Black Dogs 27

Hi all
EllieAnne- I,m so sorry you lost your sister at such a young age. I was so scared when my own sister was very ill several years ago. Thank goodness she is in remission at the moment.
Your home life as a child has had a massive effect on you by the sound of it . I,m so sorry. Parents can do so much harm- not always intentionally but if you had to constantly walk on eggshells to keep the peace it will have taken its toll on you.
SweetPeaSue- my friend has to go and have her chemo portal attended to after her chemo earlier on in the week. She is very weak at 5h3 moment . The weather and traffic were awful and a journey that is usually 40 minutes round trip took 2 and a half hours!!
Ah your DH has been through so much it,ll take a while for him to get back to his self I expect. Hopefully he,ll feel the benefit of his Op soon. February can’t come soon enough I guess.
HVDY- glad you enjoyed your meal out.
I,m like you I love my iPad and I,d be lost without it. I spend hours on it everyday.
SiL parents live only about 20 mins away. His Mum had a terrible stroke several years ago but has made an unbelievable recovery mentally. But at her age has much physical limitations. We love them - they are dears.
Thank you- I think Kai is handsome too. They are extremely fluffy so I brush every other day but not for long. Yuki is very good at staying still but Kai gets fed up. It helps though that Ragdolls go limp and floppy when you handle them.
Hope Jaffa feels better soon - he seems to deal with his FIV really well. He has a good Mum.
Doodle- oh yes you need to be careful til,you have your X-rays.
Hopefully then the physio will improve your walking.
So sorry you have lost your cousin - were they someone you saw a lot when you were little?
I only had one cousin and he died quite a while ago.
I thought this morning when we were out that there is really little evidence anywhere of the real meaning of Christmas. No angels,no Nativity Cribs, no Carols in the shops. What a shame - it’s the reason for Christmas and the most wonderful story.
Wyllow- sorry yesterday was such a disappointment for you.
I hope the CJ workers get something worthwhile out of MrA. He needs to read your words carefully and understand what he has done. What an ignorant and stubborn man.
Your cleaner sounds like a breath of fresh air - and then you got out on the air. A much better start to the day.
Glad you made strides with the Quaker lady.
Go for it with the Art group it sounds just what you would enjoy. Hope that old lurgi does one soon.

Today has been a sad one as we lost one of DHs best friends- it was a huge shock. He went into H yesterday for an Op and died this morning. We are stunned - such a nice man.

Love to all and have the best weekend you can.

Wyllow3 Your cleaning lady must be a very nice and friendly person. Glad you had a bit of fresh air and a chat with your CPN. Those local groups you mention sound as though they'd be good for you. The MrA/Quakers issue has taken up so much of your time and energy. Not to trivialise what he did at all, but perhaps you need a distraction for a while. A sauna and relaxation might just be what you need. Jaffa seems a bit better, thanks. He's on a painkiller liquid, which he laps up with his Lick-E-Lix cat stuff (a mousse-type of stuff in a tube). He's got freshly cooked chicken again this evening . He'll get these ailments now and again, because of the FIV. Poor boy, he's such a nice cat. This time of year is difficult for many people. All the build-up, hype, and constant bombardment of Christmas is quite ridiculous - it's only 1 day, after all.
EllieAnne Was your dad a bad father? My dad was a good man, but feelings were never discussed in our house. My dad served in the army for 9 years (all through the war). Very "stiff upper lip" type. I'm glad, as it made me able to cope with life's hard times.

I cleaned the whole house today. DH cleaned one window and went to Asda for 4 items . My brother rang to ask me to buy a "wife" card for him to give his wife! I said no. He only ever sends one card - hers - and has every day of the week to look for it. Self-centred!

Wyllow it was because of my father.

A few decorations sounds just right, Doodle. if no one is coming round.

Ellie Anne in your post just above, do you mean your relationship with DH has made you that way with men? ot have I missed something? Or your childhood?

How is Jaffa now, HVDY?

Other BD's - how have your days been? I haven't gone to the gym now since last Sunday, and miss it a lot. I must even just go for a sauna and shower and the social side.
Sadly I missed the Taize music last night at the church next door to the Quaker meeting house, which is in the church building next to the church.

DiL's mum is not well enough to host their big Christmas and they are having it at home. I didn't try to invite myself, I'd rather go up after wards as long as the lurgy has gone, and energy returned.

In a week it will be passed. My CPN knows so many for whom it is difficult. there needs to be a way where every single thing is not "jingle bells?"

Doodle it has definitely affected me. It’s left me with a feeling uncomfortable with men and afraid of confrontation.

Today was better after a very bad night!

My cleaner breezed in bringing energy and cheer,
It was a good CPN visit, we went out for a little walk.

I had got it right deciding to Zoom Quaker lady. We got a long way which brings some optimism. One hour 40 minutes*

Then I went back to a googling for an Art Group, as me and DS last night had discussed focusing away from current concerns.

Unbelievably - there is one place literally just round the corner, and it is specially is to help wellbeing, and has some stuff on Wednesdays that work out alternative mornings and afternoons once a week beginning at the end of January.

Back later as I need to go back to bed as I didnt sleep a lot and the lurgy is still lurgyfiying.

I wrote a long post..then lost the lot, so I will come in tomorrow on todays events as still lurgified and tired.

I had a bad night anticipating today, and it didnt go well for me. The two CJ (community justice, from now on CJ) workers are lovely, but got virtually no where with MrA.

Basically, he has blocked and compartmentalised it into the

"overenthusiastic hug, and Wyllow is so upset as she has MH problems"..

and is moving on with his life. They are seeing him 2 more times before we meet, and think they may get some way but can't be sure. (he is yet to read what I wrote).

But what is more concerning that the Quakers have not taken on this POV: it would appear that although he had some kind of official ticking off and guidelines he has to follow back a couple of months ago,

No one has actually tried to engage him in,

"look, MrA, this is unacceptable and we need to know you understand why, in terms of our clear spiritual and moral belief.that what you have done is completely out of order"

(and this is terribly wrong to me, in the light of what we all know can and does happen in religious situations)

The two workers who came to see me are seeing him 2 times more before we are due to meet,

and they are also extremely concerned that basically, our Safeguarding officer is putting doing anything about it all off constantly, possibly in the hope that the Community people get somewhere:

But of course that doesnt address the issues within our little community.

I can get it all out of my head: I had a good discussion with DS and we both agreed that the basic essential is that MrA "owns" to having sexually assulted me not push it out of mind, and of course

I have to try to keep trying to focus on other things.

I would, of course, if I could! I think most of all some way of me getting back to sewing and other art. I have a room up there with things laid out, but am tied up in some kind of inter struggle about getting on with it.

I happen to have a CPN due tomorrow morning and late morning zoom with the Quaker lady I've needed to "clear the air with" greatly.

Wyllow I hav put up a few decorations. Not many. No one is coming here and I can’t really be bothered to do too much. I used to love decorating the place and making it look pretty.
Church things will continue for a while. I’m at church all afternoon and evening on Christmas Eve for the crib service and midnight mass. Services on Sunday morning and carols in church Sunday night.
HVDY I don’t often have a proper lunch out. I prefer to eat in the evening as it gives me something to do. I usually have a toasted tea cake when I’m out.
Pleased you had a nice lunch. Oh poor Jaffa. I’m sorry he’s not well. How lucky he is you take such good care of him
Scaredycat I think my walking may be put on hold. I’m having more and more trouble with my hip and it became quite noticeable today. I am to have X-rays soon then I hope some physio.
How nice you get on with your son in laws mum and dad. I’m sure they enjoyed your visit. I get on well with our DILs mum too. Nice of you to help your friend go to her hospital appointment. Hope she got on ok. Lovely percute of Kai.
Ellie Anne I found out yesterday that my cousin had died. Now there are 3 of us left. These days not all families are close. I’m sorry about your sister, do you think your home life as a child has impacted you in later life with you relationships with others?
Sweetpeasue I like to be busy. It helps with distraction. Christmas is proving to be difficult again this year. I am concentrating a lot on what it’s really about and spending as much time as I can in church. Do hope your Dh improves soon. Pleased he’s being followed up in February. That’s not too far away.

ScaredyCat I wouldn't cope without a computer! I do such a lot of shopping (not groceries at the moment, but everything else). I download music, send emails, look at things on YouTube and Facebook, and read the news. How nice of you to visit your SIL's parents. They are both a big age. Do they live far from you? Kind of you to take your friend to her hospital appointment. Kai is so handsome! Do you have to brush them both regularly?

SweetpeaSue I assume that with any Vasculitis, there will be flare-ups. I do hope that your husband's hand & arm will improve, week by week. He must get sick of not feeling well.

EllieAnne We don't see DH's family, even though we only live 5 miles away. His sister is ok but quite odd, and her adult children all have their own lives and don't bother. I've only really got my brother (78) and he hasn't been to my house for about 5 years - he lives 8 miles away.

Wyllow3, Doodle and others - how has your day been?

It was a lovely 3-course meal at a restaurant with the day centre lot. A very good singer entertained us. Took Jaffa to the vet - he's got Gingivitis (common with FIV), so had injections of pain relief and antibiotics, and painkiller liquid to put on his food for a week. He was very well-behaved and really brave x

Sweet pea sue I had a sister but she died of cancer at 54.
We got on ok but were not terribly close. Our home life was not happy.

HVDY Hope youve had a good day.
Yes I knew initially that GCA was form of Vasculitus but thought at the time when GCA was gone, so would any problems with arteries. DH finished steroids for GCA a couple of mths ago. I thought I'd ask Rheumatologist if the GCA had caused lasting problems. DH is not back to his former self at all.
Wyllow Do hope the meeting went well today.
Doodle Your days are so full though I understand its easier for you like that. I dont find 'exercise ' is second nature to me either ,yet I always feel better after a walk. Im not doing much of that alone now. DH's follow up Vascular appt is in February.
Scardycat Hope all goes as well as possible when you take your friend for her hospital appt. I had to smile at your DH not wanting the Internet access ,my DH wasnt bothered about updating his Nokia mobile phone and insisted he'd not use his mobile with Internet-- hes addicted now. What a sweet photo of Kai.
EllieAnne I never knew my Dad's parents as they'd died before my parents married. I did have an extended family on my mum's side though which is why Im close to my aunt. I can't remember if you've had siblings. Im sure your immediate family do care and love you but its so hard for you when you dont feel comfortable when your husband is there.

Just a quiet day today. Hope everyone is ok. X

Hvdy my background is similar. My dad came from a very big family but we didn’t mix with them. Saw them an odd time at a wedding but that was it
Mums family lived in other side of the country so we saw them occasionally but got on better with them.
The only family I have now is my children. Dh s family are all down south.

Kai helping me post!!

Hi all
Wyllow- A big day for you today so I hope your cold isn’t quite so troublesome as it has been. Hope as you say Mr A has had time to reflect on his behaviour and will show true repentance. It is he who needs to change his ways- if you belong to any kind of group there is a responsibility to be kind and thoughtful to everyone.
Glad your computer isn’t fatally ill- they are such an important part of all our lives aren’t they. Years ago DH took a lot of persuading that we needed one but I kept on at him as I didn’t want to be a dinosaur!! Now his I pad is practically welded to him!!
EllieAnne- your daughter sounds as if she is a kind caring lady who finds the world as it is today overwhelmingly sad. Maybe her work takes a great deal out of her too. All you can do is as you do now. Love her,keep contact and she will feel secure in the knowledge you are always there for her.
I know it’s not the same but my DS only visits once for a few days each year from abroad. His MH is better away from his terrible memories. It’s lovely to see him and we have a lovely few days . It took me many years to accept but as long as he and his wife are happy together that’s all that matters. But you don’t even have the joy of Face Time so I understand how you feel.
I hope your tummy behaves for Xmas.
HVDY- thank you for your kind words. I,m no Pollyanna but life has knocked me down many times and I am fortunate that life is still full of many wonders. Each day is to be treasured.
It must be so difficult for your SiL to live in such clutter. As you say it’s quite a health hazard too.
What lovely times you have with LG- you make her days with you so full of fun.
Doodle - yes after Xmas you could perhaps start a new walking plan. Maybe start with 10 minutes and add a few more minutes each day- perhaps your nice friend would go with you.
Every day at the moment seems busy- so restful days are a bit thin on the ground. Yesterday we went to see my Son in laws Mum and Dad. They are both 92 and such dear people. We,ve known them such a long time and Xmas wouldn’t be the same without visiting them,.Then in the afternoon went to see my lovely friend who is very poorly. Today we are taking her later to the Hospital for an appt.
Thank you the Birthday ‘Boy’ did enjoy his day. He is such a nice young man - my GD3 is very happy with him.
SweetPeaSue- glad your DH had a comprehensive visit with the Rheumatologist. He sounds like somebody who is on the ball and who listens and gives you both a bit of confidence.
The steroid injections should help him too.
Ah it’s sad your DiL s Mum is so poorly - she has been ill a long time hasn’t she. Christmas is an awful time to be poorly and for the family too who love her. Your DiL will be so glad of your support.
I hope you,re both having the best day you can.

Love to all .

Wyllow3 As a child, I didn't see cousins, aunts, uncles - we lived minutes away from my dad's side of the family, but he fell out with them all when I was about 8 (when his parents died). Mum's mum and brother were in London, so we only saw them perhaps twice a year. I hope you feel a bit better today and that your meeting goes well.

SweetpeaSue I'm glad the Rheumatologist was so good. I thought you knew that Giant Cell Arteritis was a type of Vasculitis (autoimmune condition). It might be part of the problem. It's early days yet for your husband's arm/hand to be fully recovered. Glad he's going to get a steroid injection for his shoulder.

Doodle You had a full day, with church, hospice and the garden centre. Did you have lunch at the hospice?

Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

My computer is OK, as the charging up port didn't get milk in it.
It's the two USB C ports that are dead, so not quite what people have thought. Yes I have a Sky "all in one package wifi/TV/landline" so need to buy a new handset for the landline is all.

Sweetpeasue, I'm very impressed with the care you got today. It does sound someone is really "on the case", but it's been so bad for so long it will take some time to "feel" it. It is complicated, isnt it? Different symptomatic treatments and not knowing when things will settle down. Big fears still popping up.
Yes - tomorrow's meeting is key in the following way:

I will find out if he still feels at heart deep down "it was an over-enthusiastic hug" - or he takes on board the police charge with real understanding, and comprehends why he has crossed serious Quaker and indeed spiritual boundaries.
I suspect a work in progress and will need their advice on how to move forward.

Doodle what a busy day. I'm glad there was a hospice break.

Do you have a lot of church commitments ahead, or is it presents and cards and so on still to be done? have you settled on your mind what you will do in your flat Christmas wise, or keep it "Everyday" because of the triggers?

wyllow so sorry you’re feeling poorly. So many have coughs and colds at the moment. Hope it doesn’t interfere too much with things to do with Mr A and the Quakers.
Sorry about your computer too, I’d be lost without mine. Hope you get it fixed soon.
HVDY sounds like LG had another wonderful adventure day with you today. So nice of you to do such fun things with her.
Well I do have stairs in the building but I usually use the lift. I have decided that after Christmas I will try more exercise and walking. We’ve owned various exercise equipment over the years and each one has been used for about the first month then forgotten. I’m really bad at exercising.
Sweetpeasue your DIl will know you’ve offered help and are concerned for her. Good your Dh is having an injection for his shoulder pain. Arm pain could be damaged nerves now. When does your Dh have a follow up booked with vascular team?
Hope you’re a bit calmer now and relaxed now the op is over.
Ellie Anne I think your daughter knows you are there for her. That’s probably all you can do if she doesn’t keep on contact much. Some people are like that and mange on their own. I’m sure she realises you will help if asked.
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a restful day after your family meal. Did the birthday boy enjoy himself? I’ve had a busy day. Church this morning. Hospice at lunchtime then garden centre this afternoon. So much to do.

Sorry for mistakes- dont know how 'armband' came up

Wyllow Oh I hope you feel better tomorrow when you see the people about Mr A. Make sure you have plenty of sleep if possible - one way to keep the immune system functioning. I dont think many of us would fare well without the Wi-Fi- does your Internet operate through your landline?
DH is quite good with DIY and understands the way the older car engines work but everything has changed now. There's a used car garage nit far away ( where we bought my Ford Fusion) so well probably try there first when we feel ip to it.
Lovely words to EllieAnne.
HVDY You've had a lovely day with your Littlegirl - great theres a good indoor play area nearby , especially with the wet weather lately. She must love coming to you so much.
Nurse didn't comment about the reason for DHs swollen hands/fingers. Its the left hand which has been painful because of the Subclavian Steal though its only been swollen since the op. Perhaps its due to suddenly getting blood flow back but its still painful so far.

Saw Rheumatologist today and he was so good ,thorough. There was quite a bit for him to catch up with( Angina diagnosis, Stent op) He examined DHs armband hand which was really painful for him to move, even his fingers. I'd found out that Giant Cell Arteritis is form of Vasculitus and Vasculitus can affect arteries throughout body so I brought that up with him . He said it does and that could have been a factor in his problems. If he gets symptoms of other swollen joints , fever, or weight loss he needs to know.
Meanwhile steroid injections may help his shoulders so hes arranging that.
See him in a few mths again. Hes so good and real hands on ( director of Rheumatology) but so personable.

So DH still suffering with the pain. Early days- well see.

Son 2s DMIL getting worse so that's so upsetting for them. I just dont know what I can do to help but my DIL knows Im here for whatever. We get on fine but haven't really had opportunities to be closer.

Hope everyone else has had a reasonable day. Thinking of everyone.

H

Yes very heavy cold with usual symptoms and needing to be in bed quite a lot, that doesn't matter,
but I am contagious and I have to think of the people I had arranged to see over the next couple of days in my house or at a cafe - tomorrow is too important so its going to be coats on and open French Windows.

I'm trying to arrange Zooms for Friday - one is my CPN, and there is no chance of shifting that, and the other is the Quaker/coffee and clearing the feelings up between us so's best to feel better

My cleaner/friend is also due Friday, and I'll give her the choice because if she wears gloves and stays well away from me with windows open it should be OK.

It sounds like LG has a lovely day. I wish I had had a gran like you! She is just so lucky, and will love you back.

I've actually never known what its like to live close to an extended family so I guess I'm more used to it.

EllieAnne Your daughter sounds really quite depressed.

Wyllow3 It's DH's sister who's a hoarder - piles of "stuff" waist-high downstairs, she told me, and shoulder-high upstairs! She refuses all offers of help. It's obviously a fire/fall hazard, but she doesn't get rid of anything - she's got every wage slip for the last 23 years, every stick of furniture her and DH's mum ever had, plus her own, of course). It sounds as though you've got a heavy cold/virus. Not much you can do except drink lots and take Paracetamol. Now your landline is dead? You're not having much luck with things. I first thought that was a man in the photo, but I changed my mind, as he seemed quite far away.

Little Girl has been here since 8. After breakfast, we went to a role-play/dressing-up/soft play place for 2 hours, which she loved. After lunch, we fed the geese, swans and ducks by the river. She's asleep now, getting picked up at 6. Hope everyone has been ok x

SweetpeaSue Did the cardio nurse offer any explanation for your husband's swollen fingers, etc.? I hope he's had a better day today and that the Rheumatology appointment was ok.
Doodle You haven't got stairs in your home, have you? Stepping up and down helps the muscles. Perhaps you could get one of those exercise "cycling" type of machines? (you sit on a chair/settee and pedal this thing that stays on the floor) I bought one to use, after my stroke, but then didn't really need it as I go up and down the stairs several times a day.

Afternoon all. My brain has turned to mush along with body. Not entirely unpleasant.

I had a really nice chat with DocSis last night and we covered as number of things and I ended up being reassured.

I so rarely get physically ill, I can't recall when it last was - and living alone means isolation if you cant get out and anyway disinclined to put on the Social Front.

So I slept altogether for 9 hours, with less disturbance. A mushy brain currently means all strong emotional things sort of have slipped temporarily into the background.

Let's see what happens tomorrow morning when the people come to report back on MrA stuff, I'll just keep well away from them and wipe down seats with antiseptic, so they don't get the lurgy.

Doodle you put it so well. What other people assume. And they see you keeping busy… it’s the only option for now. Have you got any friends who really, really understand? And you can tell how it really is?
As regards presents… if stuck, I ask someone close to them if it’s family. If it’s friends it is hard to find a good ‘generic’ present. How about a gift card saying you’ll take them out to lunch?

It must be really hard Sweetpeasue when there is a down day for DH, to believe in “getting better”. Each day I come in and hope there is a bit of good news. Do go for that car (mind you I wouldn’t know where to start in the second hand market…. Is DH ‘up’ on cars?

It’s so hard for you with DD, Ellie Anne. I think it’s her way of coping. And yes she is keeping you at arms length. Believe me when I tell you I didn’t stop loving my mum even tho I was unresponsive. She was puzzled as I had never told her I was very depressed.
But she has actually trusted you to tell you? For now, it’s like you are being tested? Only a thought. Remain in her life without pressure, Ellie Anne, we cannot know what the future holds.

My mum was a hoarder HVDY, tho not as bad as your friend by the sound of it. But you are very understanding and I’m glad you enjoyed your lunch.

The picture is the house opposite mine. Quite a long way away. It’s a man on the roof doing some repairs? It was like a silhouette show.

I’m really poorly, aching runny nose and tired and rather isolated as I don’t see anyone. Foyles War has been on rather a lot today. I had to cancel a coffee with friend tomorrow: I really need to pick up as later this week there could be a bit of movement on the MrA issue, the resolution people saw him today then seeing me Thursday.

As regards stuff breaking or getting water in I’m a disaster zone. I accidentally spilt a little milk on my computer and the USB ports are dead. Fortunately the charging port is OK. I’ve found out it might not cost too much for new ports. I really rely on my computer at night… music, TV chat lines. And my landline phone….(very old) finally given up. 😬

Doodle she never comes home at Christmas or any other time. Have seen her occasionally if she has to be in Scotland for a course or some other reason. I just have to accept it.