Husband’s pain

pooger24
"Sometimes I dislike myself for feeling envious of other people who have able-bodied partners as life has become very limited."

Pooger, I am sorry for ypur emotional paun while watching his physical pain. I have been in similar shoes. Sciatica is downrigbt scary. I understand you envy and since you dislike your envy, that means everything is working correctly. We cant control all thing in our lives - tthe misfortunes do show up - but we can search for the good parts and chase away thoughts that are unhelpful.

I will go on unproven speculation here but I will guess this: You are a good and strong wife and that is something to be proud of. Sometumes we have to give 110% to our marriage. Others might be envious of the relationship you have. Just do your best and know that its right.

pooger24

Thank you. He is sceptical of acupuncture but will read him your message x

Tell DH, I didn't believe it either. I do now.

I was a total sceptic, converted to acupuncture after seeing the miraculous instant relief it gave to our needle-phobic arthritic dog (by vet).

So when I acquired sciatica and a NHS GP who does acupuncture I gave it a go. The effect was instant, total pain relief, like a tap being turned off. She later used it on my frozen shoulder, same effect.

You absolutely shouldn't beat yourself up having negative feelings about your new caring role and having to witness your husband's pain.
My OH, at 80 years of age, has had ill-health for the past two to three years. That in itself has been a shock because previously to say that he was a man of robust health was to understate the case.
Witnessing someone's pain and discomfort and being aware of their own pain and worry is actually incredibly stressful.
Of course we all have to keep our feelings to ourselves in front of the patient so as not to upset them . Fear is contagious so you have to keep that to yourself.
I second everyone who has advised to find some activity and hopefully a group of people outside the home that you enjoy. It will keep you sane and more balanced and the more "normal" you can manage to be , the better for your OH and the better for you. Also you can talk to others about the difficulties of caring and take a bit of pressure off. Others can be very kind listeners if you choose the right ones.
I am very sorry that your OH has Sciatica. Mine had a bout about 7 years ago and it's very painful. I hope that the medical profession finds a way to help you.💐💐

How much is acupuncture in your neck of the woods it’s £50 a pop here which limits who can have it
I really believe acupuncture can help so many things it’s a shame it’s so expensive

Thank you. He is sceptical of acupuncture but will read him your message x

Try Acupuncture it worked for me.
Many years ago. I had really bad Sciatica pain from the bottom of my lower back down my right leg.

At that tine my local Community Hospital were trialling Acupuncture to help with chronic pain

I took part in the trial and was given a course of either 4 or 6 six sessions . Can't remember which Delivered by an experienced Senior NHS physio.

After a few weeks the pain was still there. So l thought nothing had happened

But after 6 to 8 weeks. My Sciatica pain had almost disappeared. I couldn't believe it.

After thirty years.. l do have the odd twinge. Which l fix with stretching exercises.

Also Do not use any type of massage or a massage gun on Sciatica.

Capsaicin type, topical cream ointment may help with the pain. If you can find it. No longer available on the NHS. Fels quite burny.

Try Physio relax cream in the red tube off the Internet. Or in Spain if you are on holiday.

My heart goes out to you and your husband. Hope he can get some relief soon.

Best Wishes
🫰🙏👍😻
X

Thank you all
- so much appreciated- sending love to everyone - it’s helpful to share

I have no idea if there is a cure for your OH's pain but I can put myself in your position and I totally understand why you feel the way you do. Life isn't fair, is it? I think it's absolutely normal to feel resentful when life throws something at us that is out of our control. If you can, I think you should try to find an outlet that gives you some pleasure. Perhaps something that takes you away from the "everyday" difficulties of caring for someone who is in constant pain. It might make you happier and it will make you a better carer too,don't let your caring role subsume you as a person. My thoughts are with you.

Pippa, you were a young widow, that's sad 😢.

It must have been very difficult coping alone, and lonely. You never considered a new relationship? If that happened to my mum I would have given her my blessing to start again because she is a very sociable person and it's difficult when you're surrounded by couples.

Mum is in her early 80s now, dad has been gone 10 years. Her friend is also a widow so they spend a lot of time together, days out, evenings out, coach holidays around Britain and Spain.

I hope that you're not lonely and you do enjoy your life. You'll be reunited with your husband some day. Take care 💐.

Poorer, it must be awful seeing your husband in pain and not being able to do anything bar sympathise and support him.
About looking at other couples and being envious of them, I have done that for the past 26 years after my husband died when I was 51. I feel really sad that he has missed so many events. He was a very hardworking man who never got to enjoy retirement and the travel we expected to have. The biggest thing was that he never saw his children get married or the grandchildren being born and growing up.
Yes I’m envious but also bitter although I try very hard not to be.

I understand what you are saying so well - the envy etc and then I am feeling so worn out and down since my husbands mnd progressed and miss doing things we used to do like any travel so much . We recently started having carers and although I am grateful for the help as cannot do all the hoisting and so on my self I struggle to accept this. If anyone else says you just have to accept where you are and so on I will scream . It’s not the doing stuff on one’s own we miss it’s the doing it together as planned at this stage in our life .

I do sympathise with you as my husband was rendered disabled by failed spinal surgery back in 1991. Like you I've often been jealous of couples who can walk holding hands or arm in arm when my husband walks with a stick. However, I'm thankful that he no longer uses a rollator or, prior to that, a wheelchair. I hope your husband is seeking medical advice re: nerve blocks or pain management. As a carer, you need to look after yourself, too. Wishing you both well.

Online support groups for sciatica provide forums to share experiences, coping strategies, and peer support for back pain and nerve injury. Key groups include The Brain Charity and Brain & Spine Foundation for specialized support, alongside various active Facebook groups Pain Concern and www.controlyourpain.co.uk also provide helpful resources for chronic pain sufferers.

Thank you everyone for supportive and helpful replies. How would I find a support group online? Thanks again to all

I had awful sciatica not long after my twins were born. Gp tried drugs but I couldn't doze myself up having 3 children to look after. DH's work meant he was away alot with an erratic schedule. Surgery was mentioned but would mean I'd be out of action for 3 months. The surgeon I saw suggested physiotherapist and very quietly wrote down the names of two
physios saying he'd recommend either as being very proficient at dealing with sciatica. Bith were quite a distance away but I chose one and he worked wonders. I'd come home exhausted even though I hadn't actually moved much, but he had manipulated my limbs and back so positively I felt worn out. 9 months treatment and worth every penny.

One of our friends found that his sciatica was due to his new car which had a seat that suited him less well than his old car. He was very tall and eventually changed cars to solve the problem.
I used to find that I was more comfortable in my own car than in any other position as the seat was so supportive and just the right shape for me.

I fell down the stairs onto my bottom a few years ago and developed very painful sciatica a couple of weeks later.
I went to an osteopath which did help in the beginning but then plateaued. It actually eventually went away on it's own, after about five months, though my lower back has never quite recovered! It was simple rest that did me the most good, when I had flu I lolled about for most of a week and found that my sciatica was much improved.

One of my staff had an op for a spinal issue that was causing sciatica. This was after traction, massage etc.

She ended up in a wheelchair on high pain meds.

A chance discussion took her to Swansea City sports therapist. She walked out all fixed. The reason being that the NHS fixed the original problem, but meanwhile all her muscles had gone into spasm in reaction, and it was that causing the ongoing pain.

I do understand. My husband has COPD and a very painful back. He also has frequent choking episodes. We can't go away especially if it involves driving or flying, and I am very fearful of leaving him alone when I go out. Like you I do have feelings of envy for others.

Therapeutic Pilates with a specially trained instructor

DH was absolutely immobilised by sciatica last year. It was awful. He was not a good patient probably because he was scared and shocked as he'd never been in such pain before. We were both frightened. GP prescribed drugs but they didn't help. Eventually we remembered that there was a physio clinic at the sports club we were members of. Well that really did the trick. The very serious young man did a very detailed analysis and gave him some specific exercises and advice which DH adhered to faithfully and soon he was out of pain but still does the exercises as he (and I) don't want to go through that again. It consumed us both, took over our lives. I completely understand where the OP is coming from.

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My husband had this a couple of years ago and was in absolute agony. Lots of hospital visits and consultations.

Eventually it was suspected that the cause was possibly due to him sitting and driving with his wallet and/or phone in his back trouser pocket/s.

He stopped doing this and has never had a reoccurrence.

One possibility to tick off?
.

pooger24

I am feeling very sad and alone watching my husband in pain. He has very bad sciatica and has had an operation which has not worked. They are trying alternatives but meanwhile he is really struggling. Sometimes I dislike myself for feeling envious of other people who have able-bodied partners as life has become very limited

I tried everything the doctor and hospital advised, nothing worked so I went a sports and massage therapist, 3 sessions and it was gone.

My mum was in awful, terrible pain for the last 10 or so years, and it certainly puts a strain on everyone, I think.
I can completely understand how you must feel, and you have my sympathies.

Really painful and very difficult to live with.