Black Dogs 29

Ellie Anne so pleased your cat is back. Hope he doesn’t stray so far in future.
HvDY little girls hair is beautiful. Potty training will happen when she’s ready. Can’t believe she’s going to be 3 . Where did that time go.
Purplepixie I went on antidepressants when my DH was seriously ill. I had to keep going for him and my GP prescribed antidepressants and diazepam. I never took the diazepam because I needed to be awake with Dh but did go on the antidepressants. I think they helped and am still on them although I too am reducing the dose slowly.
Wyllow glad you sorted out your problem with your sister. Hope you have a calmer few days now that you won’t be seeing Mr A for a while. Is he only allowed to attend monthly meetings now?
Scaredycat pleased to hear your sister is getting better. That’s good news. Like you I think the antidepressants help. I can remember back to the days when you wouldn’t go on holiday. You’ve come so far since then.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re having a good day. Are you still away with the little lambs or home now?
I’ve been busy doing housework today but took some time to myself to do some drawing.

Just short post.
Purplepixie Glad youve had a better day today. Sewing seeds in the garden is the most lovely thing to do and no matter what your future moods in days to follow , the result of those seeds will come up and give you a little lightness .
Take care of yourself , we're all here .
Oh BTW. I think you might do crafts and I believe Ive been helped by having something 'going ' . Helps distract from 'whats the point' thoughts.x

Been so tired today and had gut problems so needed to sleep this afternoon.
Still sheep watching and saw 2 beautiful jays in the garden today.
You're right Wyllow The lambs can do funny verticle jumps ,like theyre on springs- Zebedee comes to mind.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night. Live to all , especially any experiencing loneliness right now. X

Well...."clinical depression" strictly speaking in terms of MH care and meds, it's not seen as quite the same....
Because endogenous depression can be at many levels from relatively mild
- to moderate
- to very serious indeed ie needing inpatient hospital and long term and ongoing Psychiatrist care.

So generally, clinical depression is the latter, but definitions are confused

(and confusing, for isn't going to a GP and given meds clinical?)

It's generally felt that all depression is a mix of "nature" (chemicals) and "nurture" (childhood and family and other major trigger bad experiences) and the balance varies between people a great deal.

When people go to a counsellor they are in fact doing their best on the "nurture" front, ie what might be changed for the best given what life has handed you.

I often hope so much that my "nature side" of MH stuff hasn't been handed down to DS and DGC genetically, and try to do my best on the nuture side.

Don't we all with our family?

(Purplepixie I am a trained psychotherapist and have worked in the field as well as being a "customer" for many years.

I most definitely do not know whats best for all at all and often giving people a good listen to is whats best, but I do know chunks of theory and how MH care works by and large).

People here do have a lot of collective experience and wisdom as well as kindness, wrought of experience...we have others who cant come in much as not well enough for one reason or another, but we hold in the mind, or who have passed through.

Thinking of you nadateturbe if you are reading but exhausted.

HVDY The potty training is a tough one, isn't it? I hope this summer brings it on. It is sad about the inhalers but it's a family thing, isnt it? Definitely it's time for a rest after a full on nearly 3 year old. (I can recall her being born!)

Yes me and Sis have made up and I have learnt some more of her "don't go there" areas. She's not one for working emotional things through by sharing. No good hoping for it, nor asking too much in that way.

No I'm OK with one day in dressing gown. I mean being able to let myself do it.

I'm sorry to hear you were still tired today Scaredycat, hoping tomorrow will see you and the sunshine out for a while together - DD and coffee? Its so good to hear that about your friend - this is after she's taken her dose of immunotherapy? and your Sis a bit better too.

ScaredyCat I'm pleased your sister is now getting better. She's been through so much. LG is taking after her dad (Son2) a bit, although he was only a few months old when he began having Asthma - he still has it, at 42. Son1 has never had that trouble. Strange how 1 can have it and the other not.

Doodle They really aren't babies for long enough, are they? What are you drawing at the moment? Will you be going out today?

Wyllow3 Whatever name is given for how I felt before taking ADs, I know how suicidal I felt (the horrible, obtrusive thoughts are what made me seek help). I can understand some people not sharing emotional stuff - I only share on here. I can hardly believe it's almost 3 years since LG was born. Sad in a way that she'll be the last GC, but we're very fortunate to be so involved with her.

SweetpeaSue Those lambs sound adorable. All young animals are so cute. Hope you've both been relaxing a bit.

Going to have the microblading later. I'm apprehensive, but it will surely be better than trying to draw eyebrows on all the time. Not much else today. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Yes, I do crafts. Mostly knitting but I also crochet, quilting and used to do watercolour paintings. Crafts are my saviour on really bad days. I recently finished a throw in crochet for my youngest son.

I’m going to my knitting group this afternoon. They are a lovely bunch of ladies all of them older than me.

Oh I missed your posts Sweetpeasue and Doodle last night.

It's good you took time out for drawing, Doodle, the Art Class has given you the oooomfp to get going. And cutting down, well done you. It's good to know the option to go up or down is there.

Wishing you more good weather, Sweetpeasue.
Having a nap is essential when your body and mind call for "shut down".

HVDY well done you going to the eyebrow people. I'm waiting to hear how it goes before I consider it just a bit. LG being the last DGD - it's lovely you are experiencing those early years, and for her, gran will always be a part of her life.

Purplepixie that crochet blanket is absolutely lovely! I like being with older ladies. So much life experience. and when there is a GSOH there as well...

For the last 2 nights I have slept heavily post the meeting on Sunday, but this morning and recently its hit me how terribly lonely and isolated the whole thing has left me.

Before the Assault, I was up for recovering from the last depression and starting a social life again but it all took over, because the people I wanted to get closer to - my local quaker people - with were some of the very people who got dragged into the morass.
And it has made me more withdrawn and suspicious of people, regretfully. And not to be touched or hugged.

I have no friend atm I can pick the phone up to just to natter or have coffee with.

It was far far from that before 2003 when I was very sociable and belonged to lots of things and was doing the art degree and showing work.

Somehow, when it all collapsed, since then I've only been able really to do crafts when I am with other people and there aren't any groups I'm aware of.
Like I did lots when I was an inpatient, and like when there were community MH art/craft groups, but they have all gone now (no MH resources). There are good groups but in town.

The one I found locally has closed down.

I decided this morning early I have to try to ring DS more just for a regular chat, not just every 3 weeks or so. He is very busy so it's a big ask, but to get more closely involved in family life. he is good at just chatting unless under pressure.

But right now it's most important to keep going to the gym for health and for social reasons since I sleep every afternoon and have to choose.

PurplePixie What a beautiful blanket. I love the daisies. You're so skilled. How long did it take to make?

Wyllow3 It's sad that you're so lonely. Are there any local cycling or walking groups you might join? or a U3a group nearby? I hope you manage to get a more frequent call/visit with your son and his family.

Had the microblading done. I was very nervous, but the lady was reassuring and gentle. Yes, it hurt a bit (sharp scratches), and bled a bit, but she's used a light brown colour and done just a thin, rounded shape, not a high arch or anything. I'll post some pics later, when the redness has worn off. DH did the shopping, so I'm not going anywhere else today

Hi all
HVDY- where did those 3 years go? You have many more happy days to come with that sweet little person.
You’re right young animals are adorable - they are so full of life. Kittens are the best though.
Looking forward to seeing the new eyebrows- wish that had been around when I was younger.
Doodle- yes my sister is gradually getting more mobile. It’s helped that she still has the grab rails that were installed when she first got the cancer.
The ADs have helped for both of us haven’t they. I don’t think I,ll ever even reduce them but I can understand you giving it a go.
When you draw at home do you do things like still life or flowers or maybe draw from a photo or imagination?
SweetPeaSue- nice to be able to take an afternoon rest - hope it helped. What a lovely place to wake up on too.
Jays are lovely birds aren’t they. We once had to stop the car so I could rescue a very young one in the road. He wasn’t hurt just shocked so put him on the verge. I often wonder if he made it.
One of our boys sometimes does those jumps like the lambs when he’s playing.
Wyllow- is it possible for you to venture into town if you found a good Art Class Are you on a bus route?
I don’t know how old your GC are but can you face time or text them? I,m sure your Son can make time for his Mum - they don’t need to be long chats.
The Gym is a special place for you as it offers friendship and exercise- so glad you have that to enjoy.
PurplePixie- That throw is fantastic- daisies are my favourite flowers . Your DS must love it. You have such a talent.
Is your knitting group a Knit and Natter one. So nice that you enjoy the company of the other ladies.
Nadateturbe- thinking of youxx

Love to all and hope this evening is a peaceful onexxx

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ScaredyCat LG is a such a happy child. Never whines or asks for things, doesn't have tantrums. I'm not 100% happy with my eyebrows, so I might ring the salon in a few days. They look greasy on these photos because of the healing balm stuff she applied. I just need to get my face and body sorted out . My Rosacea has flared up since then, but should be ok in a day or 2.

Evening all. I’ve been out this afternoon and didn’t get home till quite late. I’m really tired now so heading off to bed. Be back tomorrow. Sleep well all

Hey, they look brilliant, HVDY, soft and very "real".

a very caring post, Scaredycat. what were you up to today, did you still need to rest all day or did you get out for a coffee or walk?

I cant manage buses, I haven't for over 24 years. I'm frightened of not being to get home if I need to, being with strangers, the lot.

I can mange trains if supported by the disability people and collected.

Mainly atm in terms of meeting new people its that I can do more or less one/two things a day energy/coping wise as I need to sleep more or less every afternoon so it limits everything .

So I choose mostly the gym and sometimes try to walk as well, or go out to a known High peak spot in the car and enjoy a sunny day and walk.

In the evening I'm pretty done in but can do Zooms, like I did tonight with another Quaker zoom, which has given me some confidence about Quakers just being OK to be me not the mess in my own. I have written to ask Quaker r who is very nice of he will have a chat but he is also seeing MrA to support him so I have said I'm not looking for taking sides.

I haven't been out in the evening for a very long time and who with anyway. I'm happier a lot more often than I sound, for I do have reasonable resources for being alone, especially music, but its not like before the assault, when I was full of hope and energy,

Although Black Dogs will recall me pursuing a relationship rather too soon and too eagerly with lack of judgment before it all went pear shaped... I bet BD's remember Mr whoever...😬

I'll see you in tomorrow, Doodle, and other BD's who walk this way.

Wyllow3 I hope you manage to go out today, perhaps for a bike ride? The weather is good. Do you ever see neighbours for a bit of a chat?

I hate these eyebrows! They look different height, colour, length and shape to each other. I've just rang and spoken to the woman (she owns the salon) and told her I'm very unhappy, but she got rather loud and defensive and said it takes 6 weeks for the colour to settle and that my facial muscles have been tense. Here we go again - someone else I trusted, the same as the bloke who did my Marionette lines 4 years ago and left me with bad scars. I'm having a "What's the bloody point in life" moments.

Hope ALL BDrs manage to have a decent day x

Aw, HVDY, they genuinely look fab to me, but you must have had a different picture in your mind maybe?

I didn't notice a different, really truly, except maybe the right one is a bit darker at the end (have just looked again very carefully, but then, its always different when we look at ourselves as opposed to how others see us?)

Bike ride tomorrow is in my diary, there is a fair chill in the wind. Today I have a facial treat, and want her to magically smooth over those wrinkles...but the best `I can expect is some decent advice re best creams, and as I dont go out much, treat myself to those advised. Its at the gym, but I do need some sun, and the cupboard is bare too.

But I do accept how upset you really are, it meant so much to you to think it over at length and wanting them to be spot on. and it has triggered a whole bus load of Stuff, so have a big hug ((()))

Actually there is one neighbour who might be amenable for a cuppa now and then. when I have more energy back. We do like each other I think and certainly never have any problems compromising on height of hedges etc

But I do think one has to think hard about this. Its a neighbour situation where everyone is friendly but keeps private out of each others business, and crossing the line is - well can lead to difficulties. Of course, when my very Mentally Ill Ex was at it, all were pretty aware as his behaviour was so off the scale, and probably the general opinion is that I am better off without him if I probed....

Wyllow3 Thanks. My husband said they look fine (but he always says that to me). DIL and friend both agree with me. I was really looking forward to not having to faff about every day, especially for our holiday (less than 3 weeks). I've just sold a few more things on Vinted (one after 30 minutes), so DH has gone out to post them - and get me a bar of chocolate. Hope your facial is lovely and relaxing, and that you might get some sensible advice about skincare stuff. I don't know if all those expensive creams are any better than cheaper ones, but treat yourself if you fancy something. I only use Cerave to moisturise. Have a think about getting too involved with anyone, including neighbours.

My brother rang one of the numbers I gave him, for a Men in Sheds thing. He's going next Tuesday to see if it's something he fancies. I've invited him here for dinner and he said he'll let me know. As if he needs to consult his diary .

I had a lovely afternoon yesterday at the knit and natter group. They are a cheery bunch and said that they had missed me last week. I have been going on/off for 1.5 years. Sometimes it’s even hard to go there if I am so down in the dumps but once there I know I will feel better when I come out.

DH discovered a mains water leak in the garden and now we have a puddle and there has been no rain. Always something to think about. Insurance will cover it and the water company have been out and it is our problem. Just another thing to solve but DH always make a mountain out of a mole hill. I don’t think he was impressed when I said put a pond there with a fountain.
I feel a bit better today and have just made a pie (corned beef, leek and potato) and a Bakewell tart. Then I am heading outside to plant some geraniums in pots. I’m trying to keep busy but I could do with some company. DH can argue black is white when he is in that mood and I just avoid him.
It took me about 6 months to do the daisy throw for my DS. He absolutely loves it and now one of his friends wants a one as well but in different colours. I said I will think about it. It was initially only going to be a stroller blanket size for a child then DS saw it and then it got made for him.
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

Hi all
HVDY- oh what a shame you don’t like your eyebrows. I thought they looked soft and no harshness to them .However if you don’t like them it’s such a shame as it took some courage for you to make the decision.Its just another chipping away of your confidence and trust. But perhaps they will settle and look more how you want in a few days. You have the most beautiful skin too.
Husbands often say fine- they don’t really look😀
Only 3 weeks to holiday - it’s come round quickly. Have you bought anything new to wear for it?
At least your brother is giving the new group a try- it might really help him. He likes playing hard to get doesn’t he!
Wyllow- I went for a walk in the morning to pick up our prescriptions. The wind was cold but the blossoms look lovely this year. Then in the afternoon went to the Chiropodist in the afternoon. She’s a lovely younger lady and is always nice to chat with. We like a lot of the same things.
Hope you,ve had a good bike ride today. It’s a beautiful day here although a bit windy. We have been with DD and SiL to aNT garden to see the bluebells and flowers. Of course coffee and cake came into it too.
Yes as HVDY says play it cool with getting involved with neighbours etc. Would you be able to meet a Quaker friend for coffee at the park?
PurplePixie- glad the knitting ladies cheered you up- it sounds fun.
I liked your pond idea but perhaps it was a step too far!!!
You,re having a nice busy day - wait til the heat has died down re the leak😀
Good to see you coming in.
SweetPeaSue- hope the holiday is going well. The lakes must look wonderful in this lovely sunshine. I would be taking loads of pics.
Love to all- now going outside to put some gravel in our rockery. Or should I say DH is😀

PurplePixie It's good that you've got somewhere to go and have company. It's great to talk! Hope your husband can locate and fix the source of the water leak. I love corned beef pie and used to make it regularly when my boys were growing up. Bakewell tart is delicious, too.

ScaredyCat I rang the salon, spoke to the woman. She said it'll take 6 weeks for the brows to settle, and she'll "adjust" them then, using a different method (whatever that will be). Thanks, my skin is quite clear, although wrinkled and of course, I have Rosacea. I've bought several dresses, 3 pairs of trousers, 6 swimsuits (I can't even swim), 5 cover-ups, and 2 cardigans - some from Vinted, some things from Roman. Did it feel good to have your feet "done"? Do you have your toenails painted? Nice that you met up with your daughter and her husband. The NT places are lovely. Aren't bluebells pretty? We've got a few clumps of them in the front garden. Having cake and coffee is always a great idea. What's your favourite cake?

Purplepixie Glad you had nice time at your knitting group. Sometimes Im not in mood for socialising and not going to book group but once there I can feel better for going.
Your rug is just amazing- what a great piece of work. I cant crochet to follow a pattern at all but learnt to just go round n round in a square- 😂.
Used to make corned beef pie and pasties for family when sons were at home - good idea putting leeks in ,will have to try it. Thing is baking now hasn't to be too regular cos of DHs arteries. Plus my blooming weight.
HVDY I honestly thought your eyebrows looked pretty natural in the photo. I might have needed to put a bit of brow liner on mine to make them darker. Its awful if you dont like them and the girl that did it should surely try and correct what you dont like. Im so sorry - youve done so well with your weight. I know what its like to feel horrible about oneself but I must agree with Wyllow- what a beautiful complexion. I could do with the spider veins all on my face being lasered, Im always trying to cover them up.
Great idea the men's shed for your DB. I hope he keeps going for a while.
Wyllow Sorry about your bad nights. Its good you made up with your DS though. As sisters we're like chalk n cheese and our ways quite different. Be nice for you to keep 'lines' open with your son - sounds like you and him would both like that. I really can understand what you miss about that 'close friend' though. I cant just pick up the phone to have that special person listen and understand. Im lucky I have my DH ( though we're chalk n cheese too 😉) The neighbour is worth a try - just keep it light. Hope your facial was relaxing. Id need more than cream , I think though- sigh.
Scaredycat The blossom looks gorgeous doesnt it. There are bluebells at the back of the house here and Im hoping theyll all be out by the time we leave on Saturday. Yes its so lovely here and we saw 2 lambs being born again this morning. It wasnt pretty! I was getting in a right tiz because it seemed a long labour and felt so sorry for the mother. Then after the second one came out they eventually , with difficulty stood up . Now one of them has been doing little jumps- its amazing.
Doodle Hope youve had a good day with friends and are less tired now. You put so much into each day . I hope youve been distracted a little from those 'anniversary memories ' by being with friends. I think of you sitting above the river and watching those birds - all of them quite busy now. Sending love.
EllieAnne So glad your cat came back - I wonder where he was and what he was doing.
Nadateturbe Hope you're OK too. Think of you.

Its been so lovely here and we're just immersed in the beauty and quiet. Yesterday had walk ing the river at Kendal - intended to follow this footpath to the castle. We'd parked over nr the art gallery but the path kept climbing - each time we ascended another climb came into view . We had to turn back in the end. Just spending a lot of time relaxing . Hope to get a boat on Windermere before we leave.

Sending lots of love to all .x

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Just a few photos from back of house

I’m glad you made it to the group Purplepixie . A facet of depression is getting the ooompf together to go out to things. There is always “whats the point” lurking there. It does take energy up. And it takes energy to make new friends and get company, and can be complicated when one makes an arrangement and it’s hard to honour it.
But it does seem life with DH can be lonely for you. Some people don’t or just cant understand depression in loved ones and think just pull yourself together instead of gentleness. What would make things better with him?

HVDY Vinted has certainly given you a lot to choose from. Just 3 weeks now to go - remind me, was it Croatia? I’m glad to hear that your eyebrows an be ameliorated - meanwhile mute them? But truly, to an outsider, they do genuinely look OK xx
Well you did well to get your brother connected to the Mens shed, and hope he takes it up. As for “checking the diary” - well….???

Cycling and bluebells are for tomorrow Scaredycat. I’m really really glad to hear that you got out today! Coffee, cake, DD and bluebells sound good.
You can supervise DH. Important role..he could get it wrong!

Sweetpeasue, you do lovely little knitted figures, on the crafts front.
More lambs and more sun - yes, the bluebells are rapidly coming out. Stay well both now - it’s been good for you so far. Loved the photos.

At my facial I decided to buy the products she uses - they are Dermalogica. Not for all products but 3 key ones. BUT I buy them from her in big units ie what she uses in the salon because we’ve known each other for 12 years, and like her for her own use has tricks using cheaper products for some things - like I use CeraVe for body too. As I dont use make up I dont spend money on that and never go out for anything it’s my treat.

Then I went to the Botanical Gardens, which were lovely. Like others here I was frustrated on how little I could do compared with last October and the madness and everything following being assaulted. But I keep telling myself, just be glad you can still walk for an hour or so! And have the money for a car! And can buy one of their 6“ scones.

Sometimes I can be sufficient unto myself tho I don’t think without BD’s and one more small non BD but small group other place and my key psychologist woman who will respond to “help” emails if I dont plague her too often, and music, I would have got to this place.

Waiting/hoping for reply from QuakerR it will take him some time: I know Ive put him in a tricky position, but don't ask don't get.

SweetpeaSue Thanks for your kind words. One eyebrow is lighter, longer and higher than the other. I'm so fed up because of it. The scenery in those photos is stunning. Fancy seeing lambs being born! Aren't they pretty? Hope you manage to have a boat trip - the weather's due to warm up.

Wyllow3 We're going to Zante - we've been to 3 other Greek islands before. I much prefer Croatia, though, but the flights from E.Mids are only to Dubrovnik (been, too busy) and others are all from Birmingham, mostly at 7am. It's good that you treated yourself. I know Dermalogica products are excellent. It took me years to find products that suit me, as I'm allergic to Lanolin (there are 4 kids, apparently), as well as having Rosacea, so I stick to what I know now. I bet the botanical gardens are all in bloom. Lovely to see flowers at this time of year. I hope the QuakerR gets back in touch with an appropriate reply.

Meeting my SIL (widow of late brother) and her daughter tomorrow, and we'll go somewhere for lunch. Hope everyone has a restful night. x

I’m ok but eye problem. Post tomorrow x

Hvdy I thought your eyebrows looked ok but if you’re not happy you will be constantly looking at them. I hope she can fix them.
Lovely photos sweet pea sue. I saw lots of lambs today driving home from son 1.
Had a tummy upset today so gone to bed early. Don’t know if whisky is good for it but am having it anyway.
Told dh I was going to bed because I was feeling unwell. He said oh.

Update - I put a question on Facebook asking if anyone had had their eyebrows done at that salon. 3 ladies said how awful theirs were. The salon owner emailed me saying she was devastated, felt I'd been "slanderous" (I haven't), and that she'll ring me tomorrow to arrange for me to go and have them dissolved (or whatever they do) and she'll refund me. All my own fault for not insisting on seeing a lot of "before" and "after" photos - she showed me one, and when I asked to see a portfolio, she said they're on FB (but there were perhaps 8, none recently). This morning, she shouted me down on the 'phone and fobbed me off. I'll see what happens.

Warm waves to you, Doodle.

Well done, HVDY - I didn't know they could be "undone". I shall look up Zante.

I enjoyed the Countryfile in the High Peak, EllieAnne thank you for drawing my attention to it. did it go OK with son1?