Black Dogs 28

EllieAnne it must be cold in your house! Our heating is on from about 8am until 9.30pm, at 19 degrees. The gritter lorry comes up our road when snow is due, as it's steep at both ends of the street. I think there are a lot of people who feel lonely, even some who are in a relationship. I bet your lemon curd will be delicious.
ScaredyCat How sad for your friend, and with her husband in hospital as well. Your other friends have perhaps got the flu-type bug that goes around a lot at this time of year. Your boys are so pampered (as all pets should be).
Wyllow3 Was the massage relaxing? Glad you enjoyed it. We've got lots of lovely parks. Our nearest two are Gedling country park and Arnot Hill Park. The latter has a register office, and weddings in the summer often have photos taken by the lake there.
Doodle Yes, that's a cob. Chip cobs, especially, are good. I expect quite a few things trigger off bittersweet memories for you. My brother felt upset yesterday when he found some old photos of his wife, when she was well and happy.

Not much happened today... Aldi, then a pub for a snack at lunchtime. Too cold to stay out for very long. Hope everyone has a relaxing evening x

EllieAnne Well done for making that lemon curd - my auntie used to make it and it looked so difficult to make. The sea photo is lovely - no wonder you like to go to that special place.
Doodle I hope your headache clears so you can sleep. Wish there was a tablet that could alleviate your massive heartache - sending a warm hug.
Scaredycat Such a kind post again. Sorry about your dear friends ,it must be so hard for you to see them in such very sad circumstances.
HVDY You have some lovely places around you to visit. My DIL ( son 1's wife) said shes been to Newstead Abbey.
They live near yourself in Mansfield. Yes, I saw them yesterday when we all went out for a meal together with son 2 and family- so lovely.
Wyllow I do hope that Tuesday the restorative justice meeting can give you some sense of peace and justice and hope Mr A will be suitably remorseful and sorry.
Back soon.

Wyllow Glad that massage has helped with the trapped shoulder nerve and hope that lasts. I dont think massage would help in my DHs case. His shoulder has been the worst its ever been today and it was impossible for him to straighten 2 fingers as so painful. Im hoping its not nerve damage and hes stuck with it.
Stansgran Im sorry for your awful predicament and it does sound as if you are bay depressed by your circumstances and Im sure your poor DH must feel the same. Others here have written such helpful words and I agree that going to your GP and explaining how things are would be a step forward.

Love to all not mentioned and addressed personally.
Son 1 stayed at son 2s overnight and we all met for a late breakfast at son 2s today. The snow had laid a few inches this morning so gingerly drove to son's house. We'd been there a couple of hrs and the snow fell thickly all the time so we left before son 1 as afraid of getting stuck in side rds. DH has been in a lot of pain today. He gets so breathless . Im afraid my head feels unable to think about anything else. Still angry about lack of care that led to this.
Keep warm everyone.x

Just wanted to say I am happy to see this thread is still thriving . Old names and new .
Lovely to see how stronger posters have got especially Wyllow.

Thank you for still being here . Hope 2026 is a good year for all. I know you are here when I need you . Had lot to come to terms with last year . Hopefully this year will get answers .
But I still keep fighting on everyday .

Long live this thread . 🌟

Lovely to see you in, Whiff.

SweetpeaSue I live in Redhill, about 12 miles from Mansfield (not been there for many years). Lovely for you to see both sons (and their families) together. We haven't had any snow here yet. How's your husband today?

Whiff Hope you're keeping ok.

Not been out today. Cleared the large cupboard space under the stairs and some kitchen cupboards. Hope everyone has been ok x

Whiff Lovely to see you in. I know you keep fighting and have come through so much. Hope you do get the answers you want this year. Life certainly can be like an obstacle course.
HVDY Haven't heard of Redhill but I dont know anyone lot about the areas around Nottingham. Feels good to get a bit of a clear out . My DH had another angina attack today. We live in a small cul-de-sac just off the top of a side road and side road is a steep hill. Always a problem getting out onto it as you can't get a free run up in the snow. DH went across to get salt grit in a bucket and I saw him slip on the icy Rd. - luckily he kept balance and didnt fall. Honestly, told him to leave it to others. Gritters should do our main side rd but they dont.Everywhere snow has just frozen to ice here now.

Hoping everyone is ok.

Hi all
HVDY- we haven’t been out either but haven’t done loads of work like you. Just took all the Christmas stuff down.
I,m trying to get a bit of energy back after lots of busy days.
DD called in this morning for coffee and a chat . My Sis and I exercised our jaws with a couple of hours catch up!!
Wyllow- yes life can be cruel and I hate seeing people I love
so,distressed. 2 couples we,ve been friends with for many years are in such distressing situations it’s so sad. We,ll rearrange the lurgi carriers!!
New tele is for the kitchen we like it first thing and when cooking etc. The old one passed away yesterday morning 😩
I watch footie too.
I hope you feel more comfortable after that wonderful massage. It won’t be the last one I bet.
EllieAnne- crumbs that’s a really low temperature for you .
Too low is not good for your health.
What a wonderful place you have to escape to. I expect,you go there a lot.
I would love to taste your lemon curd - love lemon flavour.
That’s such a sad song- there are so many people lost and alone.
That’s why we need to be kind to each other
Doodle- I hope your headache went away. How lovely that your DH bought you a Christmas decoration. What a kind thoughtful man he was.
Have you been to Church this morning- you must have had to wrap up well. I don’t like to breathe in really cold air.
SweetPeaSue- your family breakfast was such a nice thing to do. It’s worrying though if you’re out and the snow is laying- good thing to leave before it got any worse.
I,m sorry your DH is still suffering as he is. It must be nearly impossible to stop it dominating your thoughts. I would be angry too but it only makes you feel worse doesn’t it?
Take care in all that nasty ice.
Whiff- so nice to see you in and read your kind words. I hope this year will bring you the answers you seek.

Love to all . Hope this New Year will see the return of some of our old friends.

Scaredycat Must be lovely to have your DD pop in for a chat and I know how close you are to your DS - youve had a good catch up today. Yes, it was nice to be at son's for breakfast ( more a breakfast/lunch really) all the family around his big kitchen table with his 2 children and my DGC from son 2. I treasure those moments. Eleanor Rigby is certainly a sad song about lonely people and very much true now as then.
This thread helps us feel not so alone. My son's support Liverpool (footie team) though I usually watch if England is playing .

Evening all. Hello whiff nice to hear from you again. You’re always welcome here. Hope you are coping well.
HVDY we say chip butty. Funny how different ares have different names for things. Yes I’m not surprised your brother gets sad. Shame he can’t make the fort to get out and meet people or take up a hobby. His life must be so lonely and depressing.
Sweeptpeasue thank you. I’m ok. I’m not even sure if there was a heartache tablet if I would take it if it meant not thinking of DH or missing him. I’m getting by a lot better now than the early months of total despair and devastation. People think I’m doing well and tell me so. What they really mean is outwardly I look ok, chat ok, and behave ok. I have accepted now a life of underlying sadness and loss. I still cry a lot but it’s not every day now. I can enjoy days out and company but whatever im doing DH is always at the front of my mind. It’s a strange feeling but quite common in the bereaved I think.
Hope your Dh gets relief from his pain and more supervision of his condition soon.
What a nice idea to be with both your sons this morning.
Yes Scaredycat I did go to church this morning. Warm in church but chilly outside. Went to the hospice for lunch then did a bit of jigsaw.
Like you I’ve taken my decorations down. They hold no joy for me any more I just put some up because I feel I should.
How nice you had a chat with your DD and sister. Hope both are doing well.

Wyllow how has today been for you. Have you been to Quakers. Sorry I don’t know if you meet Sundays or other days. Hope you are not stressed being there, I gather it’s supposed to be very peaceful and calm. Hope you’re ok

Doodle Strange, I had in mind your thoughts on taking a pill for the heartache and sort of knew what your response would be. It couldn't be done , I mean without deliberately fading your memories and totally see no one would want to do that with a loved one. I guess ,as Whiff used to say, its the price we pay for loving but oh so hard. Im sure your friends who've lost their own DHs will know that underneath the outward 'face' there is so much loss inside.
Thankyou , yes were just waiting for appts( one for Chest clinic, and 19th Jan for Rheumatologist clinic when he is injecting steroid in shoulder to see if it helps) Then follow up appt with Vascular surgeon in Feb to tell him of outcome.
Today DH has been putting together a Rolife model he got from son 1 ,I think you did one yourself a while ago . Sending a hug and hope you sleep well.
Wyllow Hope you are OK and if you went to Quaker meeting it went well.
I think its a significant day for you tomorrow with Mr A - sorry if Im mistaken.

SweetpeaSue Please take care on the slippery surfaces, both of you. The gritter lorry went up our street at about 8pm - both ends of the road are steep - we're on the slope of one end. I Googled Rolife models. They look very interesting and detailed. I like the greenhouse one. Not much longer (long enough) for the Rheumatology appt. I hope the other appointments come through soon.

Doodle My brother is lonely and sad. He has a friend who is in her 90s and another mate who spends a lot of time going out with a lady friend. Otherwise, he's only got me (yet won't come to my house as he finds our sloped path difficult (he's got a prosthetic leg, but our handrail goes all the way along). I'll probably go to see him in the week. Your bereaved friends will know exactly how you feel. It must be hard.

ScaredyCat It's good to talk, isn't it! Nice that you saw your sister. My friend rang for an hour earlier. My husband wouldn't be able to keep chatting for that length of time.

Jaffa is off his food today - poached chicken, Sheba, even tinned tuna, all left. He's been sneezing and his eye keeps watering. I've got some medication to give him (the vet prescribes it regularly). He's been indoors every minute of the day. Little Girl will be here tomorrow, so it'll be an early start. Hope everyone has a cosy night x

A strange day. I woke up so tired I knew I wouldn't be going out today to quakers. But I attended the other Quaker meeting, the big city centre one, by Zoom, it was nice. MrA was sitting there but didnt see me given the direction of the cameras unless someone told him. As arrogant as ever.

Doodle asked me a couple of days ago how it had gone when I confronted Quaker D about her attitude to me. It was a mixed blessing. She was the one appointed or self-appointed by this leading our meeting to care for me, but not only did it turn out in your exchange of WhatsApps that she has been supporting mrA all along,

but she also thought it was relatively trivial what happened to me (only a hug) and she has accused me of going to Community Justice to pursue a grudge and 'win".

I did manage to put her right about that last one, as Community Justice is not about winning and losing which she had thought, they are there to bring peace if they can: and I had only asked for it because Quakers themselves could not offer it in the first place.

I sent a copy of what she's said to Friends L and F and had kind replies, now they know one of the reasons I've felt torn apart, with he person supposedly supporting me being hostile and not representing me at all to those who count:

Not a one post today, sorry its just on me as so tired and limited concentration all day.

I've also had an email from Safeguarding and they basically are not tackling MrA at all, hoping community Justice will do that work and bring him to an awareness of realties.

The significance of this week is that the Community Justice people are to confront Mrs for the first time on Tuesday with something I had written as well as their own thoughts and material re men who think that what they do is minor when its not, so hoping it goes well and the CJ process really does work.

But it's been a peaceful day apart from that, stayed in my fleece as last night was better and listened to music a lot and printed out some family photos for a compilation. One of those days when I accept myself and dont struggle or self judge or panic about not being able to do much atm.

I have a feeling that matters will be resolved in the not too distant future, or if MrA accepts nothing, it will have to be tackled by others and not me.

And clearly my brain fog is affecting my grammar and expression, sorry.

Sweetpeasue I’m glad your Dh has more checkups due soon. He needs to be monitored closely.
Which model did your DH do. I’ve been doing Emily’s flower shop for over a year now 🤣🤣

HVDY poor Jaffa. Do they know what’s wrong? Is h on antibiotics. Hope he’s feeling better soon.
Did you have a good time with LG?
Wyllow how confusing that the person who’s supposed to support you is also supporting Mr A. That’s odd. You must feel very frustrated they are not taking things seriously enough.i must say I do think the Quakers safeguarding seems to be a little lacking. Say one thing and do another. I do hope the justice thing irks out for you as I’m really worried all this will set you back if it’s papered over.
Scaredycat I hope you stayed in today. I went out and found it very treacherous on the ice. Can’t wait to be back at art in Thursday. So tired tonight this cold weather makes me. Sleepy I think does it you?

Wyllow You must be feeling very let down by that Quaker lady who is meant to be supporting you and the Safeguarding. Please try not to let it derail your recovery - youve been doing so well.. It was brave of you to attend the larger Quaker meeting , knowing you might see Mr A , yet I think it also might help you have a little confidence to. Im hoping so much that tomorrow sees Mr A with some sort of realisation as to the seriousness of his actions.
CFS is an awful thing and you need to rest as you are doing.. Acceptance of that need to refuel energy and you are doing well , remember that.
Doodle Oh, googled The Flower shop and it looks so very intricate and so pretty. .y DH has endless patience with fiddly things but Im the opposite I think. If a necklace gets tangled up I grrr and take it to DH to detangle. Hes doing the Shakespeare one , has lots of bookshelves and tiny books.
This cold weather does make you more tired ,Im sure. Hope you get to your art class Thursday.
HVDY You will have had a full day today with LG. Have you had any snow yet - theres still a good few inches here. The NYMoors is only about 4ml away on one side of us and a couple of ml the other side from the coast. Wonder what LG will make of snow. So sorry about Jaffa. I hope hes going to get better soon. I know you will be doing your utmost to tempt him with nice food. I looked at the greenhouse one and it looks amazing with the clear glass so you can see every angle.

Ive not been great today- well for a while now with the Fibro- Im sick of the aches and stiffening body but it does wear off a little during the day only to come back with vengeance on evening. Shouldn't complain as I know I could be much worse but such tiredness with it.
Hope everyone has been o k and managing yo keep warm. Love to all.x

It's always good when those normal but meaningful things like your art group of the exercise group starts up. Yes, I think when we are older then the cold is tiring, although in very cold countries I imagine peoples bodies are sort of adapted.
I've just googled it and it's a yes, our bodies have to work harder to self regulate in temperature extremes. Then if you come into a very warm room of course our body has to work hard again!

You are right abut the response I've had Doodle. Bad practice all round, out of utter ignorance about how to handle it. Although I was so wobbly at the beginning it made things hard for others - on the other hand, good Safeguarding should have started immediately I reported it.
The fact the local woman lead Safeguarded was on holiday should not have mattered, we have a national organisation. At every point it wasnt taken seriously and I had to push, inducing huge amounts of guilt.

(Eventually, the most powerful thing I can do is suggest a proper code of practice and find people at HQ ken to do same if our won't)

In the meantime unless MrA tomorrow agrees with the very powerful paper I've written - when I need to I can write very coherently and effectively. (I'm probably better writing about life than living it) 😶

I will be asking the mediators to write a report that includes recommendations for him to do counselling or a course for men: for basically in this particular case they agree with my analysis of what was going on for MrA - for the Safeguarding team, and if they are prepared, recommend that he doesnt come back to my meeting until he has done that. (I doubt they would do that last bit, but worth a go)

Of course, last night was horrific after I reported a good day - there is a limit to what I can do about this reaction except to ask for help when things get too much.

BTW, my psychologist chose not to get involved, ie she is making me go through the process and so I learn I can be strong, and not run away from conflict - she could have been involved. I do have that back up, Doodle.

But today I got up and did a lot - took computer in, went to the gym for a bit, called by a Thai massage place that is much nearer than me to look see, got my hearing aid fixed, and went back to the computer place, then decided to go and do the much needed big shop at M n S as DiL had given me Christmas Vouchers.

My star treat buy was Rhubarb Crumble.

BTW, I have been drinking too much unawares and wanted to warm people - alcohol is a depressant, and consider googling the meds you are on and check how much alcohol to have.

I'm not saying stop, but balance how much you have with the possibility or probability of the depressant effect. Its certainly been a factor in the nights for me, but its also relaxing - so its a balance I haven't been getting right.

Oh, one nice thing did happen (I was too much under pressure to enjoy it all but the gym, tho much done, as I know I'll pay for it tomorrow in having to rest)

BD's may recall me pulling out of the volunteering with the art group I visited. I explained why, and the woman who runs it said do come anyway if I want. (its a bit far away but lovely warm feeling there, but they do set crafts tasks that aren't "Expressive" )

Meanwhile there is supposed to be an art group just round the corner, but I haven't heard back.

Oh Sweetpeasue, you posted while I was writing. You live right in my favourite area of the country just a bit north of my usual. Yes it's a real downer for you to have so little energy, for being able to do things relieves depression and I recall you both doing much more. I'm glad that DH. has something to occupying him.

I remember he likes to be useful too - like us all - are there fiddly house tasks - is he good at mending this or that? My first DH was hopeless on anything practical or even financial managing/thought.

Doodle It's an ongoing problem Jaffa has - the FIV means that his immunity is affected. Not antibiotics, but a powder (to put on food) that's an anti-mucus stuff. Playgroup, toys at home, then fed the ducks, with LG. The duck pond was 2/3 solid ice (the fountain in the middle was ok. How have you been? It was too cold to be out for long.

SweetpeaSue We woke to a light dusting of snow. It's been so cold, though. I'm leaving the heating on at 13 all night. Jaffa was sneezing all night , but has eaten some cooked fish today. Does this weather make your Fibromyalgia worse? I'm glad your husband is enjoying making the model. I wouldn't have the patience to do something so intricate. I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.

Wyllow3 You had a very productive day today, getting so many things done. Rhubarb crumble is delicious. I hope all goes well tomorrow with the MrA business. I had a glass of wine earlier. I don't often drink (can go months without a drop) and it made me quite sleepy.

Off to bed soon - been awake since 5.30. Hope ALL BDers have a cosy night x

Just want a to have a moan.
Gastroscopy this afternoon appointment 3.15pm.
Have hardly slept. Toast and tea at 8.30. Only sips of water now. I'll
be fainting by the time its over. And not looking forward to it. Or travelling. About 45 mins each way.

I'm definitely a wimp!

Morning Nadateturbe ( well nearly aft now) .
Ive never had a Gastroscopy but my DH had one about 6 yrs ago. He couldn't remember anything about it afterwards so for him, def not even uncomfortable. Hope that reassures a bit. You wouldnt be human if you weren't a bit anxious about it.
Long journey for you when you get so tired easily. I expect youll be v tired afterwards. Be kind to yourself - have something nice to eat when its finished.
Sending hugs and thoughts will be with you at 3-15. Xx