Black Dogs 29

Wyllow I don’t understand how those in charge can let the situation in your worship meeting continue..it’s meant to be a place of peace and how can it be with these tensions in the background. It’s supposed to be your safe space and that has been violated. There are tensions and disagreements in every church but sexual assault is on a different level.
By the way I just found out that the Scottish Lib Dem leader Alec Cole Hamilton is a Quaker. Tempted to vote for them but they have no chance in my area so probably a wasted vote.

Thank you Ellie Anne you can understand how it's a sort of mini crisis in faith, but the man is an outrider. to me Sexual Assault is a "beyond the pale", Yes! but others have to believe it fully too.

Honesty telling the truth is a central tenet of Quakers, I wonder how Alec Cole Hamilton manages to be a politician! But its a big thing for you as its government elections.

But I had to vote tactically and ours are only council elections.
here, it's became a matter of keeping someone out and voting for the party most likely to achieve it. Not the best way, is it?

Wyllow I iron all clothes that are cotton/Polyester, so all my t-shirts, dresses, trousers. His stuff, too. I don't do bedding. I've been sitting reading a magazine and doing crosswords, still putting off anything that needs doing. Hope your Quaker meeting goes ok. It's sunny and bright here, so I've just put some washing on the line.

Wyllow I have a magnifying mirror too and Im afraid my 'map' is very crumpled.😩
I do hope your Quaker meeting went ok today and it felt a lot better without Mr A. Its a rude awakening indeed when our long held beliefs about those we look up to and have faith in are shattered.
HVDY You are up early indeed- I just wish I could surface earlier. I find if I wake up in early hrs I start to ruminate about worries and how to solve them.
Ive got ironing to do now- DH only wears shirts.
Purplepixie Thankyou- beautiful photo. Hope youve not felt too bad today.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Heard from aunt's DD and aunt fell earlier in the week and is in hospital with fractured pelvis. Hope to visit her this week.
Washing done and dried. Wish I had more energy.

SweetpeaSue I use the magnifying side of a shaving mirror to do my make-up. It's good for checking my "moustache", too. Sorry to hear about your aunt. Perhaps it might be time for her to live in a care home, once she's recovered. I wish I had more energy, too. Still not touched the ironing!

Hope ALL BDers have been OK today x

Sweetpeasue glad your home and had a lovely time. Must be hard for your DIL. Nice of you to drop in with her card. I think you could try phoning the hospital Monday and ask for the Rapid Accès Clinic and explain your problem. You might not get anywhere but it’s worth a try.
Purplepixie lovely photo how beautiful

Wyllow I am surprised at the lack of support you’ve had from the Quakers. Like in most faiths, it’s not the faith it’s the individual people who sometimes don’t hold true to the values.
HvDY tha magnifying side of the mirror frightens the life out of me. That hairy creature who I see in there is so scary.
Sweetpeasue I’m sorry about your dear aunt. It happens so often. Be nice of you to visit.
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a good day. I went to church this morning and evensong tonight. Lovely’s sermons at both events.

HVDY Ironing waiting for me tomorrow too. Yes , its DHs shaving mirror I use- they're brutal.
Im hoping social services will take more note of aunts latest situation.
Doodle Thanks, thats worth a try.
Glad both services today were so meaningful and good.

It was a lovely Quaker meeting without MA. Just made made me more determined that he wont be back without some real repentance/true contrition. I dont like the way atm people are leaving it to me (ie to say clearly after his trial period of 4 more once a month attending I do not feel emotionally safe or comfortable) which is not fair that its my only real power. But the email I wrote to QuakerR will have some impact. DS said th only thing with a man like him is someone with really authority to make matters clear, but Quakers dont quite function like that, we work through consensus. And I have just given R full information.

I mean, imagine finding out last week as I did that R, although one of the significant people in the controlling group for our meeting thought I had gone to the police without consulting Quakers! I mean...no one had talked adequately to Safeguarding or vice versa. but felt valued and determined today.
there is a very elderly lady who lives in the supported flats next to where we meet, who just about manages to walk to the meeting, and she and I get on very well.

She also has had to deal with both her DH and a DD who have severe MH issues and still has to manage DD's finances - before she got out as not being able to physically cope anymore with her much more elderly husband's very complex and quite coercive behaviour and is isolated. But I had to think hard - I know I need her too, but I also know that she is likely to need more and more help (mind as bright as a button but can't use technology (like Quaker Zooms) and it is likely to involve loss for me -

OTOH I have always liked talking to very elderly people - sitting, reflecting, drinking coffee and best cups and carefully laid out biscuits....on the great and the small things in life, and we share values:
in the 1990's I got on really well with another elderly Quaker and ended up doing her funeral oration.

In the afternoon I attended one of our local twice monthly Womens Interfaith meetings. (Currently Christian, Muslim, Jewish, and Sikh) They are wonderful. We always find out in the end we have more in common than that which divides us.

Then I couldn't bear being indoors any longer so went for a walk in the park with a coffee and lemon drizzle cake, I shall be very tired tomorrow. Just one thing to do.

Pic is of park's boating lake.

I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt, Sweetpeasue. Sadly it often goes that way - like Doodle said, it often has to read a sort of crisis point when people want to stay put and it isn't suitable. I'm glad you are visiting to see for yourself, and I hope that you and DH can find a way of being more supported for his condition so there is someone more easy to reach out too.

Yes my map is crumpled and I think most unfair, why, I used to have...but we cant fight time

HVDY days like to day -warm, sunny - don't come round too often and I think sitting in the garden is a productive use of time. I have yet to iron ^any blokes clothes for him^, unless it was an alteration.

DH1 hardly ever wore shirts, if he did he ironed them himself: DH2/Ex was very good at it quite proud but preferred and was OK at work to wear smart casual.

I'm glad there were 2 good sermons, Doodle a good sermon gives a sense of comfort and interconnectedness and wisdom all wrapped up.

Thinking of BD's not in today, and those too poorly and other GN's who also suffer in our sorts of ways.

Doodle I had to smile at your description of yourself - "hairy creature". Hope you have a pleasant day today.

Wyllow3 The multi-faith meeting you had yesterday sounds great - women who can all get along with each other, regardless of different religions. That boating lake looks wonderful. Is that the Botanical Gardens?

It's a warm and sunny morning. No LG as DH isn't well - very unlike him - diarrhoea, sore throat, headache, so he went back to bed at 8 and is still there. I went to Son1's (8 miles away), took him to work (a further 6) as his car failed the MOT and needs things fixing, then back here to collect Jaffa and take him to the vet's (a different branch, 7 miles up the road), as he's having some teeth out. Poor boy. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Hi all
HVDY- glad you ,ve had a refund although I,m sure you,d rather she did a good job on the first place. Not worth getting too upset- you’re a great looking lady.
Hope DH gets better soon and you don’t catch the lurgy.
Poor Jaffa- one of my DD cats has no teeth and he polishes food off like no tomorrow! Hope he’s not on too much pain.
PurplePixie- love the photo- it’s been a great year for bluebells.
So nice to see a note of optimism in your words.
Doodle- glad you had no after effects from the COVID jab and were able to get to church on Sunday.
I took my friend to see her DH while mine was at Golf. He is very frail but very much ‘with it’ and reading his language books and watching footie on the tele etc The food there is wonderful.
The trouble with my heart is that AF makes it work twice as hard so it’s getting tired. But thank you for your kind words.
SweetPeaSue- what a lovely MiL you are- going to see your DiL before you,d unpacked. She must have felt so alone and missing her Mum and your DS.
Yes that’s the only trouble with self catering - the packing and unpacking is a right faff!
Maybe you could book another week for the Summer- it’s like a dose of medicine for you both .Its such a special place.
It would be beneficial for you both to have a someone you could phone when concerned without having to jump through hoops.
I would rathe4 stick pins in my eyes than look at myself on a magnifying mirror!!
So sorry about your Aunt- hope she’s not on too much pain. You must be worried about her.
Wyllow- no wonder we get on well- I,m an old bird!!
I love the thought of an interfaith group- so nice to learn of others way of life and their feelings. As women we certainly have more in common despite such different upbringings.
What a good idea to get out in the park- it looks lovely. Especially as Coffee and cake were involved and a bit of people watching too.
Hope you’re not too tired today- have a sit in your lovely garden and just drift.

Love to allxxxxx

I had a better weekend. I kept busy and I did pull DH up a couple of times for his sarcasm. He stopped.
Quiet morning - tidying up the garden then shopping. Having a bit knit right now. Felt like having a good cry earlier. I’m ok thanks.

Purple pixie I wish I could cry. Haven’t for years. Sometimes tears come into my eyes but go no further.
I think it’s because the last time I cried he shouted at me.
Now I show no emotion in front of him. I’m just flat.

Evening all. I’ve been to a funeral today. The first since DH’s. I actually coped ok. Lovey service. She’d a few tears during The Lord is my Shepherd but apart from that I was ok. Ver y tired now.
HvDY sorry your Dh isn’t well. Hope it’s nothing catching and you avoid it. Sorry you’re missing out on LG.
Scaredycat I can imagine the AF makes you tired, I get tired all the time too, I don’t have anything like the energy I used to.
Interfaith groups are good we have one at my church.
Wyllow I hope R is now up to speed with what happened to you and I hope he’s supportive. Glad you had a good meeting without Mr A. Hope he’s absent for a while.
Sweetpeasue sorry about your aunt. Hope they work out the care she needs and provide it.

ellie Anne I can’t imagine how awful it is to live day in and day out without any feeling between you. If you could get along amicably it would be ok but you don’t seem to have any regard for each other and he makes no effort. No ideas or suggestions just a hug.

Purplepixie it’s a shame you and Ellie Anne don’t live near each other or you could both gain from some companionship. Hope today is better,

ScaredyCat Thank you for the compliment .I'm happier about the eyebrows situation as they're fading now. Kind of you to take your friend to see her husband. What football team does he support? Your AF must be so debilitating at times, but you don't let it get you down.

PurplePixie I'm sorry you're so sad. You've been busy. What are you knitting?

EllieAnne Your home life sounds intolerable. I don't know what to say that hasn't previously been said, but you and your husband are so indifferent to each other. Not much of a life for either of you.

Doodle You coped well with the funeral. Those songs are so emotive. We're babysitting on Wednesday evening, so we'll see LG then. We might have her during the day on Friday, too.

DH is feeling much better but is being careful about what he eats. Jaffa had 2 back teeth out and is on painkillers. £400 but he's our lovely little cat and we'll always look after him. It's been raining since about 5 here x

Glad Jaffa's tooth procedure is over HVDY Hope he heals well and quickly poor boy.
So sorry for those of you who feel like crying but can't- I'm feeling a bit like that tonight. Hope tomorrow is better for us all.

Sorry cant post much. Visited aunt today and it broke my heart to see her so confused and worse to come away leaving her.
DH has been moody and hurtful - he apologised- then tonight I noticed his ankles so swollen with big purple blotches round calves. Dont thinkblood is getting to his heart properly. Will need to ring 'somebody' tomorrow.

Hope all have a peaceful night. Take care all and sending love.xx

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-fdhkbc-img-5769.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-4tbdhc-img-5768.jpeg

I’m making this sweater for myself and I’m using the greenish blue yarn.
Went to bed early as I needed a good cry. Sobbed while thinking about my lovely friend who died in December.
Hugs to all and night night.

No, HVDY, it’s a wonderful local park which has so much for families. It’s got the lot: cafe too, clean toilets, lots of disability stuff, and a river to paddle in and catch small trout.

I’m sorry DH isn’t well, best to curl up in bed. You’ve been a family heroine taking folks to work and Jaffa to the vets, poor love.

I have wondered how your friends DH has been so long, Scardeycat. I hope it was great for them both, hard when they rarely see each other. He sounds like he has the ability to remain curious about the world, what a gift.

I a concerned about you read your heart, its must be…worries on its unpredictability, things out of your control..bug ginormas hugs.

You re younger than the “old bird”, she is iirc 87?

I was totally knackered today: but my first DH came over he comes across the Pennines by train, for a Finnish lesson once a moth so we meet up, and its been getting better and better talking to him, as he has been undertaking psychotherapy to live better in the world, so has the understanding and language for us to talk over the past, look at the present (of course he’s DS’s Dad): he has a partner now of course. We know so much more now what happened before and why and so on. But 2 hours was enough, so I had sleeps and took it easy.

I know you are sort of “on hold” for Thursday, not forgotten x

.*Ellie Anne* neither can I cry. I can watch programmes like call the Midwife or similar and sort of soften my eyes, and of course I’m alone so if I do express emotion or stomp around a bit behave in a weird manner (according to them) well no one sees.

But you do need to try to stand up to him. Ellie Anne, it’s co-ercive. I recall Ex shouting at me, “and dont cry!!!”
Shout back?

MrA is only once a month ATM. Wrote som more today to R, reflective, not unsympathetic to MrA, but saying that yes he almost certainly is lonely inside but expects women to make it better by pressuring them. And Mr charm School. Yuk.

Good points, Doodle. About distance being a shame at times. OTOH it may make seeking out as we do easier, but only individuals can judge. You did cope well. Ah, the Lord is my Shepard, a wonderful poetic comfort Psalm that someone walks with you. And it follows Psalm 22, too, which is a cry for help Psalm. “Oh god, why hast thou left me here?

Bound to be tiring, tho, the coping.

PIxie, way to go “I did pull DH up a couple of times for his sarcasm. He stopped”.
It’s a hard road, and sad, but you are doing the right thing sticking up for yourself.

Having crying is actually good, unless one becomes “lost in loss”, but there are other ways of becoming lost in loss, ie dumb, silent despair.
Lovely colour there, now night night and sleep well.

Terribly upsetting to pull yourself away from your Aunt, Sweetpeasue, knowing there is little you can do. All the best getting quick help tomorrow,

but if it gets worse in the night, or at least 111

Love to all - got my lovely woman gardener tomorrow : but she doesnt come till 10am. We are not “larks” early risers and it suits me just fine, we “click”.

Thrilled to see Black dog 29 and all the old guard still here helping eachother and any new people who need help. 🌟😊

SweetpeaSue So sad about your aunt. A change of surroundings and routine will have unsettled her (my SIL used to get like it). I hope you manage to speak with someone about your husband's feet/legs. You could ring 111, perhaps.

PurplePixie What a pretty colour. Would you call it Teal? Crying is a release from grief, but also any other stress. You're not happy at home. Do you do things or go to places together?

Wyllow3 The park sounds ideal. It makes a change to find clean public toilets. Having a cafe and a place to paddle must make it very popular with families in the good weather. How lovely. It's great that you get on so well with your 1st ex. It makes life easier for everyone concerned.

Whiff How are you getting on these days? Going on any more holidays?

Jaffa was happy to be home at 6pm - he rolled about on the rug and ate a whole tin of tuna and some cat food. He's got to have a check-up tomorrow. DH seems to be ok, but I'm going to get him a GP appointment for today, about his prostate (on the advice of a GP who replied to my routine appt request for DH. Hope everyone has a decent day x

He ate a whole tin of cat food and tuna after his mouth stuff. What a cat, HVDY

A big hello to Whiff, so very nice to see you.

I had to be up at the crack of dawn (OK, crack of dawn for me) because not only is my gardener coming - fortunately not till 10am - and I had no money to pay, but my car is being picked up apparently early so had to get moving quickly without a coffee. Gasp.

Unfortunately £ (or fortunately 🙂) the hardware shop next to the cashpoint had a lovely array of bedding plants, and I was lured into buying 6 small bright red perennials.

That reminds me, how are your sweetpeas doing this year, Sweetpeasue? iirc, you had planted some seeds. Hoping you can get in touch with someone asap.

Wyllow3 He's so greedy (like his mum), and has been asleep on the settee for the last 3 hours. You've already been quite busy. Your red flowers will look good in your lovely garden.

I did aqua aerobics then had brunch with my friend at a pub. Came back to find a parking ticket - my blue badge was on display, but the car was about 6 inches over the line (at the end of a row) of the bay. DH saw a GP, is being referred to the Urology dept. of the local hospital. Cool here today. Hope SweetpeaSue has managed to speak to someone today.