I hate being 60

I was 80 this year. I am just completing the first in a trilogy of adult historical novels, have had one new book and three re-issues this year. I've stopped thinking and wondering about how long I have left. I think it's counter-productive and depressing. I'm living each day as if it were my first.

I'm not looking forward to becoming 70 next year. I certainly don't feel like the image in my head of a 70 year old but definitely recognise the OP's feeling of time running out.

But I had a thought at Zumba this morning. If someone was to say to me, you know, you'll still be going at 85 - well, I'd still have a lot of years to live wouldn't I? I checked and 1.7 million people in the UK are currently over 85, and that figure is set to rise.

Somehow that positivity counteracted, for a while at least, the paralysing dread that sometimes assails me, wondering what will finish me off and when, and I felt more relaxed. Still resolving to tackle the attic before Christmas though!

Once you turn 80, it gives you food for thought.

At age 60, I was just beginning to live a little after my husband’s death.

Now at 80, I know that time is running out.

Dear tsm, you ask why you are unhappy, and to me the answer is fairly plain.

Your mother has just been diagnosed with dementia, so obviously you are worried about her. How long can she cope by herself? Will she need to go into a care home, and if so, will you be able to persuade her to do so? And possibly a lot of other questions as well.

Having a parent who is diagnosed with dementia or a life threatening cancer, obviously makes the query, "Will that be me one day, too?" rear its ugly head in the back of our minds.

And then to cap it all, you and your husband have different ideas about what to use the free time retirement brings for.

You want to do things, go places, while you still can, he is apparently happy to be a couch potato.

As I do not know either you or him, I cannot suggest how you can resolve this. It sounds a bit like the unstoppable force meeting the unmovable object - but I do so hope the pair of you can find a compromise you both can live with.

In your place, I would start by talking to mother. Find out exactly what her prognosis is, and what she wants to happen. Suggest that she has a provisional power of attorney drawn up and re-reads her will NOW. She needs to know that if the day comes when she cannot manage her affairs someone she trusts will do so according to her wishes. But to be able to do so, the person holding the POA needs to know what she wants.

And while you are about these rather dreary tasks, attend to a POA for yourself and your will.

I know, I know, none of us like the feeling that we have lived the longest part of our lives, but both my husband and I were thankful when he was diagnosed with an agressive cancer that he died of three months later that we were able to talk things through, and that the legal matters were sorted, and I knew what sort of funeral he wanted. This may sound morbid, but having it clear can make the end of this life easier than it othewise would have been, both for the person leaving and those remaining.

Remind yourself that none of us know (thank God!) when we will die, so enjoy the rest of your life. Retirement can be difficult to get used to, and it cannot make it easier that your mother is faced with a serious heath issue.

I don't think any of us really ever think of ourselves as OLD, although having just mown a large lawn for the last time this year I KNOW I am not young. Lawns were easier to mow when I was 33 rather than the 73 my date of birth insists on, but life is still worth living as I hope you will feel once you are out of the "have I really reached retirement age doldrums".

Age is just a number, why would you even worried about how old you are? Be grateful to still be young, healthy and fit to do what you want. Get out here, do some volunteering, travel, join clubs, whatever takes your fancy but do get out there, make a good life for yourself, be busy and forget about your age forever. Good luck.

I also wish that I was still 60 ! Am a redundant Mum and Nan, so follow my heart and am travelling down my bucket lists with the Singles companies. Met a lady who also has a husband who dosent want to do anything and he said no more holidays. She told him she still wants to travel and he said “I forbid you” 🤣 So she went straight on line and booked the Galápagos Islands and said he has a choice to go or stay ! Partners are allowed to make their own choices, but never let anyone stop you from making yours, make a list of things you want to do and get out there and do them ☀️🍹💃🏃‍♀️while you still can !

I thought 60 was horrible but then 70 was frightening, suddenly realised that time was running out,body failing , not able to make future plans ,how to finally sort my finances out for my next of kin,worried about my dog's future ,dealing with solicitors and ruddy paperwork galore.Coming up to 80 now and I'm shocked and amazed as to how my thoughts are now switched off and switched on to my declining years.Life is full of problems and stress but id still rather be here than the unknown.Its great being free of the ratrace

I'm 76 and can honestly say I don't feel that there is much I can't do now that I couldn't do at 30 (apart from looking gorgeous ). I can still run for the bus, walk for miles. I know there are many that can't so I am pleased that I can. So many in my family didn't make it to 60.

Get a grip there’s too many people who never make it and yhe alternative is not being here at all!
Be grateful and happy you have health and money too
Life is for living not moping
It’s very sad about your mum but just think of all the lovely memories
Your husband is unfortunately like many men
I do hope you can find value to your life soon
Volunteering is good so many ways too
Hope all goes well in your quest and after all 60 is only a number

I wish I was still 60 🤣🤣

You probably have another 35 years at least nowadays to look forward to, make it count, reinvent yourself, join a club, new hobby, new friendships, the world's your oyster, and its ok to stop and chill for a while too, whenever I feel down I take a walk in the woods, trees are amazing to me, the quiet, the colours,
I'm in my 70s with all the usual health stuff but I have loads of time left, I change my hairstyle I buy a new clothes item, I look forward to seeing my friends for coffee and a chat, I am about to join a new booklet, I'm a great grandmother and I enjoy it.
Life's a gift

If you’re a healthy 60 you will probably live into your 80s. That’s a long time to be feeling near the end of your life. Pull your socks up, get out and enjoy your retirement. Leave your husband at home with a list of what needs doing.

Being 60 is much better than the alternative 🤷🏼‍♀️

Experienced husband suddenly becoming tetraplegic as I turned 65
Now 70 I’ve just lost him and had no idea I’d feel so lost.
I’d love to call him up and have a chat or be able to squeeze his hand.
Now doing all the practicals after the wake I feel 100!
I loved my 60th
The first 5 yrs were great and I’d found my y niche volunteering
Now I’m fit for nothing.
Please value what you have. I’m trying to remember that I’m not tetraplegic and have some kind friends.

TOO...all TOO aware...d'oh

I went to university for the first time when I was 60 and absolutely loved it,ending up with an MA at age 70. I'd left school at 15 so it was wonderful to get a place with the Open University with no qualifications whatsoever.

Lathyrus3 Wed 15-Oct-25 12:39:12
At 60 I was travelling around the world. Don’t let these years of no work and good health go to waste in wishing things were different.

If you’re husband doesn’t want to do stuff, think about what you want to do and do it! It’s up to you to make your life what you want. 🙂

Very wise and very true.

Having time and good health are treasures above rubies. I didn't retire from a job I adored, yet found stressful until I was 69. I'm now 75, DH is 77. Having faced heart issues and being now a new woman following surgery, and DH having survived an aneurysm, we seized the day together and are at present travelling around the world for a couple of months. We are in Malta just now, DH reliving his glory days of the Royal Navy, while I plan my 6th book since I retired. Life is fantastic, despite being all to aware that we lack the resilience of our last visit here, 12 years ago. We're having 16 for Christmas lunch chez nous, all in the planning just now. Trouble is, there's so much to do and so little time to do it...I have at least 20 years' worth of research to do for the next 3 books, at least 2 more languages to learn, 9 grandchildren to keep up with, a huge garden and orchard to maintain...find your passion while you are still young and go for it. One thing often leads to another if you are prepared to let life lead you where it will.

I can understand why you aren't happy if your DH doesn't want to do anything, maybe he'll get over it if he sees you going out and enjoying yourself. If you want to travel and your DH doesn't, go on your own. Over the years I have been on several Jules Verne type holidays and met people travelling on their own because their OH isn't interested. There are also solo holidays which aren't geared up to any kind of 'match making'.

I’m not sure why men retire and then just feel content doing nothing (low testosterone?). It’s an issue with my husband and with so many of my friend’s partners. Maybe you can talk him into having a full blood panel, including hormones.

I think it’s also natural to look at the end of life as we pass those milestone birthdays. With your mum aging and experiencing dementia, it probably exacerbates your thoughts and concerns.

Maybe you can shift your thinking to “I have a good 20 years left with so few responsibilities. I can do whatever I feel like doing today.” A friend advised me to list things I would like to do and places I would like to go, and do them. She said, “If your partner doesn’t want to go, go alone or take a friend. Don’t give up on living just because your partner is content sitting around.” I followed her advice and feel so much better!

It's not as bad as being 80.

Just be grateful you have reached 60 thousands don't and also that you are comfortably off.

When I was 60 I didn't feel old at all. I carried on as usual and enjoyed 2 grandsons, moved house, did it up and enjoyed life in general. I live a simple, quiet life full of my interests and very content with it.

Now I'll be 77 next birthday. Still doing ok and with 2 more Grandchildren! Doing well and so grateful for my health. Friends have health problems and that makes me realise how we must make the most of every day.

So enjoy the next 20-30+ years you have. There is so much to do and experience that it's up to you to motivate yourself and find new interests which you can do on your own/making new friends. If your partner chooses to appreciate life and peace at home that's his choice and nothing wrong with that, Fulfil yourself.

I'm off to visit a friend in a nursing home now, who is the same age as me. She would love to be even able to walk outside and to sit in a garden would be bliss for her. Makes you think....

janeainsworth

I went to work as usual on my 60th birthday. DH picked me up & we went out for a meal. Got home about 8pm, there were assembled family & friends including my son who had flown in from America. My friend had picked him up from the airport & concealed him at her house. I was the only person who didn’t know he was coming home 😍
The best day ever with many many more to follow.

Oh that is so nice.

I think your Mum having dementia is an incredibly sad thing. It is so random and nine of us know who may get this disease. I hope she receive help and support.

I went to work as usual on my 60th birthday. DH picked me up & we went out for a meal. Got home about 8pm, there were assembled family & friends including my son who had flown in from America. My friend had picked him up from the airport & concealed him at her house. I was the only person who didn’t know he was coming home 😍
The best day ever with many many more to follow.