Black Dogs 27

Sounds like a good day there, HVDY. Enough unto the day...

Wyllow3 The effect Mr A's action has had on you has been immense. All the anger you feel will only hurt you, not him. I hope you can find a way to get some peace of mind. It's good to listen to music (I love to sing along to mine).
ScaredyCat Kai sounds so funny. Ragdolls are so cuddly and floppy, aren't they? Beautiful, but I bet they need to be groomed quite a bit. The kittens are all different (as you know, cats can have a different father for each kitten). One is grey, one tabby, and the other is black and white. My husband was far more of a hindrance than a help (perhaps he does that on purpose so that I won't ask for help again). He only ever has 3 cards per YEAR to write - my birthday, our anniversary, and my Christmas card.
SweetpeaSue It sounds very hopeful about your husband's arm and hand. It's early day yet, and he hasn't been able to use them for a while, so it might take a little time for the strength to return. Try to relax, both of you, this weekend.
Doodle Eating out is so enjoyable. I'm going to a posh hotel with my friend for Christmas lunch on Tuesday. I had bright red nails. No, we didn't see Son1 and his girls - he's not feeling well, anyway. The cat and kittens live with GD's mum (GD2 lives there), so we won't see them (not seen GD's mum for years - no need or desire to. The girls send me photos of them so I know they're doing well.

A lazy day - had my nails done, bought DH and me a Christmas jumper each, did a bit of shopping, wrapped a couple more things. That's all. Hope everyone has a good night's sleep x

I was so glad Sweetpeasue seeing cracks of light appear at last.
It's not surprising DH went through some bad days, the kick back of so many worries and low feelings and of course fears regarding the procedure.

Our minds take time to heal as well as our bodies....alas - If we were a lot younger physical recovery would be so much quicker....
Can our minds just switch off? No! I hope there will be some more small but hopeful bits of improvement as the days go on.

I'm glad you had a good Christmas out, Doodle. Are there good Christmas services over the period to attend? or does everything "stop" like they sometimes do?

You are wise not to buy too much. I've already got an Mn S ...pud, chocs, posh dates, mulled wine, enough for a meal for one for 2 days, and have managed not to eat or drink them yet.

You say you play games in the evening, are those computer based or from a newspaper?

I had a sleep late afternoon, today has mostly been resting.

Wyllow I’m currently watching The Forsytes. Re watching Suits, the Chelsea Detective and a few others I can’t remember. I play some games in the evening too so not much Tv time.
HVDY yes I had Christmas dinner and a really lovely Christmas out with custard. Really enjoyable, what colour nails did you get? Did you see your DGD and the kittens?
Pleased you’ve got your letter written. Hope it has the desired effect.
Scaredycat I’d love Kai to come and help me with my wrapping. Might not get it done any quicker but be nice to have some company.
I’m avoiding M and S because it’s too tempting. I doubt I’ll have any visitors over Christmas so if I get any goodies I’ll only eat them myself.
Sweetpeasue good news about your husbands hand. If his nerves are damaged it can take a while for them to regrow. When I broke my wrist I lost all sensation at the top of my thumb.. it’s been months until it’s now almost back to normal.
Try and rest this weekend you’ve both been through so much.

Ive been finding it hard to come in as DH has been so down and I didnt like to paint a gloomy picture ,plus Im so tired I feel Ive nothing left.
Today Ive seen a difference in DHs mood and Ive felt better. We both expected a bit more improvement to his arm/hand/shoulder but up until today not seen much. He's been able to open up his hand easily and clench it ( couldn't before) and not as painful as it was.
I'm so grateful for your support and that he's come through the op. Just needing the Cardiology sorted.
Wyllow Im sorry to see you're still so angry and that Mr A is still taking so much of your peace of mind. I think Scaredycat's words to you says it all really. Oh, that TV ! Hope this one is ok.
Doodle Yes DH came home the same day , son 2 brought us back. DH went through a bad few dys emotionally- I think its just everything he's been through. Oh I hope you're not coming g down with this new flu , I really do. You are so busy and I know how much it helps you to fill your days but dont burn yourself out. Sending love.
HVDY Glad you will get the MRI scan out of the way before Christmas. Aww good to hear about the kittens faring well. It must be wearing you out waking up so early - perhaps Jaffa has set off a pattern.
Scaredycat That did make me smile- about your Kai jumping into the Christmas bag. You write such love posts. Yes, son is home now till just after new year. ( His work is 4 weeks home/ 3 weeks away). He came home a day early to take us to York for op. I dont know what I'd have done without him - he was so good.
EllieAnne Im sorry you are still uneasy about Christmas - Im sure the expectations of happy families must make many feel pressured so you will not be alone.
Nadateturbe Thankyou too for your kind words. I hope you're OK today. So glad you got to your art class the other day.

Love to all and those not mentioned. Hoping all have a peaceful night.x

My MnS is also 10 minutes away Scaredycat. It's dangerous I tell you. the saving grace - its in the opposite direction to my Sainsbury's/gym run, and of course there is stuff in Sainsbugs I cant get in a food hall M n S.
Well, always another day to wrap presents up, its still not too close (unless you need to send some?).

I wrote a short but powerful letter for when MrA sees the Community Justice people on Tuesday.

This time it dealt with faith, the spiritual, his beliefs, our strong mutual Quaker beliefs, and the events affecting us all not just me.
Unanswerable, frankly. Felt good to write, as part of me believes he is capable of shame ...and if he is not, I am free to share the letter with others now.

So mainly its been peaceful, as the sun moved across the sky I didnt get any fresh air but had lots and lots of music, chatting on other threads here,
and just one cross phone call to Currys as I wont get a refund on the old TV for a long time. Yup, love the resolution and colour and sound on the new Sony, and heading for a snooze even tho done very little.

I hope other BD's have had tolerable days - hoping you'll feel up to checking in later.

Hi all.
Wyllow- thank goodness you now have a fully functioning tele.
Don’t think you can go wrong with Sony- your Sis is right about Curry’s.
I hope you have some possible friendships blossoming. So nice to have somebody close by who you can just pop in to sometimes. I hope I can pop in to yours on Xmas day if only for a moment.
I,m sorry your anger isn’t abating as I,m sure you’d like it to. It is a very destructive emotion isn’t it- forgiveness is just the opposite. I really hope that you can eventually get some peace of mind re MrA. Actually he’s got no conscience or real understanding of how his wrongdoing has affected people. He’s not worth considering in the scheme of things . He was absolutely in the wrong and will pay a heavy price eventually.
You have compassion but I don’t think it’s high on his list.
Enjoy your quiet day. I,ve attempted some wrapping but our big boy was trying to help- Ragdolls are useless at wrapping!
Doodle- I hope you havent developed a nasty old lurgi. Perhaps you’re just tired.
Hope you feel OK for some wrapping later. Our Kai decided to launch himself from the dresser into one of those big Xmas gift bags- then he couldn’t get out as it was too tall. I could always send him round to help you😻
SweetPeaSue- Hope you are now both able to relax a bit more.
Is your Son still around or was it a flying visit?
It’s a beautiful day here today so hope maybe you,ve been able to get out in the sunshine for a while.
HVDY- Wow!! My DH has never ever written out a gift card. How did you persuade your DH?
We got a few nice things for the freezer for Xmas so not too much cooking is involved. Also nice cheeses ,nibbles and mince pies. It is a continual temptation having an M and S only 10 minutes away..We don’t like Curry’s either- very poor customer service.
That wa a good sleep- you needed that.
Good news about Mummy cat and the kittens. They must be tough little things. What colour are they - they must be so cute.

Love to all - mentioned and all old friendsxxxxx

That sounds like a nice day there, HVDY. Oh, how I wish my family lived close by....I'll face time later with son, he sort of takes me on a tour of the house, the tree, and the kids.

I slept better thankfully but woke with a sense of - can only put it this way - a wounded soul/spirit, by what happened, (given the Quakerly "sacred space", and how we are urged to regard each other with tenderness, instead of a sexual attack and wondering how I ever can forgive, as the anger eats me away.
I guess only knowing that he has also suffered - that he can give up his ego.... to really open up to what he has done..

A quiet day ahead - music, pottering, no forcing to do anything....it's sunny, whether I will enjoy it from the inside or go for a walk I don't know.

I was awake at 4.30, but managed to get back to sleep (eventually), and didn't wake up until 8.45. It feels so late! Going to have my nails done later, and might see Son1 and his girls - GD2 has been messaging me and said the mother cat has "been done" and the 3 kittens are thriving (7 weeks now). Back later

I always actually sleep better when it gets light earlyish.
Yes, Samsung are very reliable too. As my sis said, Currys is fine - good prices - until something goes wrong....

ScaredyCat Jaffa has got about a dozen toys but prefers to chase a bit of scrunched-up paper around the kitchen. He kept away when I was wrapping things, though. DH "helped" by writing about 10 gift tags - it's the first time in 47 years that he's ever done anything towards presents and cards! Did you buy something nice from M&S?
Doodle You might be coming down with something. With mixing with so many different people, it's highly likely. What did you have for your lunch out today? Christmas dinner?
Wyllow3 Glad you got a television sorted out. Sony is a more well-known brand than Hisense, so it should be fine. I've never liked Curry's. The 2 things we had from there conked out very soon afterwards. Our TV is a Samsung, which we got from Amazon. It's like the middle of the night at 5am! I struggle to get back to sleep when I've woken up, so I was like a zombie yesterday. Hope tonight will be better.

Hope everyone has a restful night x

it wouldn't surprise me if you are coming down with something Doodle, things are very full on. talking of TV's, is there anything you find suitably distracting?

(tonight I feel shivery, but its usually a one day wonder for me after an exhausting time). I'd go to bed now/take meds but don't want to wake up and get up at 4/5am

......I often wonder how you feel about 5am yet ups HVDY cos at this time of year it seems so long for it to get light?

Evening all. Been out for a nice lunch with church friends today. My ear has started hurting. My eyes are sore through crying and my nose is running from sneezing.,…I think I’m going down with something.
Scaredycat cat cuddles sounds nice and a lovely surprise visit from your DD too. I’ve not wrapped any presents yet. I really need to do something to sort them all out just so tired when I get home and keep falling asleep in the morning too. Must do better this weekend.
HVDY you’re right I am out and about a lot so it’s no wonder I’m tired, trouble is I need to be out and busy in order to get by. I would have given away my stuffing and Brussels as well but not my Christmas pudding 🤣. I’ve got a lot of wrapping up to do too. Probably have a session this weekend.
Wyllow what a lot of hassle you’ve had with your Tv. Glad you’ve now got one that’s working. Hope you do meet up with some more friends. It’s good to have company.
Imany well join you for some virtual wine Christmas Day. I I’ll be on my own some of the time.
Sweetpeasue so pleased your DH’s op has now been done. Is he home? You both need a good rest, all this anxiety isn’t doing you any good, hope you’re ok

S**s law in action here Scardeycat. After posting last night I went with my food and a drink and went to switch on the TV.

No sound, again (it's now 3.5 weeks old. So went to bed thinking oh no not again another long wait for Currys technician.

So get up v early, ring Currys, try this, try that (I had already) one person tried to get me to ring the Hisense TV people instead of dealing with it in house 😡 no way....eventually I managed to arrange and exchange for a new Hisense.. and by 9am, googled and found a local TV firm to just plug in my old TV.

Then I had a good look at the shop and thought, "I'm done with Currys" - and changed it to refund (another hassle)

Went out to the shop, found it good, helpful people, got some decent big end TV's, and went back to a Sony.

And it's here working now. I'm utterly exhausted as didn't trust Currys at 5am...

Yes, HVDY, I woke at that time without a Jaffa assistance). You did really well with that Christmas pud, I don't think I could have said no as I do like them. You, lazy? You do twice as much as me many days, because little ones take a lot of energy up and you have the worries about GD1 too.

Well Scaredycat......(yes you are spot on re MrA)..you have been amazingly busy and as they say "we aren't getting any younger".....just the day for cat cuddles. Wrapping pressies will do for another day.

I found it interesting as well what you said about DD and DH too, Ellie Anne - they do certainly have a certain kind of mind....*possibly one that doesn't recognise and process emotions as you do/others do*
It would certainly explain difficulties getting on well with both, for if you struggle recognising emotions, you are not used to factoring them into everyday life and relationships. It's harder then to engage or empathise with other people.

I'll be "open" on Christmas Day with virtual mulled wine. this afternoon I rung a Quaker L I know to find out about another one who I recently found out lives just 2 roads away for me. and there is apparently another one not far either, they just dont go to my little meeting. The one nearby has just had to have her appendix out but L says she problem will love visitors when she gets home. I see possibilities there, as an initial natter a couple of weeks ago between us was very warm, but no counting of chickens.

Loving thoughts for Sweetpeasue, so hoping there are any indications of hope:

and of course, all the other BD's who pop in now and then, or are sometimes too tired to do so.

Hi all
EllieAnne- that was a bit of a light bulb moment. Perhaps they both feel more comfortable talking about anything other than feelings- so difficult for you but in their own ways they need you and care for you. Your DD feels secure in your love but her MH does not allow herself to open up. You are a very good Mum - just try and chill at Christmas and enjoy the company. DH might just enjoy being there quietly.
Doodle- good to hear of the improvement in your wrists.
I hate the tiredness and like you have never been this tired before. Probably both of us for different reasons.
I love an unexpected visit- DD and SiL were out walking delivering some cards and when they got to ours knocked on the door!! Wish I was like your Mum but I always have biscuits etc. Then later in the morning one of my Art friends and her DH came over for coffee and mince pies.
HVDY- I think you do loads. It’s hard looking after toddlers and younger GC. I would never call you lazy.
You,d have a job toget me to give up the Xmas pudding- I love it. Shows what strength of mind you have.
I,ve been like you this year and have left all the wrapping - will Jaffa help you ? I don’t think the boys will be able to ignore all the paper etc 😻
Wyllow- yes you don’t want to use threats but want him to acknowledge that his actions are against everything women and Quakers expect from a person such as him. Accept the help offered .
What have you been up to today? Dull old day here so M and S shopping and cat cuddles this afternoon .
SweetPeaSue- hope you are both able to relax today and DH has started to feel the benefit of the procedure.
Candy,Nadateturbe,Allsorts,La Crepescule and any I have forgotten hope your days have some happy moments in them

It's a drizzly day here. I'm sending DH out on a couple of errands . I'm waiting in for a couple of things to arrive, then I'll wrap all these presents up (I usually do that as I get them, but somehow haven't bothered). Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Back in tomorrow xxx

Just very tired as I was up early anticipating nothing startling to report as no feedback from MrA yet, except to say yes he was well in body and mind (or I would deal with it differently)

but they were very concerned about the total lack of support from Quakers and failure to give me any possibility of attending other meetings by asking him not to be there. They've also contacted the policeman and its true I can say stuff about him if I choose (which, it will dawn on him puts me in a rather strong position, but I dont want that -

I want him to realise why what he did to me as a women is totally unacceptable and that all men don't do things like he did.

They are doing something about the lack of support from Quakers, also made it clear I can get support from them. they said take the burden off your shoulders of dealing with the Authority Quakers and give it to us
The seeing MrA bit will be third week in Jan.

SweetpeaSue I'm glad your husband got it done before Christmas. Now is the time for him to rest and recover, and hopefully, you'll both be able to relax and enjoy Christmas.

nadateturbe Nice that your son rang and you had a good long chat. My Son2 rang last night, which he rarely does.

ScaredyCat You certainly do make the most of your days (I ought to but am too lazy). It was a very nice day at the day centre. Hope you've had a good day.

Doodle Perhaps you feel tired so often because you do a lot of things? You seem to have a pretty good social life. I didn't have Christmas pudding - I gave it to a man I give a lift to. He had my stuffing and Brussels Sprouts, too.

Wyllow, EllieAnne, and others I might have missed - how have you been today?

I've been awake since 5, so might go to bed a bit earlier tonight. Love to all x

Sorry pressed post before I was ready.
You are very understanding with your DIl. That’s good because a lot of people don’t make the effort and that’s how families fall out. I hope the Christmas lunch went well. Did you have Christmas pudding.?

Ellie Anne do you think your DD and your DH have some autistic traits if they have trouble communicating? It could explain a lot. Also the fact that if it’s something they are interested in they can talk about it,
Sweetpeasue you must be exhausted. Try to relax now and re build your strength. Is your DH home or still in hospital? O do hope the procedure was successful and his pain issues go away.
Wyllow my wrists are much better thanks. The numbness and lack of feeling in my thumb has gone. Wrists not as strong as before but doing really well thanks.
Pleased you’ve got gym sessions booked it will be something regular to look forward too. You’ve come on so well.
Scaredycat I know what you mean about being tired. I don’t ever remember being as tired as I am now all the time. I could fall asleep every time I sit down. I’ve no energy but I think that could be state of mind more than anything else.
Nice to have visitors, were they expected or just popping in on the off chance,? My mum always had cakes baked and ready in case anyone should pop by.
HvDY

Scaredy-cat thank you. You’ve got it exactly right about Dh and dd.
With dd I often think why am I bothering but I have to keep in touch even if I don’t get a response.
When I was walking this morning I realised that she has a lot of her dad in her. Not the mental health issues but difficulty communicating unless about a subject they are interested in.

Hi all- sorry I didn’t call in yesterday. I was so tired - we had 2 lots of visitors then a walk so after that I kept on dropping off all evening. I,ll never learn will I- it’s just trying to squeeze as much out of a day as possible.
SweetPeaSue- so glad that the Op is done and hope DH soon starts to feel the benefit . What an ordeal for you both.
Now is the time to rest and recuperate and gradually get back a bit of confidence again. You are an amazing couple.
HVDY- I agree with you that it is probably for the best that my friend is unaware of much that is so sad for us to see.
Isn’t it annoying when those present plans go awry. It takes long enough to choose them in the first place😩The easel sounds a great idea- she will love it. Your DiL is obviously a bit stressed. It’s so nice though that you are so fond of her and get on well- that’s a bonus to have nice DiL s.
The MRI is a good thing for you to have and hope that it will be a “ putting your mind at rest “ result.
Enjoy your Xmas Lunch today- the worst bit about some Christmas lunches is having to wear a paper hat- I hate it!!🫅
EllieAnne- perhaps you feel inhibited and not your true self when out with DH. It’s such a shame that you can’t enjoy your family as you should. As HVDY says it’s only one day and as many families will be doing make the best of it. You and DH have a lovely family together- have fun with the GC.
As for DD Wyllow had wise words - she knows what it feels like.
Just make it known she is loved and you are there for her and never lose contact.
Nadateturbe- so glad you got to Art- must have been a treat.
Lovely to have a long chat with your Son- I,m sure it brightens your day so much.
Well done with the pressies- we have so many to wrap and keep putting it off. Why did I say we- I meant I🤣
Wyllow- I guess at some point MrA would have blotted his copybook . Your bravery in speaking out has helped many others . Please don’t let that ignorant man spoil the marvellousness of getting the Old Wyllow back.
Isn’t it great when you come out of the dentist with no future appointments on the horizon!
What a great place your Gym sounds - a big plus to have such a good and kind physio . Glad you,ve got some appointments organised.
Coffee and a sunset - lovely. Can you see the hills from your Costa?
Doodle- evenings out are really tiring especially if you have to spend most of the time shouting. Glad you enjoyed it though.
The boys were really good having their nails done. They just sat on the ladies lap and let her do it.maybe nail polish wouldn’t have gone down too well!!
Sorry you are having pain walking. I know you enjoy walking so it’s a good idea to get checked out.
It was a beautiful day yesterday so must have been lovely in Church- it looks so pretty when the sun shines through the stained glass. So kind of you to visit that lady - those visits are so important and helps both visitor and resident.

Love to all - those above and those who visit or just read

Glad you're both home Sweetpeasue. It might take a while for your DH to feel the benefit. Take care and hopefully you get some undisturbed sleep tonight.
Sorry everyone, I was hoping to post more but my son rang and chatted for almost an hour!
Hoping you all have a peaceful night.xx

Yes Doodle, booked for next Tuesday, and as many as I need until things are right. the good thing it being at the gym is he'll show me the exercises in the usual exercise place and that feels like they will get done.

By the way, how is your wrist these days? it was such a bad injury, have you got full use of it back or is it weak?

Thanks HVDY ,Doodle , Wyllow,
So glad the procedure is over.
Expected that procedure not take over an hr but DH was told afterwards , difficult, so they'd called in another Vascular Dr. The secondary stent to open up artery successful.
You are all right,take a bit more time to know.
DH had follow up appt date on his phone today with Vascular surgeon in February at Scarborough hospital.
Just thankyou all. Xx