by her mum that she's the favourite), so she is a people-pleaser and easy to manipulate. You did well to go out for hours in this weather! It's bitterly cold here tonight. Glad you and your sister are ok again.

SweetpeaSue Sorry your trip out was cut short. It's not surprising you're so worried about your husband. He's been like this for far too long. You're certainly not selfish - far from it. Hope the car can be sorted out. Gone are the days when the bonnet could be lifted and someone could see what was wrong to fix it. All done on computers now.

Hope everyone has a cosy night x

Wyllow Glad you received a letter of apology from Mr A. Even better that you dont have to see him for a month at Quakers. Sorry about differences with your doc sis. Sounds like youve both seen things in the past differently ( my sisters do too) hope you can get back on track.
Scaredycat Its such a terrible situation for your friend and her DH , the worst imaginable. You are a good and kind friend to them and so sorry you have such a heavy heart for them both. X
EllieAnne I hate that saying - I think myself its very rude and I would feel upset too. She may have been ,as Doodle says, just not thinking but I would still feel upset about it. You are indeed brave to go to hairdresser's- I understand - I've still not been able to get myself there. Hope you like your new hair- cut.
HVDY Your GD1s mum sounds so awful. You must feel so mad at her and understandable- the poor little girl. Its just so cruel for the mum to treat her so differently from her step- sisters. I hope GD1 gets comfort from the new little cat family but also that she doesn't get too attached if they need new homes.
Doodle What a lovely idea to knit those prayer shawls ,I've never heard of them, such a nice thing to do and very special. Glad youve been out with friends today but it is starting to get colder now.
Im much better today thanks so up and about and we went to a supermarket to re-stock fridge which was bare and other things. We had a coffee first then got a trolley. DH felt terrible all of a sudden so we finished quickly and when he got to the car he took his spray- said his vision went swimmy and had headache.
So scared and angry that he's having to put ip with all this . Arm/ hand so painful every day with the SS. What on earth were Vascular Drs thinking at our local teaching hospital to not treat him. I lie awake in the early hrs trying to understand and Im afraid of his waiting. Next Friday can't come soon enough. Drs going on strike again now- for pity's sake!
Sorry wasn't going to come in today but it feels selfish not to.

DHs car been in garage for something simple then other things starting to go wrong and mechanic said he'd look at it again in a couple of weeks. Its now booked into another garage tomorrow- its costing a lot so hope they can do something. Just as well I have my own little car to get us about to appts.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful night . Love to all of you and BDs not mentioned.

Oh that "cheer up" bit. Sigh. I think it's heavy on women "cheer up luv". Why should we if we are sad? It it a duty or something? 🙄 Now don't miss too many Fridays...go next time with the internal guard up and look for the friendly ones x

Doodle I think the shawls are a simply lovely idea, making people fee loved. And making it carries all you feelings as you make then.

What a great comfort and settling influence the cats are, HVDY. Unconditional love from animals when times are hard can make all the difference.

I'm freezing cold after an hours door knocking, cue hot choc with brandy in. I didnt get unfriendly faces. we were asking people what problems there were locally so we could do something about it.
Its a real advantage being an older woman with a friendly smile and a genuinely caring low key approach.

Me and sis have made up. WhatsApp. She clearly had digested what I had said, and chatted about her dog Bella and the weather and what was being done on the house: I replied in kind. Reset of relationship, T's and C's suggested by her will be stuck to.

Battle fatigue has vanished overnight, when D realised her intervention had been successful. I'm just exhausted.

Doodle I think I have a problem with my face as I’ve had strangers tell me to cheer up. I think it’s rude.
But this person is not a very kind or empathetic friend and has on occasion laughed if I shared something about my marriage so I don’t anymore. I can’t avoid her because we sit together at church but I m giving our usual Fri morning coffee a miss

HVDY sorry I think I’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick. If your DGD1 lives with her dad how is it she’s at her mums and on her own. Surely her mum hasn’t left a 14 year old alone in the house to go off on holiday. I know she’s not a great mum but that would be appalling. I know it isn’t law but they do say children under 16 shouldn’t be on their own at home. I can’t imagine anyone would do that. Know some people maybe have to leave their kids for a while if they need to pop to the shops but mot deliberately leave a child alone to go on holiday there is not excuse. My SIL was alone at home when she was 18 when two men broke into the house. She wasn’t hurt but it really shook her up.
Yes I’m knitting a prayer shawl. Lots of us knit them and they are knitted with love and blessed in church then given to people (not necessarily church people) who are suffering perhaps loss of a child or partner. Sometimes to people who have had a new baby. Anyone really who needs one. Sometimes whole families get one each. It takes a lot of knitting 🤣
Ellie Anne I don’t think your friend (maybe friend) meant anything about your looks. It’s a phrase used for people who look sad or depressed. (Tell your face to look more cheerful) If this person has usually been kind or nice to you I’m the past then I would think perhaps it was concern. If she’s normally self centred or scathing then I would think it’s not a nice thing to say and not surprised you were upset,
Wyllow I’m glad you got a proper apology. Whether one of your supporters gets battle fatigue or not, the question of safeguarding cannot be ignored and the Quakers will have to step up. Yes of course he must be made aware his actions were inappropriate to anyone. Hope you manage to resolve the issues with your sister.
Scaredycat the fact your friends Dh is comfortable in his new place will help both of them tremendously. It’s a really tough time for them both and it’s good family and friends are rallying round, The fact that she has a lovely friend like you too will help.
Hope you get a new fluffy friend soon.
Sweetpeasue. Wondering how you are. Are you feeling any better?
I’ve been out for brunch with art class friends today. Had a lovely time but got very cold in the cafe. Been really windy here,

EllieAnne It always feels nice to have a haircut. I need to find a new hairdresser (now mine is in prison!)..GD1 is 14, sensible, and was 1 mile away from home. Both her dad and I (separately) said we'd stay the night with her. She didn't want that. We both rang, texted, etc.,until 11pm. I texted her at 6.30 this morning then rang her, and her stepmum was round there this afternoon. I said we'll take her out for lunch and anywhere she fancies going, tomorrow. Guess where she wants to be? With the cat family. Her other gran will be there tomorrow daytime. Son2's partner has given me endless grief about the whole thing.

I braved the hairdresser this morning. Got quite a bit chopped off. Went for a walk this afternoon and have choir tonight.
Hvdy your poor gd. Is she old enough to be on her own? Can’t understand how a mother could do that.
Thinking of everyone. Xx

ScaredyCat Your friends are having a rough time of things. Isn't it unfair when nice people have such hard times. GD1's mother is terrible - the house is scruffy, oven doesn't work, air fryer is filthy - GD1 had a takeaway last night. She's been doing a brilliant job of tending to thee little cat family. When the cat had 2 stillborn kittens (only in August), the mum threw them in the dustbin.

Wyllow3 Some men don't understand how their unwelcome actions could possibly be wrong, do they? I hope you can get back on track with your sister.

How's everyone been? I went to the day centre. Home-made beef pie, with potatoes and veg, then caramel cheesecake. Hope everyone's ok x

Ah, Scaredycat, I am so glad she can visit. You've got your dose of the storm, it seems to have passed by overnight. I was hoping it would be here at 6pm when I am due to be picked up to go out canvassing, naughty me. Maybe it will start to the rain and we can go to the pub..

Had a truly contrite letter from the MrA

enough to put mind at rest, and he is staying away for a month.

However...I will pick up on is his assumption that he shouldn't have done it because I was particularly vulnerable:

Whereas of course he shouldn't have done it to any woman in any circumstances, but I will wait a bit to deliver the message

nuff unto the day.

I have also written to my sister and hoping it gets through: I had been angry with her, which I might not had been had this all not been going on:
but the anger resulted in a tirade of accusations not just against me but against a huge history of her being the one in the family who "carried the can" for many things.

Of course, she wasn't, although was the key person at critical times:

Her problem is that she doesn't set boundaries when people make demands on her, she comes across to the world as very strong. Not able to express her vulnerability. so we all made assumptions, and her resentments build up..

I've written this morning thanking her for giving me the full picture, knowing full well that she may be having all kinds of difficult feelings for having revealed so very much, but leaving it in her hands as to how and when to contact me, I can do no more.

Hi all
HVDY- My friend is taking one day at a time and dealing with everything in a remarkably brave way. Her DH is comfortable in the new place and it is easier for her and the family to visit. It’s a matter of minutes away. It feels almost unreal.
What a hard hearted ,uncaring person GD1 mother is. Poor little souls- your GD must have been so glad of your help. Your Son must worry about her when she is there.
Hope you feel a bit better this morning - it’s hard for you when you must be worried about GD and the little ones.
Doodle- no Cat news yet.we have contacted a local rescue place regarding 2 little ones but heard nothing yet. Obviously we have to be careful on line there are so many unscrupulous people regarding animals.
My friend and her DH are on my mind constantly. They have a kind family and friends who are really stepping up. But the reality of the situation is so difficult . But she can get out with help and she’s eating better than she was . Thank you for asking about her.
EllieAnne- You’re not being stupid the other person was. If she know you well then she should realise that a remark like that would feel personally offensive and hurtful.
Try not to let it upset you- some people have no sensitivity at all. Dont let it spoil your Tuesdays - she didn’t think. Wyllow gave you good advice.
Wyllow- Your Son is fighting your corner- what a lovely thing to now be able to open up to him when you have a worry.
Yes maybe MrA will see the error of his ways and make a complete and satisfying apology. Please don’t let him spoil your lovely Quaker days. It’s a place of refuge where you feel safe. That’s the problem isn’t it - he’s taken some of that confidence away. You can certainly do without a battle.
I love my friend and will help as best I can. I,d help you too if you were nearer!!
SweetPeaSue- Hope you’re feeling stronger today. The wind and rain this morning was awful so I,ve just been pooling about indoors. DH went to the Gym .
Take care of yourself xx

Love to all . Those mentioned and friends we miss.

That was extremely nasty and bitchy, Ellie Anne, be in no doubt about that at all. What got up her nose? I suspect she is envious.

Despite how you see yourself, I suspect you are actually very well thought of, for the energy and care you put into that activity: so she has to put you down. Don't give her the time of day is my advice -ignoring her is the best way to pay her back, stand your ground xx

Scaredycat - what a desperately sad situation, that they cant be together, that the levels of care they need are so overwhelming. All you can do is be the best friend ever, which I suspect you are. If I were in her situation you would be a great comfort.

One of the two Quakers supporting me has got battle fatigue and sent an email out which hinted at a degree of withdrawal.

Not the other one. Unfortunately for the main one, my son is writing to her to voice his concerns for me tomorrow following a phone call.

Lets see what response I get from MrA Maybe I'm wrong in my fears and he will properly apologise, that is my preference not a battle.

sorry for not mentioning anyone else, I'm tired out xx

Some people are so stupid like that. I'd be hurt by it, too. Perhaps give her a wide berth in future and not be available when she needs help

I got a bit upset yesterday and don’t know if I am just being stupid.
I was working at my Tuesday group making and serving tea etc washing up and making sure there was enough baking out and I was being left with most of the work for various reasons and I don’t mind that at all.
Serving people and chatting to them is no ,problem but a lady who I Consider a friend came up. She asked how I was , I said ok as was busy and not the time for a conversation but she does know I have problems. Her response was ‘well try telling your face that’ . I thought that was a nasty thing to say as she knows I don’t like my face and won’t have photos taken.
I’ve done loads for her , support when she had leaks in her house, taken her to hospital appointments, done her shopping when she hurt her back etc and thinking about it she has never done a thing for me.
Maybe I am being over sensitive but it’s upset me.

Doodle She's 14, and yes, lives with her dad (about a mile away). She's been really proud of herself today for caring for them all. The mother is a horrible, selfish person. I don't hate many people, but I despise her. GD1 hasn't even got a bed there, has to sleep on the settee, but will sleep in her big sister's bed tonight.

Glad you had a nice day. Are you knitting anything in particular?

HVDY how a mother can go off like that I don’t know. How old is GD1? Surely she’s not old enough to be on her own. Isn’t she the one that was living with your son? Sorry I’m easily confused. Hope the poor girl is ok.
Sorry you’re still not feeling well. Hope things improve soon.
Wyllow a well thought out and well written letter. Good the Quakers are supporting you. Such a bad thing to happen to you with all you’ve been through before. Hope you make up with DocSis soon.
Ellie Ann sounds like a nice conversation with your son. Hope you get to meet with them soon.
Scaredycat how was your friend? Must be so upsetting to see her now. It’s good of you to visit. Any news of a rescue cat yet?
Sweetpeasue hope you’re feeling better today. Is DH still feeling better on his new tablets?
I had a lovely morning in church then spent this afternoon catching up with some knitting.

ScaredyCat Your poor friend, and her husband, too. I hope that they are both being kept comfortable, at least. Went to see GD1 and cat/kittens. They are tiny! I bought 4 x 12 pouches of food, as the mother has left 3 pouches and told GD1 to buy some out of her own money. She's a horrible mother and person. Hard to believe she works in a school.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- my friend is having the most awful time. It’s like a nightmare . Her DH has been transferred to a nursing home close to where we live. There is no hope. She is battling her own terrible illness at the same time. So glad we are able to help her .
You don’t sound well at all either. Stress can be so debilitating when you are poorly. I hope you can rest well tonight.
Good news that your DH can be seen earlier and hope by now the new tablets are helping him.
Doodle- The party sounded very touching and glad your tiny friend enjoyed herself.Must have been heartwarming to be there.
No rain here yesterday or today .So it was OK for driving to Photography . Nice to have all of us there - only 6 but we had a good afternoon.
It’s hard to find things to wear for a specific event isn’t it. What about Phase 8 or Mango or Roman? Hope you find something you like.
HVDY- oh dear that was a nasty wobble. Good job you didn’t hit your head. You must have been tired from feeling unwell then having to dodge the deluge with the girls all day. Hope the bruise goes down soon. Glad you’re resting today and hope you have a good night.
How thoughtless of GD1 Mum to leave her at home - what kind of Mother does that. Not only that but leave a little pregnant cat too. Poor cat and poor GD when she’s not feeling well. She,s obviously got no sense of.
EllieAnne- your DS and family are busy but it sounds like they would only be too happy to have you visit or spend time with you. They’d probably be happy for you to spend time with GS in the holidays as they work. Well done for speaking up and sharing your feelings. Take care of yourself.
Wyllow- I think you explained yourself very well in your statement. It sounds like the Quaker people are very aware of the lamentable behaviour of MrA. As you say he would get support once he acknowledges his shortcomings and lack of respect etc.
Hope you make it up quickly with your Sis she is a lovely friend to you and dispenses much wisdom. Sisters like her and mine are rare and even though not always in agreement about some things still very precious.
I,m glad that you realise you are not alone. Dark moments come to us all for all sorts of reasons. You have made such wonderful strides this Summer and know how good life can be again. May the Sun shine on you too and brighten your days.

Love to all. Mentioned and all our missing friends. Those who only read too

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I do drink a lot, anyway. I'm so tired, so I will have an early night. I hope your day improves.

Wyllow3 I've lounged about all morning, only just had a shower and got dressed. GD1 messaged me to say that her mum's cat (18 months old) has given birth to 3 kittens - the mum and sisters have gone away for a week this morning. The cat gave birth only a few months ago, to 2 stillborns. Poor thing. The woman is such a stupid and irresponsible person.

Sorry all ,still not well .
Just to say to * Wyllow* how awful it is that you have to go through all of this. Can only say as HVDY and hope Mr A offers a full and heartfelt apology. Not all men are like this Wyllow . Sending g hugs.
HVDY Do rest yourself and stay hydrated( which I know you know already.
EllieAnne Im so glad you spoke to your son. If you're anything like me , I never usually say much to mine but just accept things even if Im hurt. You've made me think. Good on you- right way to go.

Just no strength to even think so short post. Hope everyone is ok.