DH Forgetfulness/Dement ia ?

Getting older is no fun is it. So sorry to hear your stories shelflife and Babs. My dad suffered a bad stroke aged 55 he never was the same, he lost his speech which never came back, so sad. He lived like that for 25 years, he was happy in his own way, but it was very difficult for my mum and me being an only child.
I think this is why it scares me so much, to see my DH struggling. Non of us know what lies ahead thank goodness, but I’ll help him as best I can and try and enjoy what we have at the moment 🤞

I going through similar with my DH, although when he cooked toad in the hole, he gorgotbthe sausages completely. We've been to the memory clinic (waited 5 months) and now waiting for a CT scan in November. Its a blimmin nightmare

Needs a check up with GP inc hearing.

Same issues here!!!!

Grantanow

Needs a check up with GP inc hearing.

Good point. Some older people present with what seems to be early dementia but is in fact down to hearing problems.
Also, if anyone has a DH or relative/friend who suddenly seems very muddled and behaves out of character, do check for a UTI, in us oldies it can present like dementia as well.
Obvs this isn’t the case with the OP.

I have noticed similar things with my husband and eventually took him to doctors. Also he was due to have a total knee replacement last April which was postponed due to leg ulcers but the consultant was also warning that the op can exacerbate any dementia/Alzeimers issues and suggested I get him checked anyway. The first GP I saw did the standard test ie. what year is it, remember this address etc and husband scraped through but Gp thought a memory clinic referral might be useful. He wanted bloods doing first and when we went back to the surgery and saw another GP (a more senior one) he queried why we would want a diagnosis anyway and said the meds don’t work!! He said ‘What are you trying to achieve?’ Don’t know what to do now - about knees or dementia. So many conflicting opinions!

julieray

I have noticed similar things with my husband and eventually took him to doctors. Also he was due to have a total knee replacement last April which was postponed due to leg ulcers but the consultant was also warning that the op can exacerbate any dementia/Alzeimers issues and suggested I get him checked anyway. The first GP I saw did the standard test ie. what year is it, remember this address etc and husband scraped through but Gp thought a memory clinic referral might be useful. He wanted bloods doing first and when we went back to the surgery and saw another GP (a more senior one) he queried why we would want a diagnosis anyway and said the meds don’t work!! He said ‘What are you trying to achieve?’ Don’t know what to do now - about knees or dementia. So many conflicting opinions!

That senior GP sounds awful, you should put in a complaint. Of course you want a diagnosis, maybe the meds don’t work long term but have heard from friends and relatives that there are short term gains. Also you can qualify for attendance allowance and get support from local groups.
Insist upon seeing someone else and make sure you put in that complaint.

Has anyone on here actually had experience of the "pills you can get to slow it down" if you start them early enough.
MIL was denied them because she was not bad enough to need them, then 12 months later when we suggested them again we were told it was too late because her dementia was too far advanced.
Now my DH is showing signs I'm not sure whether to make a fuss and insist on him taking them.
What are they called?

Firstly, I must say regardless of age, my husband has never grasped any food prep stuff. He could easily make ridiculous ‘mistakes’. He only half listens and is used to me doing it all. He doesn’t have dementia. With the driving, there’s a difference between being a bit slower as we age and full blown dementia. It may mean nothing much at all. You will know best but maybe wait and see how things pan out for a while.

The other day I went shopping for vegetables, I could not for the life of me remember the name of one of the vegetables but knew it began with co, I went through the alphabet but to no avail, no wonder because co doesn't always sound like co it was courgettes !

I can do relate to all of you. My DH has no idea whatsoever about cooking I’ve been the cook for the last 48 years he was never home from work early enough to make tea and it’s gone on from there.
It just doesn’t seem to make sense to him. He’s great at washing up and emptying the bins though.
I do think once we’re getting older it’s more difficult to multitask. It’s much easier to do one thing at once, I seem to tie myself in knots otherwise and DH has never been able to multitask 😵‍💫

Erica23 My dh was showing similar symptoms to yours - more forgetfulness and confusion about direction in the car. He was having blood tests at the hospital for something else and it was discovered he had Hyperparathyroidism which, it turns out, was causing his symptoms. This leads to high blood calcium which was causing these and other symptoms like fatigue. He had an operation to remove the parathyroid gland in his neck which was causing him problems.
We had never heard of this condition. Apparently we have 4 parathyroid glands which are as tiny as a grain of rice. His problem gland was the size of a walnut when they removed it so massive they said. People can have problems in only one of these glands or all of them. Dh is much better since his problem one was removed. Not perfect and as this was a year ago and he seems to have some symptoms again I do wonder if he has the problem in another gland.
I mention this because before the blood tests I was beginning to wonder if dh was showing the early signs of dementia so it might be of help if he gets tested for this. It usually means a small operation but it is far less concerning than dementia so maybe worth having this looked into.

ExDancer The drugs used, to slow down the symptoms of Alzheimer's, taken at a certain stage, are -

donepezil
rivastigmine
galantamine
memantine

My SIL (now 72, diagnosed 5 years ago) was told none of those would be suitable for her because she's epileptic.

Erica23, I'm not with Hub anymore, but before things came to a head, he got lost several times in places that he'd known for a lifetime. He got into a panic because he didnt know where he was. It was very distressing because he eventually left to live in a complete wilderness.

Definitely rings a bell with me. My DH is only 66 and now has a diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment which may or may not develop into dementia. I noticed something different during the covid year but put it down to the unusual circumstances. If I challenged his forgetfulness or constant repetition of questions he got very angry and defensive. However, eventually our AC noticed and he went to the GP followed by a referral to for a brain scan and the memory clinic in 2021. On that occasion nothing showed up and he took great delight in accusing me of gaslighting him. This year there were a few other concerns and he was re referred to the memory clinic where he was diagnosed with MCI but again nothing has shown on the brain scan. He is to be seen again in a few months when they will repeat the tests to see if anything has changed. The future is uncertain and I don’t like to think about it too much but have taken out lasting powers of attorney. We muddle along ok mostly because I do most of the organising and don’t challenge him when he asks the same thing repeatedly. I suppose it’s better to get a diagnosis if you can discuss this with your DH as forewarned is forearmed.

I agree with Kittylester, you need to chat with your GP, it does unfortunately sound like he has some form of dementia which must be terrifying him. Ask the surgery to get him in for a routine check, before he becomes a danger to himself, or you and importantly others if he is still driving.

Erica23 You mention that your husband is due a shoulder operation soon. When my husband has a procedure in the offing, he kind of retreats into himself, and pays little attention to normal everyday things. Is he trying not to think about the worrying impending event and so his brain can't think about anything at all? Or is it that his brain is so occupied with the anxieties and what ifs, that it hasn't space to think about anything else?
It's even difficult to have conversations with him, as he gets annoyed, as if I'm interrupting a mental task that he's completely taken up with.
Not saying your husband may not have signs of dementia, but just putting forward another possibility to consider.

You need a diagnosis for the very few benefits available.
Eg attendance allowance and
The council tax disregard.
All the best.

Maxmyers. Yes this is the trouble with DH he also gets angry and then tries to find fault with me, it’s very waring and we're arguing a lot. I might try and get the AC involved, the trouble is they only pop in and out, so don’t see what I see.
Might be best to stop challenging him so much, like you say it would make life easier.
Thank you 52bright for talking about your DH problems, seems like there’s other illnesses to consider , very interesting I’ll keep that in mind.

DotScot Yes his operation is a worry too, as you say it becomes a major event, everything at the moment is on hold, he must have told me at least twice a day what time we’ll be setting off for the hospital and how busy the roads will be at that time etc etc . He’s never had an operation before so I do sympathise, but I’ll be so happy when it’s over.

Sounds like my other half, eventually got a referral but consultant says he’s not got dementia, didn’t give any diagnosis as to what is the matter as he still has the symptoms
We have found that sharing an online diary helps him with remembering appointments etc

You do need a diagnosis so that you can access all the practical help available as well as the benefits.

Obviously, it is impossible to gauge how much the tablets work (or not) but they certainly helped my mum's mood.

Round here, we offer courses for people (and their carers) who have a diagnosis of MCI.

Erica23 - I could have written your story. My husband is going to be 66 next month, and I am noticing the same things. Very subtle, isn't it? We have been married 44 years and are the same age. He used to have a good sense of direction, but there have been several instances where he has definitely lost it. He insists I am going the wrong way or he makes a wrong turn and tells me that we always go in that direction. He eventually realizes that he is wrong and turns around, but gets angry with me for pointing out that he is headed in the wrong direction. With regard to recall of events or the order in which something occurred, I find myself frequently saying, "Don't you remember ..." He also occassionally misunderstands what someone tells him, and he cuts me off mid-sentence thinking that he knows what I am going to say (it's not what I was going to say). When I bring any of these issues up as they are happening, he is adament that there is nothing wrong with him, and he gets very angry and says I am picking on him. He refuses to go for a hearing test and so it would be even more difficult to get his brain functioning evaluated. I have decided to live with it until something happens where he can no longer deny that he needs to get things checked out.

Inthecove. Oh dear there seems to be a lot of us in the same boat unfortunately, and they say dementia affects more women.
As you say it is very subtle. DH just said, I’ll nip to the supermarket for some milk in a minute because the shops don’t open until 11am tomorrow, I said it’s Saturday tomorrow replied with of oh yeah of course it is, he can’t argue with that one !

In the cove. You are correct, early symptoms are indeed very subtle and only a partner or spouse will see these very subtle changes. It is so easy to dismiss them because we fear what we may discover. However investigations are necessary and may turn out to something other than dementia. I was not surprised at the diagnosis- I was relieved because I knew then my instincts were correct - there is now a reason for odd things that happen and it is not me imagining things !! As my DH seemed to believe. We do have good days and I appreciate that, but I mourn for what we had ! My husbands life is shrinking and I am determined not to allow my life to shrink with him . He needs me to think ahead for him and I get out with my friends while I still can .
We are going to a drama production this evening and I know I will not be fully able to share the experience with him because he won't have a clue what he has just seen! Erica and anyone else in my position , do push for an appointment and do not fear the result . I keep as positive as can , my DH deserves that!