Black Dogs 28

Hi all
Doodle- I guess maybe the osteoporosis might have some effect on your hip. Good job you are seeing your GP next week.
I,d forgotten about your memory problems- what a blessing you have all those lovely videos. Such a caring thing for your DH to have done for the GC- they will be much thumbed when they have children.
Yes DD and I do go to the same hairdresser. We have had him since he was an apprentice. Now he and his wife have their own salon- they’re lovely people. DD had her colour done while I had mine cut.
EllieAnne- hope you enjoyed the walk and met some nice new people. Do you do your jigsaws on a special mat?
SweetPeaSue- I hope you feel better today.Thank you for popping in .
HVDY- Shame about the museum but the garden centre sounded nice As did the lunch!!
I had my hair cut - same style but shorter. DD has hers coloured then cut. It’s very short and soft blonde.
Sorry your SiL has been taken into hospital- it must be bewildering for her with her dementia.
Wyllow- if your friend F knows MrA well then hopefully the plan you both came up with will be one that he will cooperate with.
It’s lovely for you how your relationship wit( your Son goes from strength to strength. He sounds like a lovely man and a Son to be proud of.
Oh that laptop jumping on your foot must have hurt so bad.- was the air blue!! I hope you managed to hobble to your taxi and back OK. Your meeting was important to you.
Good idea re the defrosting. It’s probably colder outside than your freezer😀

Love to all

Ouch Wyllow I do feel for you. I’ve done the same myself with my iPad and I know how painful it can be. Have you tried cold compress to reduce the swelling or a bag of frozen peas. Hope it eases overnight so you can get to your meeting tomorrow. I do hope the issue with Mr A is resolved to your satisfaction. Good you have F to talk to.
Sweetpeasue hope you are feeling better now. Bowel pain can be quite bad.
Scaredycat nice you’ve got your hair cut. I always feel better after. Do you ever have yours coloured? Must be nice being there with your daughter. Do you sit side by side and have a chat.
Ellie Anne hope the walking group went well. I enjoy mine and we have coffee together after.
HVDY Shane about the museum. Perhaps a visit in the spring would be good. Hope you enjoyed the garden centre though not as exciting for your Dh.
Sorry about your SIL Hope she’s being taken good care of. Very bewildering for her I expect.

ScaredyCat We didn't look around the garden centre (we don't find them interesting) - we only walked around the ponds and fed the swans, geese and ducks. They were all excited. I need my hair cutting (I hate going to a hairdresser's). Is your hair very short, like your daughter's? Cold in this weather!
Doodle It was his idea to go there. It's in a town called Southwell. SIL has apparently got a chest infection and UTI. She'll be looked after ok. How was your day?

Now that was a nice outing, HVDY, despite the museum. Good cultural food mix, there. Iirc, you lost your hairdresser, or was that another BD? I like going as she is so nice. It good that SiL will be looked after properly, drinking enough is often an issue.

Did you get out today, Scaredycat? it was very cold.

I do hope today was OK, Doodle, did you have an indoor day today?

Yes, I iced it a lot last night Doodle I have a couple of ice packs in the freezer. Then overnight ut the foot under compression bandage. So this morning I could sort g hop/hobble to the taxis. It’s going up and down stairs that is hardest.

Psychiatrist nice, allowed me to try reducing the meds a little and reassured me no harm in a little bit of drink (different from the other Doc in the unit). She didnt say a lot abut the incident, but she is intending to saee me fairly soon so it’s taking the bad depressive jags seriously.

I found out today that MrS had clearly been so non plussed or shocked or concerned or hostile or upset after reading what I wrote that they are giving him 2 extra sessions before we all meet up. Especially some eh found out what I had written and has been read by our Quaker key people

And then they may follow up with one and I think that will to make sure its clear with Quaker Safeguarding where all stands. On the whole, feel it’s a good thing.

Just very tired otherwise. I’m doing an uptown date family collage and keep making errors so left it for tomorrow:

we are having quite a bit of snow here so it will be indoors anyway.

The pic is of the lamppost that got hit by a car, earlier when there was only a bit of snow.
But I do like a bit of snow magic, as it wont last long after tomorrow anyway.

Up to date family collage. I didn't even see my spelling mistakes posted above, so it's time for bed!

Snowed in here. Well, its not quite that bad, 5 inches of snow, and tho schools are closed, things like deliveries and ambulances fine. But it is visually lovely, and I know wont last too long, it's like a carpet of peace, and given my walking is still a bit of a trial, due to the computer incident, will get on with home things like the family collage. Or stay here sitting at the computer ....
Quaker friend F has got a lump on her breast and rung me, but it's not gone too far, and I was grateful to be trusted: she asked after me at the end, and we both agreed that it was a good thing that MrA has been given extra sessions. Just another reminder too - she "has my back"on this one including what Quaker D has said.

Scaredycat When DH cuts my hair he just cuts the length straight across but I usually clip bits off too. Hes always been good at dyeing my roots but it becomes more difficult for him holding the bad arm up. Oh, I imagine you might have a very cute short crop.
HVDY Ive become phobic about hairdressers I think. Good on you for keeping going even when you hate it. Glad Jaffa has started eating now. Must have been nice feeding the wildlife - Im a bit scared of Geese but I expect those on the pond were quite tame and used to people.
Wyllow Ooo ouch .Sounded like a nasty injury- corner of your laptop yet so easy done. Your photo looks lovely with the snow. Wonder when that lamp will be fixed. Good to hear that you have a nice Quaker friend to talk to and she 'has your back'on Mr A. Glad that breastfeeding lump has been caught in time - trusting you is special and sounds like a deeper friendship developing.
Doodle I hadn't realised you'd were still in the walking group- you have so many activities and must have made so many friends after joining them . Hope your hip is little better and not so painful. Ive started doing little daily cycling again on exercise bike as Ive been so inactive lately( exercise isnt my no 1 love, Im afraid and Ive put so much weight on 🥺)
Nadateturbe Hope you're OK after the gastroscopy procedure and you dont need any treatment.
EllieAnne How did your first walking group session go? Hope the walks are within your present ability, though I know you are used to doing quite long ones anyway.

Ive been feeling very depressed and dont seem to be able to lift myself out of it. Each day I think it will be better only to find I feel the same. DH was looking at his NHS app and there was a note against the Rapid Access Chest clinic referral saying 'do not refer until the ECG is done'. Stupid as the RACC is meant to be within 2 weeks. He had his ECG yesterday ( took 10 dys from GP requesting it) so the referral could still have been done 10 dys ago as they knew when the appt for ECG was. DH has also got date for appt for NHS Cardiology -- May for goodness sake. Hoping whoever we see at the RACC appt will be able to bring things forward.

So depressed I feel like Ive lost any fight and just ground down- DH feels the same. Its like - that whats the point feeling.
Sorry I dont have much of activities to report.

Hoping everyone is just keeping going .x

My walk was ok. The distance was okay but I struggled with an incline and steps. Mostly walked on my own but had a few conversations. A lot of people came with a friend and stuck together. But I will look out on fb for other suitable walks.
I hope no one was badly affected by the storm.

Wyllow3 Yes, my hairdresser went to prison (got 5 years). Hope that lady's breast lump turns out to be nothing bad. She's obviously comfortable with talking to you. It's thick snow on our street, and the gritter lorry didn't go up yesterday.

SweetpeaSue When is your DH seeing the RACC people? Sorry if you've said before. It's no wonder you both feel so low. You must keep going, though, as you're so near now to getting things done.

EllieAnne How was the walking group?
Nadateturbe How are you, after the procedure?

Kept the heating on all right (Jaffa enjoyed that) and woke up boiling hot at 6, so changed my bed, did the washing, also hoovered everywhere and generally faffed about. SIL has Sepsis so is being treated for that. Brother says he might visit tomorrow (she's been in hospital previously for 3, 4 weeks and he's never once visited). He'll need to get a taxi, which he won't like.

Ellie Anne it might take you a couple of goes to find the righ walking group. Although I go with my friend we don’t walk together but chat to others. Even if some of the people did go together they may not be adverse to having you chat with them. It’s hard with a new group I know but over time you get to know them.
Sweetpeasue yes I’m still with the walking group and sit fit and art class and church activities. And yes I’ve made a lot of new friends. I have to keep busy, I find it hard to relax because my mind takes over. I think about DH all the time even talk to him in my head while I’m with others but I have to do things to keep me occupied as much as possible. I’ve been very fortunate in the friends I’ve made but you have to make the effort. Sitting home and waiting for friendships to happen isn’t the way. I’m not a confident person not really a joiner and certainly not the life and soul of the party but I’ve found there are a lot of lonely people out there who just want to chat.
Of course you’re depressed and your Dh. You’re going through and have been going through a tough time. These health problems and lack of proper care would wear anyone down. Your depression is understandable and not unexpected under the circumstances. I know what it feels like and have been the same several times but you will come through this and life will be easier again but it’s hard to cope with while you’re going through it. please don’t give up the fight. It’s worth it.
Wyllow the snow looks pretty but I hope it doesn’t cause you a problem. Better news about the Mr A situation also having a Quaker friend confide in you, I think it’s good you went back to Quakers.
HVDY sorry about your SIL. I think it’s quite common for people in care homes to have infections like this. With dementia the body doesn’t look after itself so well. My brother had several hospital admissions for chest infections as they said his food often went down the wrong way.
I quite like garden centres for something to do. Haven’t got a garden so try to find the ones that sell other things.
Scaredycat do you have snow? Please be careful if you go out. The ground is quite slippery. I’ve taken to having my walking stick with me for extra support. Went with walking group today. Wet but not too cold. Then went to hospice for lunch and food shop on the way home.

Doodle You won't believe it , but you're a true inspiration for us. The way you have lived your life after your huge and immeasurable loss of your dearest is remarkable. Im certainly not a 'joiner' either- very introvert and Ive ,mostly, not minded too much, except it can get very lonely. Dont get me wrong, I do like most people I come in contact with - ie- I understand that there are many things that form a person's thinking and the way they are. I just know Ive not been around a lot., in real life, very alone , while DH has been working, as a housewife. The only time Ive done something for myself is when I did some college stuff, which was a huge thing for me to get in to as a mature student, and my piano exams. All that a long time ago.
Sorry, dont know why all that's come out.
Sleep well all and thankyou Doodle.
.

Well done for getting out on a grotty day, Doodle. I'm glad another piece of the jigsaw of "Regular stuff" is back. And popping in to the hospice, which carries very special meanings with it. BTW, the Quaker thing was a Zoom, there is actually one or two half hour ones very day! something that really might be good.

Good idea to keep looking at different walking groups, Ellie Anne. There are so many locally here in parks as well as longer ones. and I expect they all have a different "Feel" to them. I expect some are more "walk with close friends only" than others, but of course there will be some friendships in all of them that will take time to cope with, so don't judge yourself if you found that hard, I bet most newcomers would.

Sweetpeasue I was very glad to read that you are managing a bit of indoor cycling. Every little bit counts although it doesnt feel that at the time.

It doesnt surprise me you are getting a lot of "whats the point" feelings, given your situation. I'm going to say what I have before, entirely predictable... I think you need to reach out for some MH support. Most people in serious physical health situations are affected emotionally and yours has been first for you than DH and you.

But I will say this - when you are feeling "whats the point" - then its likely that you are applying that to any possible help as in it wont do any good^, I've tried it before^
I can recall being reluctant to see workers when very depressed.
It was only knowing I had to stop thinking suicidally if I possibly could (except when I wanted to die) and it might just help...so please consider this

You just never know

I'm impressed with the 6am activities, HVDY. What temperature did you have the heating on to get that hot? I decided to put mine up at night to 15 degrees when it is this cold, was yours more than that.

I felt so grotty later physically and mind wise too I unwillingly took another tramadol for the physical aches.

There is just a lot going on deep down until MrA matter resolved, just need to accept that and am doing to a certain extent, and I am able to do enough physically and go out to Costa and my favourite drive out more than atm. (and stop doing things like dropping computers on toes. (I can walk on my foot now so thats good)

I reckon the snow is drivable in tomorrow only with a lot of care, its not far to the gritted road, unless we get more overnight but it will be melting tomorrow temperature wise.

Waves to all BD's in and not in or reading. I must say that being a bit PEM stuff makes me admire how you cope all the time nadateturbe. a tough road.

Hi all
HVDY- I like all the other things in the big Garden Centres and we have our little local one for plants.
It was so cold yesterday so just went to Mand S for coffee and a few bits and bobs. There were so many young Mums with the dearest little babies and toddlers. We sat next to such a friendly baby and I thought of LG who I bet smiles at everyone.
My hair is not as short as DD but is a sort of short bob.
Ah poor SiL she won’t be feeling too good- your brother needs to go and see her.
Has your snow gone now? If not be careful
Doodle-It did seem funny being at the hairdressers with DD- first time in all those years. I don’t need colour as my hair is whitish blonde and has been for a long time. It’s not thick like yours though.
You have always had such a positive attitude towards making new friends.Its not easy but as you,ve found people in general all have their own problems and are happy to meet and chat with others to share life experiences with.
We,ve not had snow but there have been some very slippery days. It’s been too cold to go out for a proper walk for a few days but today we ventured out and had a walk with a Costas.
It’s sensible you using your stick - I need to fish mine out from when we did Alpine walking.
Hope you can get out this weekend.
EllieAnne- yes you,could try a few walking groups - it’s such a nice thing to do just walk and talk.After all you all have something in common in loving to walk. It’s never easy joining an established group but most people are nice once you get to know them.
SweetPeaSue- that was a brave thing to do in going to college. Do you,still play the piano? That is such an achievement.
Good idea to get back on your exercise bike- good all round exercise.
I,m sorry you feel so low still.Its not surprising considering the relentless bashing you and your DH have been subjected to to.
I do hope the cardiology appt can be brought forward.
Keep fighting but also try to have some lighter moments together when you are able. Think of those lovely times by the Sea or in the Lakes or with your family- it’s worth fighting for.
Wyllow- I hope your friend F will be OK. So nice that she trusts you and feels comfortable confiding in you.
I love the quietness the snow brings and how beautiful it looks when it’s new. The seagulls have been inland this week and coming down for bread. Our furry boys sit and look at them and make that funny noise when cats see birds.
Hope it’s gone for you now so you can get out and about again.

Love to all and hope all our missing friends are keeping warm and as well as possible.

Doodle I think the way you've pushed yourself to join things, meet people, and go to places is brave and admirable. It's not easy to do as we get older. I wish my brother could be like that.

SweetpeaSue I was a housewife like you, and stayed at home until Son2 was 15. I did a full-time college course for mature students - computing and business studies, although I ended up doing care work instead. How long did it take you to learn to play the piano? I can't play any instrument! You did well. Have you got a piano now?

Wyllow3 Our heating was on at 17 degrees at night, and 20 during the day. No wonder I was so hot. Glad your foot is better and that you're able to get out to Costa etc. Does Mr Costa still go in there?

ScaredyCat LittleGirl is sometimes shy with adults outside of the family. I'm going to visit my SIL, with my brother tomorrow. I'll drive to his and we'll get a taxi, as it's a nightmare to park at QMC, even with my blue badge. The multistorey car park was demolished ages ago, as it was apparently unsafe. The snow is all still on the pavements and side roads where I live. DH drove today. I love that chirruping noise cats make when they see birds - Jaffa doesn't do it (in fact, he hardly ever makes a sound), GD2's kittens are doing well. Two have now been adopted (together) by a friend, and the 3rd one is going to stay with Mum Cat. Kittens are no2 11 weeks old.

Met up with Son1 and his 2 girls earlier. Had a drink and meal at a "real ale" pub, and played cards. They were going to take the dog out when they got home - she's a Husky/Collie and absolutely loves this weather. Hope everyone is ok x

Wyllow Did a bit more cycling today.
Im not suicidal - just extremely depressed. Im out of MH care now and really dont want to become reliant if I can help it . I expect I would get some help if I asked again but I want to cope if I can.
Did you manage to drive to Costa today? Hope the roads are OK.
Scaredycat Thankyou for your kind words. Yes, it was extremely scary going to college and yes I do still have my piano. The snow does make everything look beautiful when its just fallen.
HVDY Oh its very scary going into education as a mature student isn't it. Im glad you found your vocation was in the Caring profession - I know how much you have loved it and you should be proud of all youve given to others.
How long did it take me to play is difficult to answer really. I started with some lessons at about 12 and after about 10 we moved. I restarted when boys were at school and took grades then music teacher moved so went to another and competed grades. I dont play very much now as dont have confidence to play when I know neighbours can hear through the thin wall. Always meant to change my piano to an electric one so I can use headphones but not done it yet.
Glad you got to see your son for a meal out . You have such a close family.
DoodleEllieAnne**Nadateturbe and others, hope your day has been OK.

Letter received today saying DHs Rapid Access Chest clinic appt is being 'reviewed' . Dont know whats gone wrong. Last time he was referred there he got an appt in the 2 weeks ( even though the nurse told him there he hadn't got angina). So tired of it all. DH thinks they might be under impression we're trying to jump queue as he has been given one for May , but its not the case. On the Rapid Access Chest clinic ( googled it) it says for new Chest pains or worsening angina pain. More GP phone calls to make.

Wishing a a peaceful night.x

As long as you are getting out for a short walk and a break, Scaredycat, thats the main thing. I too love it when in a cafe (or the gym) there are small kids around. (Erm...in the right quantity ie not vv noisy). Your hair sounds similar colour wise to me -white but with some bits of ash blonde running through. I thought, it must have been fun to be at the hairdressers togehter(Mine is getting thin cos of the meds, which is one of the reasons along with sight blurring I need to reduce them)
When is DS coming over? How far does DD live away?

Yes, 17 degrees is quite hot for the night, HVDY. I hope it didn’t happen again and you had a better sleep. Was it nice and sunny today for your meet up with Son 1 and the girls? Nice little break with long enough for cards and a chat there. Its good their dog is good with these temperatures.

Well….gossip mode “on”… not getting into Costa quite as much, actually no room today so I didnt go in, but…..MrCosta has entirely disappeared. Yup. When I last saw him he wasn’t in a great state but was muttering about escaping to the sun or taking up the offer of staying for free with a friend in Croatia to sort himself out instead of the huge project he had wanted to to. Not that anything good would have ever happened with age gap but just as well…….

Thank you for your wellness report, Sweetpeasue. You really are doing so well in really tough times so it’s hardly surprising the levels of depression are what they are. Well, you can always as you say get back in contact. Great to hear you are keeping up the cycling when you can.
Do you enjoy listening to music, even when not playing it?

What a muddle re DH. Yes, you need to find out what “Reviewing” means. Talk about making people anxious - maybe quite unneccesarily.

Today I did get out - with some difficulty, as had to spend a long time getting the car out in the snow and getting frozen snow off the windscreen - and getting stuck halfway out and pressing passers by to help push the car. Two men were a bit grumpy, but a youngish women rushes over to help. Huh. Anyway I did an hour and a bit at the gym, and because I have a cough on my chest now stopped on the way home to get some eucalyptus oil.

I went to sleep, and woke as I knew I would, exhausted and fluey - definitely PEM, but you have to have it for a few months before you can get a diagnosis.

I have to live with it and not fight it. As long as I can get to the gym and some light people contact there.
Its necessary to cut down on some nice casual nattering, it takes energy up just as physical exercise does, even spending too long online engaging with others.

Sweetpeasue I’m not surprised your depressed and now another set back with this Rapid access clinic. I can’t believe how badly the NHs have treated your Dh. Yes please phone the GP and find out what’s going on. Don’t give up please. Times can be very hard but we have to keep going.
Don’t keep putting yourself down. I could never go to collage. That would scare me too much. Your braver than you think
Wyllow glad you’re still going to Costa and doing stuff. Our church has zoom services most mornings too. I think it’s quite common now but I still can’t get the hang of it. Sorry what is PEM . You’ve probably said but I missed it.
HVDY nice of you to say I’m brave but it’s more desperation than anything else. I found being in our home alone so distressing I knew I had to find things to do. I’m very fortunate in having a good friend/neighbour who I see most days. It certainly helps a lot. Having family close by helps too. When I joined art class I so very nearly gave up the second week. It was so hard. I kept going to the toilet to cry. I was shaking so much I couldn’t hold the pencil or draw but I kept on going and now am part of a group of 8 friends who meet up often.
Nice you met up with your son and the two girls. Hope they’re getting on ok.
Scaredycat I have gulls here (at least I think that’s what they are) much smaller than seagulls. They land on the roof of our flats about 40 or 50 at a time and swoop down to the river and up and around over and over again. I watch them every morning. I could sit here quite happily and watch the birds fly past. We have lots of red kytes (or is it kites) too.
Spent most of the day painting a birthday card for my friend only to mess it up at the last minute. Start again tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue Do your neighbours go out to work? Could you play the piano at a time that wouldn't bother anyone much? It seems a shame not to use it. About the "review" of your husband's RACC appointment - perhaps they are bringing the appointment forward, so that he is seen before May. I hope so.

Wyllow3 Perhaps Mr Costa has gone away. I wish someone would offer me a free break in Croatia! I Googled Post Exertional Malaise. It does sound as though you've got that. I suppose you have to pace yourself and see what you can tolerate.

Doodle How lovely to watch all the birds like that. Are those gulls noisy like seagulls? The GDs were both off school yesterday - schools around there were shut yesterday (not near me), so Son1 worked from home and gave them jobs to do - including walking the dog.

Jaffa's appetite is fully restored - he's has 2 lots of cooked chicken plus 3 pouches of food today. He must be feeling better (his Gingivitis is another matter). I rang the hospital at 6, managed to speak to my SIL - she knew who I was, sounded fine but said she's fed-up (no surprise). I'll take her some biscuits and fruit juices tomorrow. Night all x

Doodle PEM a condition that is often post viral that hasn't got better, but is often related to a very stressful period.
So if I do more than say 3/4 hours concentrating on anything (exercise, talking, tidying at home, then later, I have heavy fluey symptoms, (cough, cold, dry eyes, aches, a temperature), and no energy, foggy brain. Its been building up tho I have been unwilling to admit and name it properly and its undoubtedly as a result of the stresses as its new to me.

If you have it for 6 months it's officially diagnosed as CFS or ME depending on symptoms.

It's not unlike a mild version of what nadeteturbe has, who has ME really, really badly, most days, constantly, with additional symptoms.

In the middle of a bad dose this evening: today I did:
bit of digging car out,
bits of tidying,
1 hr 15 mins gentle exercise, chatted a bit to people at the gym
, drove home,
slept,
went online a bit,
watched TV.

But you - everyday has been a struggle to keep going, for a long long time. It's worth trying to get into Zoom. You don't have to do more than click on the Zoom link, someone else sets up the invitation.

Get a friend in for the first time as there are choices along the bar at the bottom, like switching video and sound on and off (you can attend a meeting without being seen)

Why bother? Well for me it means I can be home alone yet "with" people, and this might be of help to you, bring people into your home, if you have a reasonable lap top. I expect your family might help?

It may mean you can cope him alone better. Just a thought - do you phone WhatsApp family?
There is a video function on that too, and you can see the person you are talking too. My son some times takes me on a tour round his house and the grandchildren to wave at me, this is nice in the early evening, since they live too far away to see more than just now and then in person.

Woke up feeling full on flu and shivering temperature coughing and full of fear in waking in the night, this wont go away and run out of paracetamol soon all you feel you sort of dont know what to with yourself. I just wish I wasn't afraid "never get better" and angry it needn't have been this way I was just getting well when it happened

Also grumpy with my Quaker local leading lights. Surely there could have been a Quaker reparative procedure?

Doodle It was sad but inspiring to read how you persevered when you first started in your art group. So glad you stayed and have formed those friends.
It must be amazing to watch those birds - Kites are beautiful birds .
Wyllow Thanks for explaining the PEM ,I wasnt sure of its meaning either. Its good you understand why those symptoms are happening- you are doing so well - going to the gym , Costa and Quakers . Must have been awful getting your car sorted out after the snow - hope youve not had more there. Extremely windy here and rain today has washed most of it away. Hope you managed the quaker meeting either in person or Zoom. I used to like listening to music but I just choose some occasionally lately - not sure why. It still gets to me though and if something lovely is on the car radio it can bring tears.
HVDY Jaffa has well and truly got his appetite back hasn't he. Hope you found your SIL in a good state of mind and she could respond to you - so kind of you to go and see her and take her things. It will help her remember you and recognise you .
The man next door works nights so sleeps in the day.
Think the full name of that clinic is Rapid Access Chest Pain ,so RACPC, I googled it and most hospitals have them and waiting time is around 2 weeks.

Had a quiet day inside , reading, knitting, browsing on phone and looking at sofa- beds for spare room. Never know when one is needed.
Hoping everyone is ok. Love to all and those not personally mentioned .x

I now this sounds funny, but even tho music doesn't sort of work for you as comfort, I'm glad it can still touch you, even if sad - I'll be thinking of you tomorrow morning trying to get answers and dates and clarification. I just wish they would have explained more!!!!. Good move re the sofa bed, you never know - atm all I have is a rather thin rolled up futon, I think DS or the kids are the only ones I'd dare to suggest sleeping on it.

My feelings went like this: I can deal with the despair at nights, I have found ways...I can deal with a certain amount of tiredness as in sleeping in the afternoons and not doing a lot in the evenings as long as I can get out in the mornings - I managed on my own for 5 days over Christmas not seeing anyone but "hello's" in the Park and a bit in the gym

but today I woke up at 4am with full on flu symptoms, actually really really ill, it stayed all day tho I did a bit of kitchen clearing, and I can't stand the idea of that going on home alone. Not being able to do things.

I've thought of course, 'how could I have handled the MrA thing differently, so's this didn't happen? How can I handle being this poorly? (Also, "couldnt you have helped me more to prevent this", but thats got to be done with tact, as I believe a stiff letter from her would have had impact given her status.)

Yes its a learning experience in being strong and handling it without their support, but not like this!
I shall ask my psychologist when she comes on Tuesday - coincidental timing.

But if I think of MrA, what strikes me is how dreadful the handling it by Quakers was from the start.

It didn't need to go on this long if they had done some in house or bought in mediation - in November!

And the lack of support - a person should have been appointed who knew what they were doing from the start, not who was adversarial but who have a basic psychological understood how women react to assault and how to support them/us.

That was confusing. I put the questions I want to ask my psychologist before introducing her into the post. Duh.

HVDY the gulls are only noisy if there’s food around, if heure just flying about they’re quiet.
It’s surprising your SIL know who you are. By the time my brother was in a care home he didn’t have a clue who I was at all. Pleased to hear Jaffa’s appetite has returned.
Wyllow thank you for explaining it to me. It does sound like ME. I can see how zoom can be really helpful. Our sons only live about 10 mins from here so I can see them often but understand what a boon it old be to you.
Please don’t be afraid. You’ve got so much better and come so far. You’re doing fine Wyllow you’ll get there.
Sweetpeasue I’m sure a quiet weekend will do you good. You’ve had so much stress recently, Hope your Dh was ok.
Scaredycat I’ve been to the panto tonight. It was very funny and I was with a good crowd. Just missing Dh so much he’s in my mind all the time. The panto silliness helped though

Hi all
HVDY- I really admire you going to college and get qualifications after your boys got older. You must have been such a lovely care worker- you are such a good Mum and Nan.
We don’t have our heating on at night- you must have been sweating cobs. Hope the visit to your SiL went well and that she is on the road to physical recovery.
Glad the little kitties have a bright future ahead of them and that they are doing well. They must be so cute now. I imagined Jaffa was a vocal cat - our boys like the sound of their,own voices!
SweetPeaSue- oh it would be a treat for you to have an electric piano- you deserve something nice.
Can’t believe the inefficiency still going on with regards to the Clinic- yes do phone the GP it’s unforgivable. Your DH shouldn’t have to wait a moment longer than he has to.
A quiet day is nice sometimes- time to gather your thoughts and do things you enjoy.
Doodle- I think you are brave too.It wasn’t easy starting again when I was young but so much more difficult when you are older.Your Art group sounds so friendly and encouraging.
Your personality shines through your posts and you sound so kind and approachable that you would fit in anywhere.
It must be wonderful to have all those lovely birds to watch.
Our furries would be mesmerised- the kites must be beautiful.
How lovely to make your friend a card- hope you were able to do another one. It will mean a lot to her.
Wyllow- you must enjoy your virtual visits to your Sons house
I enjoy that too and saying hello to my Granddogs. Last time I saw his new log burner it looked so cosy. Simple pleasures that mean a lot.
So sorry about the PEM- the stress you,ve been under plus increased activity have run you down a bit. You are right you have been getting really well and so have seen it is possible for you to get better. But you are very vulnerable to emotional upset more than most. Please don’t let that awful man and and a few blinkered people make you lose faith in your lovely Quaker friends. You are brave and strong - take care of yourself.
EllieAnne,Nadateturbe,Allsorts,Candy and all friends wishing you a peaceful night