What do I tell them?

Thank you for your kind comments.

BlueBelle it sounds like you did your absolute best to keep your lovely Mum safe. Hugs back to you.

We tried to move Mum to a lovely care home very near us, but the home she was in gave a negative review of her and they wouldn't take her.

I now understand what people mean when they say dementia means a long goodbye.

I miss how my lovely Mum was so much.

My heart goes out to you Foxglove. Dementia is a cruel Disease. My DH was diagnosed 2 years ago but already our lives have changed. My man is changing in so many ways. Memory loss and losing things are minor symptoms and relatively easy to manage. Changes in personality are a very different matter. I fear for the future. I send you strength and a big hug and can only imagine the pain you are in . 💐🌸🌼

I feel for you Foxglove. We went through something similar with my mum, though not quite so extreme as your situation. Dementia is such a destructive, heart breaking disease for everyone involved. Grandmabatty has offered good advice. I hope you and your mum find some peace very soon.

PM’d you Foxglove

Foxglove you have my sympathy. Mum had dementia and others problems and I often had well meaning people asking after her. Her reality would have shocked some of them, I'm sure, and I couldn't face the relentless questioning from others. I wish your mum a peaceful passing

Foxglove I went through a similar time with my mum over seven years in fact, I moved her from one care home where I thought she was being hurt to another it was only marginally better I visited every day after work and often saw things I didn’t like, no more getting attacked, but not changed enough when wet, left to sit in the same position for long periods, stuck in front of the tv with any old thing on told she was ‘naughty’ etc etc I could go on she died twelve years ago and I still beat myself up that I should have done more I couldn’t change care homes she was not self funded and we had little choice in my area.
I agree with Grandmabatty I think her answer is perfect
A hug from me 🤗

Thank you Grandmabatty, I think that's a good response. Thanks also for the other kind comments, it is a difficult time, so they are appreciated.

I’m so sorry foxglove. My mum went through similar, it is absolutely horrendous for everyone.
People like to ask, and of course it’s only being kind after all, but I understand where your coming from it can be difficult, sometimes, I used to feel flummoxed because I didn’t know where to start or indeed if I even should, so I just used to say there’s no change unfortunately she’s still in the care home.
Usually that was enough. I think my face often gave the game away, I always looked tired and stressed so they changed the subject.
Please look after yourselves too. You have my sympathy.

What an awful time for you. I suppose a simple " Thanks for asking". Anybody with any sensitivity would be able to read between the lines.

I am so sorry for what you have all gone through.

^Grandmabatty's suggestions are good.

I might shake my head a bit and just say "not good".

"Thanks for asking. Mum isn't doing well but I find it upsetting so won't go into details."
" she's no better, but I appreciate you asking "