Black Dogs 28

Wyllow3 We've never had much money (neither of us earned big wages) but we've enjoyed sharing it with family, as well as now buying things for the house. My brother is the opposite - eats cheap food, doesn't go anywhere, doesn't buy things for the house or himself (the odd 2nd-hand book). He's got thousands in the bank. LG is the sweetest kid, all credit to the parents. Oh, more bother with the Quaker D. Stick to your guns. You've got this far.

Doodle Hope you have a good sleep.

Hope everyone has been ok and that we all have a decent rest tonight x

HVDY lunch at the hospice was a Brie and cranberry panini. I usually have a toasted tea cake but decided to treat myself.
I gave up ironing my bedding when I broke my wrist for the second time. I have always ironed almost everything but I decided to stop at that point.
LG is coming on well. I love it when they remember please and thank you.
Ellie Anne good you finally got your number into DH’s phone. Hopefully nextime he’ll be able to contact you.
I can watch anything involving blood or operations. I’m very squeamish,
Nadateturbe how nice your sister was able to help and comfort you. That boil sounds so painful.
wyllow sorry there’s even more trouble and upset fo you to cope with. I’m glad you like your art. Sounds a nice group.
Sweetpeasue sorry you had a disturbed night. Do you have antihistamine tablets or cream. Hope you got back to sleep.
Scaredycat is your son still with you? I imagine you’re having a lovely time having him at home for a bit.
I’m not feeling too good tonight as I walked to far today and got chilled. I ache all over so off to bed. Night night all

Sometimes they talk so only nearest and dearest like you can understand, but it's a lovely stage. How lovely she says her P's and Q's - a real start in life. its not like you spend beyond your means - nothing wrong with these treats and meals out, as they say, you cant take your money with you, and I know my son would be horrified if I tried to save all for them and not get the most I can out of life.

I'll see how I feel about the Wednesday one, twice a week is too much, and they were a nice lot on Monday, I just wish it was weekly.

Well I've put my foot in it - I wrote a pretty strong (but not unreasonable) letter to D with a certain amount of anger in it - I ran it past my son first - and then sent copies onto the other 3 servants of the meeting.

Got one response from one of then which was hostile to me for saying what I did but stuck to my guns as they say (you have to with this particular person).

I was stuck in a Hobsons choice situation. Speaking up to D has got me in a degree of hot water: not saying anything I would have been meekly swallowing it all down like I have for so long.

Oh I long for it to be over but not at the cost of being silenced and passive in the face of an assault. 😡 It will be over when MrA completes the letter on the 3rd Feb.

nadateturbe I'm glad your sister visited, and perhaps put your mind at ease? I like spending! I had many years of not being able to afford things when the boys were growing up, so I make up for it now. Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today. We used to stick to Ford cars and found them very reliable (DH used to always fix the cars, before everything was computerised. I liked the heated windscreen, when I used to have to go out to work at 6.30-7am. Only Ford cars have them.

SweetpeaSue It was disappointing to find SIL asleep, but that was preferable to finding her angry. It looks as though she'll be discharged tomorrow. What's causing your itching? Have you changed soap powder or anything? I bought some Aldi powder - coconut scented. Not sure about it yet.

Wyllow3 That Quaker D is a pain, eh. She doesn't really understand at all. Glad the art session turned out to be so good (apart from it being cold - it is bitterly cold here today). Will you go to the Wednesday one?

Little Girl came at 8, had breakfast and then enjoyed the playgroup. She's talking a lot (some of it unclear), but says "please" and "thank you" for everything, which is lovely. We went out in the car at 2, but she fell asleep before we got to the river (to feed geese and swans), so we're home, and she's still asleep .

The art group was really nice, except being freezing cold due to having to move downstairs at short notice as someone in a wheelchair had come. Nice women mostly younger, lots of laughter, and I sat doing my personal art therapy. I wish it were every Monday, or overall planned weekly, but there is a group on Wednesday mornings too, then unfortunately a week off.

I can pinpoint the minute I stopped being able to cry, EllieAnne, recently, being as I had just. post depression came out of it and was able to 'feel feelings" more.

It was when I was assaulted: I had to be strong to cope, I couldn't be strong and melt into tears: now, you've been in a tough, "stuck" situation for a long time and are in survival mode x

Morning, HVDY - I was awake int he night too, I should have checked in and found you there. I actually took extra tabs - the trigger was at bedtime: I;d had a good day but was tired:

and then the wretched Quaker D who had undermined me with her version of "her hug" for months, posted in WhatsApp yet again late at night when I had asked her not to, and said, "but dont reply now its bedtime"!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was "apologising"in a mealy mouthed way because MrA had told her specifically - and had had to repeat) it was indeed a sexual assault not a hug and had got it wrong all along -

and of course she has been repeating this for 4 months.

I've turned to my sister for an effective reply, because it is so outrageous - not just the brief night text,

but the total sparsity of an apology when D had also accused me of "antagonistic "zero Sum games" and "Arrogance" in sticking to my POV.

as if a quick phone call she wanted (this morning before a funeral she is going to)

can make up for the damage she has done!!!! 😡

HVDY Oh dear , what a disappointing visit to hospital with all that wheeling DB to ward then your SIL was asleep.
Nadateturbe Aw Im glad your sister came to see you tonight. You so needed that little talk with her when your , v understandably low and sick of feeling unwell. Yes ,I should contact Talktalk and not looking forward to it.
EllieAnne Wish you could shed those tears. Sincere hug and thoughts with you .
Had to get up for antihistamines, wretched itching, grrr. Hope everyone is sleeping and peaceful. Thankyou for this group.x

Idont know why I can’t cry.. it’s been years. Today is the closest in a while.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night.xx

Sweetpeasue I got a refund from the company, my bank contacted them, it was quite a lot. Maybe you should try contacting Talktalk.
It's such a hassle buying a car isnt it.. We always just stick with the same make from a local dealer whom we trust.
It's good your DiL has been given time off work and I'm sure she'll get help. My brother had carers four times a day to help his daughters.
I hope your DH has recovered from earlier. And you've had a pleasant evening. x

Doodle I have two sets as well, both cream coloured, boring. I'm glad I'm not alone with longer changes. HVDY you are so fussy! 😁
I can understand you not wanting to watch those programs, would be upsetting and depressing. I can't watch thrillers either.
You've had a relaxing day too with lots of friends. I hope your lunch was good.
EllieAnne I wonder what it is about feet that you don't like. I love a foot massage but I think feet are ugly, I have to have my toenails painted all the time.
Fleecy cover sounds very cosy in this cold weather. Enjoy your book. What are you reading? I'm reading Songbird at the minute.
No excuse for your husband now.
HVDY you've certainly had your exercise today. You're very good to your DB. Shame your SiL didn't know you were there. But at least she was sleeping peacefully.
I don't generally iron bedding either, unless it's got wrinkled in the dryer.
Omg how do you watch all those programs? I used to work in courts and it was awful just reading details. Even thinking about it now..

My younger sister came to see me a short time ago. I answered the door crying in my dressing gown. So distressed trying to dress this stupid boil, paranoid about hygiene. Well, she was such a tonic. And was able to offer good advice and put things into perspective. Honestly, she came just when I needed it.

EllieAnne you sound a bit down. And no wonder, probably fed up with how things are. Wyllow3 is right. I find a good cry helps. I don't know how it works, but I usually feel better afterwards. Have you plans to meet any friends? A bit of company might help. Sending a hug.x

Wyllow3 you sound like a very talented artist indeed. I think you'll be a good addition to the group. Look forward to hearing about tomorrow.
I'm glad the Quaker meeting went well. You've had a busy interesting day. Including the fun natters!

SweetpeaSue You should see about getting a refund from TalkTalk. Our beds are divans, so they have drawers in them. All the bedding fits in those. Sorry your husband felt unwell today. Not long until he has the stent. What a sad time for your DIL and her mum. I expect a care package will be set up.

nadateturbe I love buying bedding . I love any medical programmes, and police or murder ones. I particularly like the ones that detail the forensic tests.

EllieAnne Sorry you feel so low. You perhaps are tired, after all that driving you did recently. I bought some teddy fleece sheets when I was in a double bed, but haven't got any for my kingsized one...yet.

Wyllow3 Yes, I like all those police/999/ambulance programmes. Iron bedding? Not here. It seems as though you had quite a full-on day today. You certainly sound happier and more focused on things you want to do. That's good to hear.

Doodle I did have more bedding than that - then when we had the new beds, I got rid of all the single stuff and about 6 lots of the double, so these sets are all new . Glad you had company at church and also the hospice. What was lunch?

Went with my brother to see his wife. No wheelchairs about (nor anyone to ask), so I left him at the entrance and went hunting for one. Found one, took it and wheeled him to the ward. His wife was asleep, so after 20 minutes of sitting there, we let her continue to sleep. More wheeling him, then I had to return the wheelchair, so I did a fair bit of walking.

Hope everyone has a decent night's sleep x

I watch all these reality programs. Ambulance,hospital, police etc. the only one I won’t watch is one about feet. Don’t like feet.
Finally managed to put my correct number in Dh phone. He doesn’t know how to. And I’m not familiar with his phone .
Looking forward to going to bed later with small🥃 iPad and a book. And cosy covers.

Wyllow glad you got to see your sis. That will cheer you up.
Yes I did go to church today but not helping so I was able to join my friends for coffee after then I went with mine of them for lunch at the hospice.
Hope all goes well at gym and Quakers.
Scaredycat hope you’re having a lovely time with your son and family. I remember ages ago when you were so disappointed once when he couldn’t make it to see you. Lovely to have him stay for a bit.

Nadateturbe We've been with Talktalk a while and DH just noticed how much we were paying compared with this other one advertised on TV. It was then I looked at our online account and realise we'd been paying more for about 4mths and I hadn't changed anything. Strange. Oh you were caught out with the Foot Spa - awful how we need to be suspicious about things we take on. Im so wary and have been putting off changing the car for ages as I hate salesmen( or should Isay salespeople?)
My DIL has been given quite a while off work so she can look after her mum. I hope she and my son manage but Im sure there'll be carers or a district nurse perhaps.
EllieAnne It's awful when people say Oh you look tired as I dont really want to know that , but Im sure they mean concern. Perhaps they are opening a way of contact and mean you can talk to them if you wish, sometimes? Its not been very nice weather here for walking lately and its nit the same on grey wet days is it. Perhaps tomorrow for a walk then , hope you enjoy it and it helps a little. Your heart must feel very heavy , sometimes tears can help and give relief- I am sorry. Oh the fleecy bedding sounds so cosy.

HVDY what’s this about 8 stets of bedding for each bed, I missed that. You don’t really do you? Wherever do you store it. I’ve just got two. One on and one in the wash.
Sweetpeasue are you getting a new car? Be nice to have your son home again. So sorry for you DIl and her family must be hard for them . I often meet a friend at costa. Quite a good place to go for a quick drink. We share a packet of wafer biscuits. We know how to live it up 🤣🤣
Nadsteturbe like you I can’t watch anything with operations or surgery. I’ve spent too much time in hospitals that now I hate the thought of being there and certainly won’t watch it on Tv.
Ellie Anne you’re not lazy. I only change my bedding once a fortnight too. Hope you get to go for your walk. I think being outside does help. I sometimes feel the tears in church. Being emotional does make you tired too. Hope you’re ok

I use M n S cotton fitted sheet and duvet cover.
They never get ironed. It's lovely to et into ironed sheets, but not enough so I guess.

HVDY I quite like the 999 reality programmes re ambulances, but I have a real thing for the police reality programmes. I cant explain why, but it's strangely reassuring and intrigues me, do you watch those too?

Mmmm fleece that sounds cosy, EllieAnne You are weary of your situation. For me when the tears wont come...I think it's because I'm too afraid of them. I did cry in the night alone in hospital in the night I felt that sad and ill.

Probably something in you is afraid that if you cry then you will be overwhelmed in some unnameable way - and you just can't "go there". It does help to cry if you cannot at all I have found - but everyone is so different.

I think that what you need more than anything's else is a clear diagnosis and treatment path, Sweetpeasue. The other issue you mention is bigger in a way - adjusting, accepting that the person closest to us is not well and it will not ever be the same again. But it's not possible to make the best of it till you get that prognosis xx

Today has been sort of magical. Above all, I was dreading seeing D, the Quaker who under the guise of support was unwittingly undermining me. But the meeting was small and warm and this overcame the individual feelings - I know she is about to be seen by MrA and told differently - let that happen.
Chatted about poetry and Voltaire and other theoretical Quaker interests with our historian it was fun.

It energised me to go to the gym, I didn't do a lot, fun natters.

Then I went even further in terms of "doing" - I went to our local Womens Interfaith Group. It's set up with people of no faith (but curious), Christians, Muslims, Jewish and Sikh women. Laughing, chatting together, discussing differences and similarities. Cleary a Wyllow thing but loved it.

Nadateturbe in my art years I did both representational and abstract "put up at home art" but also a lot of conceptual stuff, autobiographical, about a women's view of the world, and more, in multi-media. Then, got so ill - dropped the lot.

Anyway tomorrow morning is this art group I am going to very much like the ones others here go to - for the pleasure of playing around with colour and materials, where the college background is irrelevant.

but after today I will be very tired I know so that will be it.

Went to church this morning. Felt on the edge of tears but as usual they wouldn’t come.
People said I looked tired and I must be because I can’t be bothered going for walks just now.
I didn’t go to the woods yesterday but will try to go tomorrow if it’s not raining.
I’m very lazy and usually only change beds once a fortnight. Dh never offers to do it.
I use fleece bedding in winter so no ironing 🙂

Wyllow3 So pleased you saw your sister and she managed to stay awhile. How is your nephew?
I too am impressed with 5 day bedding change. We try to change both beds every week, but it doesn't always work out.
I didn't realise you were a long time artist. I think it would be difficult to dispose of your own work. What is your favourite subject Wyllow3? I like landscapes although I'm not very good at them.
I think it's becoming more acceptable to talk about MH, which is a good thing. Why shouldn't it be treated the same as any health issue?
How was the Quaker meeting today? Its been a while since you were there. I hope it was comfortable for you.
Good idea to think ahead to the 3rd February. I imagine you're very capable at that kind of thing.
I'm sorry your nights are still so bad. How was last night? You do so well at picking yourself up Wyllow3 and getting on with things. You've made a lot of progress.
I will ask my children to visit, when I can think of the right words. I get what you're saying, I can relate a bit to that. Thanks for the advice.

HVDY I don't know how you watch those programs. . If there's blood on the screen my hands are over my eyes! There was a program years ago called Your Life in Their Hands, used to show operations. You would love it. 😁
Eight duvet changes must be a record! Actually it could be a nice idea to have lots of different sets. My room always looks the same.
Sweetpeasue I think many businesses now include things and you have to opt out. Should be illegal. I once bought instructions for a foot spa, 80pence and they signed me up to a monthly subscription of £8.
I'm sorry you're DH had another attack. Hopefully the stent will help. 🙏. The cold weather won't help either. AI.. robots, can be helpful, but yes, one would worry about mistakes or breakdowns. Speaking as someone who knows little of course.
Will be nice to see your son. I hope his wife can manage to look after her mother. It's sad there's no hospice place for her mum. Will she have carers coming in to help? I hope so. Poor mum. Very sad.

Doodle I meant to say 'unticked' the box.

Doodle Hope youve had a nice time with church friends. I think you're right about other Internet providers - there's not a lot of good customer service with many. I only discovered last week that Talktalk has been taking money of us monthly for free landline calls that Ive never asked for. Went out to my account and unpicked the box that was there but I m.ight need to call them. Not looking forward to that.
HVDY 8 sets
of bedding for each bed , 🤣 where do you store it all.
We are like a family aren't we. Re surgery I was watching on news today about these Robotic things that the surgeon controls. Not sure what I think about that really- humans make errors after all.
Wyllow Do hope the Quakers meeting was ok - I know it must be a bit daunting after the weeks away. Good idea about the template - we're not all good at things like that. Dont overdo things at the Gym today but it'll be nice for you to talk to people again.
* Nadateturbe* Hope you don't have to take those antibiotics for much longer . The boil thing is being very stubborn and you must be so uncomfortable with it - Im sorry you're having such a bad time. Another hug coming your way.
ScaredycatEllieAnne Hoping your day is ok.

Had a coffee at Costa then went to a garage looking at cars. It was so cold and we had to cut short as worried abkut DH. He had another attack so hes resting now. I do get scared.
Im not too bad today ,thanks Wyllow, and just want the worries about DH to go but things are happening now so hopefully he will be better soon. Think the arteries might always be a problem and need managing. My DH has been reasonably healthy and its quite a change to see my DHike this.

Son comes home tomorrow. His wife's mum might be moving in as theres no bed at hospice yet and his wife will be looking after her full time. All so very sad.

Take care everyone. Xx

Wyllow3 missed your post. I'm sorry your nights are still so disturbed. Talk more tomorrow x

ScaredyCat I'm glad you've had a lovely family time. It must be good to see your AC together, but sad that your other son isn't here. Yes, we're all friends here, like a family, are't we?

SweetpeaSue There are always a lot of shootings in America. Horrible that they all seem to have guns. The programme I watched where the man shot and killed 2 men was in Cambridgeshire. I love the surgery programmes - the skilled, life-saving work those people do amaze me. I've got about 8 duvet sets for each bed now. Hope you and your husband have been ok today.

EllieAnne Did you go for a walk and see some snowdrops? I noticed some daffodils the other day. Spring isn't too far away.

Doodle Our landline and broadband are with Virgin Media. Never had a problem with them. Hope you have a nice time at church tomorrow.

nadateturbe Fingers crossed for you that the antibiotics have an effect soon.

Wyllow3 How nice that you got to see your sister after all. It's good to keep chatting. I'm glad you're moving on and sorting out things to keep/get rid of. I need to de-clutter a couple of drawers.

Hope everyone has a good rest tonight x

Goodnight all. Hope it's a peaceful one for you xx