Autism/ADHD

Should have said I think its lammed not lammied I was copying the posters words

I remember my schooldays, there were classes over the years where one child would be described as very slow, I can remember the names of them, they were so few, then there were quite a few who were bottom end of the class and struggled, they had a bad time of it, we left school at fifteen, you were in work next day or within the week, half your money went to your mother for keep. I cannot remember anyone who didn't work living by me. . Over the road was one boy, big for his age, always getting a belt from his father, always bottom of the class and in the corner, he was so isolated, he started work for the father's employer a haulage company. Don't know what happened to him. You didn't keep up, you were treated as either simple or naughty.No one wants those days back, it was cruel. Families were generally much bigger then and they didn't give preferential treatment to anyone.
Now most of my friends have a grandchild with either ADH or the Autistic spectrum.

seasider

My youngest son struggled at school and always had very fixed ideas. When he was 15 a school mentor suggested he may have ADHD . Due to Covid he wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD and traits of autism for 5 years . In that time he had 6 attempts to pass GCSE maths. He has an apprenticeship and is doing well but there are times he can still be difficult to deal with. He tried medication but this caused him to have seizures. I can now recognise potential “triggers” but I feel terribly guilty we didn’t know when he was growing up. We just thought he was naughty. 🙁

I know exactly how you feel. I had no real idea about these things until my grandson was obviously different. I had struggled with my daughter almost from the day she was born. As a family we remarked about how peculiar her thinking was and she spent a lot of time in therapy. All my research suggests she is more than likely ND (but has a diagnosis of BPD) but she resists any hint that she should really be assessed so I am just mindful that there are things she really struggles with. I feel guilty that I wasn't more understanding when she was young and often thought she was just a spoiled brat but there just weren't the online resources out there 40 years ago and female autistic traits weren't recognised.

I recommend watching The A Word on BBC IPlayer.

icanhandthemback

WithNobsOnIt

Mild autism also known as "Naughty Child Syndrome

Children of feckless parents who have no interest in them and can't keep the under control.

Mild autism aka known as "Naughty Child Syndrome" by people who are completely ignorant.

There is a vast difference between children who tantrum through temper or not getting what they want and those with autism. An autistic child will be overwhelmed and even when offered what they originally wanted will not be able to calm down. ND children often lack impulse control, make loud noises because of the sensory stimulation it gives them, etc, etc.

My autistic grandchild was different as a baby and diagnosed young because I recognised that difference. His lovely but first time parents had nothing to compare it with. As a 10 year old with a lot of help at home and in his educational setting, he sometimes doesn't behave as his parents would like him to. They would not escalate the situation in public but will talk to him later about sensible choices when they are alone with him. They will quietly point out what other well behaved children are doing in a gentle way which will not cause an escalation in his behaviour.
They work doubly hard to ensure their child is as well behaved as they can get him. They are lucky because they have amazing support from the school and a strong family network to help them. So many of those parents that are judged are doing it completely on their own. Unable to get support at school and have family who either don't or won't understand the problems they face so they end up completely alone. Husbands often end up walking away and those poor Mums are exhausted from coping with children who are struggling.

A post well worth reading over and over.

Thank you icanhandthemback

Back to the question posed by the OP, more children are being diagnosed because society, the medical profession has a stronger knowledge base than was available until recently.

Teachers (and social workers) aren’t qualified to diagnose neuro diversity. It’s too easy to find fault with parents. Experienced and interested teachers and social workers can recognise children who would benefit from assessment. It helps school and parents meet the needs of the children more effectively. Getting a diagnosis is extremely difficult. CAMHS cut to the bone. Paying for a private assessment very expensive.

By the way, paying for a diagnosis won’t get you a diagnosis unless the psychologist identifies autism.

Iam64 agreed 👍

We paid Iam64 some of the best money we’ve spent.
Great post icanhandthem back thank you.

I offered to pay for an assessment for one of my grandchildren but was told by my DIL that the LEA where they live no longer accept privately paid for assessments.

Frogs

I offered to pay for an assessment for one of my grandchildren but was told by my DIL that the LEA where they live no longer accept privately paid for assessments.

This is true in some areas. I have offered for one of my grandchildren but the LEA will only take notice of the providers provided by the NHS or work for the NHS/CAHM's. This can be privately paid for but in our area, there are none.

Frogs

I offered to pay for an assessment for one of my grandchildren but was told by my DIL that the LEA where they live no longer accept privately paid for assessments.

Don't get fobbed off. My DD was told that. Surrey County Council were unable to carry out their own assessments due to a lack of Educational Psychologists so she arranged private assessments. Once these has been completed she sent them to SCC who said they did not accept private assessments. My DD trawled through their SEND policy and found a clause that said if the local authority could not undertake their own assessments then private assessments had to be accepted. She took great pleasure in quoting SCC's own policy to them. You will come across all sorts of obstacles, refusals and time-wasting in your fight, and it is a fight, to get a tailored education for your grandchild but keep going. It took my DD 2 years minus 1 day to finally get specialist private education and what a difference it has made to my GD on so many levels. From one stubborn Granny to another, keep going girl and the best of luck.

There is one private psychology business locally, whose assessments are recognised by the local authority,

icanhandthemback, It’s like some kind if awful Catch.22 roundabout. It doesn’t matter how many missions you successfully fly, the goal posts will be moved again and again.
The LEA will only accept NHS/CAMHS. Fair enough but, it’s impossible to get a CAMHS assessment unless the child is suicidal.

It’s shameful

We are a neurally diverse family. My son and I were both diagnosed with dyspraxia 40 years ago and a few years later it was suggested that we also had ADHD. I researched this and thought it probable. I discussed my probable ADHD with two friends one of whom worked with SEND children, the second with disabled adults, both considered it highly likely that I had it. My DS and DGS are both waiting assessment.

Except in exceptional cases I do not consider that the majority of neurally diverse children should qualify for disability benefits and I am really not enthusiastic about medicating children with ADHD.

I was a child in the late 1940s and 50s, when the cause of my 'oddities' was notunderstood, but I think family life then was often better for children with ADHD. Life was more regulated, families had regular times for getting up, going to bed, sitting down for meals as a family at fixed times. Generally children played out more and were more physically active, all things that help ADHD children.

The other aspect is that, if you know you have something, you can develop techniques, and even routines that can help you manage it, strange though this may sound. and I think behaviour understanding and management coaching would be far more beneficial for ADHD than drugs.

MOnica, interesting post. We are a family with neuro diversity in its various forms scattered amongst us. I agree with your point about structure and routine. I’m with you on managing and understanding rather than drugs.

One adult family member had something of a crisis when their very successful business got into difficulty. Impulsivity increased, relationships suffered. The individual wanted their marriage not to fail, sought therapy, was diagnosed with adhd, prescribed therapy and meds. Stuck with the therapy, gave up on the meds , felt they were stealing his personality. Five years on, business ok, marriage good, no more therapy but learned from it.

Both that family members children are like him, dyslexic, adhd, creative, delightful, kind and generous. He is adamant its management not drugs.

As a society we have clinical names and better understanding of what in the past we might have described as eccentricity or quirky behaviour.

Thank you that’s well worth knowing. In the end they went down the ‘Right to Choose’ route through their GP and got an assessment within 5 months.

One of my sons was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at the age of 15 so I know what a fight it is. In those days hardly anyone had heard of high functioning autism.
Despite the diagnosis things got even more difficult once he left education - he needed help finding the right job and regular support in the workplace for the first year even though the school had always told me he was ‘highly intelligent’.
He’s 45 now has an interesting job but 25 years on still needs occasional support at work through Access to Work.
I often wonder what would have happened if he had never received the diagnosis.
There’s definitely a strong genetic link - we suspect 3 out of our 4 GC are in the spectrum.

The above is in reply to ‘Sarnia’

Frogs, the genetics is so clear 🌞

I was prescribed drugs but they made me really tense and angry. I decided that they weren't for me. I'd sooner be happily chaotic than bad tempered with high blood pressure. My son is considering trying them because he probably needs help at the moment.

It’s like some kind if awful Catch.22 roundabout. It doesn’t matter how many missions you successfully fly, the goal posts will be moved again and again.
Absolutely right, Iam64.

Thanks for posting your experience of the drug treatment. My family member tried to stay the course but said the drugs changed him in ways he didn’t welcome. His diagnosis wasn’t a surprise to us but it’s helped him and the rest of us understand so more able to laugh at times and support him. It’s blindingly obvious in his youngest - so like his dad 😊

Our autistic GC took prescribed drugs to get through their GCSE’s hated how they made them feel, and stopped as soon as exams were over.

Iam64, I think the understanding of others around you makes life appear a whole lot easier. My husband has obviously had a lightbulb moment, not least because what his idea of ADHD was before meeting the Assessor was very different, so he has been a lot more helpful in understanding why I do the things I do...or don't do! He also reminds me about time passing if I have an appointment and help me focus on doing the things I have to do to get out of the door rather than me suddenly starting something which will make me late and didn't really need to be done. Steering me gently works better than the drugs.

Drugs don't help the fundamental autism. I suppose doctors try them to address the underlying anxiety that I found in almost every case I ever diagnosed.
However, various forms of medication can help ADHD but need more than just drugs. My v successful SiL has ADHD and does take a slow release form. However my DD works hard to keep him on track. Understanding how it affects him has been most useful and allows them to plan. Diagnosis has been useful. Now he's well understood and appreciated.

A mild antidepressant has helped our granddaughter hugely in curbing her anxiety, she’s a very different, happier young lady now, no longer causing chaos to the rest of her family. So, as so often happens, treatment needs to be tailored with professional support.

Frogs

The above is in reply to ‘Sarnia’

Thank you Frogs. I am a firm believer in getting an assessment. Otherwise how does the person concerned and those around them know what they are dealing with?
How lovely that your son has such a supportive, understanding and loving family around him. I wish him well.

GrannyGravy13

Our autistic GC took prescribed drugs to get through their GCSE’s hated how they made them feel, and stopped as soon as exams were over.

My brother took the prescribed drugs during SQE and later the NY Bar. He's extremely intelligent, find it hard to sit still, needed to concentrate.

He'd a quite sucessful NYC Litigator career.

Nothing 'wrong' with him, he's not 'bad' at all, has lovely manners.

My parents felt my brother and I needed lots of exercise, consistency, a calm and quiet environment, protein and no sweets. Effective for us.