Black Dog 30

What a nice long post. I'm glad your wrist hasn't got worse. Take care!
Windsor seems a nice place to poke around in with different shop and bits of history.
Hey, well done on your little group for planning holiday meet ups with bits of your art group. Will your families be around or are they disappearing too with the children (as I forget how old they are......)

OK, most of the Quaker zooms are half hour meetings for worship. As if were were together in reality, people speak up if moved, or sometimes post bits in the chat section to maybe say at the end. After, a chat. As I get to know people of course it gets nicer.
You've helped me again re insights posted with one lady in the US but isolated where she lives and has just relatively suddenly lost her husband. what was poignant was - unusual for her - at the end - most people had left the Zoom - she just couldn't stop talking, I realised she was afraid of the silence ".after".
Interesting range of people and discussions ranging from the theological to poetry and just "how are you".

Actually I think th worst effect the whole MrA business is loneliness and regret of that missed - including of course being too tired to go out into the he evenings, make new friends, and above all being family. That, I find hard to forgive - active time gets more and more precious by 75 and no doubt even more after that.

A business Qmeeting covers the usual organising stuff and finance stuff and can go on for hours as people "discern" things together if an emotional and conflicting subject like any group - but mostly it gets done niftily and is a chance for socialising. Hence crossness!

Wyllow3 I haven't done much today - it turned very warm this afternoon (28, so cooler than the last couple of days). I tidied up a bit, folded and put away a lot of clean washing.

Doodle LG is far too little to go in the pool (it's almost 3ft deep). She's got a little pool here, but doesn't seem bothered. Wet cloths and a fan will cool you down nicely. I expect your wrist will be sore for a while. Quiche tonight, so no real cooking. It's never too hot for a curry! Millions of Asian people would agree .

Son2 called in to pick up his parcels, so I gave him the presents from us for DIL's birthday tomorrow (she's out this evening, watching her girl in a play, and they're all going out tomorrow). Son has just had 3 days away with his friend, visiting a tank museum, an aeroplane museum, and a chilli farm - neither of them is interested in drinking.

Doodle we’ve only known about this condition for a couple of weeks. He could not walk far before but seems worse and quite dithery mentally. He’ll probably be fine if I go to the cats but I would be away over a week
He’s got a hospital appointment on wed so I hope we will know more then.

I think you are right about curries HVDY, the evidence is there. Your sons and DiL - are having a good time ☺️ it's nice when your families are doing that.

EllieAnne - tough times xx keep posting.

EllieAnne If the situation were reversed - you needed help for what potentially is a very serious health problem - would your husband stay with you or go away for a week to your daughter's?

Wyllow3 DIL often goes away with her daughter, so it's good that Son2 had some time away, too. It's her birthday today, so I left her presents at theirs last night - 2 pairs of short pyjamas, some foot-pampering things, a box of bath/shower products and a crocheted (not by me) sunflower, her favourite flowers. Her parents haven't even sent her a card....

Just going to see my brother and pick up anything he needs on the way. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- your poor DH has so many different health problems. I hope the results are reassuring- Fluffball will see after him. Today there is a breeze so perhaps it will be possible to take her to the beach later on.
How is your Aunt coping with the heat?
Wyllow- funnily enough the drive home from Portsmouth was OK- we were in the shade as the sun had gone down. The crossing was calm and comfortable but long 8 hours😩
YES!!! Enjoy your life - don’t worry what other people think .
There is so much to experience even though we,re no Spring chickens!, See your lovely family, dip your toes in the sea and see some of the historic sites you enjoy.
You’re bound to get moments of regret at the past. We all do. But you can do what you want when you want as long as you can keep as well as possible.
EllieAnne- thanks for the flowers. It is a dilemma for you . DH v Cats . Maybe your DD could find a cattery even at this late stage. They look after them well.
I know you have no deep feelings for your DH but I still think it would be hard for you to just go off for a week. After all he is DD Dad and she needs to take his health - and yours- into consideration.
He must feel scared too- you don’t want to have any regrets.
Doodle-yes it’s always a hard week as the same sporting events take place every year so it’s a bit like Groundhog Day.
The years just vanish and I,m back in the horror for a time.
Oh your wrist must have made you feel a bit sick should think.
Hope it’s not so bad today.
So glad you can have get-togethers with your Art friends. It’s always so hard when term finishes.
I,ll be seeing mine in a couple of weeks and we haven’t had a class now for years.
HVDY- you are funny- although years ago I had a friend whose DH was always at Tescos. Naughty man the lure of the checkout girl was too strong they had an affair and he was such a superior twit too!
Your thoughtful DH- salad and ice cream - perfect. I ate 2 whole tubs of Rum and Raisin on our hols.its so hard to get here.
LG will be the dearest flower girl She will enjoy that day when it comes.
Gorgeous pressies for your DiL- nice when we like our DiLs isn’t it.
Hope your DB is OK today.

I had a long chat with my Sister this morning and guess what my niece is having her Op early next month!!!! After waiting for 2 and a half years.
Holiday washing all done and first lot dry. I,m tired now.
I,ve ordered the boys a cool mat each . They have such fluff to deal with. Can’t wait to get them back tomorrow.

Love to all mentioned and all our old friendsxxxx

Hvdy the difference is that I wouldn’t want him here even if I was ill but he lives in his own little bubble and seems unaware that this marriage is not good.
And he knows that I don’t actually want to be at dd when she isn’t even there . He’s done it occasionally in the past and been extremely bored . So I only said yes to help her out.

ScaredyCat You did well to get all the washing done. I expect it dried quickly, wth all this heat we're having. That's great news about your niece. It's taken a long time and she must have been so uncomfortable. Hope it all goes well for her. I used to have to brush my previous cat (Mr Cooper) most days. I bought a dog-grooming brush from a pet shop, which had a blade in the teeth - it cuts through any tangles but doesn't come into contact with skin, so it isn't painful at all. Your boys will be glad to be home, I'm sure.

EllieAnne You've got a dilemma to deal with.

Visited my brother. He was ok but finds the heat very uncomfortable (as do many others). Stayed 3 hours. Hope everyone has been ok x

Scaredycat Glad you're home ,unpacked and have made inroads with the washing. Its such an awful time for you and ,yes. all the usual significant dates around the anniversary. I hope you can get through it with your usual visits and remembrance activities that mark your terrible loss.💐
EllieAnne Its your call about 'what to do' but hope that significant Drs appt will help you decide. Your DD would understand if you told her why you couldn't come ,its her dads after all, and if you dont really want to go..... Tbh I dont think youd feel comfortable if you went and wouldn't be at peace anyway.
Doodle Hope that wrist is improving and you're coping with the heat. DH is still no better and has had new problem over last few dys- his bowel isnt right at all. Not the usual bowel probs but 'wanting to go' many times a day and feeling unwell. Hope you are managing to keep from frying.
Wyllow The Q rooms sound like a good time to reflect but also for those who need to talk , like that lady who is grieving the loss of DH. You cant change the past ,and you certainly did everything you possibly could then. Worrying what other people think all the time is a neverending problem I know, but you must look to your own future now. Hope you get that holiday and do all thise things that Scaredycat suggests.

Im worried DHs bowel problems are to do with the nerves around the lower backand hip that has been so painful. We took Fluffball back but had to come straight home. He cant be away from bathroom and hes tired with it all.

Sorry my news isnt any more optimistic.
Take care everyone.x

Wyllow our grandchildren are all in their 20s but yes the two girls are on holiday with their mum and dad in Corsica.
Our art group are lovely. We will arrange a couple of meet ups during the holidays. Of course not everyone will be able to come but hopefully a lot will be able to do one day or another.
I’ve hardly ever dine zoom so find it difficult to understand how you chat. You obviously cope well with it though.
HVDY nice of you to get presents for your DIL. You all get on so well. It’s lovely to have a family like that.
Ellie Anne I can understand being bored in someone else’s house without your things around you. Hope you find out more about what is wrong with your Dh on Wednesday
Scaredycat I doubt the passing of the years makes much difference to your memories of such a traumatic event.
Such good news at last about your niece. Can’t believe she’s waited so long. Hope all goes well. Are you pleased to be home now? Don’t go mad with the washing and ironing. Just a bit at a time.
Sweetpeasue another visit to the Gp is needed I think. It’s not right your Dh has to stay near the loo all the time. Painful and upsetting for him too I should think. Something needs investigating. Hope you get him an appointment.
Church for me this morning then home to ironing. I’ve been putting it off so had a big pile. All done now so I have some clothes to wear. Friend came round for chat this afternoon. Very tired now. It’s still so hot here but wind picking up

What lovely presents for DiL, HVDY. I cant imagine not loving them. It seems to have gone as well with your brother as it might, this evening. 3 hours is along visit. Does he actually get talking once you are there?

Oh my, Scaredycat - 8 hours, when you longed to be home. Not an overnighter, then, when you could sleep? (Or perhaps worse, and overnighter when you couldn’t sleep. But I bet you cant wait to get your cats. ☺️.
…*At last* - your niece to have her operation! It could make such a difference to her life, obviously, not an easy recovery.

EllieAnne it’s so sad that DH could bring you no comfort. I just hope like others that Wednesday will give you some clarity about being able to go down for cat care. How does DH usually fare if he is alone, since you generally do so much?
Does DD live somewhere it’s nice to be at all…

Poor DH, Sweetpeasue, a poorly tum on top of all else. I hope it settles and proves to be temporary. does a HWB soothe the tum whilst lying down? Does he like listening to the radio and music, even if it’s distraction not a lot of comfort. R4 has so much on.

I can’t imagine my DGC in their 20’s, Doodle. (Eldest only 14). MM, Corsica, beaches. That Art Group is quite special, isnt it? It’s lovely when people “click”. It sounds like cooler weather might be on the way for you - I hope so. (it is here, and makes a difference.
I’m most impressed with the afternoon’s ironing in the heat. Gold star time. And tiring standing….phew. glad you have a visitor.

I have been in chat rooms online since 2007. That was when I listened regularly to The Archers, and the BBC has an amazing chat site. Originally, it was for Archers chat, but had developed a lot of rooms, and one was a specific MH thread -an excellent one as it was specifically moderated as such.
I used to even go online when I was an inpatient - they had a computer room in 2006 and later wifi.
It closed of course around 2013 there weren’t the resources but people set up 2 or three “private ones”.

Zoom for me started in Covid for Quaker and political meetings and it’s free if you are just a participant. It’s wonderful if you live alone, you see people - like a sort of complex FaceTime.

I’ve had quite a lot of significant depression and anxiety over the last 2 days: matters don’t go away “just like that” and its challenging “starting over” trying to pick up from before It All Happened but so tired and often lonely.

Certainly the mess ups “cost” a great deal for me - energy, confidence, trust my integrity challenged - tho lessons learnt or still learning as one never stops?

But it’s under control and I know who to reach out to. Today was better - no troubling people at Quakers, and a nice time at the gym, and evening Zoom. Just seen in my diary my psychologist is coming tomorrow. I'd forgotten.

Good evening everyone. I read the 3 pages of BD30 and started a post but couldn't finish. Thinking of you all. Life is not great atm. GPs offer nothing really. I think they are as fed up with me as I am with my body.
I do puzzles on GN, stops me thinking and fills a few minutes but BD takes more time.
Sending love to you all.

Thank you all for your kind words . Had rough 14 months after being in hospital January 2025 for a week . My neurologist and cardiologist both agreed I had TIA stroke neurologist the idiot said it was a migraine . Lost control of my arms and my speech was stuttery,slurry and couldn't always get the words out. But you know me I did all the things I planned to do and kept on going. Luckily just a slight increase in my tablets for my neurological condition in March this year my arms are under control and my speech back to its usual chatterbox self.

Doing all the things I have planned and just being me .

But I always check in on how you are doing . As you all welcomed me when I thought my problem was trivial compared to what many of you are going through . I will never forget the kindness you showed me and the help and support I received.
Big 🫂 to you all.

SweetpeaSue How miserable for your husband to now have a stomach/bowel problem as well. How long has he been like that?

Doodle How many people attend your art class? It would be good if some could meet up. I forgot that your GC are all grown up. Our eldest 3 are teenagers - LG's sister is the eldest at almost 16. I buy presents for ALL the family birthdays, Christmas and Easter.

Wyllow3 My brother talks when I see him, usually about the weather, TV, the news (he watches the news on TV a lot), and his school days (he's 12 years older than I am, so I can't share those memories). I tell him about my family (although he's not really interested and hasn't met any GC). He's very depressed, but I can't really help him with that. Hope your psychologist visit goes well. Do you discuss previous problems or just chat in general?

nadateturbe Good to "see" you in. I bet the recent hot weather hasn't helped your condition. Take care. It's cooler here at the moment.

Whiff That must have been a scary and frustrating time for you. I'm glad you're back to your usual self now. You're a strong lady to have coped with all the things that happened in your life. Keep on keeping on (I think that was what Wyllow3 used to say)

It's pleasantly warm at the moment - hope it won't get toowarm. No plans, as we don't have LG on Mondays now - she'll be here tomorrow and every Tuesday, so I booked tickets for a place for that. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Whiff Youve had a lot going on in your life health wise and you still face everything bravely. Strange- my DH was told he had migraine by a neurologist about 3or 4 yrs ago and had exact same speech difficulties as your own. You always have something nice to say about us . Wishing you lots of luck in everything you plan to do in future. X
Nadateturbe Life is so hard for you and you too are a brave lady. Most GPs dont have the same interest as they used to ,I think, or the time. Its such a shame as often a patient really needs that special concern to feel they are at least heard. Take care of yourself as you alone know what you need to avoid the energy crashes. Much love as always.x
HVDY You are so good with your brother and it must frustrated you terribly when hes so difficult to do the things you know will help. Does he still intend to go to The Men's Shed?
Temperature here kinder too.
DHs bowel prob much better today. Hed had it about 5dys though the last 2 he was exhausted with all the loo visits. Im thinking the nerves around the lower backhip have been irritated as he said hed never had those specific probs before. If it doesnt disappear completely he'll be nagged to see GP again.
Have a nice day with LG tomorrow.

Doodle Oh you must have been positively frying doing the ironing with the heat youve been experiencing where you are. Hope its going to be cooling down a bit. Pleased your arr group is meeting up in the hols. Ill be meeting that friend from book group in a couple of weeks - our book group ' broke up' too till Sept. DH felt better today so didnt get GP appt. Im afraid hes fed up with medical stuff and always says 'theres nothing they can do'.
Ive never done a zoom thing either.
Wyllow Hope the psychologist visit today provided an opportunity for you to talk things over that are troubling you. Im sorry youve had a couple of depressive days and loneliness. It must be hard for you being alone too. I was thinking of you today as I feel Im falling into an apathy with low mood and I realise how easy it must be to fall into the state of not wanting to do the basics. I dont think Id get up or want to keep on top of basics if I didnt feel the judgement of a partner. You have made such an effort to climb out of the dark pit you were in ( though I know at first you had no motivation to anyway) .
DH often is lost in his mobile phone and doesnt really listen to music though a few weeks ago ,when the car radio was on, old 60sand 70s hits were playing and it really brightened us both up.
Just looked over and hes got a canvas out on the table so maybe hes going to try and get something started later.
EllieAnne You must be looking forward to the Drs appt when you can discuss your husband's condition. I hope the outcome will help you make the decision whether or not to go to DDs.
Scaredycat Hope you're OK and have got settled back home. Thinking of you and sending you love in this sad anniversary and all the memories. Hope you can remember all the happy times too.

I koko but feel really like a 'dead man walking' lately. I assume Ill suddenly wake up and feel better. I wish I could have my DH back in full health. Everything seems such an effort. We were talking about one of our holidays at a boathouse in Wales but I know DH couldn't travel so far . At times he thinks he could. Im more realistic, I think but I cant see where Id find the energy anyway.
Wishing all a peaceful night.x

My goodness it’s windy here. Still hot but real breeze blowing.
Yes it’s so nice we have meet ups with art class during the holidays. Good you’ll be meeting up with your friend.
Not surprised your Dh is fed up with the medical profession. Glad he’s had a better day. Oh is he going to do a painting do you think?
HVDY yes definitely meeting up with art class in the summer. There’s about 20 to 24 of us attend but we have a group of about 8 that meet regularly although we all get on.
My brother was much older than me too but we got in well. Your brother does sound depressed. Would he take antidepressants?
Whiff sorry you’ve been through a bad patch. Good you’re feeling better, yes I know you’re always looking lout for us,
nadateturbe it’s a hard life your having. I only wish the medical people would put more effort into research. I love puzzles too.
Wyllow don’t lose sight of how far you’ve come. We’re all with you. No troublesome ones here were all on your side. Glad you meeting was better and you got on well at the gym.
Are you going to try for a few days away. I think you said something but I’ve forgotten
Been trying to sort out my contents insurance all afternoon. 5 booklets and pages of legalese to read through. Ended up phoning them . They were very good and patient I think they thought they were talking to a doddery old lady which of course they were, 🤣

SweetpeaSue My brother might go to the shed place tomorrow, if the weather's not too hot - his prosthetic leg slides about and the foot park turns round the wrong way when he gets hot and sweaty. Glad your husband feels a bit better. Has he eaten anything that might have brought on the bowel problem recently? I've booked tickets for Sundown Adventureland tomorrow, so it'll be a nice day out, and LG will love it.

Doodle My brother has been on Mirtazapine, 45mg the strongest dose (same as me), but of course, they aren't miracle drugs - his problem is that he spends far too much time alone, sitting mulling over things in his mind. Do you stick with the same insurance company, or do you use Go Compare or similar websites and shop around? You're certainly not doddery .

We've had a nice breeze today. DH dismantled the 10ft trampoline, and someone is meant to be collecting it at 8pm - for free. We just want it out of the way. I did a bit of cleaning (including cleaning the trampoline) and not much else. Busy day tomorrow with our little cherub. x

Its past midnight so I'll be brief and back full flow tomorrow.

Yes HVDY your bro needs to engage more - but you have taken that horse to the water so many times and one can do no more. Basically - for whatever internal reason, he is more comfortable even familiar with where he is. I can make guesses - fears that engaging with the world in some way may hurt more as it involves triggers like loss and jealousy and thing she has given up on wished back by seeing it in others. Have a good time with cherub.

That was a bad incident, Whiff. things is, here there is no hierarchy of being better or worse off, because the more you got to know others, the more you see where they are, why they are, its mostly acceptance the more one knows, the more pertinent comments are, no one is obliged to follow advice but often its welcome! and others learn from your sharing.

You poor soul, nadateturbe xx. Just keep popping in, you know you are held in BD minds.

Thank goodness that DH's bowel and tum were a little better today, Sweetpeasue and that he got some canvas out.

I am really concerned about you, Its eating you up and you don't have much of a life at the moment. You cannot go backwards but long for things as they were. So normal. So natural. So understandable. You are as you are, caring, but afraid too. I'd advise your nice psychologist, because what cant be changed has - somehow - to be lived with? That is what they are there for xxx

Ah, Doodle, the advantages of being seen as doddery older person become clear. Many people even insurance agents and similar when you show how much help will be appreciated and praise them for x and y helping you they suddenly turn into a human bean is my experience too.

I know I sound younger than I am as I have a clear voice and start off thinking very logically... but my speed of taking things in is slower and I reach breaking points....so I mention the magic "you re are being so helpful but I am 75 and Really appreciate your taking the time to.....and of course its for real as one does appreciate the help.

I think we are actually giving something back. They feel good they have helped. In the middle of a day with rude people in a hurry expecting everything right now.

My psychologist, HVDY, well she is In my long and mixed experience of MH people - exceptional.

We deal with the present, but always in reference to relevant bits of the past, which of course after 6 years, she knows. Not just that, but something you can't predict - she likes me - I like her. It will be a big blow when I finally move on but she made clear today that this will not be in the forseeable.

They believe I can learn and change just that bit necessary, as the aim is to prevent another very severe depression with suicidality and actually believe it can happen, as do I with their support.

Today was two parts - one a nice long walk in the shade along the river: the other, what has been troubling me underneath, the fact that after months, our little Quaker support group is meeting. I have been a member awhile, stopped it when depressed, then...guess who is in it?

Yup, Quaker D, who told me I hadn't been assaulted and was out for trouble. I fretted and this and that and basically am still very, very bitter and angry. It made matters worse as you all know.
So it was composing a letter to them all saying I wasn't going to come this Thursday that didn't rip her to shreds (as per the first draft as in something written but never sent, long discussion with Sis) but alludes to the issue. Others there know differing amounts and it will be very hard for one other but it's just a trigger I need to move on from. I go to Zooms now: what was precious in the group, trust, is not possible for me.

Hi all
Just about sorted now and all done. Met up with DD this morning and caught up with all the news.
Just can’t think what day it is as it’s been so busy since getting home.
EllieAnne- only you can decide what to do after you know all the facts re DH health problems.Hopefully Wednesday will help you to make up,your mind. You are such a thoughtful,kind person I can’t see you making the wrong decision.
HVDY- We have our boys back!😸😸😻😻
Yesterday was a bit of a cat day and then a visit to my dear poorly friend. The boys have been seen after very well- such a kind man who runs the cattery. They are very happy and so are we. It’s sad that your Brother isn’t interested in his nieces and nephews he misses out on so many lovely family times.
Hope he gets to,the shed - wouldn’t it be lovely if he could find a friend there to share things with.
You,ll have a lot more room in your garden once the trampoline has gone- I think it would fill our garden if we had one. This morning there were lots of little birds in the bird bath as it’s been empty for a couple of weeks so,they were all there with their towels!
Hope you’re having a fun LG day.
Doodle- during Covid we had Art on Zoom organised with our dear friend who died 3 yrs ago. He was a whizz on computers .
So glad to be home and pleased too that we went and that I managed to achieve doing more than I thought I would. As I get older home becomes more important as time goes on.
We,ve got all our post etc done now - admin is such a pain and a faff sorting out when you get back isn’t it.
SweetPeaSue- poor DH having bowel problems in this hot weather- no fun. He must feel really fed up. Yes a GP visit if it hasn’t cleared up.soon.
You must have felt pleased to see him get his Art stuff out. It’s certainly a good way to,get absorbed and to take your mind elsewhere. Remembering nice holidays does bring to the fore what we could do and now it’s not so easy. But they are great memories and you,ll be able to make more just different ones.
I miss our American adventures but love looking at our pictures and remembering the exiting things we did.
Nadateturbe- I wish things were kinder for you. It’s so wearying for you to feel so unwell and not to be able to do things you used to love.
Thank you for thinking of us.
Whiff - Ah you,ve had a hard time but your indomitable spirit battles on and you achieve so much despite the odds.
You are a brave lady.
Wyllow- I play the Old Lady card sometimes . There has to be some advantages to being so ancient.
So glad you have such a reliable and kindred spirit in your psychologist- you sound very fond of her.
Such a shame D has reared her head in your nice Quaker group. Having your trust broken as you have has been so destructive for you.
I do hope,you can move forward and achieve all the good stuff that you plan for and do- Gym,walks,cycling,motoring,family,chatting ,shopping ,garden etc- lots of,lovely things.
Thought you might be interested but the big fire in the peaks is where my sister lives .

Love to all old and new. Xxx

HVDY I must admit I’d forgotten about your brother’s leg. That must make things difficult for him. Do you think he might benefit from a change of antidepressant? What works for one might not work for someone else.
I’m sticking with the same insurance company. DH always looked after all this sort of thing. I struggle on my own. I just need to make sure I’m covered for water leaks both in and out of our apartment.
You take LG such fun places. She’s very lucky. 😊
Wyllow it’s a shame you’re not continuing with the support group but I can understand why, I don’t think you need to write loads other than the facts as you’ve presented them to us. That’s clear enough without being vindictive,
Glad your psychologist is someone you get on so well with. That certainly helps.
Scaredycat I’m so glad your boys were well looked after. Nice to know you have somewhere safe to leave them if you need too. I bet theyre glad to be home too. Nice to have a meet up with your DD. That’s a bit of a worry your sister living close to the fire. Hope they’re all ok.
I’ve been on my own for two days my friend has been away. I do miss her company but I’ve kept busy, admin yesterday and painting today, church tomorrow. So looking forward to it.
Sweetpeasue hope your Dh has had a better day, all these health problems must be getting you both down. Do wish there was more that could be done.

Wyllow3 My brother has never been a sociable person. He isn't jealous or anything like that. If he had someone to accompany him to groups, he might be more inclined to join something. He's got one friend whom he used to meet for a pint or breakfast, but the man has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer, so isn't up to going out a lot. I live 8 miles from my brother and don't share things he'd be interested in - he used to go to photography classes, has got 9 cameras and different lenses, etc. He used to go with our late brother (who was 2 yrs younger than him) and my dad. Your Quakers group has changed, hasn't it? It's no longer the friendly, pleasant meeting place you enjoyed going to. Aren't there any other groups - church one, perhaps - that you might like to join, as a fresh start?

ScaredyCat Glad you're back and settled. Nice to have your lovely boys home. My brother went to the shed - there are only 5 others there - but he hasn't swapped numbers with anyone or suggested meeting for a pint/cuppa. We've got a big garden. The trampoline has gone. I've got 2 bird baths, a bird-feeding station (a squirrel was on it this morning), but we only seem to get pigeons here (perhaps neighbouring gardens are offering better food). It sounds as though you've travelled a lot and had some lovely holidays.

Doodle It took ages to persuade my brother to even go to the GP in the first place, so he's unlikely to go back and ask for a different AD. He doesn't like me suggesting anything. I said a gardener and cleaner would make his life easier (gave him numbers to ring), but he doesn't like the idea. He could afford both. You've been busy whilst your friend has been away. Is she the friend you're going to go on holiday with? It's been warm, but we've had a pleasant breeze here. How has it been where you are?

Had a long but great day with LG. Took a picnic, and she loved the day out. DH out with Son1 this evening x

Thankyou all for caring. Have had a better day today but just so tired cant think straight to post properly to each.
Will come in tomorrow.
Live to all.x

Home sweet home (and cats) indeed, Scaredycat. Yes, as regards ones home and the precious things within it. Well done for the faff overcoming.
You have travelled well in your life, and with your photography skills and interests, will have many treasured photographs. Yes, I watched details of the fires on Look North (local Beeb). Stupid woman!

Doodle same here, I’ve stayed with the AA for years, they are accessible, polite, rarely any waits - shopping around is all very well, but the hassles! I know some issues are complicated by living in a flat having lived in one (who covers what etc). Dear friends, how we miss them, and I am glad she is returning and its church as well. Is there something special on Wednesday morning each week?

HVDY its clear photography sustained your brother for a time. Has he actually given it up?
The suggestions about looking at which anti-depressants he is on is a very relevant one, as they do have different effects. It may be that a different class of anti-depressants are more suitable. SSRI’s are different from Mirtazapene and really should be looked at. The very popular current Sertraline is one of those.

Do not take this as gospel, this is GP business, but this AI investigation confirms what I know about the two classes of anti-d’s

“Preserved energy and motivation: Depression often presents with severe lethargy, brain fog, and lack of motivation. Mirtazapine is a highly potent antihistamine that frequently induces heavy daytime groziness and fatigue. SSRIs have a much more neutral or slightly stimulating energy profile, helping to restore daily functional performance”

So if brother presents with mainly lack of get up and go worth a thought? Despite his resistance?

A busy day there with LG! How lovely to have a little un (that you can hand back).

See you tomorrow, Sweetpeasue.

Me - first of all, I have lacked clarity. The little group I am having problems with are not my little regular Quaker meeting. It is an entirely separate little spiritual group that has people from my meeting in as well as another:

But included Quaker D. And because its a close sharing personal matters group, clearly massive triggers for me with her there. My normal weekly group has got better since MrA not allowed to come. I did contact group members today after more morning agonising about it - I have so little confidence following all the events…but as the course of the day went on I had occasion to ring 2 members of the group and the loving surprise came from the second one.

She believed me and backed me from the start and made that clear, not only that, she is in quite a powerful position locally, and it was quite clear what she thinks of MrA, unstated of course. Sadly, I had no contact with her during the time. But she has been preoccupied by her sisters cancer, and sister now well enough for her to feel more free to engage with other matters.
Meanwhile, D is now a matter of concern herself - obvs wont say why, but has lost the power she held.

Lastly, I went to one of my Zoom meetings tonight and it was just the right space to say a little about what I had been through, and I got only love and praise for seeing it through.

All brill - except… I have not only mislaid my only pair of glasses, tho I have a pair of reaction lenses in the car - but I cannot for the life of me find my house keys with of course my only current car key. I cant believe me and keys, for I have also just had a letter as regards the lost keys I claimed for, and they are saying I never sent proof. Furious, as I can of course after yet more complicated phone calls reset the claim, but….the spare car key was due any day and now…

So tomorrow morning it’s just as well as I canceled a hospital appointment (delayed shoe insert fitting out of sheer illness and fatigue) - for I would be up half the night looking. Duh.

I have a GP appointment next Monday for Fatigue, and the related (immune system compromised currently) nose fungus, blepharitis, and hair loss. They all know why its happened and are very kind.

I am aware I am very fragile MH emotionally and keeping an eye out knowing that I have back up. - certainly no talk of discharge like before the assault despite shortage of resources.