Black Dogs 28

Wyllow3 I can imagine your feelings of abandonment in the early hours. When we're not well and alone, things seem magnified in the middle of the night. People DO care about you - we on here, your family, friends. I hopethe antibiotics have arrived by now, and that your psychology appointment went well.

nadateturbe My brother and I visited his wife on Sunday. Fortunately (or not), she's unaware of days, weeks, times, so wouldn't know if someone had been even an hour earlier.

ScaredyCat One of our previous cats was very loud (she was a rescue), used to want to be with me all the time. Jaffa is feeling much better, thanks. I haven't heard of siren suits for toddlers. It's been raining here since the early hours and hasn't stpped yet.

Been busy - Up at 7 - fed Jaffa, gave him his meds, emptied/disinfected/refilled litter tray, hoovered through lounge/diner and kitchen, mopped. Emptied and refilled the dishwasher, put the washer on. All whilst Old Lazy Sod was in bed (until 9.30). Did an hour's aqua aerobics, went for brunch. Then, changed both beds and swept down the stairs. I've got a lot of energy today. Will do very little tomorrow. Hope everyone is managing ok today x

Hi all
HVDY- we didn’t have any snow but today we have bucket loads of rain.
One of my DD cats is the noisiest cat on the planet. Mainly food orientated. He was a Quatar street cat so I guess who had the loudest voice got noticed!!
It’s interesting what you write about the different stages of Alzheimer. We can see our gentle quiet friend changing all the time. She is quite confrontational and angry at the moment.its so sad your SiL children don’t visit her.
I think as long as our DH pull their weight - however we sort it- that’s OK. After all it’s their mess too. Once retired it’s a joint effort.
EllieAnne- would your DH complain if you didn’t do all that you do on the house? Has he any physical problems or just plain lazy.
It’s not OK- you deserve a better life.
What you do on Mondays is not pointless but so unappreciated that it makes it feel that way.
Persevere with trying to find a walking group and other things that you enjoy- whatever they are.
Those tears are tears of frustration as well as pure sadness.
Nadateturbe- so nice to see you posting- we know how much effort that takes you.I don’t think our families realise how tiring a visit can be sometimes. But your condition makes it more so.Yes it is lovely to see those we love but sometimes the younger ones are so full on.
Our children sometimes put their head in the sand a bit concerning our limitations.
Wyllow- oh this MrA thing has given you so much worry and you’re right you need straight advice. Thank goodness the Physology Appt is today.
The way things hve gone is not of your doing - you’re run down and exhausted and physically poorly right now. Hopefully the AB will soon help to make you feel better.
You have so much going for you at the moment - fight for it and unleash the brave Wyllow we know and love. But take good care of yourself until you feel stronger.
SweetPeaSue- it’s ridiculous the continual hurdles you face all the time with the NHS and your surgery. I hope you get somewhere on Thursday - it is appalling.
Doodle- the cats are house cats. Ragdolls have no sense of self preservation so would be very vulnerable outside. Kai loves me and only sits with me and Yuki is a work in progress with laps. They follow their humans about like little dogs and wait outside doors for you.
You are wise to take care walking- a bad fall can be life
changing. I do hope your hip isn’t giving you too much pain.

Thinking of all those we have not seen for a while- love to all

HVDY if I read backwards and notice a post that mentions lots of boring housework instead of going out I know its you. 😃. I wish I had half your energy. What a thing for your brother to say about Jaffa. He does sound like he has a personality disorder. I can't believe he would let his wife be in hospital so long without a visit. She must feel a bit neglected. I'm glad Jaffa is feeling better. As Wyllow3 says you definitely chose the right work. You're a born carer. And nothing is too much trouble for you. The photo of LG is lovely. She looks so cute in that little outfit. I think we used to call those siren suits? Very cosy.
I wonder why some men think it's up to the wife to do everything. I've always been a great believer in equal division of labour unless someone is ill.

They are coming this morning, what I need from psychologist is straight advice. Ie I cannot feel it’s possible to for me to dictate when MrA comes back to our little meeting and they expect me to be the one make my the decision, but as I wrote about Quaker D, she has power in our little meeting and is hostile to me. Maybe psychologist can write to Safeguarding and say no way should I e expected to do this, over to them.

So sorry Wyllow3. So inefficient, the system fails all of us sometimes, as others here would testify. Don't feel it's just you. Hope they arrive soon. You'll feel a bit better by tomorrow. Sending hugs.

Horrible night.

The antibiotics didnt arrive. I was in so much pain and anxiety, I rung 111 and arranged a call back, which I have only just had.

In the meantime I finally cracked and felt suicidal (mods note I do have MH support) and rung 111 for MH help. A very nice women rung back about 2am.

But unfortunately she told me the prescription had not come through to the GP.

Took extra diazepam and sleep for 4 hours and felt suicidal on waking. so got up very early, then the actual call back from 111 at 6.30am.
A good Doc looked carefully and said that the prescription had been sent immediately, but to my small local chemist who don't do afternoon deliveries. they could have rung me! You don't get anti-biotics unless they are urgently needed!

So now I have to ring them at 9am and persuade them to deliver quickly as I really am in a lot of pain. But the overnight thoughts "it hasn't happened, no one cares" had taken over. Its most painful and constant coughing when I lie down

Psychologist at 11.30am - booked weeks ago. I need serious advice and support, we'll see.

EllieAnne The very first thing I did when I got home from having 6 weeks in hospital (and had to use a zimmer frame for a couple of weeks) was to clean the toilet! I clean it every day, often 2 or 3 times. He can't manage to even use a cleaning wipe. You don't have to live like it. Try leaving a list of things for your husband to do - I do that with my husband on days when I'm out, or when I think he's sitting around being lazy. He'll occasionally hoover, do the washing, cook, wash up, but has never polished or mopped. That's ok with me.

Sorry, must sign off. I have started a post to HVDY, will try to finish before I get up tomorrow.
Scaredycat Doodle and Sweetpeasue, talk to you soon.😊
Goodnight everyone xxxxxx

I’m involved in quite a few things but they just fill some time and at the end of it I have to go home.
Hvdy my dh is like yours. I asked him to clean the downstairs shower room before Christmas when I was short of time. The shower was totally dry and had clearly not been touched and the toilet was dirty. He often leaves it dirty and would never think to clean it. So I think all he did was wipe the sink.
I’ll be ok. I m used to living like this.

I must add, my children believe me, just don't understand the effect. My son was offended I didn't travel to his wedding in England. I'm quite sure my siblings think I exaggerate.
Apparently it's a common attitude to ME.

Answering queries about short visits. I've told family. No one understands/believes. Even when I send links to ME/CFS information. Including NHS sites. They all just say, Oh I know, I get tired too. Just have a rest, take some vitamins. I would love to see friends too. I'm very isolated.
I can't go into town ever and stroll around and have a coffee. It's always limited. Tomorrow I hope to get to the hairdresser. That means I do nothing else except get ready. This is one of my rare really good days when I'm able to read some posts and type.
It's not much of a life. So boring. I used to be so active. Physically and socially. But I'm lucky. I know young people who have the same thing. That's much worse. I was only diagnosed after age 50. And only really severe last few years.

Nadateturbe That's apredicament, but I bet your family would understand if you explained. Glad you enjoy doing jigsaws. I didn't know that some libraries have them. Take care.
EllieAnne I think a few of us have felt like that at some point. Does your husband help out around the house? Mine wouldn't do anything unless I asked him to (he's never once e cleaned the bath or toilet, even when I was in hospital for 6 weeks! I hope your bible class goes well tonight and that you find someone to chat to. You could do with a break away - could you have a day trip somewhere? Perhaps on a coach or with a friend?
Wyllow3 Glad you were seen, diagnosed and got antibiotics. No wonder you've been feeling so rough. Take it easy, get some sleep, and keep drinking. I hope you start to feel better soon.
SweetpeaSue What a rigmarole for you and your husband. A real lack of communication between the "professional" parties. I hope you get some joy on Thursday.
Doodle You'll know this, but Alzheimer's doesn't have a set pattern, so affect people in different phases at different times, making it unpredictable. My SIL went through denial, anger, accusations, suspicion, defiance, and is now more settled (she was always a quiet, gentle lady). She recognises my brother and me because she sees us regularly (him more so, obviously). She doesn't remember her son, but he visits perhaps once a month. She wouldn't know her daughter or grandchildren because they haven't bothered to see her for years.

LG day - playgroup, duck park, garden centre cafe for cake They had a wooden train set to play with, which she liked). Jaffa is feeling fine - woke me at 5.15, keeps begging for more food/treats. Pest . Love to all x

Doodle Your thoughts after your DH died and you were walking through the shopping centre were so sad and you must have felt so isolated and alone. I too hope EllieAnne can find something to make life feel as if its worth living . I know you can feel alone even amongst people and perhaps even ore so.
I made a mistake , my book is Monsignor Quixote.
Hope you sleep well tonight and your hip isn't too painful.

Sweetpeasue I didn’t like Don Quixote either. Not my sort of book. Oh not more NHS setbacks. Do hope you get an appointment Thursday. Can’t believe this is dragging on so long. Hope DH is ok. pp
HVDY I remember your SIl being diagnosed. I’m surprised she can still remember you although I suppose the disease progresses differently with different people. Falling is a big problem with some people. Having fallen three times I’m very careful how I walk but it’s not easy.
We saw Cinderella and it was very good,
Ellie Anne I can remember after Dh died walking through the shopping centre and thinking well is this all that’s left for me now. No interest in anything. Sounds pretty much like you’re feeling too. I wish you could find some outside activity to get involved in. Some interest.
Wyllow so pleased you got seen today and they’ve identified your problem. Hope the antibiotics help. Knowing the illness is the reason for such tiredness at least means when you start to feel better your strength will pick up.
Nadateturbe glad to see you popping in from time to time. Nice to keep hearing from you.
Scaredycat much milder today. Do your cats go outside or are they house cats? Do they sit one with you and one with your Dh. When we had two dogs one wanted to be with Dh the most.

Sorry short message tonight.
HVDY My BIL loves Bob Mortimer and that fishing programme. Im reading the reading group's book choice Don Quixote by Graham Greene and its so dry - dont like the author.
EllieAnne You are doing so much and most of it just chores- no wonder you dont like Mondays. It's so not fair that you are having to do it all. I do feel for you - sending a big hug.
Wyllow You sound very drained and poorly. So glad you getting the antibiotics swiftly. Hope the zoom session isnt too taxing.
Nadateturbe Lovely to see you in. Im sure I'd feel the same if I had to tell son to just have a short stay - you are in an awkward position, but on the other hand Im sure your so would understand and would want to know how you really are. Its so good that youve found your library has various jigsaws.

Rang surgery and the Dr we last saw is on Thursday so must wait .
Meanwhile DH had an NHS update on his app thus aft. The hospital refused referral to the RACPC as they said hes no coronary disease history and the last time.e he went to the clinic the Heart nurse said he didnt have Angina ! When the GP referred DH she can't have noted the letter on DHs files about seeing the Cardiologist privately - she was the one who made the referral. Cardiologist has diagnosed DH with angi a and the hospital knows this anyway.
Back to the drawing board on Thursday. DH wanted a F2F 2 weeks ago but shed only speak to him on the phone. It seems impossible for me to get a say in all this. He'll ask again on Thursday morning if he gets phone appt with her( were not allowed F2F unless they say so - and they never do.

Hope everyone is having the best day they can.x

(ps, the foot still cant be walked on far but its better, thanks).
I rely so much on stuff like yoga for well being and getting to the gym - yes stress from MrA has had a long, long reach. He is being required by the mediation process to "own it".

nadateturbe glad to see you in. I wanted to ask, do you get flu type symptoms when you overdo it? or utterly worn and not able to force anything? I'm assuming something similar for Sweetpeasue at a bad point.

The surgery sent round a paramedic mid afternoon who told me yes it was chest infection in two places

What a relief (treatable). I was really ill not just exhausted, coughed a lot of the night,

They are well organised these days - antibiotics will be delivered to me today.

Although I had an hours sleep I have the first session of my Zoom course tonight and really not sure how much I can do, but everyone introduced themselves online and I felt what a lovely lot of interesting people.

nadateturbe it is really really awful having to tell people you love and are close to only so much "no" or "only an hour". At times like these you need them to live close by, don't you? Then it wouldn't be a problem as its "popping round for an hour" sort of little but more often. Do you feel DS would be hostile with the truth? Or just uncomfortable?

All our families are different.

I can tell the truth to DS but tough decisions as it means saying sorry don't come at all.

All BD's - just appreciate you are all here.

Wyllow3 I forgot to say, I hope your foot is ok. I seem to remember you having the same accident a short time ago!

EllieAnne I'm sorry you're feeling like that. Everyone here cares. Is there anything you could do that would improve how you feel?
That's a lot to do in one day, too much really. I hope you left enough energy for your bible study group. Do you do everything yourself?
I think I read that the walking group wasn't great, but it's early days, don't give up too quickly, and you can try a different one if it doesn't work out. And maybe you'll feel more cheerful when the weather brightens. I know I will.
Jigsaws are very relaxing, almost meditational. I only do 500 pieces, our library has a swop table. And I can sit on the bed and do them on a cork notice board.
I wonder how you are feeling today. Hope you're ok xx

Good afternoon everyone. I'm trying to say hello to you all but forgive me if my brain tires before I reach you. May only manage two today. I won't be able to answer everything you've posted. And working backwards.
Wyllow3 I'm sorry you're dealing with flu. You're probably more vulnerable at the minute with all the stress. I do hope you get a satisfactory solution soon. And yes, it could have been handled much better.
It's good to get out and take your mind off it a bit. I so agree, contact with others is important but it's tiring too. I had to make an excuse of having somewhere go to go (I wish!) when my son came last week so he only stayed an hour. How do you tell people I'd really love to see you, but please don't stay too long?!
How good to get a rare home visit, although of course, better if you didn't need it. I hope you get something to help. No need whatsoever to feel guilty.
Take care, drink plenty and rest.x

Say away, Ellie Anne, and sending big hugs your way. I know so well what you mean abut the rears not falling, an ache at the back of the eyes, wanting to give into them, but afraid, holding on. You need the comfort of knowing you are cared for, and we do, here.

I've just rung the GP after a night of not sleeping much cos of flu stuff and worry. Someone is actually coming on a home visit at some point today as no way could I go in...

You were destined for care work, I think, HVDY. It's so in your nature: and the result a loving family despite all the difficulties.

Guilt taking their time up - I just wanted a decision on giving anti-b's because I suspect a secondary infection while immune system is low. But if they are nice then I can discuss my fears as well.

It must be so difficult for you, Doodle, because doing nice things must always remind you of when you did these things together.
I get strong pangs of loss at times re Ex as we had wonderful times at first and these fold back, but it’s totally incomparable with the years and areas of devoted closeness you had.
I’m just glad you are able to have some good bits, and that there are people you can share them with now, and for family love.

I have the heating on low at night when its freezing Scardeycat as if I get up for hot milk its nice.

I’ve woken up with a list in my head of all the things I do on Mondays. Clean the house. Washing. Shopping. Bible study group tonight.
All pointless.
I’ve got tears at the back of my eyes but they won’t fall. They never do.
He says can you get me more deodorant.
I feel that’s what my life has shrunk down to.
Its only here I can say how I feel.

Night night all, thank you for comments, see you tomorrow, and very good to see you in nadateturbe

Have managed to read most of the posts. Thinking of you all. Sending love .x

SweetpeaSue My SIL is doing alright, thanks, although she'll be in hospital for a while yet. What are you reading at the moment? I lack the concentration to read, but I might get Bob Mortimer's recent book. It looks funny.
Wyllow3 I hope your flu-like symptoms ease off a bit. Keep drinking plenty. You seem a bit run-down at the moment. Rest up.
Doodle My SIL has got Alzheimer's, diagnosed about 5 years ago. The reason she originally went into car, 2 years ago, was meant to have been for 2 week's respite, but she fell and broke her hip within 24hrs of being there. She went to a different home after her operation and fell a further 5 times in 5 weeks. She hasn't been able to walk for a long time - so she was unable to go home. I'm glad you enjoyed the panto. Which one was it?
ScaredyCat I went to college when I was 36 (sons were 14 and 12), thinking I'd be able to return to clerical work, but was unable to get a job. I did a part-time job in a care home (hated it) and chose to do community care/palliative care instead - then, at various times, worked in care offices doing patient assessments, care plans and staff rotas. Loved all care work. Jaffa has got the tiniest little squeak, and sometimes is silent when he opens his mouth! Some cats are loud, aren't they. I hope you had a good day. Has all the snow gone around your way? It's cleared here this afternoon/evening and we've had rain all day.

Hope everyone has a restful night. LG tomorrow. x