I hate being 60

@StripeyGran, I don't think we were telling tsm106 to stop moaning. I think all of us have reservations about some aspects of ageing - it's only natural. I think what we were trying to say was that, yes, realistically we are in the final third or quarter of our lives but we can still find pleasure in this phase. If we replace fear with acceptance, we can move on, hopefully, to contentment. Life is precious; too precious to waste.

Telling sombody who is struggling to stop moaning doesn't seem very kind.

Perhaps seeing your Mum is such reduced circumstances has provoked some anxiety in you tsm60, and your distant family and quiet partner. Perhaps you are thinking " What now?"

I am 60 - soon to be 61- and am semi-retired after a career as an instrumental teacher (piano, violin 🎻 and viola) and as an accompanist. I feel l have done my stint after 40 years. My husband is 67 and retired. I am enjoying this stage of our lives very much. We are very involved in church activities, including being house group leaders, and enjoy the freedom to go on holiday or travel without being tied to school holidays. It is also nice to go out for a spontaneous coffee or, occasionally, lunch. I gained my music degree in 1986 and, as l have said, worked in music as a career. Now I have time to play music for my own pleasure once again. With this in mind, I am working towards the LTCL (Licentiate of Trinity College, London) diploma on the piano, which is my first instrument, the ATCL (Associate) diploma on the viola, which is my second instrument and, if time permits, grade 8 on the violin. You are correct about time speeding up and running out. I only have a finite amount of time, realistically, to take these extra qualifications as the ear problems and accompanying deafness that have plagued me all my life have been much worse this year and my hearing has deteriorated dramatically to the point where I have two fairly powerful hearing aids. The left aid has about reached its maximum capacity before it will squeak when I play music and, obviously, it would be very difficult to take high level exams with that distraction. I think the key to this phase of life is to keep occupied and interested in different things but also to enjoy a (sometimes) slower pace of life.

I wish I was only 60! (Only kidding, I’m still me no matter how old I become).

I agree with Ziplock. Enjoy the now. I’m 74 and struggle with stairs but that’s about it. I’m in a first floor apartment and have a new rug being delivered tomorrow and can’t wait to get downstairs to receive it tomorrow. I try to use the stairs every day. I do understand your thinking but at least we’re still here. Many are not.

I don’t think it’s 60 that terrifies you - it’s age, full,stop.
You say you dreaded 50 - but in hindsight, it wasn’t too bad was it?
In 10 years time you may look back fondly at what life was like at 60!
Look, age is only a number . I know women in their 80’s who are active, adventurous (does driving through Central London to the Albert Hall not count as adventurous?) have a lively intelligence and an enviable social life.
I know people who “shut down” at 60 , decide they are old and only want to talk about their aches and pains.
Unless you are unlucky enough to succumb to chronic or life changing illness, this decade is what you make it.
Stop moaning, you can’t stop the clock and with a bitter and ageist mindset the only person who will suffer is you, yourself.
PS they say ageing ain’t for sissies, but it’s better than the alternative.

I’m sorry you feel this way about reaching 60 tsm106, but you need to try to embrace where you are at, and grab hold of all the opportunities that still await you. We are all getting older, that’s a fact of life. Some of us reach a greater age than others, but that’s something we, individually, can never know if we will, but we have to try to enjoy the life we have. There’s no point worrying about something that every single one of us will face one day.
Some people don’t reach the age you are. Speaking personally, my sister only reached the age of 3 and my brother the age of 21. They never got the opportunity to worry about being 60 and running out of time. Yet, on the other hand my Uncle reached early 90’s - over 30 years ahead of where you are at now. Please, enjoy the life you have now, and don’t worry about the end. It will come one day, but in the mean time, live your life.

Why are you so unhappy….perhaps it’s that nothing really resonates with you. Perhaps you’re just going through the motions….I also hated turning 60 and this year I’ve hated turning 70 even more. I’m not good with the idea of aging!. I’ve concluded that you can tick as many things off that bucket list as you like (I don’t have one) and still feel discontent. They do have to be things that you really gain happiness and fulfilment from I would say. Not just things that you think you should do…perhaps because everyone does. For some people, being constantly busy doesn’t necessarily make them more happy…or less unhappy. So for what it’s worth, I’d do a bit of soul searching and see if you can truly spend your days utterly fulfilled and content. It might be the smallest and most subtle things that give you happiness. Pursue them relentlessly.

tsm106, sorry about your mum - that’s sad.

Re your situation, how about making a list of all the things you’d like to do and places you’d like to see? Then focus on a couple of them so that you start living your retirement the way you want to.

My other half is not bothered about travelling etc, so I do understand your frustration. I do now go away on my own sometimes. The important thing is to keep talking to your husband about your plans…
All the best x

valdavi

CariadAgain

Difficult one - given you can't think "Oh great - at least 60 means I've retired now. Big plus" or my long in mind project was "Get a degree to prove I can - Open University then" (no point now loads of other people have got "degrees" too).

So - maybe there's some new interest that could be quite a major thing for you that you could take up? It does depend, to some extent, imo what part of the country you are in.
I've come from a nice academic little city in Devon - so there's lots of academic type stuff going on somewhere like that and I miss knowing that outlook is frequent/stuff is going on if I want it. I'm now in West Wales and it's very very different - but I've been able to get into gardening/trying to grow foods etc and there are quite a few people here that go in for that/at least understand that and a bit of food-swopping goes on with the nicer neighbours I have. Creative interests major here - not something I'm interested in personally - but a lot of people here are and so they find like minds and quite a high standard of stuff too. Even most of the "amateurs" here are turning out some pretty professional level stuff.

In my academic city - I was well used to "cite the proof...where are the facts?" way of thinking and do understand that way of thinking well/agree with it to a large extent and it was possible to get voluntary work (and I did loads of that). I can't keep any voluntary work here - that's become clear and that is a downside!!!!. But a plus side of this area I'm in now is I can say about more esoteric/New Age type issues and will see a noticeable number of people agreeing with me or coming up with tales. I would never in a million years be able to say to a nearby neighbour back in an academic city of "Oh - I've had someone in to clear a negative energy line from my house" and he just shrugged and went "Oh yeah....there is" and was sorta shrugging in agreement.

So - does the area of the country you are in specialise in/be more au fait with certain interests etc than others and, if so, is that something you could resonate with?

Though I must admit = the main advantage to being over my own retirement age (60) and having done so is how I can think "Thank goodness.....whew...I've been able to drop that horrible horrible job I had to do for years latterly". If you've had a really god-awful job = it is an enormous relief to no longer have to do it (especially if you had to fight hard to hang onto it - despite loathing it - as other options would have been even worse).

Enjoy your freedom...

I think the OP would have to be 67 to "retire" in terms of being a pensioner. So she has 7 more years to go. If you retire early, yes you can do more things, but you always have the 'I've retired early, I'm actually capable of doing a full-time job & contributing to the economy , but have decided not to'.

Although I've been disabled on current criteria since I was 35, since retiring at 63 I have felt this nagging at me (& I still contribute through doing the admin for my DH business which employs 6 f/t, unpaid).

Raising the state pension age didn't just financially challenge those of us who always expected our pensions at 60. It also introduced the feeling that you're "skiving" if you decide that you don't need to be earning anymore & retire in your early 60's.
i personally think that, although on the face of it equal retirement is fair, especially as life-expectancy for men is still lower, it doesn't take into account that women carry children, nurture children & keep the home going from the moment we live with someone to the moment we're no longer physically able to. (I know there are some house husbands, but no more in this generation than in mine from what I can see).

With having always known my retirement age would be 60 - unless I got fortunate to have a job or career I actually wanted and enjoyed - then I'd always been geared to that being the date and wasn't going to change it anyway just because of a government telling me when I'd got as far as in my 40's that they'd shifted the goalposts.

I think it will depend a lot on whether one has a job or career one actually enjoys and/or feels is genuinely useful. I didn't. Over the years (decades!) I did a lot of voluntary or activist work (all unpaid) and that was where I got what job satisfaction I could and felt I was at "my" level (ie because I was often an officer of this group, that group, etc). Basically a lot of my voluntary work was around two levels up from what I ever managed to get paid work doing. So it was a very divided situation of working (for free) at "my" level and then having to go back into a job to work about 2 levels lower than that. That did my head in a bit at intervals - but I decided I had to make the best of having some higher level/more interesting/more useful work - even if that was the work I had to do for free.

As I was/always have been single then I also had to spend literally years doing paid sideline work too - this part-time job, that part-time job, years taking in lodgers, overtime, etc. I just didnt earn enough to be single - but that's what I was and so I had to find ways to earn extra...because of the low-paid work I did.

Looking back and I think "How did I manage it? A full-time job and sideline work I had to do to supplement it and voluntary/activist work of my choice and living "a life" as much as I could manage on top of all that". For sure I had more energy than I have currently to fit all that in...

So the thought literally didnt/doesnt cross my mind to ever think of retiring at retirement age (ie 60) as skiving - as it most certainly wasnt. I'd done the 40 years I'd bargained on and feel is fair for a worklife, plus 18 months more (as I started at 18.5 years old) - so I'd certainly "done my bit" and paid my way by the time I left at 60. Always full-time - though I'm a woman. None of being part-time or not doing a job at all. So 41.5 years all full-time was defo "doing my bit/paying my whack". Add in all the voluntary and activist work too - which included starting up a scheme in my home city that went on running for years after my time (just as I'd meant it to). Also very possibly the inventor of a scheme that I meant for my city and thought hadnt crossed my mind of it getting bigger than that - but it did....it went worldwide - to my astonishment and pleasure. Every last day of my retirement from 60th birthday onwards is hard worked-for and well-deserved and most definitely mine by rights. Not that I was able to "put my feet up" after retirement - as I still hadnt been able to afford a "forever home" level of house and was still in the starter house that wasnt detached and didnt have a garden. So retirement meant sussing out a cheaper area of the country - where I could manage to swop my house for a "forever home" one - but houses here are often of a lower standard - so I had to get it completely gutted to get it "my normal" and that took literally years.

So - very very definitely done "my bit" and deserve every last bit of my retirement for sure....thought hadnt crossed my mind anyone could possibly think otherwise (as that's a way of thinking I've never heard of).

There's also the fact I've been charged more tax/more on bills etc because of being single and childfree - so more tax etc has been taken off me than off many people at the same income level (who got some back again for married persons tax allowance whilst it was there, for child benefit, for the £4,000 per child per annum I gather State schooling costs). I couldnt find a way to get anything back myself - other than the 15 months in total where I was unemployed and so having to claim dole money.

So - yep...that retirement has sure been earned/fully "bought and paid for".

I didn’t mind 60. I absolutely hate 70. Hate it! 😢

Lucky you! I am nearly 80!

CariadAgain

Difficult one - given you can't think "Oh great - at least 60 means I've retired now. Big plus" or my long in mind project was "Get a degree to prove I can - Open University then" (no point now loads of other people have got "degrees" too).

So - maybe there's some new interest that could be quite a major thing for you that you could take up? It does depend, to some extent, imo what part of the country you are in.
I've come from a nice academic little city in Devon - so there's lots of academic type stuff going on somewhere like that and I miss knowing that outlook is frequent/stuff is going on if I want it. I'm now in West Wales and it's very very different - but I've been able to get into gardening/trying to grow foods etc and there are quite a few people here that go in for that/at least understand that and a bit of food-swopping goes on with the nicer neighbours I have. Creative interests major here - not something I'm interested in personally - but a lot of people here are and so they find like minds and quite a high standard of stuff too. Even most of the "amateurs" here are turning out some pretty professional level stuff.

In my academic city - I was well used to "cite the proof...where are the facts?" way of thinking and do understand that way of thinking well/agree with it to a large extent and it was possible to get voluntary work (and I did loads of that). I can't keep any voluntary work here - that's become clear and that is a downside!!!!. But a plus side of this area I'm in now is I can say about more esoteric/New Age type issues and will see a noticeable number of people agreeing with me or coming up with tales. I would never in a million years be able to say to a nearby neighbour back in an academic city of "Oh - I've had someone in to clear a negative energy line from my house" and he just shrugged and went "Oh yeah....there is" and was sorta shrugging in agreement.

So - does the area of the country you are in specialise in/be more au fait with certain interests etc than others and, if so, is that something you could resonate with?

Though I must admit = the main advantage to being over my own retirement age (60) and having done so is how I can think "Thank goodness.....whew...I've been able to drop that horrible horrible job I had to do for years latterly". If you've had a really god-awful job = it is an enormous relief to no longer have to do it (especially if you had to fight hard to hang onto it - despite loathing it - as other options would have been even worse).

Enjoy your freedom...

I think the OP would have to be 67 to "retire" in terms of being a pensioner. So she has 7 more years to go. If you retire early, yes you can do more things, but you always have the 'I've retired early, I'm actually capable of doing a full-time job & contributing to the economy , but have decided not to'.

Although I've been disabled on current criteria since I was 35, since retiring at 63 I have felt this nagging at me (& I still contribute through doing the admin for my DH business which employs 6 f/t, unpaid).

Raising the state pension age didn't just financially challenge those of us who always expected our pensions at 60. It also introduced the feeling that you're "skiving" if you decide that you don't need to be earning anymore & retire in your early 60's.
i personally think that, although on the face of it equal retirement is fair, especially as life-expectancy for men is still lower, it doesn't take into account that women carry children, nurture children & keep the home going from the moment we live with someone to the moment we're no longer physically able to. (I know there are some house husbands, but no more in this generation than in mine from what I can see).

Kandinsky

I know exactly how you feel.
I’ve just turned 62 & feel so old.
The best of everything is behind me, all I’ve got to look forward to is Ill heath & death.
I miss my kids being little. I miss striving for a better life, working hard to provide for them.
I miss the ‘hungry years’. ( as the song goes)
I actually think I’m depressed about it all tbh.

I’m feeling very much like this too…I could have written exactly the same thing - just try to keep telling myself that I’m so lucky to be healthy and relatively fit 🤞

60! You are in your prime and by the sounds of it very fortunate! I wonder if your dissatisfaction is more of a relationship issue. Finding yourself 24/7 with the same person can be a challenge. You may be realising you have little in common which may create disharmony. I would suggest you explore shared but also independent hobbies.
Make hay whilst the sun is still shining.
Many of is will be working well into our 60s - enjoy your freedom!

Please just get on and do the things you want to do. Find a friend to join you or go on an arranged trip if you don’t fancy travelling on your own If your husband wants to stay at home do so be it. This I your life and we only get one.
My Mum died suddenly at 68 and had so many more things to do. Don’t miss the opportunities .

I’d kindly suggest that you’re unhappy because you haven’t accepted that some things are out of your control (read the serenity prayer.)
Age isn’t just a number either (stupid stupid phrase.) I’ve just turned 68 and didn’t like it much but there’s nothing I can do about it. So I’m grateful for
the things I have (my health, plenty of connections, financial security, creativity etc.)
Death is inevitable and yes, time does run out. So live one day at a time and never, ever complain.

Embrace it! So much to do and experience !

I'm sure I saw an article the other day about a woman in NI graduating from University at the age of 90- now that's something to aspire to!

My mother had dementia too, and it does affect your life, I'm so sorry for you dealing with that. But I did think, all the more reason to make the most of every minute, as my lovely mum had done before that awful illness. My DH is very home loving but I do the things I enjoy without him.

Froeget sorry for you but hope, in time, you'll be able to find happiness again.

I have a young friend staying who is going through the menopause remember that? She's lacking energy and eating vitamins by the handful.

Every age has its ups and downs but I wouldn't want to repeat the hard times. There's bound to be something to look forward to again.

Most people are fixated on how old other people are. They want to pigeon hole everyone by age. Just look at any newspaper report.
"Mrs Jones, 73, said she saw the cat stuck up the tree."
"Mr Smith, 28, said he was stuck at the traffic lights for forty five minutes."
Immediately we form an idea of what the person looks like. Mrs Jones has permed, white hair, wears a blue anorak and walks with a stick.
Mr Smith is just an average man.
However, if Mrs Popbottle, aged 73, saw the cat, she would be expected to look rather like Mrs Jones, but Mrs Popbottle is fit and slim and is a practising 5th dan black belt in Shotokan karate and Mr Jones is just an average man, if there is such a thing.

So we make judgements about people when we know their age. Our expectations are different for different age groups. That doesn't matter too much if you're judging someone else, although it perpetuates the assumptions, but we do it to ourselves! We tell ourselves, "People of my age don't do certain things..." So they don't do them even if they would like to!
My mother-in-law used to ask me (virtually every time I saw her),
"Are you still doing karate, Liz?"
The implication being, " Surely, at your age you should have stopped doing that or at least be incapable of it! "

As an eldest child, I was expected to be responsible for my own behaviour and also my sisters. All my life I have been putting others first whether family or friends or work. I did my best. Sometimes easier than others. So.now I feel happy to go my own sweet way, and don't care what anyone else thinks.
I pay my bills and save what I can to put towards things Iwant to do. I don't care about fashion have my hair well cut, but don't have anything else done and then look for cheap ways to go to where want to go
. I can't walk as well as I used to but that doesn't stop me. Have been to the artic. Driven round Scotla.nd. Teamed up with a neighbour to share a twin room in Barcelona, so it was cheaper. We did our own thing and just teamed up on the actual journey. I have various health issues, but my back causes me the most frustration..So I determined to make a good trip for my 80th birthday and sorted out my own journey. I went across to Toronto, took the Via train across to Jasper,went on the Athabasca glacier, across to various places and the actual birthday was going on the Rockie mountaineer. Did all sorts of things and never regretted a thing. Of course I was absolutely shattered and it was quite tough, I am not sorry for any of the places and people I met, only things I didn't do.

My advice is to begin by simply writing a list of what you would like to do. Add to it every time something comes to mind. Think back to things you liked but for one reason or another were not able to do at the time. Then begin by either saying something like ,I have decided to have a couple of days in York. Would you like to come too? If he says Yes you can then go onto arrange your trip for no later than the following week. If he declines ,you simply say OK and make your own arrangements, and carry on.
DONT make any special arrangements for him while you are away. Say cheerio in a calm way and go and enjoy being free to do what you want for once
. Once you have the knack you will find other people who would like to go to that craft fayre or garden. As you feel less depressed about your future, because YOU are choosing and deciding you take control of what you do, and are not waiting for someone else to sort your life for you. Try some courses. Go swimming or walking in a group. You will find people who are pleasant but not on.your wavelength, but hopefully will find others who you can enjoy meeting. At the least, you have tried some things and been yourself, which is all we can really hope to be
Good luck and enjoy the finding out!

As Ince I was 60 I have travelled to many new places around the world, welcomed another grandchild, learnt the piano and 2 classic languages to A level, undertaken an undergraduate course, gained 3 certificates in DNA genealogy and attended several courses at our local retirement centre. We are financially secure and have made lots of new friends through my activities.
I can honestly say this decade has been the best of my life. I am lucky to have my DH to share life with too.
Nearly 70 and not looking forward to being 80, but while my health is good I shall keep learning and active, and volunteering on my various committees. I think the secret is to grab every opportunity as it arises, don't say no to anything.

Wait till you turn 70! I am 70 next week. I am hating it but.. like you I feel I'm now on limited time....😥however I'm still heremany are not.. so I'll take it...Growing old is a privelage.. but in my head I'm still a teenager in 70's