Black Dogs 27

I'm so sorry that how you had to see the New Year in, nadateturbe. it's probably a feature of your illness that you are easily vulnerable: that said, it could have been a serious bowel condition, and you were right to go. (it was when it happened to me, many years ago, and more recently in 2016) - it could have been blocked bowels.

At the same time, you have shared a most valuable lesson, and thank you. Your condition makes you so isolated, it's so hard for you.

Sweetpeasue, last night my DocSis was reassuring inasmuch as she correctly identified what was happening was post viral symptoms and PEM every day, but if I do over do it consistently, it will end in either CFS or ME, and the most difficult thing is knowing when to stop, as you dont know at the time you have overdone it.

Today I did a shortish session at the gym, and had to do a little shop. but while I was doing this, my mind formed exactly what I needed to write for MrA on the 6th January when he sees the Community Justice people, and have indeed just written a final draft.

I very much doubt he can maintain his current attitude of

"I just lost it for a moment, but its not abnormal male behaviour, and Wyllow is so very vulnerable, she "over reacted".

Scaredycat you have written what is basically a tender and thoughtful summary, almost a sort of new Years Day summary, and we are blessed to have you posting on this thread. I hope this year may not bring many more troubles onto your plate, and that it does indeed start with a good time with DS.

Hi all
Wyllow- you,ve done so much these last few months- your energy bank is a bit depleted. A balance of rest and activities is sometimes hard to get right. Especially as you felt raring to go.
It was sensible to ring the help line before you felt overwhelmed. Maybe just sort out a bit of a weekly programme nice and flexible but making time for chilling.
Thank you for the candle and may the New Year be kind to you and yours.
EllieAnne - thank you for your prayers and kind wishes. May the New Year bring you more friendship and ontentment.
HVDY- NYE for me is always sad- I understand your feelings.
Hope you had a peaceful end to the Year.
What a tough time your nephews family have had- they are not young to deal with their poor daughter.
I hope you and your family keep well during the coming year,that includes Jaffa who has become a very loved member of that family.
SweetPeaSue- hope you managed a little walk. It’s sunny here but really cold although I don’t think we,ll have any snow. Fresh air does help and it’s lovely when you get back in the warm isn’t it.
So nice for you to go to your DS this afternoon. I hope his MiL is able to enjoy it too. Tomorrow with your other DS - doesn’t get much better than that. Precious times.
I hope NewYear is kinder to you both than this one has been.
Doodle- thank you too for all your kindness and understanding for us all especially as your loss is still so new. You deal with everything with such grace and generosity to everyone.
A true friend to us all.
I hope so much the New Year holds some gentle times for you .
Nadateturbe- So sorry you had to go to A &E - it must have been like Piccadilly Circus!!
You’re right a few minutes there really does put our priorities in perspective.
I wish an improvement in your health for the NY so you are able to do some of the things you love- yes a kinder year.

Love to all present,old friends and those we may meet in the future

Spent last evening in A&E. Had really bad stomach bloating and pain every time I had a (small) meal. Bent double, crying. Of course it eased. And was told possible causes and to come back if it happened again. It was scary. Exhausted today.
I think we all needed that lit candle Wyllow3.
But there's nothing like A&E to make you thankful for the good times and to appreciate your life. . Sad case of young man living with a severe illness which killed his brother age 31. And a young drunk lad, found unconscious, couldn't remember a thing about it. People sleeping on benches just in to stay warm. And of course caring patient staff on duty through the night.

I do hope and pray that 2026 is kind to us and our families.
Sending love xx

Thankyou EllieAnne and thankyou Wyllowfor that candle lit. So appreciated. Can understand your feeling about the passing of another year Doodle Thankyou HVDY Thinking of ScaredycatNadateturbe AllsortsCandy and so many others who read and post. Hoping this next year is kind to us all. Xx

Good to see you in, Ellie Anne

It's January 2026, and we'll keep going as we do together and always welcome new faces.

SweetpeaSue Glad you BIL is at home. Cellulitis can be bad (I had it in my legs, years ago, then my face, 5 years ago). I think NYE is an anticlimax, somehow. It doesn't interest me. I hope you have a really lovely time with your family tomorrow.

Doodle
Wyllow3 My nephew's girl is 16, but is very thin and lightweight. She's put in a stairlift to go upstairs, then put in the sling for the hoist, there. I haven't been to the house, so go by what my brother tells me. My nephew is already 58 and had a stroke in 2021, and has one-sided weakness. His wife is 50. The girl would go into permanent care if/when they can't look after her. She will always need 24/7 care. She's PEG fed, anyway. I hope you've had a nap after your busy day.

Hope ALL BDers have a better year, and that we all have better health. x

Thank you Wyllow. I will be praying for a better year for everyone

I woke in the night and in the morning knowing I had to ring my Older Adults crisis line. Too many dragging down at nights thoughts combined with my now limited energy: the conviction I will drop into the old depression, which they take seriously with my history. She did help.

Yes, the gym is wonderful, as long as I can keep going, but basically I can only do 2 things a day or I get really bad flu symptoms.

But for all of us, it’s making the right choices about who we see and sometimes how long for. I might go for online shopping as its best to choose the gym not big shops.

I did too much today: the phone call (I was really lucky and got one of my two CPN’s): saw a friend for an hour: and had 20 mins walk round the Botanical Gardens and that was too much. But it was lovely talking-to friend F who is probably the Quaker who has the potential for me to be closest too (the ex psychiatrist) - it turns out we have the same political affiliations and concerns too.

HVDY Yes, L goes to a special school, it’s a very good one. But it will be the same for your Nephews Girl after 18 - if she is unable to live in supported accommodation, and the parents cannot look after her, what then?
I was interested in the tracking hoist, btw, but…can one person actually get her into the hoist? How old/heavy is she? How do they get her downstairs?

It sounds like a thoroughly good sorting out done there in your house…I hope you go out somewhere super tomorrow and that the weather is good Friday a bit of fresh air.

I’m all for leaving up any Christmas stuff we love a long as we want, Scaredycat! It’s a shame you can’t keep it. You could always buy a baby living one in a pot for the whole year? Yes, L would be happy in a small friendly home she knew her way round and company as well as the 24/7 supervision needed.
Crossing fingers and toes you get to see DS for that special time together.
It’s good that you can give your friend a change of scene in the comfort of your home. It will be a lovely outing for her.
Back to the painful difficulties of your friend with Alzheimers and her DS - may it go as well as it possibly might. Thank you for the fur.always appreciated.

Oh, I’m so very glad you have come in ndadtetrube. I’ve been worried about you. But with your brain fog it’s so diffiuclt. Very much accepted and understood, but you belong here xx

Sweetpeasue are you sure massage wouldn’t help your DH, ir is it contra-indicated? Just asking - I’m sure it has occurred to you. Becuase - it would stop his joints getting locked up.

Good decision about tomorrow and both of you wrapping up nice and warm and scarves. You are so right about basic movement. I’m glad you have DiL and Son 1 to look forward to.

I’ll pop back in later as I’ve had a sleep and probably will be awake at midnight.

Thinking of the many who have come into BD’s in the last year and hoping for ALL of us that 2026 sees better times, and better health, whatever our difficulties that bring us in here.

I will light a candle at midnight for all of us.

Evening all. Happy new year to you all. Hope it’s a better one for all those with health or other worries.
I don’t like another year passing. Each day is one further from being with Dh or on the positive side a day closer to being with him again.
Thank you all for your companionship and support this year.
Lots of love 💕

Wyllow Your Gym is such a boon for you with all the friends you have made there and for keeping your joints supple with yoga. Hope the massage helps with your shoulder. My DH has pins/needles in his hand and painful elbow/shoulders and often can't straighten fingers, though his, of course is due to having the SS so long.
Scaredycat Those cats look beautiful and they seem happy with each other for company ,the way they've cosied up.
You write such lovely posts to us all - thankyou.
Nadateturbe I certainly share your hopes for us all to have a kinder year .
Dont worry, we understand about your illness and even if you're not personally mentioned I always know you are there , reading at times.
HVDY My sister's DH is now home - its the second time he's been admitted to hospital with 'Community acquired Pneumonia ' in the last 2mths. Hes now got Cellulitis in his arm where the canula was . Still on antibiotics but his DD ,who is a nurse, is keeping an eye on him.
We dont like New Year's eve at all - it just feels all wrong somehow and always makes me feel sad. We might go for a small walk tomorrow but will make sure DH has scarf around his face. Actually , not sure if its the right thing to do ,I just want him to keep a semblance of fitness so his joints dont lock up.

Son has asked us to go to buffet -like meal tomorrow afternoon ,his wife's mum will be there for short time too.
Looking forward to seeing son 1 and DIL and DGD ,who are coming down on Friday and stopping overnight at son 2's.
Been out to Costa today and we've put Christmas lights away.
Hope all have a peaceful night.
Thinking of you Doodle and glad you are seeing lots of friends and family.

B

ScaredyCat I wear black or black/white checks/striped trousers, but always a coloured top (I don't own any white tops or bras, they're all coloured). Your boys are gorgeous. They are obviously very happy at your place. We took our tree down today - DH put it outside and said he doesn't like it (we only bought it last year). You're so kind to your friends who are going through really rough times.

nadateturbe Hope you will have some better days ahead, soon.

We don't usually stay up to see in the new year, so I messaged family and friends earlier. Must go out tomorrow - probably to a park somewhere. Hope everyone's been ok today x

I'm sorry I can't join in recently. Sleep is very poor, hence doing puzzles in middle of the night. But energy for reading long posts is very low. And my brain, which functions perfectly in small bouts, is not up to answering and contributing much. I've read most of them and thinking of you all and sending sympathy to everyone who is coping with health problems. And so sorry to hear of family members who are coping with so much too. And friends.
It's nice to read little newsy posts too. I smiled at Scaredycat needing a sweater like a hole in the head. We've all been there!
I hope that I improve soon, where would we be without hope? But for now I can only read and say hello occasionally
I hope and pray that next year is kind to us. Sending much love.xx

Sending furry love

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- I hope your Sisters DH is safe and more comfortable now in his hospital bed. What an ordeal they went through How did we get into this state?
Your GP seems to have grasped the seriousness of your DH plight at last. Hope things move as quickly as they can. In the meantime keep cosy and warm and try and relax.
HVDY- poor Jaffa the FIV must throw up these problems for him. His lovely nature helps him get through it seems.
I was tempted to take down the cards this morning but was too lazy.I don’t like it when the tree has to come down . The new twiggy one we got this year cos of the cats would be OK up permanently if we had space.
You’re so right - it’s good to talk. You have some great people in your life who enjoy a good old natter.
I like colours better than black but where it often on my lower half- do you?
Wyllow- glad you can get to the Gym tomorrow. There,ll be a few there trying to get rid of the Xmas puds and Chocs.
So glad you can now enjoy a lighter hearted chat with your DS.
Well done how you banished the fear and had a lovely chat with your Quaker friend. She sounds a good,person and gives you the confidence to just chat freely.
Your DGD from how you describe her would probably benefit being in a special needs care home. There would probably be more stimulation and friends for her there. What a good relationship you have with your first Ex. So nice for you to be able to chat about your family together.
The Thai massage sounds like a lovely treat to look forward to.
Doodle- it’s great that you have your lovely neighbour especially if the weather takes a turn for the worse.
Yes can’t wait to see my Son and have a big old hug.what a lovely thing to do with your younger Son - chat and reminisce
In that beautiful place.
Our furry boys have settled in very well thank you. They have brought life into the house - and piles of fluff too! I,ll post a pic.
We were due to take my friend for her oncology appt on Friday but she has had her chemo cancelled again due to her levels. So hopefully she,ll be ok for us to pick up and bring her here for a change of scene. Saturday we,ll see one of my friends with Alzheimer’s- who’s coming with her DS. A difficult time.

Love to all and wishing that next year will bring all BDs some improvements and happier times . It is a privilege to have such lovely friends. Those wishes are for all who post or just read. Hope we see more of our missing regulars too.

SweetpeaSue I hope your BIL will soon feel better. At least he's now in hospital and will receive proper treatment. Two weeks to wait for the RAC Clinic sounds like a long time, but perhaps something will come up before then. Your husband needs some help. Yes, Jaffa has Gingivitis. Poor boy. He's so gentle and nice.

Wyllow3 Does your GD got o a special school? My nephew's girl does (Norwich), and she also goes to a place for a week every so often, to give them a bit of respite. She apparently loves it there and is well cared for. They've got a tracking hoist at home (it goes from her bedroom to the bathroom).

Doodle I'm glad that you've got someone who knows how you feel, as she's experienced the same grief.

I took the decorations and cards down today and did a thorough clean-up. We'll put the tree away tomorrow. Quite a boring day, but we'll go somewhere tomorrow. Hope everyone has a restful night x

I was yery glad to read of this far better response, Sweetpeasue, and going to the RACC soon. It must be a relief.
Christmas is so hard with all the dales it has caused for you. I'm sorry about DS's husband and hope you are able to report some improvement if he's been given heavy duty anti biotic. There are so many bugs around and serious ones too.

Black can be pretty as contrast to other clothes and nice scarves. (I can also wear Red, Black and Red do go with blond/white hair which I have)
I thought it might be that neighbour, you've mentioned her before. You might need to see her a bit more this weekend if snow comes up, Doodle and it's "staying in weather" but meanwhile tomorrow has promised a bit of sun.

DGD, they don't need adaptations as long as she can crawl up the stairs and as long as DS can help lift her onto commode etc.

She's started her periods so I think properly nappies for then?
Every Saturday they go to a soft play centre (Krazy Kingdom its called) and she can crawl through the nets and over and up the soft steps and thats a great exercise for her at the moment. I think long term after school she may be happier in a nice care home for special needs rather than all day alone with carer at home? As long as she is secure she likes to be around others. She has an extra big buggy and is still into crocodiles and sharks. 🙂 My first Ex J thinks that DS and DiL were hoping she'd mature both physically and mentally more than she has, she is sort of stuck aged 4.

I'll be in touch with DS at the weekend to see if his vague offer of coming down at some time is realistic or not later in the month. wish I could see them, not on atm.

I'm tired out, I took my computer for new USB C ports and went tot he gym while they were fixing them. I didn't too too much, some weights a 20 minute walk on the treadmill, but chatted to someone for a very long time and that had extended me too much.
All about choices.
I was chatting in the sauna about trapped nerve in shoulder (hands have been pins and needles for a couple of weeks and persisted) and my knee thing, and after a recommendation have booked an hour in a reputable Thai sports and tissue massage place on Saturday morning.

Its an early night, but its so nice to have the USB C sports so I can print stuff out again.

(I spilt milk on them before Christmas, duh).

Waves to all other BD's, hope to see you in soon.

Sweetpeasue a better response from your Gp. Sounds as though things are moving in the right direction. Keep well wrapped up and out of the cold.
Hope there’s better news on your DS’s husband.
HVDY yes I am lucky to have lots of friends and meet up with them regularly. Also my neighbour and friend who I see most days. She’s widowed too and so we understand each other well and can talk about our darling men without upsetting others. I need to keep myself distracted as much as possible . I don’t often buy black but this jumper was so warm and cosy I could t resist, I go more for pastel colours
Wyllow is your daughter’s home adapted to care for your granddaughter? Can she still go out in a wheelchair? They must be exhausted looking after her every day. Just helping someone get dressed or eat takes a lot of time.
Scaredycat how are your two fluffy friends getting on. Well settled by now no doubt.

Doodle Hope you have a cosy jumper on today when you go out with your friend- really turning cold now- snow expected here for weekend.
HVDY Oh poor Jaffa - is it that condition( Sorry, forgot the name) that causes the sore gums.
Wyllow Your DS and DIL have their work cut out with your DGD and they are doing their best to give her a good life. Its so very sad . They can only take things as they come but it must be a big blow knowing their DD L wont be able to live independently , albeit with some help.
Its nice you and your ex can talk and you have an understanding.

Well, DH got through straight away to surgery this morning and GP called 10mins later. She's sending him to Rapid Access Chest Clinic and arranging the blood tests Rheumatologist wanted for his appt with him in few weeks, also ECG. The private Cardiologist wanted to see him at local hospital when DH had Vascular Stent procedure so hoping he'll get to see him sooner after his appt comes through for RACC. GP said usually 2 weeks . Last time DH went and saw nurse there she said he hadn't Angina. He's already been diagnosed by the Cardiologist now though.

Hoping everyone is having best day they can. X

I recall you talking about your nice neighbour before, Doodle, she is the one in your block of flats, isnt she? You do well arranging company and not giving up xx

I spent 1.5 hours talking to my first Ex about family, MrA (for advice) and life generally including our love of classical music - it was great. We've both "grown and changed" since then.

We are both concerned about DGD L, it seems that although DS and DiL have in the past hoped that DGD L would one day be able to live in a supported independent situation, they know are beginning to recognise it wont be possible.
I never thought she would actually possibly as in my brief working life I did work with people with severe disabilities

When school ends at 18 basically thats it for care/activity in the community - and also DiL's parents are older than me and not terribly well in terms of family support which used to be there.

In terms of my future I've known for a long time that DGD L's difficulties mean having realistic expectations for myself. Its OK - love is there: one of the features of having had MH problems for such a long time is probably that I am more accepting of needing support from "the authorities"/carers etc..maybe my expectations of life are more moderate?

Hoping to see you all BD's in who cant manage to post atm, but the caring thoughts dont go away xx

So sorry, quite depressed tonight.
Seems no matter how I try to retain DHs health it goes down a step and I try to accept 'new normal' but it shouldn't be happening- if GP had taken notice of my pleas( and I did plead with him that DH's breathlessness was not COPD but heart problems) he took no notice.
My DS's husband was blue lighted into hospital in early hrs ( lung infection worse and being sick). He has pneumonia in left lung and took 10 hrs for him to be given bed. Sis said so many on corridor on trolleys along with her DH.
Got through to GP surgery and GP is on tomorrow so we need to try at 8am.
Sorry haven't replied to all. X

Doodle Glad you seem to have some company every (or most) day. Jaffa had his claws trimmed, but his gums are still bright red and very sore at the back. He had a steroid injection (nape of the neck) and needs to go back on 20th Jan. This will be an ongoing problem for him. I never wear black against my face (I read somewhere that it's unflattering as we get older). All my tops, jumpers and blouses are coloured and/or patterned.

Evening all. Spent a nice afternoon with my neighbour and her friend. Tomorrow I’m meeting a friend for coffee.
Wyllow how stressful for your son and DIl. They obviously take good care of your DgD and must worry about her future.
Scaredycat your jumper sounds nice, mine is just plain black but very soft and warm. Lovely to have some time with your son soon. Yes I like spending time with mine too. Younger son Came to the hospice with me Boxing Day and we had a lovely chat.
HVDY your jumper sounds much nicer than mine. I didn’t really need one but it was so warm and cosy I thought it was a good buy in the sale even if I don’t wear it this year. Love turquoise as a colour. Hope Jaffa got on ok at the vets.
Sweetpeasue how have you both been today? Hope you’ve had a rest and your Dh has been more comfortable. It’s been very cold here not good to go out if you’re not feeling up to it.

Wyllow3 I need to get down quite a few sizes yet. DH is wearing clothes that didn't fit him a year ago. Son2 is very concerned about DIL's over-spending (it is quite ridiculous). Jaffa had his claws trimmed (he doesn't use any of his scratching posts, the sod), but his gums are still bright red and very sore at the back. He had a steroid injection (nape of the neck) and needs to go back on 20th Jan. This will be an ongoing problem for him. Poor little boy. Your comfortable and familiar chat with the Quaker lady today sounds great. Someone easy to chat with is always good. Perhaps you've still got a bug lingering. A rest and plenty of fluids should help.

I messaged DH's cousin earlier, and he rang me - then his wife took over the call and we chatted for 2 hours! Neither of them spoke to DH (who hates talking on the 'phone). It's good to talk . Hope everyone is having a cosy evening x

I hope indeed next month you will get that time with DS, Scaredycat. Very special indeed.
Of course you needed that new jumper! Treats are essential. You’ve got good reason to let the new year pass as quietly as possible, I don’t celebrate it tho I do look out for a good film or light hearted reflective summaries of the year gone by: the gym is open on NYDay so it wont be another shutting down of everything.

Oh my, HVDY, buying a jumper a smaller size than before. Now that is a triumph, and turquoise such a lovely colour. I guess it’s inevitable that if you have more than one child, they will be different, your relationship with Son 1 is a great one.
Last time I had ` one chat with DS for the first time ever he made a little kind joke about DiL and I felt very trusted.
Your nephew and DiL certainly have a tough time with the feeding and all.
I hope Jaffa sailed through his check up.

After yesterdays confidence on how to deal with MrA and getting it across in the yearly report I woke full of fear and doubt (fear of what others will think etc). I did make a slightly alternative suggestion in an email to the Quaker concerned ..

but them picked up and went out to meet the same Quaker L for a long chat and coffee - keeping the issue entirely separate - we did that easily and it was the best chat I’ve ever had either her - somehow, something good has come through - maybe she respects how I have dealt with it all (!) I also got quite a bit of personal admin done looking ahead..then again after my afternoon sleep woke feeling low and fluey.

It seems like a pattern I am going to have to get used to, and also …well respect the very fluey reaction as an “I’ve gone and done too much”

I have to stick to morning activity only and not push against it!!

sleepable on not sweepable on 🤣