Black Dogs 29

I also thought the eyebrows looked ok but if you’re not happy then you need to get them put right. I used to get my eyelashes dyed until one day the stuff stung my eyes. I asked the girl to take the stuff off immediately, which she did. I complained and didn’t have to pay but my right eye remained sore for ages. I never had it done again.
I don’t know what the answer is for me when it comes to DH. There are times when I just don’t even like him. I asked him tonight why I was even here. He didn’t answer, it says it all. I’m Fedup with him and probably him with me. I try and keep busy. One of my long distance friends phoned tonight and she reminds me of how much fun I used to be. If I was younger I’d walk out of this house and never come back. I miss my friend that died in December. I’ll never sleep tonight. My head is puddled!

May I play devils advocate and ask why you don't split up, Purplepixie? xx? Is there an age where one becomes "too old?"

NB..you do not have to answer x

I'm divorced as others here know, he was coercively abusive but some of that was he had serious MH problems and wouldnt admit it,

but

despite difficulties I'm better alone, I do what I want when I do, have things the way I like, yes its lonely, but as others here know very well, one can feel more alone than with another.

You are not alone in that respect on here.

Yes, I’m 74 and he’s 72.
I married a wife beater at the age of 18. It took far too long but I got away. Met someone when I was 38 and we drifted apart. Totally unsuited to each other. Then met my now husband when I was 53. I’ve started twice from scratch and I don’t fancy doing it a third time. But I do think that I’m a totally independent person who should have stayed single after the first disaster! I’m not right in the head to put up with these crappy men! I’m Fedup.

I do feel sorry for those who have lost loved ones and here’s me moaning about mine.

A full-front show of these eyebrows, then perhaps you'll all see what I mean (they look greasy because of the balm she put on afterwards)

Stupid eyebrows

PurplePixie Do you and your husband go out or do things together? Have you told him how unhappy you are?

Yes, I’ve told him I’m so unhappy. He either hasn’t a clue what to do, burys his head or just ignores it. We used to go out on a Friday but that is dwindling away. I don’t want to spend an entire day with him. To be honest I find him so blooming boring.i don’t want to get out of bed in a morning.

Hvdy I can see what you mean now.ive still not done anything about my lines because I am wary about it going wrong and also the family have needed quite a lot of financial help recently.
Son 1 was home early and in a good mood so that was nice. But the house looked as if a bomb had hit it and I did too much,
They’ve not heard from the police about the trouble with gd1 and she is pretending it never happened but I would be chasing it up.
Going for another walk this morning with the group then I think the organisers will decide if it’s going on or not.
It’s sunny here but still a wind.

I really hope your walking day goes ahead, EllieAnne, I will cross fingers they decide it's on. After all, the group may attract a few more.
its a really difficult one with the police. It's not an easy decision. If you pretend nothing happened it can hit you emotionally later - or not! Glad you caught Son1 in a good mood.

I do see what you mean now HVDY.The right side (left looking at it) has a slightly greater arch.

Purplepixie I do see more now.

I'm 75 now. I had a first husband between 28 and until I was 57. We parted amicably: he is a good man, and a great father, but we were very unhappy together.
We now get on very well indeed and meet once a month or so to discuss family and even the past, as he is now doing psychotherapy as a choice to live weller and so has insight he did not once have.

I had a wild fling with a much younger man then which ended of course in grief, and then met the one I call Ex here (as it was very fresh when I joined BD's) at 60.

He was a coercive abuser but it didn't really come out for some time - when we'd got through my money - when his MH problems (which he had managed to hide) were so gross that they became an untenable crisis, and I initiated a divorce which was pretty traumatic because his mind was alternating between between begging and abuse - that was signed after 11 years in January 2023 when I was just 72.

You say "But I do think that I’m a totally independent person who should have stayed single after the first disaster". Well, hindsight is a great thing, isnt it?
At each point in you life you made what was at that time a compelling choice

But yes I do ask myself what is in me that made me choose these particular men, what did I close my eyes to and why. Lust? Neediness? Finding a husband so you could have a child but not one forever?

If you are independent then there is every chance you could built a new life for yourself. The newish divorce process makes it so much easier - its a "no blame" divorce, but sorting out the joint assets is complicated, and you have to decide what assets you will be left with, and doing it all when depressed is hard,

although I had a lovely solicitor and a lot of support since Ex's behaviour was off the scale.

As for the "will there be anyone else" after - well, I sort of hope there will be, but am very wary now, and you have to work out

is it better to stay and there be someone however difficult
versus
I may be without a partner

on the other hand a new partner doesn't have to be a live in one - some women prefer to be independent and have a LAT (Living Apart Together) set up.

I'm tired today after no afternoon snooze yesterday, but I had promised myself I would go on a bike ride today. It's a confidence thing and related to having been assaulted last October - far too complicated to explain why (all in the mind and not having the same energy) it should be so.

Oh, and by the way - because everyone here is so very different, and how can it be otherwise - we avoid the "how can I seek help for this or that when someone else is so much worse etc" guilt.
Depression has enough guilt in it anyway...

Thank you for your reply.

It’s the anniversary today of my mams death so I’m off to the crematorium with some flowers. Talk to her and bring her up to date. She wouldn’t believe if she was here that I’m still estranged from my daughter. There will be lots of tears. She thought I was mad when I met the second bloke and by the time I met my present husband she had dementia. I wish I could sit and talk to her face to face right now. X

Sigh.. indeed one of life's big big "if only's". the things I wanted to ask but never did...

A good way of finding out of you really do want to go ahead with a divorce is that most offer a free half hour phone or zoom consultation. In the end I paid for another half hour as it needed time.
You get a chance to discuss all the practicalities without even needing to begin to make a decision and it helps to decide, and no other person need know at all.

EllieAnne I had my Marionette lines done about 8 years ago, at a reputable clinic in town. It cost £700 over 2 visits, and the results were great, but those fillers only last a year or 2. The other time was 4yrs ago, at a Pharmacy, for £200 and he injected too much, causing scarring which can't be corrected. Be careful. You help your family a lot, and I expect they appreciate it really. I hope the situation with your GD is resolved in a satisfactory manner. You going out today? It's sunny here.

PurplePixie Men, generally, aren't good as discussing feelings. I've been the same with my husband, at times. Mine is a lovely man, does whatever he can to make me happy, but is content to do noting and go nowhere, unless I arrange something (which I do), but I go out without him, too, like today. It must be difficult to know what to do for the best. Sorry you feel so low. You must miss your mum (I miss mine yet she's been gone almost 31 years). Thinking of you today.

Wyllow3 I specifically told her woman I didn't want arched brows, just a slightly rounded shape. Had the 2 matched, it wouldn't be so bad, but they don't. Wise words for PurplePixie. You've had similar experiences of relationships. Good weather for a bike ride.

Off out now, although I don't want to go. Back later. x

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-6so9oa-img-2338.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-esdthl-img-2341.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-cb9ey8-img-2343.jpeg

Mops brow.
I cycled!!
I’m at the cafe at the top of the cycling up bit..
Ok I did have to push the bike up in bits. And there was a lot of puffing and panting.

The blue bell woods need just 3 more days for perfection.

Hi all
Wyllow - such wise and kind words for PurplePixie- spoken from much experience. You’re so right too it’s not a competition of woes here . About guilt too- let it go.
So happy you got to the hills and whizzed up them too. I could never cycle up hills when we cycled - I had no shame as I pushed my bike while DH pedalled. It looks like there was a Golf Course nearby.
Living in the South our bluebells are on the turn now - it’s the best blue isn’t it. I can imagine you have a painting in your archives of them.
EllieAnne- I,m sorry I seem to have missed about your GD1 . I hope she not been led astray by other girls. The trouble is they want to be part of a group dont they. I hope she’s Ok.
I hope too that today’s walk went well and that the Group has grown and will continue.
PurplePixie- Ah it’s a sad day of reflection for you- how we all wish we could talk to our Mums again.
Do you have no common ground with your DH? It can be so much more lonely with somebody who just goes through the motions of living. Is it since he retired? I think I,d rather be alone than so unhappy.
HVDY- I can notice the difference in eyebrows in your photo. I like the shape of your left one. I do hope that grumpy beautician can help in a kinder way. It’s a big thing to put yourself in someone’s hands as you have done.
Well whatever you,ve been doing today I hope it turned out to be enjoyable after all. I,ve been to the dentist and hygienist so it had to be better than that! No work need though- phew.
SweetPeaSue- your week is going quickly- it’s been lovely weather here - there must have been pretty reflections in the water.
Hope you,ve both been able to relax and DH not been too troubled with pain.
Love to all - and peaceful sleep

Wyllow3 What beautiful views. You did well with your cycling. You should you'll sleep well tonight.

ScaredyCat I don't know what she'll do, but my brows can't be left like this. They look ridiculous. I met my SIL (widow of brother who died 23yrs ago) and their daughter. Had a pub lunch then went to their house (they share a house with niece's bloke and their girls). Have you been up to much today? It's really sunny and warm here.

Evening all.
HVDY I do see what you mean. They’re not right.
Purplepixie you can say what you like here there is no hierarchy of one being worse off than another.
Sweetpeasue and Wyllow lovely photos.
Ellie Anne hope you’re feeling better today. You and purplepixie sound like you have a lot in common with your DH’s.
Scaredycat a beautiful day here too. So nice and warm as well.

Sorry all for a brief visit I’m trying to keep my iPad use low for a few days. I had a strange episode last night where I had moving circles of sparkling prisms in my vision affecting both eyes. It seems it might have been a precursor to migraine which I don’t suffer from normally. It did wear off eventually but was pretty scary at the time. Left me with a lingering headache so another early night, Take care all

I turned up for the walk but was the only one apart from the organisers and their dog.
We still went but they were a bit fast for.me so it wasn’t great. I don’t think it will continue. There is another option but I think they walk further. I will think about it.
I can’t remember how much I shared about gd 1. She has low self image and few friends so got involved with someone on snap chat which involved sharing photos. You will know what I mean. She thought she was talking to a teenage boy but who knows. It could be a grooming thing and she unwisely shared personal information where she lives etc. she’s 15 and police have all the info but nothing is happening.
Purple pixie I understand your situation a bit as I am in an unhappy marriage but he doesn’t see it and has ignored me when I say we aren’t happy . On other places I ve been told by widows I should just be grateful I have a husband so I only share on here.
Photo from walk today.

Doodle I'm so upset and disappointed about my brows. £260 for something that looks amateurish. The woman behaved very unprofessionally when I complained. That experience you had with your eyes must have been alarming. I've had migraines but not like that. Hope your bad head clears up soon.

EllieAnne Shame other people didn't go for the walk. What a beautiful part of the UK you're in. What a worry for you about your granddaughter. Are the parents going to pursue things with the police? Girls are so vulnerable these days , with mobiles and social media.

Is it because GD1 doesn't want them to proceed, EllieAnne? Is she afraid? Or feels a fool (which she is of course not)

The police should be assessing/triaging if she is vulnerable - The Parent can lodge a police complaint if they feel the response is not adequate, and they are generally effective too, on this sort of matter where it is protecting a vulnerable girl.

But I feel so sad this was group isnt a "goer" - do keep trying to find another one. there are loads here, but I live in a big city so lots of choice. It does seem to be the one thing that could suit you long term.

I have done this when enquiring (during the Ex saga) about a search and arrest warrant on me being conducted at my house due to Ex's shenanigans.

I wanted to find out if he had prompted it as a sort of punishment but in fact it wasn't, it was his brother who had not believed me and thought I was sheltering him. (😡). (I am absolutely honest in these matters)

"To lodge a complaint against the police in the UK, you can report online via the Police.uk website, call 101, or visit a local police station in person. Complaints can be made regarding misconduct, poor service, or inappropriate behavior by officers, staff, or volunteers"
Online: Use the complaint form on the website of the specific local police force.
Telephone: Call 101 (non-emergency number) to register a complaint.
In Person: Visit a local police station to report the issue.

I hope you managed to get out a little today, Scaredycat in the sun. it was lovely but I cant claim a hill: it was more like an ahem - incline. But going back I was quite a whizz in my day as living in Hull as a child (totally, utterly flat) everyone biked everywhere.

I'm really sorry you are experiencing these new symptoms, Doodle. You will go to the doc if they continue, wont you? But it may be rest called for, you do do a lot.

HVDY - it does sound like they can offer you some sort of remedial action - I'd be interested to know what it is.

On the Dreaded Saga - I did write to nice QuakerR, can we have a chat. He wrote back in such a way it was clear he had only about 30% of necessary information, including some actual significant misinformation. Which leads me to suspect that other's are in the same situation. And therefore cannot realise why MrA returning is difficult.

For example, QuakerD, who was the one who wrote to me telling me it couldnt be an assult and that I was seeking a hostile lose lose situation..*has not revealed it to her fellow significant Quakers*, like R, and she should have done. So I had to tell him. And he said that I chose to go to the police instead of seeking a Quaker remedy: but in fact I only took matters that far .... because they could not offer me a remedy..put that right. He can cross check.

I wondered if it would do any good, but OTOH I have been going to more national Quaker Zooms out of the hotbed of a small group and it has made me feel its not my only option.

We'll see.

thinking of absent BD's xx

Doodle I get silent migraine. But see coloured zig zags and if I try to read there are gaps in the text. It lasts about 30 minutes then I m fine. I’ve been told by optician that it is nothing to do with my eyes.
Wyllow I don’t think the police have even spoken to gd.
I think the whole family are trying not to think about it.

Ah. Not helpful for GD, but it really depends what the risks really are?

Sitting in hospital waiting rooms re eyes…? I have of course had the Ok from a private visit but this is via the NHS so I get triple checked with Imaging and get into the system.
I set my alarm for 7 (unheard of for me) went accidentally back to sleep, got up like a shot so out of the house within 25 mins.

Advantage: knew I’d be able to park!
Disadvantage: hungry! Need more coffee!
Feel alone as nearly everyone else here has come with someone.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-am5z6v-1000014899.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-vupx7-1000014871.jpg

Have tried to catch up with posts .
We're having such a nice week it feels a bit thoughtless when some of you are having a hard time.
Purplepixie That rug was beautiful. Im so sorry for the traumatic times in your life. You have done well to keep trying for happiness with a husband/partner. I really hope things will improve for you - all here will understand and care. Your knitting group sounds good and it must be nice to share your talents and just have a natter .
Wyllow Well done on that bike ride- beautiful photos- thankyou.
EllieAnne Its a different world now with children having mobile phones . Ive a DGD and worry too. Hope your DGD gets some justice with all this happening. You've made a great effort with that walking group.
Doodle Those eye disturbances seem very severe and must have been quite frightening. Do seek advice from a Dr if they continue or to give you some idea of what they are.
HVDY I see there is a slightly different shape in the eyebrows. Unfortunately you will notice them much more than others as you make up you face. Its not on , at all, for the lady who did them and she needs to accept full responsibility if you as her customer isnt satisfied. Hope you can get something arranged that will help.
Scardycat I always breathe a sigh of relief after a dentist appt doesnt need treatment. Im guilty of not arranging a couple of check ups as I need to change my dentist. Yes, this week has gone so fast. Just today , then we leave tomorrow.

Went to Tarn How's yesterday. Such a serene beautiful scene.
Hope today is OK for everyone.x

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-dgq7uh-1000014861.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-7t52jg-1000014848.jpg

Sorry meant to say garden with sheep poking its head through and Tarn How's.