Sweetpeasue - you can be very proud of yourself indeed - getting that appointment, 10 days away. Big well done you and a hug. the sort of hug that is like a sauna and relaxes your body all over: this not being available, lots of hot water bottles
What a lovely happy report Doodle. I love speaking to very elderly people who've lived well....TU, in Sainsbury's - their sizing is very very big indeed in the Ladies clothes and you can buy online. I got him safely but it wasn't a lovely time overall - it was in bits of course but I only relaxed now and then usually over. a Merlot - more why at the end.
I'm so sorry you are a Fallen Woman, HVDY you did so well coping today and rest was the best thing. I hope you haven't got any big bruises, and it doesnt stop you seeing LG. (btw, my visit to family isnt until 31st Oct)
thinking of you with your very poorly friends, Scardeycat
I wasn't in yesterday as it was really tough: ended up with a row with DocSis, more on that another day: interesting situation but will say when there is a chance.
I rung the crisis line first things: she said I should go to the police clothes still lying around halfunpacked: she helped me focus on what I wanted out of it:
nothing but a full abject apology and recognition he had broken the law: a letter to me first, then a meeting with D, one of the people who was to see Mr Abuser. she was great - we worked out a plan in detail.
Quaker Safeguarding is taken very, very seriously indeed including informing the relevant authorities ie police or SSD. she didnt know this, I looked it up while we were together.
By this morning I had worked out my Victim Statement. Nothing in here is over egging the pudding for effect, btw: I have, if it were queried, Psychiatrists letters
Here it is
"Hi Mr A,
When you attacked me, you took away something very precious.
Having suffered 11 years of abuse, followed by a long depression of over 2 years, when most days I felt suicidal at some point, and thinking of how:
I started my recovery in June of this year.
Eventually I plucked up courage to come back to Quakers. And it felt safe and warm and like coming home.
I felt happy and it helped me so much. I was able to be outward and engaged with people.
And when you followed me into the room on Sunday 12th October when I was alone, you actually first enquired how I was, as you said I seemed so confident, and I replied that I was still actually very fragile, but it felt safe and I felt accepted by others and it had given me confidence in other areas.
You then said we hadnt had a hug for a long time. You did not ask me. You jumped me and put your arms round me so hard my breasts were pressed against you and it really hurt. It was a dreadful, dreadful thing to do, to take away my feeling of safety and wellbeing.
Then I was in shock but got a text from you saying you had been - quote - “over enthusiastic”.
(MrA), that was assault under the law. My mental heath support worker told me I should ring the police, do you really not realise the consequences of your actions?
I didn’t know what to do. It took me along time to contact other Quakers. I get guilt like it must have been my fault. Victims ofter feel that.
Fortunately for you I already knew that you had been warned about hugging women without asking their permission so you have a “track record”.
On my holiday I struggled with what to do, on and off. It was my first holiday for 4 years (MrA) yes, 4 years. It was not a restful holiday.
I’d booked a comfy hotel that took a big chunk of money that took half my monthly income to make it special.
I was conflicted, couldn’t relax, since of course I do realise you are probably very lonely so I was unwilling to go in heavy on you or even report you.
Until when I talked it over with Servants of the meeting, and realise that they took me seriously and believed me and believed it a serious safeguarding issue.
It was at that point I was able to feel anger at last. D thought I was being very strong when I talked to her on Monday, but in fact I paid the price last night with guilt.
You have taken away my confidence Quakers is a safe space.
The servants of the meeting will take it from here, as what is to happen next is now in their hands, and a path acceptable to me has been agreed.
(signed)
D and the other Quaker Servant of the meeting took it to MrA this afternoon. He was totally taken aback and quiet and long story short agreed. D didnt tell me a lot except he had accepted all the terms and conditions - no return to our Quaker meeting until he has written the letter satisfactorily and seen me and apologised fully and with no ifs and buts.
D said to him, he'd had a thing about me, hadn't he.
He said yes he had, but hasn't anymore. Now that, I thought, as well as being somewhat risible, just shows him up for the kind of man part of him is: he fancied me when I was nice and sweet and unchallenging, then when he has assaulted me and I stick up for myslelf well, "end of" being fancied.
I mean, where has he been - through reports of religious abuse, the Me Too Movement, he's been a Methodist minister FGS, all the Abuse stuff came out from 2004 onwards when he was in work and every institution begun the work of police checks and Safeguarding Awareness including in his own church.
The arrogance is breathtaking..
( One of the reasons I feel out with my sister was that she was thinking he had the beginnings of dementia, and she rabbited on about frontal lobes and how I should realise this and that)
but one of the two servants is a retired GP with experience of diagnosing it - MrA 's memory isnt so good, (but then neither is mine on some things) but his cognitive understanding of the world is OK.
I have felt better since I was told all that later this afternoon but it remains to be seen if he really can write that letter and apologise adequately to me in person.
I am not going to got back down: I do appreciate he is lonely, isnt able to do what he used to due to age, but he could have so much Quaker support if he admits he needs help. but basically this was building up after his attitudes and behaviour on a couple more things:
^no man who does that to me again, after an abusive marriage is going to get away with it once I know I am backed by senior Quakers.
