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Husband’s pain

(40 Posts)
pooger24 Thu 30-Apr-26 19:29:09

I am feeling very sad and alone watching my husband in pain. He has very bad sciatica and has had an operation which has not worked. They are trying alternatives but meanwhile he is really struggling. Sometimes I dislike myself for feeling envious of other people who have able-bodied partners as life has become very limited

CanadianGran Thu 30-Apr-26 21:29:34

Don't be hard on yourself; it can be very stressful looking after a spouse with a disability or illness. It's normal to feel a little resentfulness, but important that it is not expressed to our loved one.

Can you find some ways to still do things that give you joy, even though you can't do them with your partner? For instance, my DH cannot ski any more, but certainly is accepting of me going with other family or friends.

Dickens Thu 30-Apr-26 22:00:30

I sympathise - with you and your husband.

My late partner had dreadful sciatica - surgery was never an option.

It's draining for both of you.

I bought, from Amazon, a couple of those heat-pads that you can 'velcro' on to the lower back - either heated up via microwaving, or chilled in the freezer for a while. They certainly helped, quite a lot in fact.

He also found a tens machine helped.

Are they going to offer him nerve-blocking injections?

I understand how you feel, having to watch someone suffer and be part of their care, is very isolating.

Have you tried any online support groups? It really helps to talk to other people in the same situation...

TheSunRisesInTheEast Thu 30-Apr-26 22:00:58

Sciatica is extremely painful and all consuming. I've suffered occasionally and I'm sure that posture has a lot to do with it. I usually get relief from pulling my stomach in as far back to my spine as is possible, and pull up my pelvic floor, remembering to breathe in the process. Failing that, acupuncture from the lively Chinaman in town.

TheSunRisesInTheEast Thu 30-Apr-26 22:02:46

* Lovely, although he is also pretty lively 😂

Basgetti Thu 30-Apr-26 23:23:29

Completely understand. Please, take time to look after yourself X

NanKate Fri 01-May-26 07:50:59

I had very painful sciatica and I had acupuncture which sorted it out. About 6 - 8 sessions. Also now when I get twinges I follow the acupuncturist’s advice and lie on the floor and curl up in a ball shape and for the second exercise I knee in all fours and gently stretch out one leg behind me, then do the same with the other leg.

I make sure I am by the settee to help me hold onto the seat to pull myself up.

NanKate Fri 01-May-26 07:52:17

Correction - Kneel on

sixandahalf Fri 01-May-26 07:53:49

Acupunture with the right person can be very helpful.

Sorry you are expereincing this.

Primrose53 Fri 01-May-26 08:13:54

Acupuncture worked for me too. Worth a try!

My husband is in almost constant pain as he got to hospital about 3 years ago for back surgery and his BP was too high for them to operate. He was all gowned up and in bed! So he still has all that plus he then had a major stroke in Nov 24 and is now wheelchair bound with only one working arm and leg!
I do know how you feel though. I care 24/7 and rarely get out alone. I am just off to do aqua aerobics for an hour and have not been for about a year! I am determined to get there today.
Best wishes to you both.

Toetoe Fri 01-May-26 08:31:01

All the above advice is worth trying but may I also mention reflexology. It helped me . Worth a try . Best wishes

Stillness Fri 01-May-26 13:47:22

Homeopathy, acupuncture. Craniosacral, and other therapies are all good for sciatica (although youhave to pay for them). No reason for him to suffer from this debilitating condition. Sometimes conventional medicine just doesn’t have the answer.

Oreo Fri 01-May-26 20:22:56

TheSunRisesInTheEast

* Lovely, although he is also pretty lively 😂

I wondered about the lively….😁

Oreo Fri 01-May-26 20:24:55

Sciatica is very painful and there’s a lot of good advice on here for you.
It’s only human to feel envy of others now and then, just do your best for him, as he would hopefully do for you.

Jojo1950 Sat 02-May-26 13:53:01

I have had most of these suggestions for sciatica. I found the craniosacral helpful.

Harris27 Sat 02-May-26 14:10:33

Really painful and very difficult to live with.

MissAdventure Sat 02-May-26 14:15:25

My mum was in awful, terrible pain for the last 10 or so years, and it certainly puts a strain on everyone, I think.
I can completely understand how you must feel, and you have my sympathies.

Menopauselbitch Sat 02-May-26 14:18:43

pooger24

I am feeling very sad and alone watching my husband in pain. He has very bad sciatica and has had an operation which has not worked. They are trying alternatives but meanwhile he is really struggling. Sometimes I dislike myself for feeling envious of other people who have able-bodied partners as life has become very limited

I tried everything the doctor and hospital advised, nothing worked so I went a sports and massage therapist, 3 sessions and it was gone.

Barbadosbelle Sat 02-May-26 14:24:10

.

My husband had this a couple of years ago and was in absolute agony. Lots of hospital visits and consultations.

Eventually it was suspected that the cause was possibly due to him sitting and driving with his wallet and/or phone in his back trouser pocket/s.

He stopped doing this and has never had a reoccurrence.

One possibility to tick off?
.

Aveline Sat 02-May-26 14:39:40

DH was absolutely immobilised by sciatica last year. It was awful. He was not a good patient probably because he was scared and shocked as he'd never been in such pain before. We were both frightened. GP prescribed drugs but they didn't help. Eventually we remembered that there was a physio clinic at the sports club we were members of. Well that really did the trick. The very serious young man did a very detailed analysis and gave him some specific exercises and advice which DH adhered to faithfully and soon he was out of pain but still does the exercises as he (and I) don't want to go through that again. It consumed us both, took over our lives. I completely understand where the OP is coming from.

Grandmamie Sat 02-May-26 14:59:17

Therapeutic Pilates with a specially trained instructor

Estrellita Sat 02-May-26 15:16:44

I do understand. My husband has COPD and a very painful back. He also has frequent choking episodes. We can't go away especially if it involves driving or flying, and I am very fearful of leaving him alone when I go out. Like you I do have feelings of envy for others.

FranP Sat 02-May-26 15:17:53

One of my staff had an op for a spinal issue that was causing sciatica. This was after traction, massage etc.

She ended up in a wheelchair on high pain meds.

A chance discussion took her to Swansea City sports therapist. She walked out all fixed. The reason being that the NHS fixed the original problem, but meanwhile all her muscles had gone into spasm in reaction, and it was that causing the ongoing pain.

cc Sat 02-May-26 16:21:06

I fell down the stairs onto my bottom a few years ago and developed very painful sciatica a couple of weeks later.
I went to an osteopath which did help in the beginning but then plateaued. It actually eventually went away on it's own, after about five months, though my lower back has never quite recovered! It was simple rest that did me the most good, when I had flu I lolled about for most of a week and found that my sciatica was much improved.

cc Sat 02-May-26 16:24:03

One of our friends found that his sciatica was due to his new car which had a seat that suited him less well than his old car. He was very tall and eventually changed cars to solve the problem.
I used to find that I was more comfortable in my own car than in any other position as the seat was so supportive and just the right shape for me.